Chapter Text
Beomgyu is used to being the only omega in a room. Maybe he doesn’t look that much different from a beta, but people seem to notice right away, and he’s never enjoyed sticking out. It’s the same for Soobin, who’s easy to find in crowds because he’s taller, built larger—not an outlier for alphas, but he’d make an unusual beta.
A lifetime of being surrounded by betas means that Beomgyu is constantly aware of everything expected from him—he knows what people look for when they realize he’s an omega,and how their perceptions of him instantly change.
Right now, with his neck completely bare, his collar low to show off his scent glands, he feels painfully exposed—even though this is one of the few places alphas and omegas will outnumber betas.
“Perfect,” Yeonjun says. He finishes arranging a few wayward strands of Beomgyu’s hair and steps back to survey him. “You look sexy.”
Beomgyu and Soobin only rented one of the hall’s function rooms, but they’ve been hiding in one of the smaller rooms until their guests arrive, sometime within the next half hour. Beomgyu’s using the excuse of “needing to get ready,” even though he’d mostly gotten dressed at his apartment. Still, Yeonjun had played right into it.
“You have to look good in the pictures!” he’d said, and Beomgyu agreed. He loves documenting things. He has to at least get a few good pictures of his own celebration of mating.
Beomgyu isn’t sure how to take the compliment, though. He likes feeling sexy, but he doesn’t feel sexy. He feels awkward. He’s no stranger to rebellion—he likes to dress up, to show off skin in a way that would scandalize older generations, but showing so much of his neck is uncomfortably intimate. Mating bites are meant to be seen, but covering them is an unwritten part of many dress codes.
Betas might consider the bites to be ugly scars, but Beomgyu has never thought so. Looking at Yeonjun’s, he’d say they’re beautiful. Growing up, he’d seen his parents’ mating bites all the time, and they’d taught him that mating bites are a symbol of true love.
He’s only just started thinking of his own mating bite as beautiful, although multiple alphas and omegas who have seen it have complimented him on it. Is it a weird thing to be proud of? It must not be, if the entire purpose of a celebration of mating is to put it on display.
“You think so?” Beomgyu asks, somewhat uncertain. Objectively, he looks nice. Yeonjun had done a good job on his makeup.
“Of course,” Yeonjun says. “What did Soobin have to say?”
“I think he was more interested in my scent,” Beomgyu admits.
After Soobin had arrived home, they hadn’t had much time before they’d needed to start getting ready, but Soobin had insisted on scenting Beomgyu, chasing after his preheat scent like he’s feral. It’s a side of him Beomgyu hasn’t seen before.
“Well, you’re even more irresistible now,” Yeonjun says. “He’ll be very happy. Has anyone seen him, by the way?”
“He went with Kai to check on catering,” Taehyun says. He’s sitting in a corner of the room, quietly observing Yeonjun and Beomgyu, offering input every so often. “Said he’d be right back, but it’s been half an hour.”
Beomgyu is always uncomfortable in formalwear, but looking at Taehyun, he can kind of understand Yeonjun’s point. Not that Taehyun ever needs to try to be beautiful.
Taehyun and Yeonjun’s collars aren’t as low as Taehyun’s, but their mating bites are clearly visible, too. Celebrations of mating are the reverse of their daily lives—except for the odd exception of a mated beta, betas will be the ones covering their necks tonight.
“I’ll track them down,” Yeonjun says. “People are going to come soon. It would be unfortunate if we lost Soobin.”
“A little more than unfortunate,” Beomgyu says drily.
Yeonjun gives him a look, but doesn’t comment on it. Beomgyu instantly feels guilty. Pre-heat isn’t an excuse to be grumpy.
Beomgyu is saved by Soobin’s timely arrival. Him and Kai, both of them smiling.
“Hyung, you look beautiful,” Kai says. He gives Beomgyu a hug. It’s far from the first hug he’s given Beomgyu today, but he’s always been like that. Sweet, and open with affection, a gentle giant of an alpha.
Kai lets go of him, and Soobin immediately takes his place, purring. He’s so pretty today. Pretty isn’t usually the word people would use for an alpha, but it’s always the word that comes to mind for Beomgyu.
Beomgyu rests his chin on Soobin’s shoulder, allowing his body to relax. It’s going to be a long night, but for now, he has Soobin all to himself. They’ve barely seen each other today, completely caught up in last-minute party preparations, aside from brief moments they’ve stolen to ask questions or check in on each other.
The thought of sharing Soobin so close to his heat makes Beomgyu feel on edge. Ideally, he’d spend the night in his nest, Soobin safely beside him. No socializing, no more disturbances.
All of his bitter thoughts fly from his mind as Soobin noses against his neck.
“You used the suppressants,” Soobin observes. His lips glance over Beomgyu’s scent gland, over the raised scar on the left side of his neck. It sends a flare of heat through Beomgyu. Not as intense as it would be during heat, but more than the little tingles he gets when Soobin scents him daily.
As promised, Taehyun had brought scent suppressants in pill form. They’re the fast-acting, short term kind meant for situations like this, and much stronger than the ones Beomgyu keeps at home. They’d tested it on a woefully oblivious Kai, who had reported that Beomgyu’s scent is a little sweeter than normal, but nothing he would blink at.
“I had to,” Beomgyu says. “Do you want everyone to know I’m going into heat?”
Soobin lets out a huff, not quite a growl, but a protective noise. Beomgyu has never been particularly attracted to standoffish alpha behavior, but it’s oddly satisfying to hear.
“I can still smell you, mostly. It’s nice,” Soobin says. He nudges his nose against Beomgyu’s scent gland again. “Just not the pre-heat.”
He probably means it to be reassuring, but his words send a shiver of fear down Beomgyu’s spine. If Beomgyu’s scent is normal on suppressants, it must be much stronger than usual without them. A drastic scent change usually happens immediately before his heats begin.
“Let me know if it becomes stronger, okay?” Beomgyu asks. Soobin hums, although he seems more preoccupied with nuzzling Beomgyu’s neck.
Yeonjun pulls Soobin back by his shirt. “Don’t get too carried away, Bin-ah. That’s what tonight is for. A fter you go home.”
He drags Soobin away before Beomgyu can address the tonight. It’s a Monday, so they have to send their guests home relatively early. More time for each other, Soobin had said while they were planning. He’s never been fond of social gatherings.
When he was younger, preheat sex used to make Beomgyu feel itchy and uncomfortable, his body responsive but desire nonexistent. He tries to push that concern from his mind.
He’s going to have a good night. It’s scary to think that he can’t fall back on his regular heat suppressants if his symptoms become severe, but he’ll make it through.
Celebrations of mating always tend to be intimate affairs, but Beomgyu and Soobin had only invited their closest family members, and a handful of friends. People they were sure would be able to attend despite the short notice. A significant chunk of the guest list happens to align with the New Year’s Eve party Taehyun, Yeonjun, and Kai had held two months ago. Beomgyu has communicated with a few of those friends since then, but only to announce his mating.
Even though they’re his closest friends, a vague sense of anxiety had settled in the back of his mind. They’re the most likely to point out that Beomgyu and Soobin’s mating had been rushed. If they’d mated on a normal timelines, Beomgyu should have been discussing invites to his mating celebration back then, not kissing other alphas.
Thankfully, the alpha in question is occupied.
“Congratulations again,” Heeseung says, giving Beomgyu a smile. “It’s about time.”
Beomgyu laughs nervously. Too obvious, but he can’t hold it in. “What, me and Soobin?”
“Some of us took bets on it,” Heeseung says. “Not me, but Sunghoon was the one keeping track.”
Sunghoon is Heeseung’s companion tonight. The beta’s arm is linked with Heeseung’s, and although they haven’t said anything, they arrived together, and everything about their body language—the way they lean against each other, glance at each other while they speak—screams couple. Beomgyu is very familiar with the way alphas stand when they have something to protect.
New romance? The two of them were friends before Beomgyu had met them. All of Heeseung’s lovers have been casual affairs, though. Last time Beomgyu checked, he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And he doesn’t date friends.Beomgyu’s sure he’s missing something.
He takes a deep breath, and that all but confirms it. As a beta, Sunghoon's scent is faint, but Heeseung’s scent is layered over his far more strongly than it would if they were simply traveling together. The remains of a quick scenting session, suggestive of more without giving away anything real.
Sunghoon ducks his head. Beomgyu wonders if he’s been staring too hard. “I promise it wasn’t that scandalous! It was mostly a joke. Well, to me it was. Not to Jongseong and Jaeyun, and they don’t even have a reason to be invested.”
Beomgyu’s face warms. “I didn’t know it was such a…”
“You always looked good together,” Heeseung says simply. “So nobody is really surprised. Seriously, we’re all happy for you.”
For a brief moment, Beomgyu feels a pang of regret. If others have seen it for years, how much more time could they have had together?
At the same time, he knows that they’re lucky. A few weeks ago, he’d thought he would lose Soobin altogether. That’s in the past, and now they’ll have the rest of their lives together. An unexpected wave of emotion passes through him.
“Thank you,” he says. “And, um, thank you for coming. We’re both grateful.”
They’d settled on the guest list together, and even though Soobin had been the one to mention Heeseung’s name first, Beomgyu had picked up on the slightest hesitation. “You don’t have to be protective,” Beomgyu had said. “You got to mate me.”
That made Soobin laugh. “That’s right. I should brag more.”
It still amuses Beomgyu to think about how jealous Soobin had been that night. To Beomgyu, he’s been his usual docile self ever since, but Beomgyu expects that mating has only increased his protective instincts.
It’s hard for Beomgyu to imagine Soobin loudly bragging, but isn’t that the purpose of tonight?
“Have you gotten to see Soobin yet?” Beomgyu asks.
“No, we just got here. Taehyun pointed us this way,” Sunghoon says.
“He’s around here somewhere,” Beomgyu says. Some of Soobin’s high school friends had arrived a few minutes ago, and that was the last time Beomgyu had seen him. “You should get something to eat, too.”
“Will do,” Heeseung says. “Then we’ll come back over. We have to catch up.”
He gently guides Sunghoon in the direction of the buffet table, a hand on his waist. Beomgyu has seen them be physically affectionate before, but this is too suspicious.
He turns away and slips his phone out of his pocket. His father had texted a few minutes ago, letting him know that they would be arriving soon. Exactly on time.
Is it too early to start drinking? At least it would give him something to do other than hide behind Taehyun.
There’s no response. Beomgyu looks around the room. It’s starting to become crowded.
His heart drops when his eyes land on Soobin—standing beside Beomgyu’s parents.
“Oh. Fuck. Fuck,” Beomgyu hisses. He’d hardly left Soobin alone for a few minutes. Hadn’t Soobin been with Heeseung a minute ago?
“What is it?” Kai asks, and Beomgyu nearly jumps out of his skin. He hadn’t noticed Kai's arrival.
“Where did you come from?” Beomgyu asks, alarmed.
Kai shrugs. “I didn’t want to interrupt. Is something wrong, though?” Beomgyu tilts his head in Soobin’s direction, and Kai follows the motion. “Oh! That’s bad?”
Beomgyu had had a very detailed plan for how he wanted his parents’ meeting with Soobin to go. A very specific and controlled plan, that allowed Beomgyu to be present as a buffer and with Kai or Taehyun as backup to usher Soobin away in case things turned ugly. Only Beomgyu had assumed there would be a few more minutes before his parents arrived, and he hadn’t found Soobin first.
His parents have been excited about the party, and have frequently asked Beomgyu for updates about Soobin, to which they’ve reacted positively. There’s no telling what might happen when they’re physically together, though. Even Soobin had worried about making a good impression, and he hasn’t been anxious around them since Beomgyu had first introduced them.
“Come with me,” Beomgyu says, grabbing Kai’s wrist. He hadn’t told Kai about his plan, but Kai picks up on these things quickly.
The seconds it takes for him to cross the room feel like years, very awkward years that Soobin will have to endure all alone. Beomgyu runs through a list of worst-case scenarios in his mind—all of the things his parents had said about Soobin, all the things they had warned Beomgyu to look out for in alphas during his teenage years.
But by the time he reaches them, Beomgyu’s mother has reached forward to pull Soobin into a hug.
That makes Beomgyu pause, but before he can think too hard about it, his father greets him.
“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at Beomgyu. “You look well.”
Beomgyu had been a complete messthe last time he saw his father. Lots of room for improvement. Still, he hugs him. “I’m good. Really good. How was the trip?”
“We left early, but there was a lot of traffic. That’s why we’re late.”
“Late? Barely.”
Beomgyu lets go, only for his mother to hug him, too. “I’m so proud of you.”
Beomgyu shuts his eyes tight and lets himself lean against her. She’d told him before, after he’d sent her an invitation, but it always feels good to hear. All of the harsher words they’d exchanged back in January seem to melt away.
“We were just catching up with Soobin,” she says, when they part. “The last few weeks have been eventful.”
Beomgyu feels frozen, but all of them are smiling. Especially Soobin, who laughs breathlessly.
“I don’t know how we were able to put this together,” he says. “But we wanted to hold it sooner rather than later.”
Beomgyu’s mother nods very seriously. “No reason to wait, when you’re celebrating something so precious. And Beomgyu mentioned that you’re keeping it small.”
Something so precious. Giddiness erupts in Beomgyu. Their bond is precious, isn't it? And everyone can see it. Even his parents, who had seen him at his very worst.
“Yes. We wanted it to be more personal,” Soobin says.
“That’s perfect.”
“Soobin did most of the work,” Beomgyu says. “It would have been six months from now if I were planning it alone.”
“But you had the best ideas,” Soobin says, looping an arm around Beomgyu’s waist.
“You’ve always made a good team,” Beomgyu’s mother muses.
Beomgyu looks down at her. He can still remember the first time he’d mentioned Soobin to his parents, even though it had been in passing—back in college, when he’d been struggling through his first few classes, and had found a like-minded person in the quiet alpha he happened to be paired with. His mother had been ecstatic that he’d started to make new friends, though somewhat skeptical when Beomgyu had talked about wanting to move in with him.
Maybe she’d seen it all along—the spark Beomgyu had been terrified to admit was there, even though he’d felt it all the way back then.
“Thank you for welcoming me into your family,” Soobin says. “You’ve been so kind to me.”
“You’re good to Beomgyu. That’s what matters,” Beomgyu’s father says. Soobin’s shoulders relax.
“I’m happy he found you,” his mother says. “I think I would have been disappointed if he’d mated anyone else.”
Soobin’s face is bright red, but he’s still grinning. Beomgyu is struck with the urge to bite his cheeks.
“You’ve never said anything like that to me,” Beomgyu complains.
“I knew you’d figure it out on your own if he was really meant for you,” his mother says. “I thought something would change between you eventually, whether it was this, or… Well, I’ve always liked Soobin the best.”
Beomgyu can’t remember the last time he’d liked a potential suitor enough to introduce them to his parents. Years ago, maybe. Maybe the fact that he’d introduced Soobin as a friend first was what had tipped them over—the way Soobin had proven himself long before Beomgyu would have considered any relationship to be serious enough for a potential mating.
“I didn’t think it would take so long,” Kai says. Beomgyu had almost forgotten he was there. “I knew Beomgyu-hyung was fond of him, and everyone loves Beomgyu.”
Beomgyu scowls at him. He’d elbow him, too, if it wouldn’t be considered rude for such a social gathering.
Beomgyu’s mother hums in agreement. “Kai-yah, how have you been? Beomgyu told us all about Taehyun. Is he well?”
Kai lights up. “We’re doing so great. He’s due in—“
“—May, right?”
“That’s right, at the start,” Kai’s smile is enormous. He always gets like that when he talks about Taehyun. Most people assume alphas won’t have answers. “Want to say hi to him? He’s over here—I left him with Yeonjun. They’re getting food…”
Beomgyu lets out a breath as Kai leads his parents away. Soobin turns to nuzzle against his neck.
“You alright?” he asks. “You’re really pale.”
“That went well,” Beomgyu says. “I was nervous.”
Soobin kisses the side of his head, weaving an arm around his waist. Beomgyu leans into it instinctively. “I promised you it would, remember?”
Beomgyu thinks that he would make a terrible host to any event, but thankfully, Yeonjun and Kai have taken over. Beomgyu, Soobin, and Taehyun have chosen to hide in a corner of the room.
“You’re still working on it?” Beomgyu asks, trying to be subtle as he peers at Taehyun’s phone. “I thought Yeonjun was going to take care of it.”
Taehyun glares at him and tilts his phone away. The brightness is too low for Beomgyu to see any individual words, anyway. “My goal is to make one of you cry. I already made Yeonjun cry, but that’s not special.”
“Maybe we should’ve had Kai do it,” Beomgyu says. Taehyun snorts.
Beomgyu had been wary about it at first, but it felt wrong to neglect all mating celebration traditions. “Just one speech,” he’d told Soobin. Not that he can control his guests if more of them want to speak.
They’d told Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Kai about it, and let them fight over who got to write it. Taehyun had easily claimed victory.
During the whole night, Taehyun has proven to be an excellent distraction—Beomgyu is happy to let him take over conversations, and everyone wants to hear about the pup. Everyone begs for details—the name, the gender—but Taehyun is tight-lipped. Beomgyu will take any and every opportunity to brag about his insider knowledge.
He’s known what names Kai wants to use since they’d started trying. Yeonjun and Kai had come prepared with a list of names they both liked, and then Taehyun chose from between them.
“Did you narrow down the names yet?” Beomgyu had asked, once they were alone. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’ve been wondering…”
Taehyun beamed at him. “We’re going to wait and see if it suits them, but…” He leaned up to whisper in Beomgyu’s ear.
Beomgyu hugged him so tight Taehyun squeaked in protest. “I’m so happy for you,” he says, and words don’t feel like enough.
“I’m happy for you,” Taehyun countered. He took Beomgyu’s hand, squeezed it. “Wanna do a toast?”
Taehyun had toasted with sparkling water, Beomgyu with a grape wine that he thinks he hates but can’t stop drinking. Taehyun had told him to drink it in his honor.
He’s still trying to finish the glass. He’ll have to try something else when he finishes it. The night is still young, and he hasn’t gotten a chance to eat yet. He’s somewhat concerned about his pre-heat, though—he’s felt cramps, and the painkillers Taehyun had brought won’t mix well with alcohol.
Beomgyu sulks, glaring at Taehyun’s phone. He needs a distraction. “Just a sneak peak? I won’t tell Soobin. He’s the one who’s probably going to cry.”
Taehyun shakes his head. “Be patient. You’ll get to hear it in half an hour, anyway—oh, Sunoo.”
Beomgyu looks up to find not only Sunoo, but Soobin. Soobin catches his eye and smiles. Tension instantly dissolves from Beomgyu’s body as Soobin sits beside him.
Shortly after Beomgyu’s parents had arrived, Soobin’s family had come. Oddly enough, Beomgyu had been far more nervous for Soobin to interact with his parents than Beomgyu was to greet Soobin’s. Beomgyu had been under the impression that Soobin’s family didn’t have any interest in him aside from knowing him as Soobin’s unconventional housemate, but they’d greeted Beomgyu warmly.
Beomgyu had spent a while chatting with Soobin’s mother, but by the time Soobin’s siblings arrived, he was anxious for a break in the conversation. Soobin’s parents are more intimidating than he’d remembered. He’d retreated to the safety of Taehyun’s table while Soobin reunited with his older brother and sister.
“It’s good to see you, Sunoo-yah,” Beomgyu says. “I thought you wouldn’t be able to make it.”
“At least one of us had to come,” Sunoo says.
He’s referring to his omega boyfriend, Jungwon. Beomgyu had met them in a creative writing class back in college, but they rarely see each other now—they’d moved an hour or so away after Jungwon had gotten a new job.
“I’m glad you did,” Beomgyu says. “We didn’t get to see you on New Year’s.”
That might be a blessing, although there’s still a chance they could have heard about Beomgyu’s encounter with Heeseung through the grapevine.
“And so much has happened since then. Hyung, your bite is so pretty,” Sunoo gushes. “I saw the pictures you posted, but I didn’t get to comment.”
“Thank you,” Beomgyu says. Is it a weird thing to thank him for? Beomgyu had no idea, but he supposes he can trust another omega’s eye. “I was, um… really worried about the healing. But it only took a week or so…”
He’s rambling. He shouldn’t be nervous. Out of all people, Sunoo is one of the least likely to judge him for his relationship with Soobin, even if he’d heard about Beomgyu and Heeseung. He’s gotten plenty of criticism for dating another omega.
Sunoo’s expression is full of curiosity. “Oh, that’s not too bad. I haven’t heard a lot of people talk about it.”
Thinking about it like that makes Beomgyu sad. He’d learned a lot about mating bonds from Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Kai when they had mated, but he’s never really had conversations about it with anyone else. It’s not a topic anyone freely discusses in daily life, but it’s safe here.
“Ah,” Taehyun says. “How’s it going with you and Jungwon?”
Sunoo ducks his head. “You got me. I know that it’s way too early for us, but…”
“It’s not too early if it feels right,” Soobin says. Under the table, his hand rests on Beomgyu’s thigh. “We’ve known each other for a long time, but I’m glad we didn’t wait. I know it’s early to say that, and it doesn’t work for everyone, but…”
“You’ll know when it’s right,” Beomgyu says. Sunoo nods.
It’s so odd to think about where Beomgyu was just three months ago—hopelessly pining after Soobin, his instincts satisfied by the presence of a safe alpha but confused as to why Soobin wasn’t a real option. Those instincts had been right all along.
The topic of the conversations shifts after that, but Sunoo doesn’t stay for long. Once he’s gone, Beomgyu lets out a sigh, slumping in his seat. Even though he’s only interacted with people he likes, he’s starting to feel drained.
“When does it stop being embarrassing?” Beomgyu asks.
“What?” Taehyun asks.
“People commenting on the bite,” Beomgyu says. “I don’t mind that they know that I’m mated, but when they say it’s pretty—they’re totally thinking about how we did it.”
Taehyun blinks slowly. “Oh. I mean…” His voice lowers. “Not everyone does it while they're knotted. That’s tradition because it hurts less. It’s supposed to be more intimate, or whatever, but these days—”
Beomgyu yelps to drown out his words. “No, I meant, like… from the position, you can kind of see that we—”
He feels awkward describing it aloud, so he gestures with his hands, and that only makes it seem more obscene—although the way they’d held each other isn’t the explicit part.
“A lot of people do it like that. It makes sense when you hug. It’s romantic,” Taehyun says. He sounds a little bored.
The night of their mating is more clear to Beomgyu now than ever before. When Soobin had bitten him, he hadn’t been thinking about how to leave a pretty mark—or about how to leave a mark at all. It isn’t exactly the kind of thing taught in school.
But it is sort of romantic. The kind of thing that Beomgyu would write about, although writing about mated pairs is now both incredibly easy and absolutely mortifying.
“As for when I stopped feeling embarrassed…” Taehyun continues, “for me, it was when people could tell I was pregnant. I used to take heat leave—I never said what it was for, but the schedule was obvious. We had a few alphas on my team who did the same thing. When I stopped taking leaves, a few people guessed why. They really weren’t surprised when I eventually told them.”
Beomgyu wrinkles his nose. “Oh. That’s…”
Taehyun shrugs. “A bunch of my coworkers had already met my alpha mate. Wasn’t hard to fill in the gaps. I still like to tell them it was Yeonjun, though. That confuses the betas.”
Questions about it from strangers might be considered rude, but embarrassment aside, Beomgyu doesn’t think he’d mind telling them about it. He doesn’t have any reason to hide it anymore.
Unsurprisingly, Yeonjun sobs his way through Taehyun’s speech. When Beomgyu asks him why, he blubbers, “Because you’re just so beautiful. I’m so happy for you. You deserve this so much. I can’t imagine you with anyone else.”
Right now he’s leaning against Kai, his hair falling in front of his eyes. It’s now bleached blonde, a fresh color prepared for his upcoming filming session in an idol romance drama. His hair obscures the fact that he’s half asleep—alcohol always does that to him. Beomgyu finds it endearing.
“I could use a nap right now,” Beomgyu mutters to Soobin. Soobin rubs his shoulder sympathetically.
They’ve only just finished taking pictures. There had been a few with his family, including his brother, then about a dozen with different combinations of him with his middle school friends. Then some with Soobin, and his family, and their mutual friends… Beomgyu had lost track of them soon enough, awkwardly posing when requested.
It was more surprising that both Beomgyu and Soobin had become teary during the speech. Beomgyu hadn’t noticed Soobin until after, when they were preparing to take the pictures, and he’d found that Soobin’s eyes were damp. That had made him oddy happy.
Taehyun’s speech had been uncharacteristically emotional. Half of it had been spent recounting memories from their early days together, things Beomgyu had completely forgotten about. Soobin and Beomgyu have spent the better part of eight years together, after all. There’s plenty to tell.
Beomgyu had blinked away his own tears before anyone could see. He blames them on the amount of alcohol he’s had tonight. He’s not sure how much he’s drunk, only that someone has always been present to refill his glass. Eventually he’d gotten sick of the alcohol. Is it all hitting him now? He doesn’t think he’s been this drunk since he’d mated, which is somehow both humiliating and fitting. He has Yeonjun’s elaborate mixed drinks to thank for the greatest mistake he’s ever made.
Yeonjun hadn’t helped with the drink menu tonight, but everything is starting to feel hazy. Is he really drunk, or is he so tired that his eyes can’t focus? It’s not that late at night. Is it pre-heat, then, his last hours of lucidity melting away? He’s not sure what the main cause is, only that he’s completely disoriented when Soobin pulls him to his feet.
“We’re supposed to dance now, right?” Soobin asks. He holds Beomgyu close to his chest. “Or we can finish dinner first. I don’t care.”
Dancing? Beomgyu has a vague memory of discussing it, of someone adding it to the itinerary. How do people dance at events like these? Beomgyu hasn’t danced with an alpha in years, since one of his ex-boyfriends had invited him to an event, and…
Beomgyu had mostly finished eating. He’d tried to balance his alcohol consumption with food, but his body has started to protest. Whatever combination he’d tried hadn’t been easy on his stomach—although there isn’t anything unusual on the menu.
It’s probably pre-heat. More cramps, not food poisoning.
“I don’t know,” Beomgyu admits. “Do you want to dance?”
“I think… we should try it.”
Beomgyu rests his head against Soobin’s chest. “I might be too drunk. No coordination.”
“It’s alright. I’ve got you,” Soobin says. “It doesn’t need to be a fast dance.”
It turns out that dancing is, in fact, part of the mating celebration tradition, and Beomgyu’s fate is sealed. Their guests coo over them, Kai hurrying to take more pictures, as Beomgyu clings to Soobin and desperately tries to remember how to dance.
It helps that Soobin is just as clumsy as him, and he’s had his fair share of alcohol, so he steps on Beomgyu’s toes just as many times as Beomgyu steps on him. Beomgyu attempts to tease him, but that talking and dancing are incredibly difficult together.
It also doesn’t help that the room is spinning, and not because Soobin keeps trying to twirl him to make him laugh.
“Are you feeling alright?” Soobin asks, pulling Beomgyu to the side of the room. He combs Beomgyu’s hair out of his eyes with his fingers. “I know, I keep asking.”
Beomgyu lets out a puff of air. “I’ll be okay for tonight, I just… I feel kind of sick.”
“How so?”
“Dizzy,” he says. He loops his arms around Soobin’s shoulders, pressing them together from waist up. He tucks his face against Soobin’s neck. If it were a normal kind of dizziness, the closeness might make him uncomfortable, but the only thing that seems to help is Soobin’s scent. “It’s just… it’s just the pre-heat.”
Soobin rubs his back, his touch slow and gentle. “We can go home soon. Get you in your nest.”
“I am having fun,” Beomgyu clarifies. “I’m really happy.”
Soobin’s arms settle around his waist. “I know. I can tell.”
Soobin can’t see it, but Beomgyu smiles. “And I wish my heat was starting one day later so I didn’t have to think about it tonight. But I’m also happy, because if it started one day earlier… I don’t know what we would’ve done.”
“A lot of scent suppressants. Or we would’ve rescheduled.”
“But the deposit—”
“It’s okay. You shouldn’t be sick on a day like this.”
“Mm…” Beomgyu lifts his head. The dizziness has started to pass. Soobin is doing a good job of hiding it, but there’s a hint of concern in his expression.
“Honestly, I don’t really like the idea of a lot of alphas being around you right now,” Soobin whispers. “I know we can trust them. But it makes my chest hurt.”
Beomgyu stands on the tips of his toes to kiss him. Soft, chaste, but it soothes the ache deep within him. Good alpha, he thinks.
“When we’re home…” He lowers his voice, even though they’re out of earshot of their guests. “...What are you going to do for me?”
He doesn’t need to elaborate. Soobin picks up on the implication right away. He’s an annoying alpha, though. Always one to tease. “Tonight? Depends on your heat. Depends on if you want—”
“Soobin-ah.” Beomgyu glares at him.
“You said something about not wanting to be touched in pre-heat. About wanting to nest alone,” Soobin says.
“Yeah, usually. But this is basically our wedding night,” Beomgyu says. “I’m not gonna make you sleep alone on our wedding night.”
“I didn’t want to assume,” Soobin says, with a kind of bashfulness that Beomgyu can tell is completely fake. “Are we going to sleep, or do we get to do other things, too?”
“Other things, I hope.” It’ll probably cause Beomgyu to go into full-blown heat, but it doesn’t matter when he’s already so close. “I was thinking… since you’re going to have to take care of me…”
“Don’t say it like it’s a chore,” Soobin says, but Beomgyu shakes his head. He presses a hand to Soobin’s chest, over his heart.
“I was thinking that I want to give you what you like first,” Beomgyu says. “Not that it’s just your thing anymore. I didn’t realize I’d like it so much. But it’s easy to like, since you’re such a good alpha for me. Obedient.”
Soobin stares at him, his lips slightly parted. “Oh. You want to…”
“I think… you’re prettiest when you’re on your knees.” Beomgyu wishes he could say he doesn’t know where this is coming from, but he does. One part of him wants to nurture the flame in his belly, the other part is afraid of it. “When… you’re under me. And you like to give, but tonight I want to treat you. I’ll let you fuck me, but I have other things in mind, too.”
“Like what?” Soobin asks. His voice is barely audible.
“I can’t spoil everything,” Beomgyu says. He won’t risk more dirty talk in public, when Soobin has forgone scent blockers, but he gives him another brief kiss. “But you should look forward to it.”
Soobin pulls him in for a real kiss this time. His scent swells, almost dangerously so, but Beomgyu can’t bring himself to care. He desperately wants more. He needs more.
“I will,” Soobin says when they part. Why are you stopping? Beomgyu wants to ask, but Soobin runs a hand through his hair again, sending tingles down his spine, and he decides that he doesn’t really care how Soobin is touching him as long as they’re together. “I am.”
Beomgyu never wants the night to end. He wants to be home right now. He needs Soobin. He needs—
Beomgyu doesn’t remember much after that.
Soobin never leaves his side. He keeps a hand on Beomgyu at nearly all times, steadying him. The party lasts for another hour or so, and it passes in a blur. Soon enough, people begin to leave, and Beomgyu manages to rouse himself long enough to give them proper good-byes.
“Get him home safe,” Beomgyu’s mother says on her way out, giving Beomgyu a strange look. She must have guessed, Beomgyu realizes. He tries to tell her that he’s fine, but he only ends up stumbling over his words.
“I will,” Soobin promises. “He’s safe with me.”
Beomgyu feels like he’s trudging through sludge to reach his thoughts. When his parents are gone, he tucks his nose back into Soobin’s scent gland, letting the moment pass. Someone coos over them.
After that, he has a vague memory of stumbling into the apartment and making sure that Toto has settled for the night, then trying to change into comfortable clothing—Soobin may have helped with that part. Then he crawled into bed, dragging Soobin with him, and promptly fell asleep.
So much for fucking Soobin. Maybe, if it’s early enough, Beomgyu can make it up to him before he goes to work. Maybe…
That’s right. Soobin isn’t working today. He’d taken time off work so he can—
Beomgyu shoots up. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes. It must be mid-morning, judging by the sun. The other side of the bed—Soobin’s bed; he’s in Soobin’s room—is empty, only the blankets to show that someone had been there at all.
Beomgyu’s head aches, a radiating pain deep in his skull. A wave of nausea passes through him. There’s a glass of water on the nightstand that he reaches for, and he closes his eyes as he takes small sips, willing the pain away.
He doesn’t think he’s in full-blown heat yet, but he has hours at most. Less, maybe. He’s sweating, but the room is cool. It seems like the only thing his nose will register is Soobin, even though there are a dozen other things he should be smelling in their apartment.
This isn’t new to him. He’s always been drawn to Soobin during his heats, though at one point it had embarrassed him. They had never talked about it so extensively—only if Beomgyu needed help with tasks on his worst days, or when he planned to stay with his parents instead. Soobin is polite; he won't be the one to mention the obvious.
Soobin. Where is Soobin? Soobin should be here with him. Why isn’t Soobin in his nest?
He doesn’t even have a nest. Soobin had given him permission to nest in his room, but this is all wrong. There are only a few blankets, the ones Soobin usually has on his bed. Not the extra soft ones Beomgyu keeps specifically for his nest. Not enough pillows, not enough clothing, not much of anything. He needs something to burrow into.
Beomgyu’s chest heaves. He climbs out of bed, wincing at the sudden pain in his abdomen. Soobin, Soobin. Everything will be better once he’s with Soobin. He can’t think straight like this, his thoughts chasing themselves in circles before he can untangle them.
He opens the door in a hurry, breathing in deeply, trying to locate his mate. There’s no reason for his frantic search, though. Soobin is just outside, curled up on a corner of their couch, as usual.
He stands up immediately, his phone falling to the floor. “Oh, Beomgyu. Sweetheart…”
Beomgyu freezes. The hair on the back of his neck stands on end.
“Are you feeling alright?” Soobin asks. He takes both of Beomgyu’s hands, and Beomgyu relaxes immediately, as though a switch has been flipped. Soobin here, alpha here.
He doesn’t need to be on guard. He’s safe with Soobin.
“You…” Beomgyu takes a breath. “You… left.”
“I’m sorry,” Soobin says. His eyebrows furrow, full of concern. “You were sleeping so soundly. I didn’t want to risk waking you.”
Had it been a sound sleep? The last traces of vivid dreams have begun to fade from Beomgyu’s memory. He feels like he hadn’t slept at all, exhaustion dragging at his limbs.
“I have to… Toto.” And there’s so much work to be done. Writing work. Nest work.
“I already fed him. He was screaming. I think that’s what he wanted?” Soobin says. “That’s okay, right?”
Relief washes through Beomgyu. Toto chatters throughout the day, but he’s quiet right now, which means he’s occupied. He’ll have to be let out today, but Beomgyu can do that later.
Soobin had done well. Good alpha.
Beomgyu nods weakly. “Thank you. Hyung, I really…”
Another cramp. The pain is dull, but he loses his train of thought.
“You should rest,” Soobin says. “Back to bed. I can get you anything you need.”
Beomgyu can’t stop thinking about the nest. He can’t describe what he needs to Soobin, he has to do it himself. And he can’t go back to that room without having his nest in order. Not that his own room would be much better. He could even try the living room. The couch must smell like Soobin, right? He’d had a blanket with him.
He has to start somewhere. Right now, he thinks that he’d just collapse into bed if he tried to gather his things.
“I want to… shower,” he says instead.
It feels pointless to shower now—he’ll probably have showered at least three more times by the end of the day, to cool off or get clean, but his skin itches so intensely he wishes he could claw it off.
“Okay. I’ll get you a towel,” Soobin says, letting go of Beomgyu.
“You don’t have to coddle me,” Beomgyu says before Soobin can leave.
“This isn’t coddling. I’m just taking care of you,” Soobin says. “I know you can take care of yourself, but I want to do this. Let yourself be taken care of.” His voice softens. “Will you let me?”
Beomgyu nods reluctantly. Soobin smiles, and kisses his forehead before he leaves to retrieve the towel.
It’s not a big deal. Soobin would do things like this for him during his heats even before they’d mated, although usually he’d hesitated more, respectful of Beomgyu’s boundaries. Even though they’ve been best friends for so many years, he’d always been afraid of asking for more. Of telling Soobin that none of society’s arbitrary rules for alphas and omegas mattered to him, and that, if Soobin were comfortable, Beomgyu would be willing to show him his most vulnerable side.
And he’d been afraid of what might come of it. What would happen if he broke down that barrier? What if Soobin wanted him that way? Soobin had rarely touched Beomgyu’s wrists during heat—if they’re naturally compatible, there’s no telling how things might have escalated if Beomgyu had asked to be scented for real, or to be cuddled through the worst waves of heat. They’re not feral, but if both of them had wanted it… if Beomgyu had been in pain… it would have hurt Soobin, as an alpha, to watch him suffer.
In retrospect, maybe he’d been right to have those fears. There are many people who purposely wait for their heats to mate, anticipating the heightened emotion. Beomgyu and Soobin had only been mildly drunk on New Year’s.
Beomgyu can’t call it a mistake anymore. It hasn’t really been that long, but so many of the negative emotions he’d felt surrounding his mating with Soobin have started to fade. There are plenty of things they still need to discuss as a mated pair, but it has come so naturally to Beomgyu. More naturally than he ever could have imagined, after their first tense week.
As Soobin returns with the towel, still smiling, his scent bright and gentle like fresh-picked flowers, Beomgyu can’t imagine a world where this ever could have ended in distress.
“Want me to make you tea?” Soobin says. “I can have it ready by the time you’re out.”
He passes the towel to Beomgyu, then drapes himself over Beomgyu as he hugs him. His arms wrap loosely around Beomgyu’s waist, and Beomgyu automatically tucks his nose into Soobin’s shirt. Lavender, warm wood.
His first instinct is to refuse, but there’s a tug in his gut. It would feel wrong to refuse his alpha, wouldn’t it? The only thing Soobin wants is to take care of him.
“Okay,” Beomgyu says. He feels the beginning of a purr rumble up from Soobin’s chest.
What could be more natural than this?
Omegas aren’t supposed to want.
Beomgyu had learned that from a young age; he’d been taught not to talk about his heats before he’s presented and received absolute confirmation that he isn’t a beta. Sex is one way to ease the pain, and people don’t like the reminder, although sexuality exists everywhere. It’s for all the same reasons Beomgyu covers his mating bite, why he lies about his profession, and why he feels strangely guilty when he rests during his heats instead of working.
Why does he feel the need to hide his symptoms, even now, with his mate hapily offering to care for him? This is what he hadn’t allowed himself to even hope for when he was younger.
Showering always offers some comfort to Beomgyu when he’s in heat. He hates the feeling of sweat and the other unfortunate fluids that come with heat. Showering doesn’t fix the problem for long, but the temporary relief is still blissful.
Beomgyu just stands there for a few minutes, letting the water wash over him. He leans against the shower wall and forces himself to take deep breaths. The steam sits heavy in his lungs, almost suffocating, but he’s too stubborn to lower the temperature. He can’t stop shivering, for some reason.
He starts by washing his hair, which is stiff with whatever product Yeonjun had used last night in some places, and damp with sweat in others. He can still detect the traces of some of his friends’ scents on his skin. It would normally be comforting, but today it irritates him.
He scrubs at his skin until it feels raw, but his own scent is no less strong. The slick is the most humiliating part, with the way it had started as soon as he’d laid eyes on Soobin. They’ve barely touched. They hadn’t kissed, and nothing Soobin had done had suggested more. Still, Beomgyu’s body had been ready for him.
He can feel that desire even now, curling low in his gut. During a normal heat, he might take care of it now, in the safety of the shower. He could still do that. Fantasize about everything Soobin had promised him when they’d first started negotiating Beomgyu’s heat, and… it might take the edge off.
It would take too much effort right now, though. The ghost of Soobin’s scent lingers in his nose, but it’s much weaker here. How much would his own hand really do for him, when his body craves an alpha?
There’s no point in wondering. He finishes showering quickly, drying himself off and dressing again. Loose-fitting, oversized, breathable clothing. Easy to remove.
Soobin is waiting in the kitchen when Beomgyu leaves the bathroom. Beomgyu can tell he’s trying not to stare, or to make it obvious that he’s worrying, but Beomgyu can still detect it in his scent.
“I made food. Breakfast, or… it could be lunch, too,” Soobin says. Beomgyu glances at their clock. How can it be that late already? “Do you think you can eat?”
Beomgyu shakes his head. He registers his hunger, but his stomach is unsettled.
“I’ll still make you a plate. You don’t have to have it, but I want to make sure you eat today,” Soobin says. “So you don’t get sick.”
“I’m already sick,” Beomgyu says, petulant.
“But we can fix this kind of sickness,” Soobin says. He removes two plates from their cabinet. “Want to sit with me while I eat? Or do you want to lie down?”
“I’ll stay,” Beomgyu says. He can’t imagine leaving Soobin right now.
Needy. Needy omega. His heats in the past haven’t been pleasant, and being alone during them has always been hard. But he’s never fixated on an alpha like this, save for his absolute worst heats years ago.
Soobin smiles at him. “Okay, baby.”
Beomgyu pulls his chair up next to Soobin’s, and leans against Soobin’s shoulder as he eats. The smell of food isn’t helping his nausea, but Soobin’s scent is close, so Beomgyu doesn’t care. He nuzzles against Soobin’s scent gland, satisfied by the way it makes Soobin tense up.
Soobin does manage to trick him into eating, by offering bites from his own plate. Beomgyu couldn’t refuse any command from his alpha, not even one as simple as this. It does help settle his stomach, though, even if he can only have a few mouthfuls before the nausea intensifies.
Beomgyu flops on the table while Soobin washes his dishes. Curling into a tiny ball won’t help his cramps, but it makes him feel more secure.
“Nest now? Or is there anything else you want?” Soobin asks as he dries his hands. Beomgyu just groans, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s broken into a sweat again. “Maybe scenting would help?”
He sounds… afraid. There’s a sharp edge to his tone, his voice wobbly. He’s never seen Beomgyu like this—or any omega. Beomgyu has to be strong for him, while he’s still completely lucid.
“It would,” he says. He doesn’t know for sure, but it’s the only thing he wants. Soobin’s face is tense, but he nods. “I’m just gonna…”
He stands on wobbly legs, clutching the back of the chair for support. Spots dance in his vision, but they take only a moment to fade.
“Want me to carry you?” Soobin asks.
Beomgyu can’t tell if he’s joking or not, but he cracks a smile. “I’m going to get a few things. Then I’ll meet you in there, okay?”
“Yes. Of course.”
Beomgyu slinks off to his own room, a wave of guilt passing through him at the sight of Toto. “Hi. Hi,” Toto croaks. He climbs from his perch to the cage door, clinging to it.
“Hi,” Beomgyu whispers back. He opens the door just long enough to give Toto a head scratch. He screeches when Beomgyu closes the door again, but his disappointment doesn't last for long. Beomgyu carefully feeds a sprig of millet through one of the treat holders.
Maybe tonight, once the first wave of heat has faded, he can spend a few hours with Toto, staring down the outline for the next chapter of his new draft. Just like any other day. Things don’t have to be different.
His hands shake as he closes the millet bag. He ignores it.
Beomgyu spends most nights in Soobin’s bed, unless he isolates himself to work and falls asleep there, or wants a night of fully undisturbed sleep. Lately, sharing a bed feels more natural than being alone. He needs Soobin’s scent surrounding him, or it’s hard to fall asleep in the first place.
There are a few items with Soobin’s scent scattered around his room, though, and a few blankets and pillows that Beomgyu often uses to build his nests. He’s not the kind of omega who builds nests outside of heat, even if he likes to hold onto items with Soobin’s—or friends’—scents, but he needs things to be exactly right when he’s in heat, or he can’t relax at all.
He’s also never really liked sharing his nests, aside from a few times in college where he’d let Yeonjun or Taehyun cuddle him during his heats. Maybe if Soobin participates in the construction, he won’t become territorial, but Soobin doesn’t know how to build nests.
Beomgyu lets out a frustrated growl. Not bothering to fold anything properly, he gathers his bedding in his arms and marches back to Soobin’s room.
Soobin’s room isn’t a lost cause, but Beomgyu can’t stand the sight of it. He dumps his blankets on Soobin’s bed and promptly gets to work. He piles the extra pillows up and drapes Soobin’s clothing over them. Most of his clothes hold at least a faint trace of his scent, but there are a few sweatshirts he’d recently worn around home but hadn’t washed yet. Surely he won’t mind if they’re missing.
The blankets are more difficult to figure out, but Beomgyu makes do with them. He can’t cocoon himself properly like this, but having plenty of fabric to bury under makes him feel safe. Soobin will either have to get used to overheating at night, or he can leave the nest.
Beomgyu is so lost in it that he doesn’t hear Soobin enter the room. “Beomgyu-yah,” he says softly, and Beomgyu nearly jumps, turning around to look at him. “I reheated the tea. Just wanted to drop that off.”
He places the mug on the nightstand, then backs away quickly, as though concerned that Beomgyu might snap at him if he comes too close to the nest. Beomgyu had forgotten about the tea, but the smell is pleasant. He takes a few tentative sips, watching Soobin out of the corner of his eye.
“You can come in, you know. It’s your room,” he says.
“But it’s your nest.” Soobin awkwardly shuffles towards the door. “I don’t want to mess anything up.”
“It’s mostly made of you,” Beomgyu says. “I want you here.”
“You do?”
“Of course. You’re my mate.” An oversimplification, but Beomgyu’s fears aren’t particularly relevant right now.
Soobin takes a step forward, then hesitates. Beomgyu waits for him, his patience waning.
“I don’t know how to help you,” he confesses. “I just wish… I wish this were happening to me instead. Or that I could have been first. Or… if I had more experience, I could do more for you.”
“Hyung,” Beomgyu whimpers. “I can’t… I need…”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to worry you. I want to do better for you,” Soobin says.
Beomgyu presses his nose into the blankets. Soobin will make it better. Just having his scent makes his heart feel lighter.
“I’m glad you don’t have experience. I get to have you all to myself,” he says finally.
It’s a corny thing to say, abnormally possessive for him, but it makes Soobin laugh. “We’ll get through it together. I’m just happy I’m not alone.”
Emotion swells in Beomgyu’s chest. More experience might be helpful—especially for Soobin, who has never shared a rut. He hasn’t even had one in years. He doesn’t know what to expect. He won’t know how to make the symptoms better. It’ll be up to Beomgyu to figure that out.
Not that he minds—it’s a privilege to be the one Soobin trusts like this. But his own heat seems like a minor obstacle in comparison.
“Scent me,” he says. Eventually, Soobin’s instincts will take over—he’ll know what to do for Beomgyu. Until then, Beomgyu can try to guide him.
Soobin is careful not to disturb the nest as he lies down beside Beomgyu, making himself small to fit beside him. He bundles Beomgyu up in his arms, and Beomgyu just gives in, allowing Soobin to move him as he pleases. He flattens himself halfway on top of Beomgyu, and presses his nose against his collarbone. “Is this comfortable?”
Beomgyu just lifts his chin, allowing Soobin easier access to his scent gland. Soobin dives right in, pressing his lips to Beomgyu’s neck. One of his hands wraps around Beomgyu’s wrist, pressing into the scent gland there. The touch is electric, and Beomgyu whines, his body responding immediately.
Scenting has become a daily occurrence, and Beomgyu has grown used to the sensations, but his heat has intensified everything. Soobin sucks over the gland, teasing the skin with his teeth, and Beomgyu tangles one of his hands in Soobin’s hair to hold him there.
He feels like he’s floating. The sensation is overwhelming, but not unpleasantly so. Heat pools in his groin, but with no sense of urgency. He moans, and Soobin raises his head for just a moment, to give him a proper kiss.
Beomgyu gasps as they part. “I want—”
Soobin buries his face against Beomgyu’s neck again, the other side now. He licks over the scent gland, over Beomgyu’s mating bite.
“I want—more, hyung—”
Soobin pauses. “More how?”
Beomgyu doesn’t know. Only that this isn’t enough, and that something inside him has been left unfulfilled, something only Soobin can satisfy. He reaches for Soobin’s hand and grasps it.
“Do you want me to make you come?” Soobin asks. He presses another kiss to Beomgyu’s neck. Beomgyu shivers, his hips twitching against Soobin’s. He can feel more slick leaking from him, the response to Soobin’s calculated touches.
“Please,” Beomgyu whispers. “Please, please, hyung.” He’d been too caught up in the scenting to think about much else, but now that Soobin has planted the seed in his mind, he knows that he needs it. He’s been patient, hasn’t he? Isn’t that what his alpha is here for?
Soobin wastes no time. He lifts off of Beomgyu, and Beomgyu raises his hips so that Soobin can pull his pants and underwear down, just enough so that Soobin can touch him properly. Soobin nudges his thighs apart, his fingertips pressing into the scent glands there.
After simple scenting, Beomgyu is embarrassingly wet. Soobin’s nose twitches, but his fingers dutifully land on Beomgyu’s clit. He doesn’t tease Beomgyu anymore. He knows what Beomgyu needs, and builds up a steady pace from the beginning, his fingers circling Beomgyu’s clit, the pressure perfect. Beomgyu resists the urge to grind into his palm, knowing that Soobin will give him what he wants.
Between the arousal from heat, the scenting, and everything else Soobin has done for him this morning, it’s unsurprising that it takes a few short minutes for Beomgyu to hurtle alarmingly close to his orgasm. Soobin has had plenty of practice in the last few weeks.
Beomgyu cranes his neck to reach Soobin’s scent gland. “I wanna scent you—”
Soobin leans closer, and Beomgyu noses over his scent gland. Soobin lets out a keening noise, his fingers faltering briefly.
The flood of his sweet, earthy scent is all Beomgyu needs. He sinks his teeth into Soobin’s neck as he comes, clinging to him through the initial shock. Not too hard, but Soobin whines.
Beomgyu relaxes his jaw, letting his head fall back, inhaling deeply to try and regulate his breathing. Soobin removes his hand, resting it on Beomgyu’s hip.
It’s only then that Beomgyu recognizes that Soobin is hard against his thigh, his scent tinged bitter with arousal.
“Hyung, I wanna take care of you,” Beomgyu mumbles, sitting up. His head is all foggy, but he can’t smell Soobin like this and not do anything about it. “Let me. I want you to come.”
He’s exhausted, the adrenaline rush of his orgasm giving way to heavy exhaustion, but he can still make Soobin come. He’d let Soobin use him—his mouth, maybe. Like Beomgyu had been planning last night. Soobin makes the prettiest noises when Beomgyu lets him fuck his mouth.
But Soobin shakes his head. “I don’t want you to worry about me. And… we’re going to have a long few days. I want to save it.”
The rejection hurts for just a second, and then Beomgyu relaxes. That makes sense. He’ll have another wave of heat in a few hours, and even though his mate will respond to what his body needs, he doesn’t want Soobin to be overwhelmed by it. This is their first heat together, and Soobin has never experienced this. They can start slow, while Soobin decides what he’s comfortable with.
Beomgyu tucks his head under Soobin’s chin, and Soobin wraps his arms around him. A sense of calm washes over him. Completely sated, curled up in his nest… this is exactly what he’d needed. He barely suppresses his purring.
It’s only another minute or two before Soobin is pulling away, though. “I’m sorry, I’m just going to wash my hand,” he says. “And I can get you anything else you need. Water, or snacks, or…”
“Just stay,” Beomgyu whines. “Please?”
“Baby, that’s not fair,” Soobin says. He pauses, and leans down to press a kiss to Beomgyu’s forehead. His lips are cool. Or maybe Beomgyu’s still overheating. “I’ll just be a second, and then I’m yours. I won’t get up until dinner.”
“But I don’t want you to…”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry.”
Beomgyu frowns. Soobin hadn’t knotted him, but it feels wrong for him to be leaving so soon.
“Don’t look so sad.” Soobin brushes his cheek with his thumb. “I’ll be right back. I love you.”
He’s perfect. Beomgyu leans up, and Soobin kisses him before stepping out of the room, a light press of lips. Just a minute.
It doesn’t matter. He falls asleep almost immediately.
When he wakes, he feels like his entire body is on fire.
Beomgyu lets out a groan. He tries to sit up, but it’s like thousands of tiny needles are pricking into his skin. Instead, he curls in on himself, one of his hands flying out to find Soobin. It takes a few seconds for his eyes to focus.
“Hey,” Soobin says. He’s sitting, propped up against Beomgyu’s mound of pillows, his laptop balanced on one of his own. “Oh, no. It’s okay. I’m here.”
He must have caught fear in Beomgyu’s scent. Beomgyu tries to take a deep breath, ignoring the pain in his chest, and lowers his hackles. His heart is still pounding.
“How—How long was I—”
“A few hours.” Soobin’s expression is creased with concern. “I’ve been so worried. Your fever is up.”
Fever?
“I… I’m…”
Beomgyu winces, his face scrunching up as a wave of pain sweeps through his abdomen. “Does it hurt?” Soobin asks.
Beomgyu nods. He can’t remember the last time one of his heats has truly hurt, the kind of pain that causes him to double over.
“I found a heating pad, but I don’t know if we should use it while you have a fever. I could get, like, a damp cloth…”
Beomgyu shakes his head. Maybe one of those things would help, but he can barely think.
“…Ibuprofen?” Soobin suggests. Beomgyu shrugs.
Soobin steps out of the room for a minute, and returns with both the cloth and painkillers. Beomgyu’s head is swimming, but he takes the pills with the glass of water Soobin hands him, and lays back down with the cloth on his forehead. It reminds him of when he was very young, when he would stay home from school and his mother would care for him.
His mother. Beomgyu has barely looked at his phone all day, and he can tell from the golden light streaming in from the window that it’s mid-afternoon. A few people from the mating celebration had messaged him this morning. They’re probably wondering where he is…
“What’s wrong?” Soobin asks. He lays down on his side beside Beomgyu, pillowing his head on his shoulder. “Your scent is all wrong. Like, decaying.”
Beomgyu glares at him. “Decaying? Wow, rude.”
“I didn’t mean—it’s not like that always. Just when you’re really upset,” Soobin says. “Like, too sweet.”
“It’s bad.”
“I don’t mind it. It just hurts to smell you, because I can feel that you’re scared.”
Like the way Soobin had smelled after they’d mated, when he was sick. It had physically pained Beomgyu, back then. Logically, he knows that’s why Soobin pointed it out, but his mind latches onto alpha doesn’t like your scent. Needy, sick omega.
Soobin is watching him closely. He’s starting to feel claustrophobic, the nest a prison rather than a safe, secure space. “I-I’m sorry.”
“Why should you be sorry?” Soobin asks. Beomgyu doesn’t answer, and Soobin starts to piece it together himself. “I like your scent. I just want to make you better. Tell me how I can help?”
“I don’t know,” Beomgyu says. He can feel himself starting to tear up, his frustration overwhelming, and he hates it. He can’t remember the last time he felt so helpless during a heat. It’s exactly what he’d been afraid of.
“That’s okay,” Soobin says, but it’s not okay. There’s a hint of bitterness curling into his own scent. As Beomgyu starts to panic, Soobin becomes more distressed. “Will you tell me why you’re sad?”
That’s an easier question, although Beomgyu isn’t sure where to begin. With the easiest, smallest thing, then. The most recent one on his mind. “I lost a lot of time. I have things to do.”
“I’ll do them for you. Are they things that I can help with?”
“You can’t do everything for me,” Beomgyu pleads, and Soobin falls silent. “I know what you’re going to say. I’m sick, so I should just rest, but it makes me feel better when I can take care of myself. My heats are never like this. Always mild.”
Soobin nods. Beomgyu continues, “I knew it wasn’t going to be like my other heats, but I was hoping…”
“What are they normally like?” Soobin asks.
“Dunno, it’s like…” This would be so much easier if Soobin had had a rut in the last five years. “The first day is always… hard.”
“Maybe tomorrow will be better,” Soobin says.
“Second day is hard, too. Sometimes harder.”
“Then the third day. We’ll figure it out. I love you.”
Beomgyu turns his face into his pillow, shaking the cloth away. It’s not even cold anymore. “I know. And you’re doing so much for me…”
“All little things, honestly. I should treat you more.”
“As long as you don’t become one of those alphas where, like… you won’t let me do anything for myself because you think I’m too fragile.”
Soobin reaches over, curling an arm around Beomgyu. “Never. I think I might be more fragile than you.”
Beomgyu doesn’t think he’s ever felt more fragile, physically or emotionally. They wouldn’t be having this conversation if he were strong. He doesn’t say anything.
“What kinds of things do you have to do today?” Soobin asks, after another moment. He’s started rubbing circles into Beomgyu’s back.
Beomgyu lifts his head. “People were messaging me about last night. Eomma. She’s gonna think something’s wrong with me.”
“Oh, she messaged me, too. I guess the scent suppressants were starting to wear off by the end of the night,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu suppresses the urge to scream. “She just wanted to make sure we got home safe, and that you weren’t too sick. Yeonjun’s been messaging me, too. Super worried about you. I got a few threats. Honestly, I’m impressed he was sober enough for that.”
Beomgyu isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “That’s… oh, God.”
“So I said you were good, and that you were just sleeping. Eomeonim was happy with that. But Yeonjun said he’d kidnap you if I ruined your nest. Told a story about how he ruined it in college, and then you bit him…”
Heat rushes to Beomgyu’s face. He didn’t think he could possibly become warmer. “He told me he’d stop talking about that.”
“It’s a good threat, though. I haven’t messed anything up, have I?”
The nest doesn’t matter to Beomgyu anymore. Only the throbbing in his head, and the numbing ache in his belly. He shakes his head.
“Anything else you wanted to do?” Soobin asks.
“Toto,” Beomgyu says. “He needs to be let out.”
“I’m going to make dinner soon. Maybe an hour or two. You could sit with him then, since I can’t be with you,” Soobin suggests.
“We should’ve pre-made meals,” Beomgyu says. That’s the first piece of advice anyone gives a freshly-presented omega. “I didn’t feel it coming. I’m so…”
“We can order out, too,” Soobin says. That sounds less appetizing—strangers’ scents on the packaging, unfamiliar flavors—but he doesn’t have energy in him to care. “Anything else?”
“I wanted to write,” Beomgyu says. Tears well up in his eyes again. Stupid hormones. Why does he keep tearing up? “Hurts so much.”
“I can still edit for you. The new book, right?” Soobin says. He takes Beomgyu’s hand, squeezes it. “And you can just tell me all of your ideas, and then I’ll transcribe them. You write when you’re tired all the time, and this is… almost that.”
Beomgyu can’t form coherent thoughts on his book. His mind is racing through an endless mantra of hurts hurts so much need Soobin need scent need alpha hurts make it stop. “Embarrassing. I haven’t even proofread.”
“Then I’ll just check for typos and tell you how great you are.”
“I’m not great. You’re getting your hopes up.”
“You’ve never let me down.”
Beomgyu closes his eyes. He lets Soobin play with his hand, entwining their fingers, pulling back to trace the lines of his palm.
“It really hurts?” Soobin asks softly. “Did the medicine do anything?”
“I don’t know,” Beomgyu says. Is it too soon, or was it completely ineffective, melted away by the heat? He’d probably need something stronger than over-the-counter, general pain medication. “You’re supposed to be my medicine.”
Soobin scoots closer to him, tugging the collar of Beomgyu’s shirt down so he has full access to his neck. “Is this what you want?” he asks. His fingertips are so cool.
It’s worth a try. It had worked earlier, though a part of Beomgyu wonders if Soobin touching him had triggered a worse flare-up of heat. It’s probably an unreasonable concern, though. “Yes.”
They’re going to be completely raw by the end of this, Beomgyu thinks, as Soobin nips at his scent glands. The area already feels tender, from both the heat and Soobin’s earlier scenting. Beomgyu hadn’t realized how aggressive Soobin had been until now, but Beomgyu had been the one to beg for more.
It doesn’t bring instant, encompassing relief like before, but the sensation is a pleasant distraction. “We could watch something,” Soobin says between kisses. “Or talk, if you’re not too tired. Or if you’re ready…”
Beomgyu doesn’t want to say I don’t know again, even though he doesn’t really have an answer. This is the part of heat where he’ll be itchy and uncomfortable no matter what he does. He can come up with another answer for Soobin, can’t he?
“Let’s just keep going like this,” he says. Soobin lets out a breath, warm against Beomgyu’s skin. His scent is thick in the air, like a floral blanket. It reminds Beomgyu of a summer evening, of curling up in wildflowers.
One of Soobin’s hands cards through his hair, the other slides under his shirt. It’s a simple touch, but it sends heat zipping down Beomgyu’s spine, straight between his legs.
“Take it off,” Beomgyu murmurs. It doesn’t make sense for him to be wearing so much clothing, anyway. He’s just shivering, sweating through it. Not that he’s wearing much—he’d forgone pants after Soobin had gotten him off the first time, leaving him in just underwear.
Soobin pulls the shirt over his head. Soobin presses kisses down his sternum, his hands roaming Beomgyu’s chest. Not quite Beomgyu’s scent glands, but Beomgyu doesn’t mind. Soobin has never been able to resist touching him for long after clothes start to come off.
He feels too exposed without Soobin undressed, but he doesn’t ask for it. Instead, he focuses on Soobin, on the way he gently nips Beomgyu’s collarbones. Soobin will make him feel good. He always does.
“Soobin-ah,” he mumbles. He hadn’t been able to sleep the heat off, and medication had done nothing, and he’d barely been able to keep food down. Soobin’s touch is the only thing that has brought the relief Beomgyu is usually able to find on his own. “Hyung.”
Soobin hums, lifting his head. The late afternoon sun has turned his skin golden. His mating bite is redder than usual, from Beomgyu’s biting earlier. He’s so beautiful, and he’s all Beomgyu’s.
“I hate this so much,” Beomgyu says, and his voice finally cracks. His eyes burn with fresh tears. Soobin immediately pulls him flush to his chest,
“This feeling, not the… not the heat. I’m happy you’re here. I just wish…”
“I want to take it away,” Soobin says. He presses them closer together, tangling his legs with Beomgyu’s. “Can I? A knot would help, right?”
He’s made it through most of the day without needing a knot. Maybe he should have begged for it the moment he’d woken up, when he’d felt that his symptoms were reaching a peak, when he’d realized that his thighs were damp with slick and Soobin hadn’t even been touching him.
He’s spent so many years without having the luxury of an alpha to comfort him during his heats that he doesn’t know how to ask for it, that he can’t interpret the most obvious signals that his body sends him. He should have asked a long time ago.
“Please,” he says. “I need it.”
Soobin lets out a shaky breath. “Fuck. Okay. Good. I was hoping…”
“Hoping… what?”
“That you’d want me to. That it might help,” Soobin says. He kisses Beomgyu, wetter and deeper than before, and Beomgyu shudders as Soobin sucks on his bottom lip. When they part, he continues, “Even when it was just pre-heat… you smelled so good. I couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty you’d be like this.”
“You want me,” Beomgyu says. He feels almost delirious. He’d grown so used to the unwanted arousal simmering in his gut that welcoming it feels more like a punishment than a relief, but he trusts Soobin. Soobin wouldn’t think this was pretty if he didn’t want him.
“Of course I want you,” Soobin says, lightly scolding. Beomgyu hadn’t been asking a question, but he appreciates the response. “You’re my mate. Do you have any idea what it’s been like—fuck, your scent. I want you so much. I want to help, I…”
He’s nearly babbling. Beomgyu tugs at the collar of Soobin’s shirt, and Soobin pulls it over his head, tossing it to a far corner of the nest. He’s barely gotten it off before Beomgyu is yanking at the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down so that he matches Beomgyu.
He’s half-hard. He probably has been for a while, but Beomgyu had been too caught up in his own mind to notice. He allows himself to stare openly.
“How do you want me to touch you?” Soobin asks. His voice is low, his cadence intoxicating, rumbling up from his chest. His hand finds the waistband of Beomgyu’s underwear, tugging it down a few centimeters. Beomgyu lets go, his head falling against the pillow, his thighs parting automatically.
Soobin had asked a question, but he doesn’t seem particularly concerned about the answer. Over the last few weeks, he’s learned to read Beomgyu—his scent, his body language, and he takes exactly what Beomgyu offers.
Beomgyu whimpers as Soobin’s fingers press between his folds, gathering slick, circling his entrance. He tenses up as Soobin sinks his fingers into him, barely hesitating. One, followed shortly by a second, and he curls them together. The sound is wet, obscene, as he thrusts them into Beomgyu.
He won’t need the kind of foreplay he usually does. His body is already on edge, betraying him for waiting this long. The amount of slick his body has produced is frankly disgusting, and Soobin’s fingers meet hardly any resistance. It’s even more intense than before, though, and Beomgyu writhes against the blankets.
This is the point of everything, isn’t it? All of the treacherous symptoms—the overproduction of slick, his oppressive scent, his obsessive, looping thoughts. All things meant to draw his alpha closer in, to make him more enticing. If one of them were uncomfortable with it, surely they could have found something else, but Beomgyu doesn’t care to think about those versions of the story. All that matters is what’s here, right now. Soobin beside him, inside of him, offering himself to Beomgyu.
“More,” he tries to say, but his mouth only forms the impression of the word. He grinds down on Soobin’s fingers, and Soobin rewards him by rubbing his fingers against Beomgyu’s g-spot, the pressure relentless. “Soo—Soobin—”
Soobin lets out a little growl. He adds a third finger, and Beomgyu moans. The stretch is pleasant, but it’s not enough. Not when Soobin had promised him a knot. He makes a frustrated noise, tucking his nose against Soobin’s neck.
“You sound so pretty,” Soobin breathes. He presses his fingers in deep and Beomgyu goes limp against his chest, rigid only where he clenches up on Soobin’s fingers. “My beautiful omega, ‘m so lucky… you can take it, right? You’re gonna take my knot?”
Beomgyu pulls his nose back from Soobin’s scent gland. Being so close to the source is too much, dizzying. “Please, please,” he cries. “I’m—I’m ready, I need it.”
“I want to take my time. I want you to remember this,” Soobin says, slowing his hand. It’s torture. “I’m so lucky, I get to have you. I want this heat to be good.”
“You’ve been making me wait all day,” Beomgyu complains. “This morning…”
Soobin slowly pulls his fingers out of Beomgyu. Beomgyu shivers. The sensitivity borders on painful, but he needs more. He doesn’t understand why Soobin is stopping, but the alpha is turning away from him, reaching for something on the nightstand.
Condom, he realizes, as Soobin tears open the wrapper and finishes undressing. The loose skin where his knot forms looks red, tender. Beomgyu wonders if he could get Soobin to knot his hand if he tried. “Wha—what are you—?”
“We talked about it, remember? Being extra careful this time,” Soobin says. Even though the heat fog, Beomgyu vividly remembers the conversation. That doesn’t stop a more primal part of him from crying out in protest as Soobin rolls the condom onto himself. Fill me fill me fill me—
One of Soobin’s thighs parts his own, and he automatically wraps his leg around Soobin’s waist, making room for him. “Do you want it like this?” and Beomgyu nods. Position doesn’t matter to him, as long as it ends with a knot. “You’re so good.”
Good. Beomgyu is a good omega. He holds his breath, his heart racing with anticipation, as Soobin discards his underwear for real. He’d soaked through it a long time ago.
He trembles as Soobin kisses him, gently arranging their bodies so that they’re more comfortable. Sometimes, Beomgyu feels oddly energized during heat, but today isn’t one of those days. He’d be perfectly content to lie back and allow Soobin to do the work, until his limbs feel solid again.
“Can I tell you something?” Soobin whispers. Beomgyu nods, rubbing Soobin’s mating bite with his thumb. “I’m so happy you’re sharing this with me. You’re so sexy. I didn’t think I would ever want someone as much as I want you.”
He aligns himself with Beomgyu, grinding against his cunt, and Beomgyu sobs. “And I’m so proud of you. Want you to trust me, let me take care of you… You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
For some reason, it makes Beomgyu want to cry, but he can’t examine all of the emotion in Soobin’s voice right now. His hips jerk against Soobin’s, urging him inside. “I need—hyung, knot—”
Soobin thrusts into him slowly, letting Beomgyu adjust to the fullness as he inches into him. Beomgyu digs his nails into Soobin’s shoulder, taking a few shaky breaths. Soobin pulls out and then thrusts in again, nearly bottoming out.
“Ohhh, Beomgyu.” Soobin’s eyebrows knit together with concentration. He grinds into Beomgyu’s g-spot, and Beomgyu can’t get enough of it. He holds Beomgyu close to his chest, his touch gentle as he thumbs over one of Beomgyu’s nipples. Too many sensations to focus on just one. “Beomgyu, fuck.”
What Beomgyu really needs is a knot, but he won’t complain about the treatment Soobin lavishes him in. He meets Soobin in a frantic kiss, nearly crashing their teeth together.
He whines when Soobin pulls his head back. “What do you need?” Soobin asks. “Tell me, please—”
“—More. More, alpha,” Beomgyu chokes. He rarely calls Soobin that, unless it’s to tease him, but the word slips out. Soobin slides deeper into him, almost too deep. He gives it to Beomgyu harder, faster, and the sound is disgustingly wet. Beomgyu muffles his wail in Soobin’s neck.
“I want to hear you,” Soobin pants. “Sounds so beautiful, I need it.”
“Ha-harder,” Beomgyu whines. He’s so close. Spots dance in front of his eyes, so he shuts them tight instead.
Heat sex has never felt like this, although Beomgyu barely remembers the last time. He’d rarely let his boyfriends fuck him during heat, and they’d been eager to knot him, but it had left him oddly unsatisfied. This is nothing like that. Soobin moans his name, desperation rising in his own scent. Weak for his omega. Beomgyu is too feverish to properly appreciate it, but it satisfies something deep within him.
“I love you,” Soobin says. He bites down on Beomgyu’s scent gland, and Beomgyu squeaks. “I love you so much, I want you, I want to feel it.”
“Does it—” Beomgyu sucks in a breath. “Do I feel good?”
“So good, Beomgyu. Smell good, too. You’re incredible,” Soobin groans. He tugs at Beomgyu’s hair, pulling his head back, exposing more of his neck. A bead of sweat rolls down Beomgyu’s temple. “Fuck, it’s—tight. My beautiful mate, all mine.”
“M-Mine,” Beomgyu stammers. Soobin is his forever. That’s the promise they’d made when they’d mated.
“All yours.” Soobin noses under his jaw. Sparks ricochet down Beomgyu’s spine.
“Talk to me,” he whimpers. “Tell me that I’m…”
He can barely form the words, a pleasant numbness spreading through his body. Soobin seems to understand, though. He pants against Beomgyu’s skin, murmuring, “You’re perfect. You’re the only one I’ve ever needed. You take me so well. Always keep me safe…”
Beomgyu’s nose is clogged with Soobin’s scent, like someone has lit incense under his nose. It smells like home. He can’t imagine trusting anyone else with this, but it feels right with Soobin. It doesn’t matter that he can take care of himself. This is so much better.
His orgasm washes over him, searing heat alongside Soobin’s gentle voice in his ears. Soobin’s thrusts slow, but he doesn’t stop. Beomgyu trembles all over, his hips twitching against Soobin’s. It’s good, but not enough.
Finally, he opens his eyes. Soobin’s face is tensed up, wracked with pleasure. “I almost just—”
“I need it,” Beomgyu says. The sensitivity has already started to wear off, his body more desperate for the knot than anything. He pulls Soobin closer, deeper inside him. “I want it. Your knot.”
Soobin presses Beomgyu flat to the bed, pinning him with his weight, and kisses him deeply. It’s so much rougher than he usually fucks Beomgyu, but it’s exactly what he needs. He clings to Soobin, concentrating on the warmth rebuilding in his core.
His voice fails him, and he gasps with each of Soobin’s thrusts. He can feel Soobin’s knot growing, a rapid increase in pressure. Beomgyu’s nose is full of oak, Soobin’s moans sweet in his ears.
He doesn’t have to think, not with Soobin taking care of him, about to knot him. He can already imagine it, the fullness, how Soobin will smell, how good he’ll feel. The cramps have already died down.
He doesn’t want Soobin just because of the heat, though. Being able to satisfy him like this is the best feeling.
“I’m close,” Soobin gasps. He slides a hand between them to rub Beomgyu’s clit, and it’s so much, almost too much. “I’m gonna—I’m gonna knot you—”
Alpha, alpha. Beomgyu would beg for it, but he doesn’t need to. A few more thrusts, and the knot locks into place. The stretch is nearly painful, the knot even heavier than it would be outside of heat, and Beomgyu clamps down on it. Soobin’s breathing is ragged, and Beomgyu can feel him twitching.
He whimpers into Soobin’s neck. Instant relief, a tidal wave of endorphins that lift the fog of heat. His second orgasm takes him by surprise. This one is gentler, but it’s the kind of intensity that leaves him wrung out and exhausted. His limbs turn to putty as the warmth spreads from the knot to the tips of his fingers.
He must black out for a second, because when he comes to, Soobin is whispering to him. “My baby, my pretty boy. I love you, love you so much. Feels so good. Are you happy? I’m so happy, I love you. My soulmate.”
Beomgyu drags a hand up Soobin’s spine, strokes the back of his neck. His skin is damp, sticky. “Love you,” he mumbles. He can feel the vibration of Soobin’s purr. “…happy.”
He could fall asleep like this, he thinks, warm and safe in Soobin’s arms. His body aches, but in the best way.
Soobin’s scent is the best part. Sleepy, satisfied, content, not a hint of his earlier apprehension. He must know he’s done a good job. Why had Beomgyu ever been afraid of this? The last time he’d felt such unadulterated bliss was…
“Want me to flip us over?” Soobin is asking. He’s mumbling, his words slurring slightly. “I don’t want to squish you. You could lie on my chest instead. That would be nice, right?”
Beomgyu barely hears him. “Hyung, I want to… I want to bite you. I want to mate you.”
Confusion flashes across Soobin’s face. Then recognition, and the same thought must fly through his mind. “Please,” he says. “Please, Beomgyu. Do it.”
He doesn’t have to think about it. He leans up automatically, fitting his canines over the reddish scars low on Soobin’s neck. He bites down hard, hard enough for his mouth to fill with the metallic taste of blood.
Soobin lets out a choked wail. It’s not the same for Beomgyu, but he can sense the faintest impression of blinding pleasure-pain through their bond. He lifts his teeth from the scar, licking over it to soothe it, wincing at the taste. The scar has become a raw wound, just as it had been on the night they’d mated.
It had barely healed in the first place, but this makes Beomgyu feel powerful. He’s earned it this time. Soobin’s hips jerk against his, the knot tugging as he tries to grind it deeper into Beomgyu, and he doesn’t even care about the pain, or about the fact that they’ll have to cover their bites all over again, waiting for them to heal. Only the tortured expression on Soobin’s face, and the pure delight pulsing through their bond.
“M-My turn,” Soobin says. Beomgyu bares his neck to him, bracing himself as Soobin’s teeth sink into his skin. It hurts, but only for a second, and then it gives way to ecstasy. It’s even more blissful than the knot had been. The ultimate form of satisfaction.
Soobin lets out his own little whimper, his hand reaching for one of Beomgyu’s. Once the initial wave of sensation has faded, he retracts his teeth. His tongue laves over the spot, and Beomgyu squeezes his hand, completely helpless.
This isn’t spontaneous mating, the result of tension overflowing on a single passionate night. Renewing the mark is the result of dozens of choices they’ve made together, their commitment to becoming better, the promise of a future. To each other, and the life they’re going to have.
Together forever, the way they were always meant to be. Beomgyu couldn’t think of a more perfect way to start his heat, the heat he’d once been terrified of.
“I love you,” Beomgyu says, grinning wildly. The pain in his neck has dulled to a slow throb. “I always have.”
“I know. I know,” Soobin says. His eyes are full of tears. Beomgyu wipes them away as soon as they start to fall. “I do, too.”
Beomgyu kisses him. They have a long few days of heat ahead of them, but they can’t possibly be all that bad. Not if he gets to have this.
The air smells like spring.
Not the train station. That smells acrid and metallic and it hurts Beomgyu’s nose. But the air outside smells like spring, fresh and new and green. It’s hot and humid outside, but the breeze is cool, and Beomgyu smiles into it as he drags his suitcase onto the platform.
“Just… call me right away if you need anything, okay? I’ll come. I don’t care about work,” Soobin says. “Or if… or if you get lonely. I don’t want you to be sick, ever.”
Beomgyu turns around to face him. He gives Beomgyu a tight smile, his worry lines lifting for just a second.
“I won’t get sick,” Beomgyu says. They haven’t been separated for this long before, so he can only hope, but he doesn’t feel the constant need to be by Soobin’s side that he’d felt right after they’d mated. They know how to handle it now. “I’ll call you after every signing. And we’ll see each other during the Seoul stop. It won’t be so bad.”
That’s what he’s trying to tell himself, at least. The book tour is nearly three weeks long, and being separated for three days is difficult enough. He might not need to be with Soobin, but it’s not pleasant to be away.
The thought of sending Soobin home to an empty apartment is particularly painful. At least Beomgyu’s schedule will be packed, leaving him with little time to think about anything else. Soobin will be continuing with normal daily life, save for the absence of his mate.
But he’s always been Beomgyu’s biggest supporter. After they’d fought so hard to make the book tour work, Beomgyu can’t throw this chance away. It’s the right move for his career, and what benefits his career will benefit them. It’s one of the most exciting opportunities he’s ever been granted.
“That’s only nine days away,” Soobin says. “We can make it nine days.”
“Of course,” Beomgyu says, ignoring the way his heart flutters. He checks the time on his watch—five minutes until the train. It’ll be either the shortest or longest five minutes of his life.
“I’ll try to get some things done around the apartment,” Soobin says. “You’ll be so impressed.”
“I’m sure.” Beomgyu smiles. “If you get sad, go help out with Hawon. They’re going to need it.”
That’s another reason leaving is bittersweet. For the past month, he’s been helping Taehyun, Yeonjun, and Kai with their newborn pup. The cutest baby Beomgyu has ever seen, identical to Kai’s baby photos except for her giant doe eyes, which she’d inherited from Taehyun. The three of them have handled the transition to parenthood remarkably well, but Beomgyu had promised to help them out as much as possible, so they have more time to properly bond with their baby.
“I’ve got it covered,” Soobin says. “I’ve decided. I’m basically going to be their personal chef until you’re home. Who has time to cook with a newborn to take care of, right?”
Hawon had been born just before Beomgyu’s second heat with Soobin. It had been an eventful week, but one of the happiest in a long time. They’re still learning about each other, and about how to make Beomgyu’s heats as comfortable as possible, but the second heat had been even better than the first.
Not that the first heat had been so bad, either. The first two days had been difficult, Beomgyu needing a knot every few hours to stay comfortable. It had been physically exhausting, and he doesn’t remember much of it, other than how diligent Soobin had been. The rest of the heat had been tolerable, at least. Beomgyu had asked to be knotted just as often because he loved the way the heat had provoked Soobin, not out of necessity. Soobin had found ways to make him feel like he still had control, even during the worst peaks of his heat.
During the second heat, though, Soobin had been more confident, and Beomgyu hadn’t been nearly as anxious. It had been less painful, too, now that their hormone peak from mating has started to decline, closer to Beomgyu’s regular heats. It’s a trend in the right direction.
Soobin’s rut has yet to make an appearance, but he hasn’t had any symptoms yet. They should be fine until after Beomgyu’s book tour, and then it’ll become routine. It’s difficult for Beomgyu to comprehend just how much things have changed in six months, but it’s all positive change.
“I’ll send you new reading material, too,” Beomgyu says. “Can’t go without entertainment.”
The draft for his latest novel is just about finished. It’s the second draft, since Beomgyu had flown through the first, but he wants it to be perfect. He’s only shown Soobin tiny pieces of it, barely able to contain his excitement. Now feels like a good time to unveil the whole thing—he’s always proud of his novels, but this one feels particularly important.
“I’m really looking forward to it,” Soobin says.
He holds out his arms. Beomgyu shuffles into them, tucking his face against Soobin’s mating bite. He wants to savor these last few moments, enveloped by Soobin’s scent.
“I’m so proud of you,” Soobin murmurs. “I know you’re going to do so good. We’ll have to celebrate once you come home.”
“I hope so,” Beomgyu says, past the lump in his throat. Soobin gives him a little squeeze. “Wish you could come.”
“I wish I could be there,” Soobin says. “Maybe I can go to more than one stop. Surprise you.”
“Someone has to look after Toto,” Beomgyu mumbles. Please please please come. I don’t want to do this all alone.
“I’ll bribe someone,” Soobin says. “But for now, I’ll call you every day. As long as you’re not too tired.”
“Never too tired for you,” Beomgyu says. He’ll make time. He’s heard other authors talk about how brutal book tours are, between daily events and travel, but he won’t neglect Soobin and their new bond. He can’t spend the whole tour worrying about whether his mate is suffering at home.
Soobin kisses his forehead. “I can’t wait to hear about it. I bet it’ll be really inspiring.”
“Or exhausting,” Beomgyu says, but he’s practically vibrating with anticipation. Whenever a fan talks to him about one of his books, he feels like he’s made it. The fact that he can afford to live while pursuing his passion is a dream come true. But this is entirely new, and definite proof of his success. He wants to prove that he deserves it.
“Maybe. It’ll be a good memory, though.”
There’s a telltale rumbling in the distance. Beomgyu lets go of Soobin, ignoring the way his heart protests. “Send me lots of pictures of Toto, okay? I’m worried he’ll be lonely.”
“He’s going to rule our apartment,” Soobin says. “I’ll even let him rip up my notebooks, so he doesn’t get bored.”
“Perfect. Just make sure they’re new ones. I don’t think it’s good for him to be eating ink.”
“Should I let him have the fancy ones? The expensive ones I said I’d save for writing?”
“Obviously. He deserves gourmet.”
Soobin hands Beomgyu his other bag, and Beomgyu shrugs it over his shoulder. “Don’t miss me too much,” Beomgyu says. He tries to sound teasing, but it falls flat. It’s too serious.
“I’m just gonna send you word hunts the entire trip,” Soobin says. “I’m still mad about last time.”
“Why, because I won with…” Beomgyu mouths, cunt?
Soobin rolls his eyes. “I got unlucky.”
Beomgyu had promised himself that he would write on the train, since he has a few free hours, but knows he’ll probably end up anxiously scrolling through social media instead. Playing games with Soobin sounds much more fun, even though Beomgyu usually prefers games that turn his brain off. At least Soobin is a worthy opponent in word games.
The train screeches closer. He checks the route on his phone again—yep, definitely the right train—and turns back to Soobin.
“I know you’re going to do well. Don’t worry about it,” Soobin says. “And… I’ll be waiting for you here. Have so much fun, okay?”
Beomgyu nods. Everything is starting to become very real, more real than it had felt when he was planning or packing for the trip. A battle for him to fight all on his own, but this is the thing he’s best at.
“I love you,” he tells Soobin. He leans up to kiss him, cupping Soobin’s face with his hands. Soobin melts into it. He’s wearing a scent blocker patch, but Beomgyu swears he can catch the faintest hint of lavender.
“I love you, too,” Soobin says. He kisses Beomgyu again, and then a few more times, until Beomgyu laughs.
“I’ll see you soon,” Beomgyu says. He hugs Soobin one last time, pressing his cheek to the raised scar on Soobin’s neck. Soobin bends down to hold him more comfortably.
There’s so much to look forward to. A few weeks away, pursuing his dream, and then they’ll begin the next chapter of mated life together.