Work Text:
For Changbin, Christmas was more often than not exhausting.
Don't get him wrong. He did enjoy making gifts for his friends. Always being attentive to what they'd like to get and preparing the packages down to the smallest detail, his gifts were the best. And he loved seeing them happy when opening them.
But on the downside, he always felt empty when receiving gifts.
It wasn't that he didn't like them though. Hyunjin's gifts were always special to him, just like that one silver bracelet that he still wears everyday. And his boyfriend, Felix, would always surprise him with a homemade dinner on Christmas eve.
He didn't know why, but an unexplainable numbness would take over his body and fog his mind every time the holiday season would approach.
He also missed the old days, when he and his sister would wake up early on the 25th, running down the stairs with the speed of light to check for gifts under the tree. When the house was warm and the smell of gingerbread cookies made by his mom filled up the air. He missed the joy of seeing that beautiful white box perfectly tied with a green ribbon by Santa's elves and dropped through the chimney.
Christmas nowadays wasn't like that. The abundant happiness of opening pretty packaged gifts was gone. It felt just like any other ordinary day: work, work and work. And all he wanted to do on that day that was supposed to be joyful, was to lay in bed and try to come up with some song lyrics occasionally.
It was Christmas morning. Changbin woke up in his bed–alone.
Felix knew how much he disliked waking up without getting his usual cuddles, so he must have overslept. He looked at the time on his phone. 13:20.
After a few more minutes of laying down, he finally decided to head to the kitchen, where Felix most probably was.
With his mind still groggy and his eyes refusing to stay open, his nostrils were filled with a delightful scent the moment he stepped into the kitchen. Felix was making waffles.
"Up so early?" the younger teased him.
Changbin scoffed and decided to go for the cliché of hugging your partner from the back while they're baking. He lazily wrapped his arms around Felix's torso, resting his chin on his boyfriend's left shoulder.
"What're you making?" Changbin asked, seeing all the different red and green sprinkle toppings.
"A special Christmas breakfast. Or should I say lunch?"
Felix's shoulder was so warm and soft, he could fall asleep any minute.
"Shut up...I needed that sleep. I stood up late."
Felix turned around to look at him.
"I know bubby, it's alright" the blonde boy said, placing a soft kiss on Changbin's lips.
The waffles were good. Really good. Changbin always remembered how lucky he was whenever he tasted Lix's baking. And the younger always looked at him fondly while eating his culinary creations.
"Today is Christmas, so we're booked and busy!" Felix announced with excitement.
"Where are we going?" the older mumbled, with a tad of a whipped cream moustache.
"First, we'll go to Channie hyung's place 'cause he'll be holding a little get together with the others, and then, when it gets darker outside, we can go to the Christmas fair and maybe drive a bit and see all the lights in town. And then we'll finish with a little movie night I prepared with just the two of us huddled up on the couch with some hot chocolate and marshmallows as we exchange our gifts, which, by the way, I'm super excited about" he finished with a little giggle.
Felix was anticipating a reaction from his boyfriend, but all he got were some furrowed eyebrows and a drowsy look from Changbin, who stopped chewing on his food for a second.
"That sounds...like a lot."
"I was thinking that maybe we could go outside and play in the snow a bit as well! Wouldn't that be fun?"
Changbin wiped his own face, thinking. "Well yeah...I guess."
Felix clearly expected Changbin to be at least half as excited as him. But he seemed just the opposite.
"Is there something you didn't like?" he asked worriedly.
"No, no, I love your ideas. It's just that...I really don't feel like going out today."
"Oh."
Well that kind of fucked up Felix's plans.
"It's okay though. You can go. I'll just stay here."
"Binnie, you're completely and utterly wrong if you think I'll let you spend Christmas alone at home while I'm out with the others."
Felix was quite stubborn. It wasn't gonna be an easy task to convince him to go and have fun, leaving him home alone for Christmas. Truth was, Changbin did want Felix to stay. But hearing all of his lover's plans, he'd feel too guilty to ruin them just because he wasn't in the mood for a day out.
"Let's make a compromise then. You go to Chan's and have fun while I spend some me-time here. If I get too lonely or start missing you, I'll give you a call and then we can do something nice together. Like that movie night you mentioned."
Felix was still hesitating.
"And I...I think I need some time alone today. I hope you can understand that"
"Oh. Okay."
Something shifted in Changbin. Did he really convince him that easily?
"You sure you'll be alright?"
Changbin nodded.
The freckled boy sighed, getting up to kiss his boyfriend's temple. "Call me and I'll be home in a second. Okay?"
"Okay. Love you–"
The door shut. And just like that, Felix was gone and Changbin was home, alone.
He didn't expect to convince Felix that easily. Part of him was almost sad he made up his mind to leave so fast. Or maybe his own words were too cold?
"Whatever" he threw, trying to push the feeling away. After all, that's what he wanted. To be alone on the happiest day of the year. Right?
Oh God, he was already missing him. But he couldn't call him yet. He really wanted Felix to be happy and get his special dose of friends and chatter and laughter. He didn't want to get in the way of his happiness.
A few more hours. He could go on a few more hours like that...
...right?
***
Felix laid his head on the foggy taxi window, looking at the crowded snowy streets, full of people rushing to buy a last-minute gift through the sea of closed shops or couples holding hands.
All he could think about was Changbin.
He couldn't blame him. Everyone needed some alone time every now and then. But something about his words made his heart clench. Did he say that because he wanted to get rid of him? Because he didn't want to spend Christmas with him? Did Felix say or do something wrong?
Questions kept raising in his head as he couldn't stop overthinking. He couldn't help but be sad. He didn't even care about going out. All he wanted to do was spend this special day with his special person. But Changbin didn't want that.
The car stopped. Felix paid, thanked the driver and opened the car door with a sigh to step on the fresh snow outside Chan's house.
The joyous smile he was greeted with slowly faded into confusion when Chan realized Felix was alone.
"Where's Bin?" he asked worriedly.
"Oh, he..." Felix spoke as the older let him inside. Chan was worried. "He's coming later. Forgot something at home."
He couldn't worry the others. Not on Christmas day. He'll tell them Changbin isn't coming at all eventually.
***
Changbin was squirming in his bed, rolling from one side to the other, finding it too uncomfortable to nap. He laid on his back with a frustrated sigh and grabbed his phone. No calls from Felix, no texts, nothing. He didn't know what he was expecting exactly, but he felt something was off. Felix usually checks on him with tons of text messages.
He tried typing out some texts but ended up not sending anything.
"yon|"
"i'm alright yongbokie|"
"hey, just wanted to let u know|"
"can you please come home :(|"
Maybe he's having fun. Surely, he's having fun with the boys. Changbin can't make Felix think about him too much and ruin it.
But he was missing him. So much.
Tired, he got up. Destination: the studio. Rather than writing unfinished texts, he might as well work on some unfinished tracks.
***
"He said needed some alone time" Felix found himself saying. He was drinking the hot cocoa Seungmin made while siting on Chan's sofa. All the boys became focused on him.
"Did you guys fight or something?" Hyunjin asked entering the living room, warm beverages in each hand.
"No! Kind of...? I mean–" Felix let out a deep sigh covering his face. "I don't know."
The Freckled boy made everyone in the room show worry/concern on their faces. "You can tell us what happened Yongbokie, it's okay" Minho reassured him as Chan rubbed circles on his back.
Felix thought he could put on a mask, say that everything was alright between him and Changbin and act like the gathering was fun. But he should have known better: once they found out he wasn't okay, the boys wouldn't just let it slide.
They were all mentally comforting him with their eyes as he began. "I had this whole day planned for the two of us and...when I told him all about it, he said he didn't feel like going out today, but wanted me to go by myself, to 'have fun' and all that" he stopped to look down and rub his hands together in an attempt to calm his feelings. Then looked back at them. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Oh Pixie..." Chan took his hand softly.
"Binnie may have wanted an indoor day but he felt bad to ruin your plans so of course he told you to come here" Jisung observed.
"He always does such things" Seungmin told the freckled boy. "Gives you small white lies because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings."
Felix felt pushed away when Changbin told him to go. How could Changbin think that he would ruin Felix's day when in reality, any day is ruined if he's far form his lover.
"I don't want him to be alone for Christmas."
"I wouldn't want that either if I were him" Jeongin said.
"Did he text anything?" Hyunjin asked.
Felix checked his phone screen. "Not yet."
So he decided to text him first.
14:23
baby
hi yongbokie
are you having fun? 🥺
:(
did something happen love?
I miss u:(
:(
u do?
ofc I do
:((
I miss u too :(
then why did you tell me to leave? :/
bcs
I didnt wanna ruin your plans just bcs of my mood today
baby
u know what my most important plan was?
what
to spend time with you
oh
:(
really?
yes really
thennn
can u come home please 😭😭
im going crazy in here
im coming home
🥺
I love you
☹️☹️
I love you too
"You guys were right."
"Of course, I'm always right!" Jisung almost yelled.
"I have an idea!" Jeongin proposed. "What if we all go and surprise him?"
"Oh! We could all go through the chimney! Kim Seungmin, you go first."
The younger stood in silence.
"What do you think?" Chan asked Felix.
Felix stopped to think for a second.
"Hmm...I might have a plan for this one. But before we leave, I want you to do me a favor."
"Sure what is it?"
"Can I borrow your laptop?"
***
Changbin was so relieved Felix was coming home. One more second in that complete silence and he would have went bollocks. But still, he felt guilty.
He could have forced himself a bit, put on a smile and go out with Felix. He could have done better than that. What a great boyfriend he was...
He was sitting at his desk, computer in front of him in an attempt to work on some music, when out of the sudden he got an e-mail.
TRACK
From: 방찬
To: me
hey Bin
can you give this track a listen real quick? it's urgent. do it. like.. right now.
let me know if you like it or you'd like me to make any changes.
merry chris-mas 😁
☊ My_Best_Gift.mp3
The message seemed off but the way Chan would bother about work even on Christmas day didn't really surprise Changbin.
"This guy can never rest for the life of him."
He put on his headphones and hit play. The beat had holiday vibes. It consisted of mostly piano. And Chan's style was definitely visible.
But Changbin was caught off-guard when Felix's deep warm voice flooded through his ears.
I won't cover you
with white lies
Nor do I
wanna light up
any Christmas lights
I just want you to know
That I'd lay down with you all day long
I don't wanna feel
any Christmas spirit
But the joy
that I feel
when my baby's smiling
Cause you are the best gift
I could ever get
So hold me tight
And lean on me
This Christmas night
Changbin felt a tear escape his eye and rush down on his cheek.
Was this the gift Felix said he was excited about? Good Lord, he didn't deserve him.
Felix really wrote him a song. And the lyrics were so beautiful and comforting. He wished Felix was right there and then, to give him a tight hug and never let him go.
"Did you like it?" the freckled boy asked from the doorway.
"Baby..."
Changbin wasted no time, rushing in his lover's arms and kissing him passionately.
"So you did like it. I'm glad" he smiled.
"I loved it. And I'm sorry for telling you to leave. I didn't want you to."
"I know love. It's okay."
If Felix's eyes were a galaxy, it might have sprinkled some stars on his cheeks. And Changbin wanted to kiss them all, one by one.
"Wait. There's something else. Cone with me."
Changbin took Felix's hand as he led him towards the second floor window from their bedroom. Outside, six dorks were playing in the snow like kids, stopping when they saw the couple.
"Merry Christmas, Changbin hyung!" they yelled chaotically.
"I told Seungmin we should through the chimney but he didn't want to!"
"Hey!"
They both giggled.
"Thank you" Changbin said genuinely. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now...I bet your gift won't top mine" Felix smirked.
Changbin felt his heart shake. "Maybe you should think again?"
Felix was confused. But then Changbin went down on one knee and took a small velvet box from his pocket. Felix covered his gasp with a hand when his lover said the words:
"Will you marry me?"