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"So... this is my room."
Nervous energy coiled in Kaoru's stomach as Ainosuke looked around, took in his cluttered desk, the overflowing chest of drawers, the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling Kaoru now found childish but couldn't be bothered to remove. Ainosuke hummed, his features almost unsettlingly bare, like a mask he pulled over his face at will. Even after months of friendship (and a few weeks of something different), Kaoru found Ainosuke difficult to read.
"It's... so much smaller than mine."
Kaoru spit out a laugh, more out of sheepish discomfort than amusement. "Um. Thanks?"
"I don't mind it, though," Ainosuke added. "It feels... homely. It feels like you."
Kaoru laughed more genuinely now, fingers drifting up to fidget with the buckle of his choker. "I thought we could, uh..."
A fiery blush crept up Kaoru's cheeks. Ainosuke's ever-intense gaze felt too heavy to hold now. "Do you want to, um, like, sit on my bed and... and c-cuddle, maybe?"
Kaoru ribcage felt like an empty soda can being crushed by a fist. Up till now, he and Ainosuke usually just succumbed to their... more primal instincts. Heated kisses traded behind a quarter pipe, hungry touches in the cover of an alleyway; they clashed rather than met gently in the middle, ricocheting off of each other's walls until eventually parts of them gave way. There was something shameless and impersonal about it, and Kaoru didn't necessarily dislike making out with Ainosuke—in fact, he enjoyed it a lot more than he'd let on—but the longer they were together, the more Kaoru ached for something deeper, something more substantial and yet infinitely more simple. The steady flame of a candle or the crackling of a hearth rather than a forest fire, clawing at everything in range.
But having to ask for something as... intimate as just holding one another... Kaoru would rather eat his own skateboard than laying his heart, his desires bare like that.
Ainosuke, however, seemed to have fallen into a conundrum of his own. He looked conflicted, maybe even intimidated, his brows furrowed and his back ramrod straight.
"I..." His usual confident and almost untouchable air evaporated, leaving what Kaoru recognized as just an uncertain 18-year-old boy, looking at him with large ruby red eyes. "I'm... not sure."
Well... at least Kaoru wasn't the only one floating in uncharted territory.
Kaoru blew out a strangled breath, then tentatively held out his hand. "Do you trust me?" he asked softly.
Ainosuke gave him a long look. A moment later, he nodded almost imperceptibly, allowing Kaoru to intertwine their fingers.
Gently, Kaoru tugged Ainosuke towards his bed. With his free hand, he arranged his pillows so that he could lean back against the headboard. Then he crawled onto the covers and settled against them, spreading his knees for Ainosuke to sit between.
Ainosuke’s movements were almost mechanical as he joined Kaoru, sinking down between his legs, careful not to let their bodies touch in too many places.
"It's okay," Kaoru reassured him. His hands trembled as they hovered over Ainosuke's hips, his fingers pressing into him just enough for Ainosuke to take the hint and scoot backwards a little bit. Then Kaoru's hands moved up, cupping Ainosuke's shoulders and slowly, slowly, pulling him his way, until Ainosuke's back rested against Kaoru's chest, his head tucked neatly under Kaoru's chin.
Kaoru didn't miss the hitch in Ainosuke's breath when their bodies met. Kaoru loosely wrapped his arms around Ainosuke's torso, allowing him the chance to move away if he so wished.
Slowly, slowly, the tension in Ainosuke's shoulders thawed.
"Yeah, that's it," Kaoru murmured. "You can relax, Ai, I've got you."
With every passing second, Ainosuke melted more into Kaoru's embrace, his body a comforting weight against Kaoru's chest.
"Oh," Ainosuke breathed. It carried an avalanche of emotions Kaoru wasn't privy to, but that wouldn't keep him from holding Ainosuke like he was something precious—at least until Ainosuke decided he'd had enough.
A few minutes passed. Ainosuke stayed exactly where he was.
Kaoru could feel him getting used to it, felt sparks zipping up his veins when Ainosuke covered Kaoru's hands with his own, when he sighed deeply and let out a hum Kaoru was sure sounded contented. He pulled his knees up and shifted, turning in Kaoru's arm until they lay almost chest to chest, Ainosuke tucked against him like a child in need of comfort. Kaoru guided Ainosuke’s arms until they wrapped around Kaoru's waist and held on for dear life, cupped the back of his head and pressed his cheek against the gentle swell of Kaoru's chest.
Ainosuke actually whimpered when Kaoru started running his fingers through Ainosuke's hair, brushing it back from his forehead and twirling unruly blue locks around his fingers.
Kaoru froze immediately, his blood turned to ice.
"Are you okay?"
Ainosuke’s voice was strained, almost hoarse when he responded. "Yes."
"We can stop if you want," Kaoru said, straightening and pulling his arms away.
One of Ainosuke's hands shot up and caught Kaoru's wrist before it could move from where it was still buried in his hair. "No," he snapped, with just a tinge of panic. He drew in a breath, then continued, softer, "no, just. Just stay. Please."
Kaoru wasn't sure he'd ever heard Ainosuke say please before.
"O-okay," Kaoru whispered. "But you... you don't mind? When I touch you like this?"
Ainosuke hummed in what Kaoru assumed was a negative. "Please... please do that more."
Kaoru did as he was told, and Ainosuke sighed, going slack against Kaoru again. A fondness grew in Kaoru's chest, threatened to burst out of his ribcage. He'd asked if Ainosuke trusted him—this was what it was like, holding that trust in the palms of his hands, fragile and fluttering against his skin. Ainosuke's breaths slowed, steadied, his rigid frame turning pliable in Kaoru's embrace.
Never had his heart felt so light and so heavy at the same time.
"I don't think I want to leave ever again," Ainosuke mumbled into his chest. He even sounded different, the guardedness of his voice falling away so a sweet, velvety song remained.
Kaoru chuckled, swallowing around a sudden lump in his throat. His hand drifted down, his thumb lightly brushing over Ainosuke's exposed cheek, feeling the slight shift of the muscles underneath as Ainosuke's lips tugged up into a smile.
Kaoru had wanted to risk it all for this boy before now. He and Ainosuke shared a ruthless fire, licking greedily at everything and anything it touched.
But this Ainosuke... Kaoru would protect him with his life.
"Don't worry," he murmured, fingers trailing down Ainosuke's arm and then up his back, hand splaying against the bumps of his spine. "We have all the time in the world."