Chapter Text
Regina stands, staring at the festive wreath adorning the front door of 2300 Sherwood Street. She checks the address again, confirming she's at the right house before raising a hand to ring the doorbell.
Her finger hovers in midair, poised to depress the button that will alert the home’s inhabitants to her arrival. Hesitant, the brunette stares at the door as she chews her bottom lip.
Is she really doing this?
The twinkling multicolor lights outlining the porch shine brightly and Regina can see the glow of a Christmas tree covered with mismatched ornaments through the window. It looks like a cozy scene out of a catalog and Regina can’t help the bitter snort that escapes her.
It’s all so perfect. Like this is the start of some freaking Hallmark movie.
Her childhood never included this sort of cookie cutter picturesque Christmas and she can’t help the resentment that boils in her veins that people really do have holidays like this.
For Cora, the whole month had been a frivolous expense that wasted precious days she could be doing business. Her mother granted her employees as little time off as she could manage and disgruntled by the fact that she had to pause her ruthless negotiations and pursuit of wealth, she’d made the holiday fairly miserable for her own family.
Still, Decembers hadn’t always meant a cold, meaningless exchange of cards with only enough decorations to keep up public appearances. Mother may not have liked Christmas, but Daddy had always tried to make the season special. He had slipped her candy canes and given her a stocking stuffed full of little trinkets each year. He had even snuck her into the mall for a chance to sit on Santa’s lap one year, making sure the toy she requested appeared in her room on Christmas morning.
All that had come to an abrupt end though, the year her father had dropped dead from a heart attack on Christmas Day.
She had been just ten years old and in a flash, her only loving parent was gone.
After his death, she and Cora had barely celebrated the holiday. Every year, Regina had endured an entire month of her mother complaining about the stupidity of the season. They’d had the occasional formal affair with her mother’s business associates, which were really no more than a ruse to take advantage of whatever generosity the season inspired in her investors, but that had been the extent of their celebrations.
She hasn’t cared to go home for Christmas since she left for college at 18.
The door opens suddenly and Regina is startled back to reality. An older woman with gray hair twisted into a bun, peers over wire-rimmed glasses at her. The brunette is still frozen with her finger poised above the doorbell and her mouth falls open as the woman pins her with a stare.
“Can I help you?” With arched eyebrows, the older woman folds her arms as she waits for Regina to answer.
“Uh, hi…yes, um, I’m looking for...” Her voice catches in her throat and she mentally kicks herself for sounding so nervous. “I’m looking for Robin…I’m Robin’s girlfriend, he invited me…”
Okay. She’d said it. Regina had introduced herself as 'the girlfriend'.
She just hopes it sounds convincing. Mustering up her courage when the old woman just stares at her, she asks, “is this the Locksley residence?”
The woman’s eyes narrow and silence stretches between them and Regina shrinks a little as she becomes more than a little uncomfortable.
“You got a name, girly?” The woman’s wolfish stare makes her squirm.
“Regina,” she blurts out, instantly regretting her response.
Fuck. She’d meant to use an alias. So much for Roni, the persona she’d crafted so carefully to separate her true identity from the fake girlfriend she’d be portraying for the next several days.
It's her first time taking Mal up on what her friend has always referred to as a ‘business opportunity,’ making money off lonely men needing dates for the holidays, and she’s already screwed it up.
Great. Just fucking great.
“Tuck, get over here!” The older woman hollers over her shoulder, still showing no signs of welcoming her into the house.
Regina fidgets with the small suitcase she’s holding. She’s messed this up and there’s no way she’ll be getting her payment in full now. Hopefully Mal will at least let her have the deposit, she really needs the money. Law school isn’t cheap when you’re trying to pay for it on your own, but it's her only way to stay out from under her mother’s thumb.
The gray-haired woman calls again to someone in the house. Fighting a frown of concern, Regina’s mind races. She’s supposed to be meeting a man named Robin. Who is Tuck?
A husky bald man approaches the door.
“Did your son mention he was bringing a girlfriend to Christmas?” She’s still studying Regina like she’s got a third eye or something.
The man looks perplexed for a moment. “One of my boys? No. I think Keith mentioned bringing…”
The gray-haired woman cuts him off. “No, not your nephew, your son. Robin.”
The man peers out at Regina with curiosity. “He didn’t…Why? Is that who this is?”
Another head pops around the corner. This one is on the scrawny side with a long narrow face and short buzzed hair. When he speaks, it’s with a thick accent. “Oi! Are you Robin’s girl?” A wide smile breaks over his face.
“Will, did you know about this?” The old woman has her hands on her hips and looks miffed.
Regina swallows. This was not the welcome she was expecting when Mal had given her a name and address with instructions that someone named Robin had hired her to spend Christmas with his family to provide the illusion he wasn’t single.
The young man shrugs. “I knew he’s been chasing a bird for the last couple of months, yeah. Didn’t know he’d convinced her to call him her boyfriend. Blimey, you’re too pretty for my stupid sod of a brother.” He’s grinning at her now, but then flinches when the woman smacks the back of his head. “Ow!”
The bald man is still studying her. She can see the wheels turning in his mind and then suddenly a smile appears. “Well, you know Robin…he’s always so private about stuff.” Tuck shuffles the older woman out of the way. “Forgive my mother, she’s a little overprotective when it comes to her grandkids.”
Regina is suddenly being pulled into the house and Tuck extracts the bag from her hands to carry it for her. “Please, Regina, come in. Robin’s not here yet, but you’re more than welcome.”
Resisting the urge to turn and flee, she takes a step into the foyer. Once inside she can see the whole house is bathed in a warm glow of twinkling lights from all the Christmas decorations that seem to be covering every surface. It smells like freshly baked cookies and she can hear Bing Crosby’s deep voice croning softly in the background.
“I’m afraid, my boy didn’t mention you were coming, but we’ve got plenty of room and tons of food, so it won’t be a problem. We’re very happy to have you.” She’s being helped out of her coat and led to a worn looking sofa before she can say anything in response.
There’s a mopey looking brunette with red streaked hair huddled on the opposite end. She’s in her own little world, busily tapping at her phone, but looks up at Regina when she walks by.
“Well, hello.” The girl drops the device into her lap and dark orbs heavily rimmed by black eyeliner sweep over her body with a predatory gaze.
“Down girl! She’s Robin’s,” Will hisses, using his palm to playfully knock her head to the side.
The girl makes a face before retaliating by taking a swing at him. Will easily dodges the blow, laughing as he moves out of her reach.
Feeling totally out of place, Regina situates herself onto the sagging couch cushion, glancing around the cluttered, but cozy space, wondering what the hell she’s gotten herself into.
Suddenly, the front door swings open and everyone’s attention is drawn to the entryway.
“That must be Robin and John!” Tuck calls out.
Regina’s heart is now beating about a hundred miles a minute as she waits for her mystery boyfriend to appear. Two men who couldn’t look more different, step into the foyer, each shrugging off oversized winter coats.
One is a bit on the heavy side and looks like a younger version of Tuck, only with long dark curls instead of completely bald. The other man has short dirty blonde locks, trimmed scruff and looks a bit leaner, though not as thin as Will.
Regina has no idea which one is supposed to be her boyfriend.
Fuck. Mal couldn’t send her a picture or something?
“I’ve got a good mind to tan your hide boy!” The gray-haired woman marches towards the two, looking angry and far scarier than a woman her age should be. Regina watches with bated breath, hoping she’ll reveal which of these men she’s supposedly dating.
It’s the blonde man that finds himself the victim of repeated whipping from a dish towel the old woman is carrying. “How dare you not tell us you’re bringing a girl for Christmas! We didn’t even know you were seeing someone! You couldn’t be bothered to let your grandmother know?”
Regina feels a bit bad for the man, who is clearly surprised by the old woman’s admonishment. Guilt makes her wonder if she misread something and screwed up her entry into this family’s Christmas. It’s her first time working as a girlfriend for hire and she’s not exactly doing a great job.
That thought has her rising from her seat.
That’s right. She has a job to do.
Tucking loose hair behind her ear, she approaches the man, hoping her nerves aren’t completely obvious.
“Hi Robin,” she greets, praying he’ll confirm his identity, just one more time so she can be sure.
He’s yet to notice her approach, too busy ducking for cover as his grandmother snaps the towel against his side. Blue eyes suddenly look up and her breath stills at the intensity of his stare.
Deciding to just go for it, Regina leans in and drops a kiss on his lips. They’re soft, just a bit chapped from the cold weather and he smells good, like a christmas tree.
When she pulls back, he’s watching her with questioning eyes, confusion sweeping over his face. “Who are…”
“Granny!” Will has suddenly appeared by their sides and is tugging the towel from the old woman’s grasp. “Maybe wait to kill Robin until after he’s had a chance to explain himself.” The man positions his body between grandmother and grandson. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly valid reason he’s gotten in so late and spoiled his chance to introduce this lovely lady himself.”
Robin seems to still be in shock, but when he turns to the lanky man beside him, she can see his jaw clench ever so slightly. “Will, what are you talking about?”
Regina has no idea what is going on, but based on Robin’s reaction, she is going to guess the man she just kissed has no idea that she’s been hired to play his girlfriend.
“Do I smell chocolate chip cookies?” The large man that had entered with Robin, suddenly asks.
“Shit!” The old woman yells, turning to run towards the kitchen. “My damn cookies are burning.”
As Granny disappears into the kitchen, her cursing becomes muffled, though several choice words are still audible. Tuck and the girl from the couch follow her as the smell of smoke begins to invade the room.
With everyone else out of sight, Will and John grab Robin by the arms. They hustle him towards the stairs and since it's two to one, they easily force him to ascend.
“Um, Regina,” Will calls out. “Would you mind joining us for a quick little intro?” He laughs half-heartedly as he and the other man struggle to get the blonde guy to march upwards.
What the fucking hell?
Shaking her head, Regina decides that after she gets through this weekend she’s going to kill Mal, resurrect her and then kill her again. Against all better judgement, the brunette follows behind the men wrestling her ‘boyfriend’ into one of the bedrooms.
This is going to be an interesting couple of days.