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“It doesn’t mean shit Kitsuragi, so we found a guy with a square fucking gun, we still can’t prove he used this gun to shoot Toussaint without any witnesses or bullet fragments. Forget square bullets, is this guy shooting ghost bullets?” Jean-Heron Vicquemare drops a manila folder on top of Kim Kitsuragi’s desk, its contents sliding out. Kim opens the folder and slides the contents back into their place.
“We have him and the gun Satellite Officer Vicquemare, we just need to place him at the crime scene. Even if it’s some sort of circumstantial motive we need a reason to keep him in holding.” Bail hearing is tomorrow, and this guy was a flight risk, even if the judge did not agree.
Jean eyes the clock, they’re running out of time. He looks over at Harry Dubois, who is nursing a caramel soda water, he had been quiet for well over 5 minutes, eyes transfixed on his drink. “He’s having one of those uh…thought projects.” Jean says to Kim, tapping the side of his head twice.
Harry’s hand shivers, the ice cubes in the drink clink against the glass. His eyes darted upwards towards Kim and Jean. “Fellas. What if…it wasn’t a bullet at all?” He wheezes. Jean and Kim looked at each other then Harry, bracing themselves for the magic. “Ice cubes. He’s shooting ice cubes.”
Jean’s mouth opens, Kim’s eyes go wide with realization and drops his pen. “Laurent’s bar was full of…” Jean begins, Harry finishes his sentence “Ice trays and chemicals.”
Kim picks up his pen and rapidly starts listing out points of interest, “he said the nitrogen was a gimmick at his bar, but he was experimenting, he was creating a formula and shape for an ice cube that could withstand being shot from a gun. We need to search the bar again.”
Jean starts laughing, lunges forward and pulls Harry into a spine crushing hug. He plants two loud wet kisses on either side of his cheeks and runs his right hand through Harry’s hair. “Harry fucking Dubois does it again! Dei, Harry I could blow you.”
Harry laughs and pushes Jean away, “stop, stop it.”
Jean doesn’t stop, he pulls Harry by his jacket and shouts in a taunting way “I’m serious Harry I can choke on your big fat cock right now, that’s how fucking good you are.” Harry pulls away again but Jean starts dipping his knees and Harry quickly hooks his arms under Jean’s armpits to stop him.
“Fuck Jean, quit being such a fa–uck” Harry eyes Kim and gulps, arms still desperately holding Jean both back and up. “Stop fucking around Jean.”
Kim stands frozen. Stoic. This isn’t the first time he’s witnessed this. Since joining the 41st he has come to recognize the pattern, Jean would yell back and forth with Harry, Harry will suddenly have an epiphany, and then Jean would shower Harry with praise and offers of sexual favours. ‘It’s just male-centric work humour Lieutenant.’ Jean had said to him after noticing his discomfort the first time. ‘It’s an inside joke in C-Wing, everyone pretends me and Harry are fucking.’ After that day Harry had come up to Kim and apologize, ‘I kind of get the feeling this is a recurring thing…’ He was right. “Ok, com’on, knock it off. Kim’s right here.”
“Kitsuragi can watch.” Jean offers.
Kim sighs, he knows how it goes. If he does not mark his boundaries now, he would have to endure this horse and pony show for the rest of his career. “Actually Officer Vicqumare, I don’t mind a little comedy to take the edge off, but considering we just had a full day’s worth of sensitivity training last Thursday, maybe we should tone down on the ritualistic homo-phobic jokes.”
“Homo-phobic?” Jean asks rhetorically. Harry begins to sweat, his eyes darting between Kim and Jean, now caught between the two. Kim recognized where this was going, the offended straight white man now defends his honour. “Lieutenant Kitsuragi, I am the least homo-phobic person on this entire force.” Kim scoffs. “What's so funny Kitsuragi? What’s so homo-phobic about a congratulatory blowjob for my brother in arms?” Jean wrapped one arm around Harry’s shoulder and began a lewd gesture with the other, “You don’t think Lieutenant Double Yfreitor Dubois deserves a little blow job for blow ing the Square Bullet Hole Murder wide open?”
“Officer, it is mocking intimacy between homosexual men.” Kim said flatly, undeniably. Any normal man would yield to the Lieutenant’s authority, but Jean had too many years of stone-faced lying to Captain Pryce about Harry’s behavior to be affected by rank or demeanor.
“It’s not homo-phobic if Harry’s bisexual, if anything wouldn’t it be more homo-phobic to not offer him a blowjob? Kitsuragi.” Jean spat.
“Wha-wha-WHAT?” Harry stammers, then in a much smaller voice, “I’m bisexual?”
“Dei, don’t tell me you forgot that too.” Jean says. “Did you make this into a little thought project?” Harry looks around, as if he was guilty of something.
“Maybe.”
Jean rolls his eyes. “Ok, how long were you thinking about it?” Harry shrunk into himself out of embarrassment.
Kim’s voice cut into the air. “For about 9 hours, and then he announced he was not going to worry about it. Effectively achieving nothing.” Kim explains.
“Well, you could have just fucking ask me, Disco Cop.” Jean says.
“Wait, are YOU gay?” Harry beams at Jean incredulously.
“No Harry, what the fuck, I have a picture of my girlfriend on my desk.” Jean snaps.
“Yeah, I forgot, she’s pretty fuckable.” Harry says, stroking his chin.
“Woah woah woah Harry.” Jean switches to his serious voice. “ We use that word to describe your shitty toxic ex you have a weird fictitious god complex with, not my very real girlfriend. For her we use words like ‘nice’ and ‘tight.’” he pauses and adds with a hint of fear in his voice “not in front of her, I swear to god Harrier if you ever repeat that to her–” He squeezes Harry’s shoulder tightly in a threatening way.
“You could be bisexual too.” Harry offers. Jean takes in this thought for a second and loosens his grip. He strokes his chin. “Yeah I guess you got me there. But my point is that offering blowjobs isn’t offensive if I’m offering it to a homo. What kind of homo would be offended by a blowjob?”
“Well I think Kim finds it offensive.” Harry says without thinking.
“Kim’s not a–” Jean stops mid sentence, turns to look at Kim who has turned away, his hand on the knob of the office door, and his ears burning red. He wonders how far his hairline had receded since joining the 41st. Maybe he should ask Gottlieb if there was anything he could take for it. “Oh…oh” Jean whispers in slow realization. “Oh ok. I’ll stop offering Harry blowjobs.”
Kim’s chest rises with a sharp intake of air. He’ll take it. “Thank you officer Vicquema–”
“Okay, but would it be homo-phobic if Harry offered to blow you?” Jean interrupts. “That would just be a favour between two homos right?”
Kim ejected himself from the room, what did he expect? They are police officers after all. “OK gentlemen, time to search that bar.”