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“That was without a doubt one of our best rituals this tour,” Alpha declared as he leaned back against the couch with a satisfied sigh.
“Yeah, my favorite part was when you tripped over that speaker,” Omega teased, earning himself a glare from Alpha.
“I’m just glad we get the next few days off,” Water grumbled. “Touring’s great, but I am just about burnt out.”
“You said it, man,” Air chuckled, while Earth just let out a rumble of agreement.
Terzo listened to them talk, content to stay out of the conversation as he lounged on a nearby sofa. A small smile seemed to be stuck on his face as he watched his ghouls, endeared by the way they were so at ease with each other. The past few weeks had been rough on them all, and tensions had risen within the band. Terzo was glad to see that all it took was a good ritual and a few post-show drinks to smooth those tensions out.
“Hey, T!” Alpha suddenly called out, staring in Terzo’s direction. Terzo sat up straight, slightly embarrassed to have been caught staring.
“Don’t you wanna join us for some drinks?” Alpha asked.
Terzo was about to politely decline, content to spend his night relaxing, but the other ghouls quickly chimed in.
“Yeah, come join us!” Air encouraged.
“We’ve even got that American whiskey you like so much for some reason!” Omega added, holding up a bottle.
Terzo sighed, shaking his head fondly. “I suppose I can’t turn down a glass of whiskey. Only one though!” he chuckled as he made his way over to the table his ghouls were seated around. The table was already crowded with shot glasses, evidence of how long the ghouls had been drinking for. There were stray splashes of liquid across the polished wooden surface, unfortunate but inevitable consequences of drinking on a moving tour bus.
Although Terzo initially insisted he’d only have one drink, one soon turned into two, two turned into three, three turned to four, and four turned into Terzo losing track as the night went on.
Somehow, they ended up on the topic of sex. It wasn’t all too surprising; they were all fairly active when it came to such activities, especially while on tour. The conversation was going well…until Alpha asked a question that had Terzo tensing with dread.
“What was everyone’s first time?”
Terzo gripped his glass so tight he was surprised it didn’t shatter. In his drunken state, inhibitions lowered considerably, he hadn’t even considered that this question might come up. He didn’t have a lie prepared, and he was terrible at lying on the spot.
The ghouls hadn’t noticed Terzo’s sudden change in mood.
“First time ever or first time since we were summoned?” Earth asked.
“Since we were summoned,” Alpha clarified. “Lucifer, I don’t even think I remember my very first time.”
“Old man,” Omega grinned. Alpha simply rolled his eyes.
“Well, my first time since being summoned was on our first tour,” Air was the first to answer. “I hooked up with a fan after the ritual. We did it in her car in the parking lot.”
His response earned him incredulous stares from the other ghouls.
“You waited that long?” Water asked, eyes wide. “I got with a Sister of Sin the very same morning after I was summoned!”
“You pulled someone that fast?” Earth scoffed disbelievingly.
“Some of them just have a thing for ghouls!” Water retorted.
While the ghouls began to bicker playfully amongst themselves, Terzo was still sitting stiffly on the couch in between Omega and Air. His hands were trembling so badly that some of the whiskey in his glass trickled over the edge and down the side, but he paid it no attention. He hoped desperately that his ghouls would forget that he had provided no answer, but unfortunately for him, fate was not on his side.
Terzo was jolted out of his thoughts as Air elbowed him gently in the side. “You haven’t told us about your first time yet, Papa,” the air ghoul pointed out.
The other ghouls ceased their bickering and suddenly, five pairs of eyes were fixed on Terzo. Terzo subconsciously shrank back, hunching his shoulders as he tried to get himself to stop trembling before one of the ghouls pointed it out.
“Yeah, T, tell us about it,” Alpha encouraged. “What was your first time like?”
A cold chill crept up Terzo’s spine as memories began to flood his mind.
Warm lips pressed against his. A large, calloused hand gripping his waist, forcing him to stay seated on the man’s lap. A peculiar hardness poking his inner thigh as a tongue tried to force its way into his mouth.
“Come on, I know you’re curious…”
Terzo was mercifully snapped out of the memory as a hand rested on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, only to find himself gazing into Omega’s concerned eyes.
“Is everything alright?” the ghoul asked softly.
Terzo chuckled nervously, placing his glass down to hide how badly his hands were shaking. “My first time was pretty boring, that’s all,” he lied. “Almost embarrassing, honestly, how boring it was.”
The ghouls looked skeptical, but before anyone could interject, Alpha chuckled. “Boring, huh? That’s too bad. I thought you’d have some crazy story about sneaking into a church to convert a nun or something.”
This drew a laugh from the other ghouls, save for Omega, who was still looking at Terzo with concern in his eyes.
So relieved that the attention seemed to have been taken off of him, Terzo didn’t notice Alpha grab his still mostly-full glass from the table and whisper something over the surface of the drink.
“You should finish that glass,” Alpha told Terzo. “Don’t let good whiskey go to waste.”
Terzo grasped the glass and took a hearty sip, missing the sinister grin that briefly flitted across Alpha’s features.
“Hey, Terzo, did Nihil and Imperator ever congratulate you on that Grammy?” Alpha asked suddenly.
“No, they didn’t,” Terzo sighed. Then his eyes widened. He had never admitted that out loud, too ashamed by the idea of receiving pity from the ghouls.
“I thought you said they did?” Alpha questioned.
“I, uh, I…” Terzo stammered. Why had he let that slip? Maybe he’d had too much to drink. But he surely wasn’t that drunk, was he?
The other ghouls were staring at Terzo, looking puzzled, as if they couldn’t figure out why he would lie to them. Terzo was beginning to freak out internally. Even a good, strong drink couldn’t force him to be honest about something he had previously lied about. He wasn’t good at lying on the spot, but if he’d already had a lie crafted in advance, he always stuck with it. Always.
Alpha was the only one who didn’t seem surprised by Terzo’s answer. He stood up and circled around the back of the couch, placing his hands on Terzo’s shoulders and digging his claws in slightly. Terzo winced, suddenly afraid. What had Alpha done to him?
As if Alpha could read Terzo’s mind, he chuckled, “I put a little spell on your drink. Turned into a truth-potion of sorts.”
Terzo felt as though he had been plunged into a vat of icy water, and his eyes widened in panic. “W-What? You did what?” he cried.
“Relax, T, it’s temporary,” Alpha assured him. “However, I think it’s necessary. After all, you’re obviously lying about your first time.”
The other ghouls seemed interested now. They were all leaning closer, eyeing Terzo with unfiltered curiosity in their gazes.
“Did you?” Alpha prompted, giving Terzo a little shake. “Did you lie about your first time?”
Terzo bit down on his tongue to try and stop himself from answering, but the response ripped itself out of his mouth nonetheless. “Yes.”
“Oh? Is that so?” Alpha gasped with exaggerated shock. “Well, we’re all curious now, aren’t we?”
The other ghouls nodded, although Omega appeared a bit apprehensive, as though he could sense Terzo’s panic. Terzo didn’t notice, too busy trying to stop himself from hyperventilating. He could feel the familiar sting of tears in his eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to force them away.
“I’m sure it can’t be that embarrassing, Papa,” Earth assured him.
“Yeah. Even if it is, anything you say will stay in this room. Or bus, I guess,” Air added. Water nodded sagely to indicate his agreement.
“So, Terzo,” Alpha murmured, leaning down so he was almost whispering in Terzo’s ear. “What was your first time like?”
Terzo dug his nails into his palms so hard he was certain he drew blood. He wanted to cry, to flee the bus and hide away forever. Instead, he started to speak.
“I was in the library trying to find books on ghoul magic,” he said softly, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. “A Brother of Sin came up to me. He was a senior member of the clergy, but he hadn’t been given a promotion due to the fact that he frequently argued with my father about a lot of things. He told me he had a stash of forbidden books in his room, so I went with him.
“When we got to his room, the first thing he did was lock the door behind him. Then he told me to come sit with him on the couch. I was confused, but he was older than me so I did what he said. As soon as we sat down…he pulled me into his lap and started making out with me.” Terzo’s voice broke on the last few words. He could feel tears begin to spill down his cheeks, but the truth potion Alpha had tricked him into drinking was still in full effect, and he could do nothing to stop the words that kept spilling out of him.
“He kept trying to get me to kiss him back, but I…I didn’t want to. I just wanted my books. Then he got angry at me and dragged me over to his bed. He stripped me and…and…” Terzo squeezed his eyes shut as more tears ran down his face. “He pinned me down and fucked me. For hours. Every time he finished he j-just…stayed inside until he g-got hard again…”
The ghouls were stunned. They simply stared at Terzo in silence, a mix between pity and horror in their eyes as they processed everything Terzo had just admitted.
Terzo broke down, crossing his arms over his chest and digging his nails into his skin as he sobbed. “I d-didn’t want it,” he whimpered. “I didn’t…I was twelve…he f-forced me…”
“Oh, shit…” Alpha murmured. He had let go of Terzo’s shoulders and was now seated on the other side of Air. He, too, appeared stunned, and he had a deeply apologetic look on his face.
Terzo abruptly stood up, shaking so hard he was surprised he didn’t instantly collapse. He wordlessly fled, racing up the stairs to the bunk area of the bus. He crawled into his bunk and drew the curtain shut behind him before burying his face in his pillow and sobbing loudly. He curled up on himself, hugging his blanket to his chest as his body shook with the force of his cries.
Memories were coming back, memories he’d kept buried for so long.
Suddenly, there was a hand on his throat, cutting off his breathing. Terzo whimpered fearfully, tearing up from fear as well as the lack of oxygen.
“You think you’re too good for me, brat?” The man’s voice was bitter. “Every Emeritus is the same, always looking down on everyone who doesn’t agree with them.”
Terzo cried out as he was hoisted into the air before being thrown down on the bed that was only a foot or so away. Before he could catch his bearings, he was being pinned down, unable to move as a crushing weight settled on him from above.
“No, stop, please…” Terzo whimpered, clinging onto his blanket even tighter. “I don’t want to remember, please…”
A burning pain spread from the base of Terzo’s spine throughout his entire body as he was penetrated over and over. He cried out to his father, to his brothers, even to Satan himself for help, but no respite came. He was utterly alone, at the complete mercy of the clergyman who mercilessly violated him, tearing Terzo’s virgin hole open with the brutal pace of his thrusts.
“Stop, please!” Terzo sobbed, threading his fingers through his hair and tugging harshly. The memories were so painful and vivid that they seemed to burn, consuming his mind in a blaze of agony that he was powerless to fight.
Terzo’s legs were still shaking as he lay in his own bed hours later. He had cried so much that his body had no more tears to spare. Now only dry sobs tore themselves from his throat, muffled by the pillow he had his face pressed against. He could still feel sticky liquid sliding out of him slowly, and his sobs turned into choked gags. He felt used. Disgusting. Tainted.
Even now, Terzo felt like he could still feel that fluid dripping out of him. He squeezed his legs together with a sob, still tugging harshly on his hair. The memories brought back the disgust, the horrible shame, the feeling of dirtiness that seemed to stick with him no matter how hard he scrubbed himself in the shower.
Eventually, Terzo cried himself to sleep, his mental exhaustion all but shutting his body down as he fell into a fitful slumber. In his sleep, the memories were more clear than ever, tormenting him in a never ending cycle that he couldn’t escape from no matter how hard he tried.