Work Text:
~°♡ Because out in a world full of errors I want you to laugh ♡°~
It didn't help that Jooyeon didn't even want to get out of bed today. Everything seems useless and bleak. The clouds are grey, the city smells like gasoline, the streets are loud and the cold wind stung when it would brush across Jooyeon's face. People on the streets are talking and laughing and Jooyeon wonders why. It is too early and too cold for such happiness. He walks down into the train station and stares off into the distance, waiting for his train. All he could see is gray and the people around him chatting with big smiles made him feel sick to his stomach. There wasn't any particular reason for it. He isn't lonely, if anything he prefers being alone. He's happier alone than he is with other people.
He would've called out of work if it wasn't for the fact that he has to train someone new today. Jooyeon didn't believe that he was the right person to train the new guy, if anything he believes he's the worst one they could've chosen.
The train pulls up and everyone crowds in. Jooyeon is left having to stand and he can feel his head start to ache. It is about 4:30 am and there's still way too many people on the train. Holding onto the railing, Jooyeon pulls out his phone and mindlessly scrolls through Instagram. It didn't really interest him, if anything it just ended up making him feel empty. It reminded him of how pathetic he'd become. A 23 year old high school dropout who now works at some sketchy gas station for an absurd amount of days and hours. But, at least he isn't living with his parents and is being kept busy. Except when he isn't, which then spiraled out into an alcohol addiction. He used to have aspirations and goals, but has now found himself stuck in a rut.
The train stops at his stop and he gets off groggily, trying to pass through mounds of people. The moment he steps out of the train station a big gush of air hits his face, making his eyes scrunch up and his mood to become sour. He isn't in the right mood to talk to anyone else and since the gas station is so low staffed he usually never has to work with anyone else. The fact that his workplace is hiring more people reminds him that he might get less hours, which means more time to himself and that fact scares him. Jooyeon likes to be continuously kept busy. Without a busy lifestyle he feels empty.
When he sees the gas station in the distance he puts on his visor and nametag, sighing as he does so. He makes way to the front door and takes the keys from out of his pocket. He fiddles with the 6 keys that hang from his keychain (2 of those being completely useless) and he unlocks the front door, letting himself in. He's about 10 minutes early and the new guy is no where to be seen. Jooyeon feels relieved and hopes he doesn't show up.
Jooyeon punches in to his shift and starts opening up the shop. He brews a pot of coffee, turns on a few other machines, unlocks the cash register and unlocks both bathrooms. Then he flips the closed sign and starts to restock while he waits for customers to start arriving. 5 am is always too early for most people and he usually found himself trying to do just about anything to keep himself busy. When he finishes restocking the 4 things he had to restock he stands behind the front counter and takes out a comic book from his bag. It's a Batman comic, the 3rd volume of Batman Beyond to be exact. He enjoys superhero comics because it helps him find an escape. He relates to Batman the most. Not because he's rich or because his parents died, but because of his morals and how he acts. Batman has a hard time showing emotions, like Jooyeon does. Batman wants change for his helpless social justice system, just like Jooyeon does. And through these comics Jooyeon felt like he could accomplish unachievable things. He felt like he could help, like the world could be helped. But then once he's out of his fantasy world he's brought right back into reality and reminded that he is just another person. He isn't strong or rich like Batman and he definitely didn't have the confidence to go out and make any kind of difference.
The bell to the front door dings and Jooyeon groggily closes his comic and greets the customer "Welcome in."
"I am so sorry I'm late." The boy says and Jooyeon finally looks over at him. He has pink and blue half and half hair that reminds him of cotton candy or bubblegum and it is tousled every which way. His eyes are big and pretty, even if there are dark circles underneath them and exhaustion behind them. He has a cute crooked smile and his converse he wore has holes in them.
"Yeah, no problem. You must be the new guy." Jooyeon says "I'm Jooyeon, I'll be training you."
The boy bounds over to Jooyeon and shakes his hand "Hi sir, I'm Jiseok." He was sporadic in the way he moved and talked, but Jooyeon found it endearing for some reason.
"Heh.. No reason to call me sir." Jooyeon says shaking his hand back.
"S-sorry Jooyeon." He says "Um.. Am I allowed back there?" He asks pointing at the counter Jooyeon stood behind.
"Yep, of course." Jooyeon says and can't help his lips twitching up when Jiseok rushes behind the counter.
"Sick." Jiseok whispers to himself as he looks around, taking in the 'atmosphere'. "Oh! And do I get one of those handy dandy visors?" He asks as he pokes Jooyeon's visor.
"Yeah, and a name tag too, hold on." Jooyeon opens up a drawer and hands Jiseok a polo, visor, and a nametag.
"Awesome!" Jiseok says as he looks over everything he was handed. "Is there anywhere I can put my coat?" He asks as he gestures to his sweater, that's adorned in bottle cap pins.
"Yeah, I'll show you to the "break room"." Jooyeon says putting up air quotes when he says 'break room'.
"Why the air quotes?" Jiseok asks and chuckles a little as he follows Jooyeon to the 'break room'.
"Because we don't really get 'breaks' here. Since we're so low staffed they expect us to be at the front desk at all times. But it never really gets busy so if you ever need to eat it's alright to just eat at the front desk." Jooyeon explains and Jiseok nods along "We only really use the break room to put up our coats and use the employee bathroom."
"Ahh okay okay." Jiseok says as Jooyeon shows his around the breakroom, showing him the coat racks, employee bathroom and employee fridge.
"So, I'm gonna show you how to open since you missed that part." Jooyeon says as he leads him out of the breakroom.
"Heh yeah, sorry about that, I got caught up in things." Jiseok says.
"Nah, it's cool. I get it." Jooyeon says "So the manager will give you a key when you're done with training. I usually keep mine on my car keys. That will be the key you'll use to unlock the door. Once the door is unlocked you'll switch on the lights." Jiseok nods along, trying to catch up with everything Jooyeon's saying. He looks slightly panicked so Jooyeon says "I'm not expecting you to remember all this, I think you open with me two other times this week so I can catch you up then." Jiseok seems to relax and for some reason Jooyeon feels a little happy about that "We are usually supposed to show up at 4:40 and we open at 5. I think the next time I see you is Wednesday?"
Jiseok nods "Yep! Wednesday."
"Alright, I'll go more in depth about that on Wednesday." Jooyeon says and leads Jiseok back behind the counter and notices he still hasn't gotten changed into his work polo yet "You can get changed into your work shirt if you want."
"Ah, yeah! I'll be right back." Jiseok says and scrambles around, already lost to where the 'break room' is "Uhh..."
"It's the next door down." Jooyeon says and Jiseok scrambles over to it
"Thank you." He says and makes his way through. Jooyeon smiles just a bit to himself. This Jiseok guy is kind of cute, he thinks. He realizes he's smiling and forces the smile away. It is weird, he's never felt this way around another person before. He blames the feeling on the fact that Jiseok's a little goofy. He opens his comic book back up and goes back to reading. He got so immersed in the comic that he didn't even notice when Jiseok returned beside him.
That is until he says "Batman? Sick, I love Batman." Jooyeon flinches a bit, not used to other people being in his space. "I wish I wasn't broke so I could collect comics too. I only have one." Jooyeon looks up at Jiseok while he talks and can only think about how pretty he is and how overjoyed he is to have another comic book nerd at his work. "I got it back when I was like 13 and it was my favorite thing ever. I reread it like 5 times! It was a gift for Christmas or something. I would've bought more but my family was really poor and when I got my first job my first priority was buying food and shit like that."
He felt kind of sad for Jiseok, even if he had gone through something similar. He wouldn't wish poverty among even his worse enemy. "I can lend you some comics if you want." Jooyeon finds himself saying and surprises himself. He can't remember the last time he let anyone borrow anything of his.
Jiseok's face brightens and Jooyeon can feel his heart tighten, it feels suffocating but in a good, addicting way. "Oh my god that'd be awesome!" Jiseok says excitedly and Jooyeon burns Jiseok's excited, happy face in his memory.
"Yeah. I'll bring some in Wednesday." Jooyeon says "It gets really slow in the morning so it's helpful to bring a book or something to entertain yourself." Jiseok nods "It's also slow late at night, it picks up a bit in the afternoon but that's about it." He sets down his comic book at pokes at the cash register "This is our POS system. I'll basically keep you on this today. Essentially you just scan whatever their buying, push the total button and then you can either push the cash or card button. If they want to pay for gas in here there's a button here."
"Slay."
Jiseok says while watching all that Jooyeon was showing him.
///⛓️❤️🗡///
The shift went by a lot faster than it ever has, due to Jiseok. He's so funny, Jooyeon thinks. They walk out of the building and Jiseok smiles at him "I like you, man. I think you're really cool."
Jooyeon can't refrain the smile that reaches his face. Never has he had anyone tell him they like him, not in the 23 years he's been alive, even in a platonic way. "I like you too, Jiseok." Jooyeon responds and tries not to get lost in Jiseok's crooked smile "Do you want me to walk you home, I know it's really sketchy around this neighborhood."
"Nah man, it's cool, I'm used to it. I'm a man after all." Jiseok says and pats Jooyeon's shoulder "Oh shit. Do you have Insta?"
"Yeah, um my username is jooyeonlee08."
He says and Jiseok pulls out his phone, supposedly to follow him.
"Such a boring username."
He teases "See ya Wednesday!"
Then as Jiseok walks off Jooyeon walks the other way to the train station, thinking about Jiseok. Now he knows that Jiseok watches anime, that he likes comic books and that he's obsessed with cotton candy or bubblegum flavored things. He never wanted to know much about someone, but when it came to Jiseok he has so many questions, he wants to know everything about him.
Jooyeon makes way onto the train, pulls up Jiseok's Instagram and follows him back. His username is so cheesy. He could tell it was probably made back in middle school. His bio states the university that he's in, his pronouns, the bisexual flag, and says "Just your average sleep deprived college student". 'He's bi' Jooyeon thinks and that good suffocating feeling comes back. He looks through his posts. Posts of him hanging out with friends or posing in differences places. He looks so happy and so loved. Jooyeon wished he was as happy as Jiseok looks in all his posts.
The rest of the night and the whole rest of that Tuesday he debates whether or not he would message Jiseok. He decides he won't, he didn't even know what he would say, and Jiseok also had 60 other followers he could be talking to.
///⛓️❤️🗡///
It took forever for Wednesday to come around and Jooyeon's train is heading late. He checks the time every few minutes as it gets closer and closer to 4:40. It had snowed that day so the transits must be moving slower than usual. He starts to worry. Maybe Jiseok has frosted over by now. He shakes the thought away. There's no reason for him to worry about Jiseok. He's just some boy.
The train finally shows up and everyone gathers on. Jooyeon starts to feel bad so he pulls up his direct messaging, clicks on Jiseok's account and stares at the screen. He's done this too many times, thinking too deeply on what he'll say. He doesn't want to seem like he's head over heels for him. His thumbs hover over the messaging button before he turns off his phone altogether. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He just feels undesirable and Jiseok is just his coworker. After the training days he probably won't even see him again.
He arrives at his stop and finds himself speed walking to the gas station, he looks ahead and can see Jiseok's brightly colored hair from miles away. He can feel his gut clench with guilt, even if he didn't do anything. He walks faster, his strides getting larger. Jiseok notices him and smiles, Jooyeon can see him shivering and holding onto his arms, his jacket didn't seem warm enough whatsoever "Jooyeon! You came!" Jooyeon tries walking faster but his foot slips on the ice and he falls right on his ass, letting out a loud "Oof" as he lands.
"Oh shit! Jooyeon!" Jiseok exclaims and glides over to him, laughing as he does, Jooyeon thinks that his laugh is the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. His eyes sting with tears because his ass hurts but he forces them back, it's not very manly to cry. "Hey, man you good?" Jiseok asks and pulls a strand of hair away from Jooyeon's face. Jiseok is still giggling and after looking in his eyes for an extra few minutes he found himself laughing along with him. "You fell hard!"
"Yeah, I guess I did." Jooyeon says and Jiseok help him back up.
"Careful on the ice, mister." Jiseok says and holds onto Jooyeon's arm as they walk to the gas station "I won't let you fall this time."
"I'll be fine. I'm tough." Jooyeon says and Jiseok smiles at him.
"Yeah, I bet you are but the ice is tougher."
"Yeah, I guess." Jooyeon says and grabs out the keys, fiddling around with them until he finds the right one and unlocks the door. Jiseok rushes in and sighs contently when they're greeted with the warmth of the building.
"Finally!!" He spins around and has his arms opened wide "Warmth!!!" Jooyeon finds himself laughing and Jiseok looks over at him, eyes wide "What're you laughing at?"
Jooyeon flicks the lights on and even surprises himself when he responds "You're so cute." He notices a blush creep up upon Jiseok's cheeks and he looks to the side bashfully "Anyways. Light switches are here so we turn these on first." Jiseok nods and then follows Jooyeon behind the counter "Also, we forgot to clock you in on Tuesday so.." He opens the drawer from before and hands Jiseok a piece of paper and points at the numbers on the top of the page "This will be your employee number. And we'll clock in right here." He demonstrates clocking in and then Jiseok does it for himself.
"Wowie! I'm official now." He looks over at Jooyeon and grins.
"Yep. I let the manager know and he has already put in your hours for Tuesday too."
"Thanks man." Jiseok says.
"Alright, so the next thing we're going to do is unlock the bathroom doors and start the coffee pot, usually in the early morning everyone wants coffee." Jiseok nods and lets Jooyeon teach him the ups and downs of opening the gas station. Jooyeon wouldn't lie that he likes the way it feels to have Jiseok by his side. It makes him feel content, in some odd way. He just truly enjoys having Jiseok around.
"And that's about it." Jooyeon says after he has finished showing Jiseok how to open.
"Seems simple enough. Say, could I buy a RedBull?" Jiseok asks and Jooyeon nods.
"Yeah, of course." Jiseok grins and walks over to where the RedBulls were and grabs a 20 ounce one. "Chill."
"Yeah, us employees get a discount so here's how we'd ring that up." He rings up the RedBull for Jiseok and Jiseok nods, paying for it after.
"Thanks so much, man. I'm running off one hour of sleep right now." Jiseok says as he cracks open his RedBull and starts gulping it down.
"Sheesh. Hopefully that helps." Jooyeon says and points at his RedBull.
Jiseok stifles back a laugh and covers his mouth with his hand. He bends over, trying not to spew his RedBull all over the place. After a second he successfully swallows down his Redbull and bursts out in laughter "Did you seriously just say 'sheesh' that's so outdated, oh my god." He laughs for a few more minutes and Jooyeon smiles, fondly. It was so simple to make Jiseok laugh. He's so happy and full of life. "You're also too old to be using that kind of language!"
Jooyeon gasps and puts a hand to his chest in shock "Old??? Me? No I'm not."
"Uh huh. As if. How old are you anyway?" Jiseok asks.
"I'm 23." Jooyeon says and Jiseok gapes at him.
"Holy shit, I'm 23 too." Jiseok says "You look so much older."
"Thanks." Jooyeon says, sarcastically. "Oh and also.." Jooyeon reaches into his bag, grabs out 3 comic books and hands them over to Jiseok "I brought these for you."
Jiseok's eyes glow in excitement and he gleefully grabs the comics "Holy shit! Thank you!" He pages through them and grins happily up at Jooyeon "You're seriously the best."
That made Jooyeon's heart warm up "Yeah, no problem, man." He says.
By the end of his shift Jooyeon had found out that he may have fallen head over heels for Kwak Jiseok.
///⛓️❤️🗡///
That Monday Jooyeon didn't work with Jiseok. He worked with him Saturday and all they talked about was the fact that Jiseok had finished all three of the comics he had borrowed from him. They talked for the whole 8 hour shift they'd had. It was a great feeling, to freely talk to someone.
According to the schedule Jooyeon's working with Gunil for an hour. Gunil works during the week and works the weekends at a jazz bar, playing the drums. The bar only has a band during late nights from Friday to Sunday so Gunil works Monday and Tuesday nights at the gas station for extra money. Jooyeon has never actually worked with him and it is odd that they are scheduled together whatsoever. He's said hello and goodbye to him when he comes in for his shift and Jooyeon leaves from his but that's about it.
12pm rolls around slowly and Jooyeon hears the bell for the front door ring. "Hey man." Gunil says with a wide smile. His trainer told him about Gunil (and the rest of the employees at that time) when he first started working and Jooyeon had heard that he was really funny. He wonders if he's as funny as Jiseok is.
"Hi, nice to finally meet you." Jooyeon says, trying to hide the fact that he's worried about meeting someone new.
"Seriously though! We never work with other people back here." He chuckles and his laugh sounds funny, so it makes Jooyeon smile.
"Yeah, I don't really know why they scheduled us like this." Jooyeon says "Like what're you gonna do, keep me company behind the counter?"
"Seriously." Gunil says with a chuckle and stands beside Jooyeon. He has big biceps and his smile resembled a hamster. "It's kind of cool though. Nice to finally meet the other people here."
"Yeah, for sure." Jooyeon says and nods.
"How's the new guy doing?" Gunil asks and Jooyeon can feel warmth reach his cheeks, just from thinking of Jiseok. His smile, his quirky tendencies, and his boisterous laugh.
"He's doing well. He learns fast. And he's really funny." Jooyeon says and Gunil nods.
"That's good." Gunil nods "Boss says he has really cool hair."
"Yeah. His hair is cool. Blue and pink." Jooyeon says and Gunil nods.
"That is seriously cool." Gunil says and Jooyeon makes a mental note to count how many times he says 'seriously'. "So what are your hobbies?"
Jooyeon thinks it's weird for anyone to ask him anything about himself in general. He thinks for a little bit "I wouldn't say I have many hobbies.. But I like to read comics and watch movies a lot.."
"Sweet. Like superhero shit?"
"Yeah. Superhero shit."
"I'm an MCU loser so I totally get it." Gunil says with a grin "When you study in America during the Avengers Endgame pandemic you kinda have to become an MCU fan."
"You studied in America? That's like.. Really cool."
"Yeah. Studied the drums at Berklee." Gunil nods "It's not really worth it. But at least I have a degree to flaunt off and a kickass job so."
"The gas station?" Jooyeon jokes and doesn't expect Gunil to laugh as hard as he did.
"Yeah, totally the gas station."
Time kind of seems to speed on when Jooyeon's working with Gunil. He's easygoing, kind of like Jiseok, but not as sporadic and random as the rather. Within about 30 minutes a customer walks in. He's a pretty blonde boy, he holds a coffee cup and a muffin in his hands. Jooyeon welcomes him in and the boy looks over at them and grins "Two people today?"
"Yeah, boss just kinda scheduled things weirdly." Gunil says and there's a sense of familiarity in the air.
"Ah I see." The boy says as he walks up to the counter him and Gunil were behind "I brought you coffee and a muffin." The blonde says and hands the things in his hands to Gunil.
Gunil grabs them and smiles sweetly at him "Thank you, honey." the blonde leans in towards Gunil and Gunil covers his hand over his mouth.
"Come on! One kiss?" He pouts and Jooyeon can see Gunil smiling from ear to ear behind his hand.
"Nope. Not while I'm on shift."
"Oh, come on! You kiss me all the time while I'm at work."
"That's different. You know how serious gas station work is?"
"Oh and being a barista isn't serious?" Gunil laughs and the other whines "Gunil!"
"Fine." Gunil moves his hand from his face, cards his fingers in the blondes hair and pulls him into a kiss, all in one swift motion. It makes Jooyeon's heart skip a beat and he wonders what it'd be like to kiss someone like that. He thinks about Jiseok and immediately tries to disregard the thought, feeling embarrassed just by thinking it.
They part from the kiss and look in each other's eyes like they held the whole galaxy beneath them. It takes a second for Gunil to seemingly remember that Jooyeon was there "Oh, Jungsu this is Jooyeon, and Jooyeon this is my boyfriend, Jungsu." Gunil introduces them both to each other.
"Hi Jooyeon, sorry you have to deal with Gunil's lame ass, he's a dork."
"Hey!" Gunil says, but there's no anger behind it, especially with the wide smile spread across his face.
"It's cool." Jooyeon says, not really sure how to place himself into the conversation. He never really had friends, his childhood years were always spent by himself. So, he didn't know how he was supposed to act in these situations.
Jungsu stayed in and chatted and joked around for about another 20 minutes. They make a really good couple, Jooyeon thinks. After Jungsu left Jooyeon and Gunil chatted for about the remaining 10 minutes that Jooyeon had left of his shift. They talked about Jungsu the whole time and Jooyeon could tell that Gunil just adores the latter. He's never seen someone so in love with another.
That night all he could think about was how he wanted to kiss Jiseok, just once.
///⛓️❤️🗡///
The next time Jooyeon sees Jiseok he gets to teach him how to close the gas station. Jiseok was all excited and bubbly when he arrived to work. He was about 5 minutes late, and Jooyeon and Seungmin had already swapped shifts.
"It is so nice not to have to work at 4 am." Jiseok says "I'm actually awake! Isn't that a blessing?"
"You always seem awake though." Jooyeon says, trying to hide from himself just how happy he feels to have Jiseok there.
"I never am, man. I work on one braincell during the mornings. I don't know how you do it." Jiseok says and shakes his head.
"I don't really do it, I just kinda go through the motions all morning." Jiseok chuckles a little and nudges Jooyeon's arm.
"You're stronger than I am." All Jooyeon can think of is Jiseok's hand on his arm. It feels so nice to be touched by him. He wanted to know what it feels like to hug him, or hold his hand, or kiss him. He pushes the thoughts away quicker than they came and smiles at Jiseok, shrugging.
"Maybe I am."
"I mean. Look at these flimsy arms." Jiseok says as he pulls up the sleeve to his work shirt and 'flexes'. He's completely right, there is not even a smidge of muscle on his arms.
Jooyeon smiles and sarcastically says "Nah man. Your biceps are huge." Jiseok laughs and Jooyeon finds himself laughing too. In the dark grey world Jooyeon lives in, Jiseok is like a light.
///⛓️❤️🗡///
Jooyeon and Jiseok walk back out into the cold and Jooyeon locks the front door for the both of them "And that's how we close." he says and Jiseok nods, already holding onto his arms and shivering.
"Sweet. Well, it was fun, I'll see you next time." Jiseok smiles and goes to walk away but Jooyeon speaks up before he can.
"I'll walk you home."
"Huh?"
"It gets sketchy out here at night.." Then he realizes that Jiseok might drive and he might be assuming wrong "Or I could walk you to your car if you drive?"
"Ah, I don't drive but I can walk just fine. It's not far." Jiseok says and smiles at Jooyeon in a way to convince him, but Jooyeon was not going to be swayed. He would be so upset with himself if Jiseok ended up hurt on the walk home.
"I'll walk you home. Besides, I need the extra exercise." Jooyeon says and Jiseok shrugs.
"If you insist." Jooyeon follows beside Jiseok. The air is freezing and he found himself shivering as well. He almost goes to stuff his hands in his pockets like he usually does but Jiseok takes hold of his hand before he has a chance. All of a sudden, despite the near freezing weather, he starts to feel warm inside. Jiseok slots his fingers in the spaces between Jooyeon's fingers and Jooyeon puts their hands in his pocket.
He looks at Jiseok and can see his face is beet red, his eyes also look slightly panicked as he mutters out "S-sorry. It's just cold and I thought so we could keep warm.."
Before Jiseok could go on a rant and potentially let go of Jooyeon's hand, Jooyeon speaks up "Don't be sorry. I like it." Then he squeezes Jiseok's hand gently, Jiseok's eyes go wide in surprise and a little surprised squeak makes way from past his lips. He instantly looks at the ground in embarrassment.
"I like it too... It's... Warm." Jooyeon can't help the smile that sets on his face, he also doesn't notice how much he's been smiling. It just came naturally when he's with Jiseok, the feeling of happiness. It is a feeling so foreign to him, but with Jiseok it's so easy. "So.. After next week we probably aren't gonna work together again, right?" He asks, a hint of sadness behind his voice.
"Yeah, probably not." Jooyeon says and takes note of the way they talk to each other in hushed tones, like they're the only people in the whole world, like they didn't need to raise their voices and be heard, they can be just like this, comfortable.
"That's unfortunate. I really like being around you." Jiseok says and he sighs, his breath being seen due to the cold weather. Jiseok doesn't like to be upsetting or to let a conversation end dully, so he changes the conversation quickly "When I was younger and it was cold like this I liked to pretend I smoked a joint." He says and brings up two fingers to his lips, breathes in and breathes out, putting his fingers down and letting the 'smoke' out in the air, "My mom would hate when I did that. She'd always go 'Jiseok! That looks gross don't do that!'." Jiseok chuckles to himself "Did you ever do that Jooyeon?"
"Yeah. All the time. It's funny how everyone seemed to do it." Jooyeon says, looking off in the distance. Usually when he sees snow littering the ground he would see it and think of despair, but today it looks beautiful. He could finally see the beauty in the snow.
"True that. I guess kids always seem to have a fascination with things that are dangerous."
"They really do, don't they?" Jiseok nods and rubs his thumb against Jooyeon's hand and Jooyeon feels just slightly warmer "I'm going to miss you."
"You make it seem like I'm moving away." Jiseok says and walks closer to Jooyeon so their arms are pressed against each other "Sorry, it's cold." Jooyeon wishes he didn't need an excuse to want to get close to him, that he'd do it just because he wants to be close to Jooyeon.
"It's okay." Jooyeon says and revels in the feeling of being this close to Jiseok. He wonders if something like this will ever happen again.
"We can always hang outside of work. If you want."
Jooyeon's heart seemed to beat impossibly faster. He knew not to think of it but his brain kept screaming out 'a date! He's asking for a date!'. "Yeah, I'd like that."
They both share a smile and Jiseok just says, "Awesome."
The rest of the walk is spent in casual conversation and they arrive in a trailer park. After passing by a few blocks they make it to Jiseok's place "Thank you for walking me home. I really appreciate it,"
"Yeah, no problem." Jooyeon says and can't help but look at Jiseok's lips.
"I feel bad, though! Now you're gonna have to walk home all alone."
"Don't worry about it, I usually walk home alone."
"Okay.. If you say so. Make sure to text me so I know you made it home okay."
Jooyeon gives Jiseok a thumbs up to let him know he'll be alright. Jiseok hesitates for a minute, looking at Jooyeon like he's trying to decide something. Then after a bit he lets go of Jooyeon's hand "I'll see you Saturday?"
"Yeah, Saturday." Jooyeon says and they both wave at each other. Jiseok makes his way up to his front door and Jooyeon makes sure to keep an eye on him, just in case his keys don't work or something. Jiseok unlocks his door and lets himself in and Jooyeon starts to head the other way until he hears Jiseok yell.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" He stops in his tracks and looks back at Jiseok's place, the door is still wide open. He doesn't hear anything until Jiseok yells again "You can't just come back around after what you did to her!"
Now he hears a response, from someone with a deeper voice, from just hearing it Jooyeon could assume this man is older, and the way he yells feels frightening. He begins to really worry "I can do whatever the hell I want! She's my wife!"
"Oh shut the fuck up, as if you'd care! If you cared you'd be there for her! You'd help take care of her!" His voice is filled with so much anger, so much hatred.
"Don't tell me how to live my life you don't understand!"
"I don't understand?! I think I understand pretty well you mother fucker!"
"Kwak Jiseok!" A woman's voice rang through "Don't talk to your father like that."
"He's not my fucking father! He was never here!" Jooyeon starts to feel like he's intruding in something, but more than anything he wants to make sure that Jiseok was going to be okay.
"Jiseok!" His mother yells "If you're gonna be like that I need you to leave!"
"You're gonna let him stay and make me leave?!" Jooyeon can hear Jiseok's voice break and could tell there is tears "When I took care of you this whole fucking time!" He's screaming and Jooyeon can feel his heart tear.
"Jiseok I need you to leave." She says, just a little calmer.
"Fuck you.." Jiseok sobs and stomps out, slamming the door behind himself. Jooyeon starts to feel guilty for standing there the whole time, especially when Jiseok looks him right in the eye, tears rushing down his cheeks and his fists clenched at his sides "You're still here?" He asks, his voice now small and hurt.
"Yeah.. I heard you yelling and things and wanted to make sure you were okay." He feels bad, really bad. He found out something he really didn't need to know. What if Jiseok never forgives him?
"Yeah... Um, I'm sorry about that.." He walks to Jooyeon now "Can I go to your place..? I can't think of anywhere else to go.."
"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Let's go." Jooyeon starts walking and Jiseok follows beside him.
"Can I hold your hand again?" Jiseok asks, his voice coming out in a quiet whimper.
"Yeah, of course." Jooyeon says and grabs hold of his hand, putting their hands back in his pocket "Better?" Jiseok nods, sniffling. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. But I'll be fine. Shit like this happens all the time. I just wish she wasn't so stupid.." It only takes a second for him to start talking frantically again "I didn't mean that, no she's not stupid. She's great. The best mom I could ask for. I just wish my dad wasn't such a manipulating asshole." Jiseok says and wipes his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his sweater. "What are your parents like, Jooyeon?"
He can tell that Jiseok probably wants a good answer, something about how loving and caring they are, but Jooyeon doesn't want to lie to him "They like to pretend I don't exist. That's their thing. They didn't really want a kid. So, I was just a fault in their lives."
"I'm sorry." Jiseok says and he's standing close, so their arms are touching again "You deserve better, you're such a good person."
Jooyeon didn't believe him. Jiseok doesn't even know him. "How do you continue to be so happy.. Through all that?"
"Because. I know that I'm blessed." Jiseok says "I'm the first one in my family to go to college, I got a full ride scholarship, and I find plenty of other things to keep me happy..." He stays quietly before he sighs "Honestly, it's just a front. I don't like people to know I'm hurting. I hate that. I just want to make people smile, y'know? And there are a lot of people who have things so much worse than I do. I should be grateful."
"It's okay to be sad too." Jooyeon says "Being sad is like being honest, and isn't it best to be honest?"
"I guess you have a point." Snowflakes start to fall and it tickles Jooyeon's nose when they set there "I guess in that sense I'm the most honest with you."
"You don't mean to be. It was kind of accidental."
"I guess. But I'd rather it be you than anyone else." Jiseok says and opens up one of his hands, catching snow flakes in the process. Every once in a while a snowflake will hit his nose and he'll scrunch it up, like a kitten. "It's funny. I barely know anything about you, but it still feels like I've known you my whole life."
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."
"You know, I really love the snow." Jiseok says and Jooyeon admires how Jiseok talks so easily. He thinks that if he didn't have that trait he wouldn't know as much about him as he does now.
Jooyeon finds himself talking freely, without a care of what Jiseok might think "Usually I hate it. I don't like the slush or the ice. It feels wet, cold and uncomfortable. I usually find myself dreading for the moment that winter might come. But for some reason this year I've found the beauty in it. For some reason when I look at the snow now I see beauty and not pain."
"I wonder why that is."
"I think it's because of you."
Jiseok looks at him with an incredulous look and shoves him in a pile of snow, Jooyeon gasps in shock and Jiseok whines "Don't say that. You're making me feel things."
"You make me feel things by not even doing anything!" Jooyeon retorts and he can't figure out when he got so flirtatious.
Jiseok laughs and flops next to him in the snow "Fuck that's cold!" He exclaims.
"Now you know how I feel." Jooyeon says and Jiseok continues to laugh.
"I'm sorry for pushing you in the snow." He says and looks over at Jooyeon "I didn't think it through I just got bashful and then ended up pushing you."
"Don't sweat it." Jooyeon says and Jiseok lifts himself out of the snow bank, then helps Jooyeon up
"If I stay in there for any longer my fingers might fall off."
"You're so overdramatic."
"Yeah yeah, whatever." Jooyeon wraps an arm around Jiseok's shoulders and pulls him into his side
"So we can get warm."
"Ah, don't lie. I know you wanna get close with me."
"Maybe I do."
///⛓️❤️🗡///
When they make way into the train station the warmth of the building and the coldness of their bodies makes their muscles hurt.
"Jesus that was such a long walk, holy shit." They still haven't let go of each other's hands "I don't know how you would've done that alone."
"It'd be easy. I'd just kinda go."
"I guess that's right." They sit on a bench and waited for the train to show. The station is filled with a bunch of drunks and people high off their minds, which is probably due to how late it had become. Usually this crowd would piss Jooyeon off more than anything. But all he can think about is how Jiseok's here and that Jiseok's holding his hand and how happy he is to be beside him.
"I'm sorry I'm such a bummer. I'm just so pissed." Jiseok says as he rests his head on Jooyeon's shoulder.
"Don't be sorry. I'd be pissed too." The moment the train shows up all the people file on the train. The funny thing about Seoul is that the train station is always full, no matter what time of day. So, as predicted, Jooyeon and Jiseok are still left standing. But this time, with Jiseok holding onto his arm, Jooyeon didn't mind it. They would've had more conversations if it weren't for all the loud drunks. But, Jooyeon seemed to fall in love with the silence just then as well.
Once they arrived at their stop it only took them a few steps before they ended up at Jooyeon's apartment complex. "Wow. Your very own apartment."
"Yep." Jooyeon says as they walk up flights of stairs.
"Is it nice?"
"I think so."
"I would never get one, though."
"Why's that?" He asks as he unlocks his door and lets the both of them in. He didn't think about how his apartment looks until just now and he feels a sudden wave of embarrassment when he sees the counter in the living room covered in junk mail, sees the dishes still scattered in the sink, and things are haphazardly spread every which way. It is truly the apartment of a depressed middle aged man, but that isn't the message he wants to send over to Jiseok. But really, how was he to know that this would happen today?
"My mom is really sick. Like can't even get out of bed sick. I lived in the dorms during my first few years of university and it just suddenly happened. I felt guilty for not being there the whole time and I feel like I would feel guilty if I ever bought my own place. She relies on me." Jiseok says, as he walks over to the couch, not phased by the mess whatsoever "Can I take a seat?"
"Um.. Yeah, of course." Jiseok sits on the couch and Jooyeon sits beside him. "You have so much love, I envy that." Jooyeon says as he solemnly stares at the tv.
"I think everyone has some amount of love within them." Jiseok says as he rests his head on Jooyeon's shoulder. Jooyeon takes time this time to rest his head atop of Jiseok's head.
"I've never really loved someone." Jooyeon says honestly, he feels pathetic when he admits it.
"Come on! There's gotta be someone you've loved. Like someone you care for, someone you want to be with you forever.." All he can think about is Jiseok
"Do you want me to be completely honest?" Jooyeon asks and Jiseok nods. He starts to feel his chest tighten and starts to feel embarrassed on what he was about to say before he had even said it "I think I fell in love with you." Jiseok looks at him with wide eyes and Jooyeon instantly feels the need to explain himself, like he did something wrong "I mean, I've never really felt that way towards anyone but when you're around I feel happier and I look forward to seeing you and I worry about you, and I don't mean this in a.."
He gets caught off when Jiseok sits himself in his lap and presses a finger to his lips "I don't want you to change what this means or say it's a friendly thing because I know it isn't. And I don't want it to be." He puts his hands on both of Jooyeon's shoulders and Jooyeon can barely breathe. Jiseok leans in and Jooyeon sees his eyes start to flutter closed as he gets closer. Jooyeon is scared to do it but he wills himself to rest his hand on the back of Jiseok's neck, close his eyes and pull the latter in. But, neither of them were expecting that action so their noses end up smacking against each other instead "Owwiee." Jiseok says and holds onto his nose then he laughs, it's loud and it makes Jooyeon laugh as well, even if he's embarrassed out of his mind "I was not expecting you to do that! Usually you're so shy." Jooyeon pouts and Jiseok keeps laughing and now holds onto his stomach due to how hard he was laughing "We went.. Bam!"
"I didn't mean to. I guess I was just too excited." Jooyeon says and Jiseok gazes in his eyes. Jooyeon doesn't dare to look away, instead he gets lost in them.
Then, after a few seconds they're both laughing again "Just because I'm small doesn't mean I can't lead the kiss."
"But I wanted to lead it.."
"Maybe we should've discussed this beforehand." Then he bursts into a fit of laughter "If my nose is broken it's YOUR fault."
"Aghh Jiseok!" Jooyeon groans and Jiseok smacks Jooyeon's shoulder as he laughs.
"This is seriously too funny."
"Am I allowed to kiss you yet or did I lose all my privileges?" Jooyeon asks.
"Yeah. Kiss me you bumper car."
"I swear to god." Jooyeon mumbles before he places his hand back where it was before and slowly this time leads Jiseok to his lips, kissing him deeply. Jiseok smiles a lot while they kiss, if anything he seems to smile the whole time. And every time their lips would meld together Jooyeon felt his whole body warm up. Something about kissing Jiseok just came so naturally. It wasn't anything like the movies he watched or the comics he read, Jiseok and Jooyeon kissed in a less calculative sort of way. Even then, there is still so much love and so much passion. Jooyeon loved every second of it and found himself craving more and more.
"So." Jiseok parts from the kiss first and Jooyeon finds himself sad about the loss of the other "Does this mean I can call you 'boyfie' now?"
Jooyeon raises an eyebrow "You want to call me boyfie?" Jiseok nods quickly and Jooyeon chuckles, "Alright, only if I call you baby."
He sees a dark red reach Jiseok's cheeks and he mutters "D-deal." Before he shakes Jooyeon's hand. Jooyeon laughs at the silly gesture and in an effort to shut him up Jiseok kisses him again. That's how they spent the rest of their night, kissing each other restless until they both ended up falling asleep, cuddled up to each other.
Jooyeon realized that once he finds someone to love, life finally starts to have meaning.