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02:37 Eren Jaeger Absolutely DO NOT ANSWER: One new voice message
That's what you woke up to. In a panic, you immediately turned off your phone and shoved it under your pillow. Then you rolled over, mashing your face against the pillow and let out an agonising scream, wishing with all your heart that when you turned it on again, the message would have disappeared. You kept it off for the rest of the day, wanting to avoid looking at it. But still, you find your mind preoccupied that message, wondering what on earth he had to say to you.
When the two of you broke up, there was a sense of finality to it. You never needed any closure because there was nothing left to talk about and no way to undo what he did. The separation wasn’t necessarily amicable or drama free but, in the end, he didn’t fight it. He didn’t beg for a second chance. He simply accepted it and made no attempt to contact you since, probably aware that it was entirely his own doing.
So, your life went on. Work, friendships, even a new relationship kept you busy enough while you adjusted to a life without Eren Jaeger.
At first, it was hard. Impossibly so.
At one point, Eren was your sun; he sustained you, now without him your world became cold, dark, and scary.
You read somewhere online that your body’s cells die and replicate so often that after 7 years you would have regenerated into completely new body. You know it’s bullshit but it’s nice to believe that, in a few years time, you’ll have a body completely untouched by Eren Jaeger. Eventually you’d forget how he felt. It’s bittersweet you suppose.
But for now, and forever you promised yourself you would never let anyone else take up the centre of your world again.
You also promised yourself you would never speak to him ever again but here you are, finally alone, on your couch with your earphones in and index finger hovering cautiously over the ‘play’ button. It drifts over to the ‘delete’ button then back.
This shouldn’t be such a hard decision.
Maybe you should flip a coin. Leave your fate up to the universe so that if you make the wrong choice, you can blame something other than yourself.
There’s a good reason you saved his number the way you did. You know that whatever he has to say, is nothing benign. When it comes to Eren, it's all or nothing. You can dip in just a toe, and he’ll yank you under by the ankle. Before you know it, you’ll be right back where you started.
You’re in a good place. The best you’ve felt since Eren-gate (as your best friend called it). How would you feel after you listened to this?
The right choice is obvious but it’s not the one you choose.
“Hey. It’s me.” An awkward pause. “Uh, Eren.” A heavy sigh. “Fuck, it feels so weird saying that. I don’t know if you deleted my number or something. Hell, I don’t even know if you’ll get this message. You might have blocked me.” An uncomfortable laugh.
You should have. You really fucking should have.
“But uh… yeah.” He’s slurring his words just a tiny bit. It's probably imperceptible to most, that’s how well you know him. “I’m sorry I just had to text you. You’ve been on my mind a lot.”
You suspect he’s drunk or at the very least, tipsy.
“I saw your post on Instagram.”
You should have blocked him on there too.
“You look good. Congrats by the way. I’m happy for you.” His confession takes you by surprise but then a breathy laugh escapes from his mouth. “No, I’m not. Fuck.”
That makes a lot more sense.
“But I’m not gonna beg you to take me back. I know I don’t deserve that. I had my chance and I fucked it up.”
There’s hurt in his voice, it’s unfamiliar to you. You wonder if this means he regrets what he's done or if all this self-deprecation is just an act. Even though your breakup was his fault, you find yourself feeling sorry for him. The fact that he’s gained your sympathy in less than 30 seconds is a testament to the hold he has on you.
“I’m just- I’m only sending this 'cause I can’t stop thinking about you. Fuck.” He groans. The sound is so sensual. It’s unmistakable.
“I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. Can’t stop thinking about fucking you.”
You throw your phone to the other side of the couch as if holding it burned your fingers
You should end this now. You should stop listening, delete the message, block his number, and pretend that this never happened. But you let it play on because like it or not, he already has you underwater.
“That dress you’re wearing in the picture. So short and tight. Remember when you wore it out with me?”
His breathing grows more laboured and you’re starting to get a better idea of what he’s doing on the other end of the phone.
“At the club? I still have the videos from that night.”
A normal person would be concerned about their ex having the kind videos and pictures that Eren has of you. He treated it like a hobby. Every time you two had sex, he added something new to his collection. But you know exactly which ones he’s referring to.
“Hey.” He clears his throat. “Does he know?” You don’t like where this is going. “Does he know how much of a fucking slut you are.”
You gasp.
Eren could make you do unspeakable things, things you never thought you would enjoy, things that would be mortifying for your boyfriend to find out. Did that make you slut? Maybe, but just for him, no one before and no one after.
“Does he know you would get on your knees in a public bathroom and let someone fuck your face?”
You did it without hesitation too, dropped to your knees as soon as the stall door closed and waited patiently, with your mouth open, for him to feed you his cock. And when it was over, you walked out of that bathroom, with your dress all crooked, make up ruined and one hell of a throat ache. Still, you held your head high because you had Eren resting his hand on your lower back, glowing with pride and guiding you through the crowd of people to take you home and fuck you into oblivion.
It feels like lifetime ago. Your current lover would never ask for something like that. He respects you too much.
Do you miss it?
You’d rather not say but the heat already pooling between your thighs at the mere memory is enough of an answer.
“And you fucking took it all. Jesus you were fuckin’ perfect for me.”
You wish you didn’t feel the same way. Eren betrayed your trust. He actively decided that your relationship wasn’t important enough to stay faithful. But you and Eren were perfect for each other. Why did it take losing you for him to realise that?
Now, you were happy (in a way) with a man that loved and cared for you. He’s sweet and gentle and makes you feel treasured, but it doesn’t feel perfect. And you knew that it wouldn’t from the start, but after Eren you realised that 'perfect' is overrated.
It’s as if your thoughts manifested the jingle of keys at the door signalling your boyfriend’s return home. You pause the voice note, lock your phone, and clutch the device close to your chest, worried he would see right through you the moment he walked through the door.
Should you feel bad? You’re not cheating or considering taking Eren back, but you know your partner would be upset, heartbroken even, if he knew you didn’t delete the message as soon as you realised what Eren was doing. If the roles were reversed you'd be devastated.
You know he’s happy to see you and on any other day the feeling would be mutual. He greets you cheerfully, approaches the couch, bubbly as ever, and leans over to give you a kiss. He aims for your lips but you duck your head to the side, so it lands on your cheek instead. For some reason the thought of kissing him now brings you deep discomfort.
He looks at you quizzically but he brushes it off.
“What are you listening to?” He asks. It’s not accusatory because he trusts you and you of all people know how easy it is to break that.
Still, you feel the need to be overly defensive.
“Nothing!” You stupidly blurt out before realising you still had your earphones in. “I mean, um... uh... a podcast.” You let out a strained laugh.
Thankfully he accepts your answer and doesn't ask you what it's about. You were never a very good liar.
“Alright well, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then you can tell me all about your day while I get started on dinner.”
“O-oh okay.”
You feel more at ease, wanting nothing more than to be alone right now. Just you, Eren and his drunken voice message.
He simply nods and then disappears into the bedroom.
You’re still trying to convince yourself that this is morally acceptable but if that were true, why did you feel so guilty? Yet still not guilty enough to stop. He deserves so much better.
You press play and the first sound you hear is another deep groan that makes your body shiver.
“I still want you baby.” He confesses. “So badly.”
No, no, no.
“Can I tell you a secret? I’m stroking my cock right now.”
It’s not much of a secret. It wasn’t difficult to figure out. Still, hearing him admit it plants the image in your head.
“I know I’m not supposed to… But I’ve been dreaming about that tight pussy for weeks. No matter who I fuck it’s never as good as you. It’s never as good as what we had.”
Your pussy is pulsing, suddenly desperate to be touched. You know what he means. You know exactly what he means.
Your boyfriend is sweet, loving, attentive and considerate. These are all things you should value when it comes to sex. And you honestly did, but it could never compare to Eren and the way he made you feel. He hurt you, degraded you, debased you but he also adored you, praised you, cherished you.
“Angel, please. Let me fuck you one last time.”
You furiously shake your head no, forgetting momentarily that he can’t see you. You can’t dwell on those words. You won’t let them form into some stupid idea that you’ll no doubt follow through on. It would destroy all the progress you’ve made and you'd be left with nothing in the end.
“One more time and you’ll never hear from me again, I promise. I’ll make it so good for you. You won’t regret it.”
That’s where he’s wrong. You would definitely regret throwing away all of the hard work you put in to get over him in the first place with an innocent person as collateral damage.
Quitting the drug that is Eren Jaeger cold turkey was challenging enough, painful even. If you ever went back, would for sure sink his claws into you for good. You don’t think you could walk away from him a second time. You didn’t have that kind of strength.
It’s enough now. You’ve found out now what he wanted from you and the answer is unequivocally no. There’s no reason to keep listening.
“I’ll beg for it if you want.”
He gets you back on the line with that. Eren is the most prideful person you know. Him begging for anything is something unheard of.
“Please, baby. Please.”
Oh, it’s wrong. It’s so, so wrong but far too tempting. You can’t think straight anymore and that's all his fault.
“Please. I’m so fucking desperate. No one can make me cum like you. I’ll make it worth it. You’ll see.”
He doesn’t even need to be present to have you under his spell. You cautiously glance behind you, checking if you’re still alone. You slip your hand into your panties, separating the damp fabric from your sticky folds. You hiss when your fingers make contact with your clit, already worked up from just his voice and a few dirty words.
“I’ll do anything for it. Eat your pussy just the way you like it. Better than he does.”
He’s right. You hate that he’s right. He’s better in every way unfortunately. Eren is just better.
“Nice and slow. Drag my tongue up and down your slit, circle your clit with my tongue. You always get so fucking wet. I love it. I wanna taste you more than anything. I’d probably stay down there for hours, make you cum so many times just 'cause I miss the way you taste so much.”
Your hands start to move of their own accord; one between your thighs rubbing slow, gentle circles and the other snaking it’s way up your chest to grope at your breast.
“I’d give you my fingers. You used to love my fingers. I’d always catch you staring at my hands then I’d know… I’d know you wanted me to shove my fingers into your cunt knuckle deep.”
Again, you make doubly sure you’re not being watched from the doorway of your bedroom. You sigh in relief and continue to listen to Eren’s sinful voice say all these sinful things.
“And you’d get so fucking wet. You always get so fucking wet.”
Like right now.
“I’d do anything to fuck you again. Please.”
The last word wanes into a whimper. You’ve never heard him make that sound. You commit it to memory; it might be your new favourite thing in the world.
“You want me to finger fuck your pussy with my tongue on your clit? Make you cum over and over again? I’ll do it. I’ll make you cum 'til you cry.”
Your eyes flutter shut as you slide a finger inside of you. It’s a little disappointing because you’re picturing Eren between your legs, wishing he was touching you instead. Your own hands don’t even come close.
“Seriously, angel. I’m so fucking desperate. Can you hear that baby?”
He must have moved the microphone of his phone away from his mouth. The moans and heavy breathing grow faint. Now, you can distinctly hear the 'schlick' sound that comes from his hand as he strokes it up and down his thick, veiny cock. Your mind’s eye paints a vivid picture of him with his back against the headboard, naked. His broad chest is heaving with every breath, phone in one hand and his dick in the other stroking himself, milking out the precum that dribbles from the angry, red tip and smearing it down the length of his shaft, leaving it shiny and slick.
That image alone has you introducing another finger, chasing the stretch only his cock can give you.
“Heh. This is so embarrassing.” His voice is loud and clear again, the sound of him fucking his fist having faded into the background. “But I’ve been doing this all week. Everyday I’ve just been jerking off thinking about you.”
Your ego can’t help but soar at this revelation. Really, you shouldn’t care. When Eren did what he did to you, it broke you into pieces, tiny little shards you never thought you could piece together again. He made you feel unwanted and unlovable because it was so easy for him to disregard you and everything you two had for some other woman who had something you couldn’t give him, you suppose. So of course it’s nice to hear how much he misses you but to be honest, if you were as over him as you told everyone you were, if you’ve grown and moved on as much as you convinced yourself you had, then you wouldn’t care.
But…
“But today, it’s been extra bad. Got all these dirty pictures of you… I’ve been edging myself all day. My dick hurts. I’ve been jerking off everyday, but my balls are still so fucking full. So much cum, just for you. It hurts so bad but I can’t stop.” He whines.
Eren has always been shameless, but you’ve never heard him like this. So vulnerable and undone, almost pathetic with the way he’s begging and pleading.
“I’m fucking torturing myself dreaming of making you choke on my cock. Seeing your eyes water. Watching the drool leak out of your mouth and drip down onto your tits.”
How depraved are you to say that you miss that? You miss stretching your lips so wide around his cock and letting him use your mouth the way he wanted to.
“Remember how I trained your throat?”
Oh, you remember it. In fact, you remember it so well that you just have to shimmy yourself out of you shorts and cover your lower half with a blanket then just hope your boyfriend takes his sweet time in the shower today.
Your other hand finds its way to your pussy as well and wastes no time giving your throbbing clit some attention as you try to take yourself back into the memory and Eren is kind enough to describe it to you.
“I made you hang your head off the edge of the bed and stuck my cock down your throat. You could barely breathe but you didn’t ask me to stop.”
Why would you? No one else would ever agree but you knew that the rougher Eren was with you, the more he loved you. And he always paid you back tenfold for taking it, as if pleasing him wasn’t a reward all on its own. But even when he fucked your face with seemingly no concern for you, you lay there, fingering yourself until he noticed what you were doing and took over because he wanted to please you too.
“Or that time I put you on your knees with your hands tied behind you with your back against the wall so you couldn’t do anything except take it. The way you used to gag. Fuck, it turned me on so much.”
And it still wasn’t enough. Your conscience reminds you. You did all that for him and it still wasn't enough. So why is he doing this?
“Put in all that work for some other douchebag to enjoy. Please tell me you don’t do that for him. That’s just for me, got it? Only a cumslut for me. Just me.”
You bite down on your lower lip to muffle a moan. How long has it been since you’ve been called something like that?
You roll your clit under your fingers faster. You imagine Eren is getting close too and is touching himself faster too, losing himself just like you.
He pauses a moment. He’s not ready to cum yet.
“Are you touching yourself?” It’s phrased as a question but there’s a knowing lilt to his voice that doesn’t get past you.
“Please touch yourself. Make yourself feel good for me. ‘S nothing wrong with it. It’s not cheating.”
Cheating.
That’s why you left him in the first place, remember?
Eren has already proved to you that his morality is skewed to say the least. He’s not exactly reliable counsel for what’s right and what’s wrong.
“Just rub that pretty clit for me. If you’ve gotten this far, I bet you’re dying for it. Please. Please. Please.”
You frown at his words and realise that even when he's inebriated, he can charm you so easily. Maybe he didn't plan this but he's certainly has a strategy now. Every word he says is deliberate because he’s studied you inside and out. He's carefully documented all of your weak points. He knows which tricks work, and which tricks don’t and is using that against you. You’ve fallen into the trap he’s set for you, and now he’ll eat you alive.
The floorboards creak behind you.
You immediately pull your hand out from between your legs and close your eyes, pretending to be asleep to remain unbothered.
He's a bother you. That's what you think of your boyfriend. How sad.
Your body is safely covered by the blanket even though your panties and shorts are currently around your ankles.
Unfortunately, you never got the chance to press pause.
As your boyfriend shuffles around in the kitchen, you hear Eren’s voice in your ears.
“How’s that pussy babe? That perfect pussy miss me?”
You roll your lidded eyes, still, can’t help but squeeze your thighs together. You hope that your wriggling under the blanket goes unnoticed.
It would be ideal to laugh in his smug face and tell him no. What you wouldn’t give to be able to say 'no' and mean it.
You're not stupid. As much as this man is well-versed on you, you're just as wise to what makes him tick. You know his game and you must admit, he's executing it very well.
“If it does, give me a call. I miss it too. Wanna give it the good dick it deserves. And if it doesn’t?” You practically hear his smirk through the phone. “Still call me so I can remind it who it belongs to.”
You won’t call him back. You simply won’t. Up to here and no further, you tell yourself. This is the last time you’ll find yourself on Eren’s hook. It’s for your own sanity.
“Wanna watch you. I wanna see you, fuck, baby show me? Please show me? I don’t deserve it but you’ve always been so sweet to me. My sweet girl, please show me? Wanna see you fuck yourself for me. I’m losing my mind.” He goes from smug to humble seamlessly.
The pet names, the praise, the possessiveness despite having been broken up for months. He wants to remind your subconscious that once upon a time, you two were together and you were happy. That coupled with the uncharacteristic woefulness is his way of softening you up to sneak through the barriers you’ve built instead of breaking them down. And not only are you falling for it, but you’re also watching yourself fall for his bullshit with nothing to latch on to. It’s a disgrace.
“I’m so fucking hard for you right now. If I could slip this aching cock into your tight, drippy cunt I’d come so fucking fast. Please just call me back. Just have to fuck you one more time.
The sharp, shrill sound of a phone ringing cuts through the sound of Eren in your ears. You flinch, curling into yourself.
“Hello?” Your boyfriend answers the call in a hushed voice.
“No strings attached, I swear. I know you’re way too kind to hurt him like that, but he would never know. Please I can’t take it anymore.”
A fresh wave of guilt washes over you because what a slippery slope this must be. It could never be ‘just once’ or ‘no strings attached’ because there was never anything moderate or controlled about you and Eren together. It was always all or nothing. And in the middle of that tempest, someone else would end up drowning.
This was why you have his number saved the way you do. You were supposed to cut off all communication because you lose the ability to think rationally around him. It's dangerous, almost like a spell. Sure, he has a way with words, but it’s better described as a way with you.
The only reason you managed to get a clean break was because you never gave him a chance to explain himself. Not that there was much to explain. He cheated, simple as that. He probably would have pulled the most fantastical words out of thin air; soften you up nicely then slither his way into your bed and make you cum hard enough to scramble your brain. You’d be stuck there.
And he’s still able to do that with just a voice message.
So much for a clean break.
“I saw you guys went to the beach the other day. I swear I’m not stalking you-ha- ah." His voice breaks for a moment. "You just pop up on my feed. Teasin’ me all the fuckin time. You’re so good at that.” Much to you dismay, it makes you feel nostalgic. He says it like, even though so much has changed, nothing has really changed between you two.
“That swimsuit was always my favourite. The way your ass looks in it. I don’t even need a picture, that shit’s in my fuckin’ brain forever.”
Bombarding you with compliments is so typical of him. He knows it screws with your head and he’s always used that to his advantage. But you don’t think he knows that the words only mean something because they’re coming from him.
“Tell me something. Does he let you sit on his face?”
You squeeze your thighs together as tight as possible, looking for some relief while moving as little as possible. It’s so minimal it almost makes things worse. You’re starting to sweat underneath the blanket, dying to touch yourself again.
“He probably doesn’t and that makes so fuck – ah fuck fuck- fucking mad.”
Your boyfriend is still mumbling and muttering on the phone but then he leaves to go to your room, closing the door behind him. Your first thought is, 'thank God' because you're eager to get back to doing what you were doing before. Your second thought is ‘Who the hell is he talking to?' because why did he leave the room. Quickly, you catch yourself and reign in your suspicions. It’s because he still thinks you’re napping, and he doesn’t want to disturb you. That’s how sweet he is.
He wouldn’t betray you like that.
He isn’t Eren.
He isn’t you.
You hate yourself.
“Fuckin’ loser.”
Self-disgust doesn’t begin to cover it. It makes you angry that Eren has the audacity to say something like that but your infidelity would probably hurt him more than some spiteful words from your ex. You don't know why it shocks you though. Eren proved he had no respect for his own relationship, why would you expect him to respect your relationship with someone else.
“Sorry. That’s mean. It’s just… I know you love that. And I love it too. So it makes me so mad knowing you aren’t getting spoiled like that.”
It makes you so mad that he just knows these things.
Does he know that you cried for weeks because of him?
Does he know that in the first few days after your breakup you didn’t even leave the house? Hell, you barely got out of bed.
Does he know how long it took for you to just be able to function without him?
Does he know how difficult it was for you to bring down your walls enough to just consider being in a relationship with another man?
“You’re so cute y’know that baby? You were scared to do it at first, I remember. Scared you were gonna suffocate me like that wasn’t exactly what I wanted. Still want it. Want you to ride my face again and use my tongue to get off. You loved that. I loved that. I love you.”
The way he says those three words is so casually, so natural, they tell you he knows none of that. He says it like what he did never happened. You can't dwell on it too long because you know he doesn’t mean it. He can’t possibly.
“Please. Just one time. No one would ever find out.”
You want to start touching yourself again, but you hesitate. This was probably the same logic he used when he did what he did to you. If you did, would it make you just as bad as him?
‘Just one time.’ But it’s never like that.
‘No one will ever find out.’ Except you did. Someone always does.
The humiliation gnaws at you from the inside out just like how you felt when you found out. You felt like nothing. Like something to be discarded. It was a mistake he said, but how can that be if true if he's actively trying to make you cheat too. This is who he truly is, and he had you fooled so well. All that time you were together, you didn't see it.
“I miss you.” It’s said differently to everything else. Not steamy or seductive but wistfully, like he’s being vulnerable for a rare moment. He says it like he means more than just the sex. He misses you in your entirety, and it only serves to worsen the heartache. It almost makes you want to delete the message and forget what just happened.
“Are you close babe?” He switches back so masterfully that it gives you whiplash. “You gotta be. I know.”
That’s right. He knows you. He knows that this is the shit that gets you off.
Your boyfriend doesn’t know you.
You shake away all the shame, humiliation and pain and start to thrust your fingers inside you again. Would not finishing make this any better? What's done is done. You’re already so close to the edge. What’s the point of feeling as revolting as you do if you don’t at least get an orgasm out of it?
Three fingers stretch you out even more now, moving in time to the soft but still audible rhythm of Eren’s skin slapping on skin as he flicks his wrist up and down his cock.
“Wanna cum for you baby. Wanna cum for you thinking about your sweet fucking face."
Face. Not tits. Not ass. Not pussy.
He says face for a reason. Somehow, it's just more meaningful.
"Like, there’s this look you get when you wanna get fucked. It makes me wanna ruin you cause in your eyes I can see that’s just what you want. All wide and round, slightly hazy because just thinking of my cock makes you go just a little bit dumb. Your mouth used to hang open a little and I’d shove my fingers in there and tell you to show me what you wanted.”
Your brain completes the picture, reminding you how you would suck on them, swirl your tongue around them, let your saliva seep out on to his knuckles and run down his wrist. Not saying a word but begging to get fucking within an inch of your life.
You bunch the blanket up between your teeth to muffle your moans feeling the electric sensation that’s traveling from your core, down your legs.
“I always loved fucking you in missionary cause there’s this face you make. Right when I’m about to put it in. Your pupils are all blown and you’re looking right at me. Only me.”
That’s right. Only him.
“You would furrow your brows and pout a little bit because I’m taking my time… teasing you. Remember those times I’d get mean? Make you beg with your words. Dragging my cock up and down your pussy, tap the head on your clit until you started tearing up.”
Oh yes, he was a master of torture. Even being broken up, he’s still torturing you.
“And then when I’d finally do it, finally stretch your tight pussy out like it deserves.”
He says it with the implication that you’re somehow now getting less than what you deserve. An assumption only someone as cocky as him would make.
“You would close your eyes and let out the sweetest fucking noise.”
Just like the squeal you let out right now.
“When you would open your eyes when I was all the way inside, I could just tell it was lights out in there. Not a single thought. Just me.”
You weren’t alone though. You knew in those moments where messy tendrils of dark hair framed his gorgeous, blushing face and you look into those captivating green eyes and all you could see was your own reflection.
Just you.
It made you feel special, loved, desired. Oh, to be desired by Eren Jaeger… you relished in that, strove for it as much as you could, so blissfully unaware that your desire to be desired by him would be your undoing one day or another.
He still wants me.
The thought has your insides bundling up into a knot so tight that your legs are trembling.
“Remember the time I railed you in front of the mirror? Wanted you to see your own face.”
He fucked you to the point of tears that time. Made you cum so many times even after you begged for a break, he kept going. ‘Just one more time. One more time just for me baby. I know you can.’ He had his finger hooked in the side of your mouth and the other arm wrapped around your waist , lithe fingers rubbing sloppy circles on your swollen, borderline painful clit.
You know very, very well that ‘just one more time’ would never be that. That’s why you’re determined not to give in.
Well… give in more than you already have.
“Your eyes were all red, face puffy from crying. It was so fucking hot, the way you would whore yourself out for me. You’re so fucking hot.”
The praise and degradation mingle together into the most delectable cocktail. It’s enough to make you dizzy.
Wish I could see you cum. That was always my favourite face. The fucking killshot. Your tongue would always poke out of your mouth a little. I’d never let you close your eyes either because I wanted to see them cross when you fucking exploded on my cock.”
“Are you close? ‘cause, fuck, I won’t last much longer.”
Are you close? Another question he must already have the answer to. Eren’s voice and words and just the fucking picture of him in bed, jerking himself furiously, in absolute anguish because he wants you so badly. He’s begging for you. Begging for you to cum for him now and let him pound you silly later. How could you not be close?
“Do me a favour?”
You’d probably do anything he asked of you. Anything so you can cum for him right now and anything for the personal honour of making him cum.
“Say my name when you cum. I know I can’t hear it but that was always what d-did it for me. When you said my name. Shit. I need it. Please.”
The way he says he needs it is what pushes you over the edge. The thing that makes you cum is his pure, unbridled desperation.
Eren.
You whisper it under your breath to comply with his wish as a best you can before you arch your back off the couch surface, bucking your hips against your fingers as you fuck yourself through your orgasm, the way he would. Because you can hear him, you can imagine it's him on top of you with his cock pistoning in and out of you.
Through your earphones, you hear Eren grunt has he reaches his own peak, who unlike you does not have to keep his voice down. You can clearly hear him growl your name aloud, throwing all sorts of expletives in between.
You mutter his name repeatedly, like prayer, words morphing into sighs as you melt back down to earth, all four limbs weak and floppy.
“I know you said it. You’re such a fucking good girl for me of course you did. Know you came hard as fuck too. ”
‘I know.’
‘I know.’
‘I know.’
God, you wish he would stop saying that.
He goes silent for a moment. You almost think he’s done with this. He got his nut and finished.
But he still has one last thing to say.
“I made such a huge fucking mess.’ He says while catching his breath. ‘I wish you could see it. Don’t you wanna taste it? The picture I’m looking at right now, the one I came to, is that one of you on your knees. With your mouth open and my cum on your tongue. Remember? You wanted to swallow it but I made you wait until I got it on camera.”
It was a Saturday afternoon. He was gaming with his friends but you were horny and looking for attention. He wasn't prepared to stop playing so you crawled under his desk, pulled out his cock and had your way with it. You teased the head, circling your tongue around it and gently sucking on it. Every now and then you directed your attention to his balls, you put them in your mouth to rest and suck on it too. You didn't let him put his dick in your mouth though, you just kissed along the shaft to coax him into concentrating on you and you alone. It didn't take too long to get exactly that. You made it worth his while too. He rested his back on the chair letting you take control. There was no face fucking, no guiding, he just let you suck him off the way you wanted to. And that was slow and languid with lots of teasing. He didn't get mad or frustrated, in fact, he praised you.
'Fuck, my baby is so fuckin' good to me.'
'So fuckin' pretty with my cock in your mouth.'
'I'm so lucky. You're so fuckin' sexy and you're all mine.'
The best blowjob he ever had, that's what he said. Then you begged for him to cum in your mouth with pretty puppy dog eyes. Of course he let you but first he need the picture with your sweet, innocent expression in contrast to the cum sprayed on to your tongue.
You were happy being his.
Your eyes well up with tears.
You thought you had it stitched up good, that gaping hole in your chest that Eren left behind. But here you are crying over him again. You really tried. You said you'd moved on time and time again hoping to eventually convince your self that it was true.
Will this ever end? You're sick of pining over him. Why can't you just let him go?
If only he had left you alone, if only you ignored his message.
All this has done is stoke your longing for Eren. It didn’t soothe anything. It wasn’t enough to satisfy you.
You wanted more.
You wanted him.
“I was serious, you know? About one last fuck. I promise you; it’ll feel way better than this. And this… was already fucking incredible for me. I know it was for you too.
You wish he would just stop. Your post orgasmic haze is fading away and the reality and gravity of what you’ve just done has begun to dawn on you.
“And about those pictures… they’re safe don’t worry. Just say the word and I’ll delete everything. Alright. Text me back.”
He may have said it earlier in the heat of the moment but he doesn’t end the message with “I love you” the way he always would. You don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse.
You blink away your tears and save them for another day. There's a far more pressing matter that you need to attend to.
You'll lie and say it wasn't intentional, take a page out of Eren's handbook and call it 'a mistake' to excuse the fact your hand is inching back in between you legs, fingers just ghosting over your lips.
You press play for the second time.