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When Rui was little, he used to have wild, fanciful dreams.
Dreams about unicorns in space, monsters made out of cookies, monkeys swinging through the jungle, everything a small child might dream of. But his most private dreams, the ones he kept closest to his heart, were about his imaginary friend.
Rui’s friend didn’t need a name. They were simply ‘Rui’s friend’. He dreamed about the shows they might put on together, directed and written by him, performed by them. Audiences flocked to their shows, grand spotlights shining majestically down on the pair as they bowed, hand-in-hand, smiling ear-to-ear.
But imaginary friends were imaginary for a reason. As Rui grew up, he learned that some dreams were better kept close to his heart, either because they were too precious to share or because they would be ridiculed for their impossibility. Sometimes, it was both.
So Rui wrote his plays alone, filling pages and pages of paper with dialogue and directions that would never come to life, meant for actors that would never exist. And in the quietest hours of the night, slumped over his desk, Rui dreamed of someone who would bring his dreams to life.
Someone who sparkled like the star they were meant to be, who brought Rui’s plays to life and gave their characters charm and likeability, pushed Rui to write better shows and pushed him to be better. Then again, he only dreamed like this when no one was around, and he had learned a long time ago that there were better things to do than dream.
And then Rui met Tsukasa.
Tsukasa, who agreed to anything Rui suggested, worked harder than anybody Rui had ever met, sparkled on stage as if he was born to be there.
Tsukasa, the boy of his dreams.
When he watched Tsukasa turn on his childhood friend, he knew in his heart that things wouldn’t turn out how he had dreamed. He should have expected it, of course, should have known better than to get his hopes up.
So it was with a broken heart that Rui turned away from Tsukasa, turned away from his dreams, because dreams were simple, fleeting things, and Tsukasa was not … right. Not the right person, not the right time, not the right fit.
But broken things can be fixed. So Rui ran back, cursing himself for ever turning away, because every moment he was away Tsukasa appeared in his dreams. Ran back to Tsukasa’s side, and there he stayed. Content.
But Rui was greedy, selfish and greedy. He wanted more.
All of a sudden, it wasn’t enough to simply sit by Tsukasa’s side, listening to him ramble in the hazy afternoon sunlight. It wasn’t enough to subsist on those small moments of contact, eyes meeting and turning away, fingers brushing and then pulling back to cover red faces. Rui wanted more, wanted Tsukasa to be his, final and absolute.
Rui knew, however, that there was no chance that Tsukasa could return these selfish feelings he possessed. Could never, would never, because Rui was simply by Tsukasa’s side, pushing him forward into the light, and that would have to be enough.
It would have to be enough, because... because of so many reasons. Rui had thought this over a thousand times, budding tears wiped away before they could slip down his cheeks and reveal the extent of his longing.
Tsukasa was bound to become famous, if Rui asked for more, he would only hold Tsukasa back. And Rui was bound to hurt the people he cared for, it was simply the way things were, and he was only still near Tsukasa out of pure selfishness, because he couldn’t bear to tear himself away. Also, Tsukasa didn’t owe anything to Rui. More like Rui owed Tsukasa the world, and all the shining stars.
Also, plus, and, including, the list of reasons why Rui should never ask for more beyond friendship with Tsukasa went on and on. There was simply too much evidence staring Rui in the face to do anything.
So he loved Tsukasa, loved him desperately and unendingly, but most importantly, quietly. Rui tried his best to hide his longing stares and the pink on his cheeks, really tried. Swallowed his heart when it climbed into his throat and suppressed its incessant pounding.
Because Rui could keep things to himself. He was good at it, too, especially after years of practice.
But Tsukasa was not.
So Tsukasa asks Rui to meet him on the rooftop after school, wind playing with the ends of their ties and kicking up their hair. Two meaningless shapes against a bright blue sky.
Rui can’t stop himself from staring as Tsukasa spills his heart for Rui to see, can’t stop staring at this boy who steals all his thoughts and replaces them with whirring, bright white noise, the boy who stars in his dreams.
He realizes that Tsukasa is waiting for him to speak, red-cheeked and oddly silent.
How is he supposed to respond?
Rui has always known that he loves Tsukasa, how the moon revolves around the sun, concrete, absolute fact. And Tsukasa’s looking at him as if he were bracing for rejection, as if Rui could ever reject Tsukasa. Not when Rui loves Tsukasa like this.
He steps forward and takes a breath and takes another step and breathes. How is he meant to say this?
“Are you real?" He asks instead, not expecting a response. Step forward, keep moving through the waver in his voice and the ache in his chest. “I can’t believe you’re real. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.”
Because it’s true, it’s even more true than the fact that Rui loves Tsukasa and more true than the fact that Tsukasa is moving forward and meeting Rui in the middle space, he’s surging closer carried on a burst of bright heat, and then he stops so close to Rui that he can see every small freckle on Tsukasa’s face.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Tsukasa moves forward, starry golden eyes flickering with hope and hesitancy, his hand coming up to cover Rui’s. He’s trembling, just a little bit. Rui’s in shock.
Then, their lips brush. Barely, so soft that Rui thinks he might have imagined it. He probably did, this entire thing feels too dream-like, too hazy and brushed with soft air that it can’t be real, this can’t be, but Tsukasa grasps his hand tighter and pulls Rui out of his head with another kiss.
It’s so short that Rui doesn’t even get a chance to process the kiss, still thinking about the impossible idea that Tsukasa loves him back Tsukasa loves him back Tsukasaloveshimback.
Rui buries his head in Tsukasa’s shoulder and chokes back a sob.
He can feel Tsukasa’s questions exploding out of him but he doesn’t ask, and Rui doesn’t know if he’s ready to answer. There’s so many things he wants to tell Tsukasa, so much to explain and show him, because Rui’s possessed with the inexplicable urge to explain himself to Tsukasa, but right now, he’s content.
Content to stand there for all of eternity, content to stare at the boy of his dreams.