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Everything is dark and cold. There is no warmth. There is no light. No joyful memories. No memories at all.
He feels confused and scared. Which is understandable, considering he is unable to remember anything at all. Where is he? Who is he?
Until he opens his eyes and sees a girl. The girl is very small, and her eyes are full of kindness.
She helps him. She lessens some of the confusion. She tells him his name is Kunikuzushi, and that he has been in a coma. She tells him she was waiting for the day he would finally open his eyes.
Kunikuzushi is still confused, but not as much as before. He is less scared. The kind girl's name is Nahida. She says she is the god of wisdom, and she wants to help him.
If someone is a god, then they must be good, right? Gods are all-knowing and powerful. Someone with that much knowledge must be very wise and good.
He asks her why he can't remember anything. She tells him he was injured after falling, and that he had hit his head.
He asks her more about himself, but when he does, Nahida's kind eyes fill with sadness. She tells him his past is not a happy one. She thinks he should make fresh new memories at the moment.
Kunikuzushi is worried about what may have happened in his past, but he trusts Nahida since she is wise. She promises to tell him more once he starts a new life for himself.
He spends many days with Nahida. During this time, she tells him many wonderful stories. He has started caring for her as if she were his sister.
Kunikuzushi is happy. He has fun listening to his sister's stories. He starts to wonder if he shouldn't ask about his past again. He is happy. Why should he tarnish that happiness with sorrow?
Unfortunately, it seems as if Kunikuzushi is an unlucky soul. His memories start returning to him. They come as little flashes at first. But eventually, they turn into nightmares.
He sees himself. He has longer hair and he is with a tall woman. He feels weak, and he doesn't know why. He feels abandoned, and he doesn't know why. Who is this woman? A small voice in his mind says the word "mother", and it only brings forth more memories.
He sees himself discarded. Too weak. Useless. Pathetic. Even his own mother doesn't want him. Why else would she throw him away?
He sees himself with others. People who must have been his companions. But they also abandon him. Just like Mother. He must be truly useless if he has been abandoned three times.
He sees himself wandering. Wandering with nowhere to go. Until strange people offer their hands out to him, and he joins them. Desperate for some semblance of family.
He sees himself doing things that horrify him. Hurting people. Killing people. Innocent people. He doesn't understand why he would do that and he prays that this memory is false. Nahida wouldn't want to be his friend anymore if she knew. She is so kind, and he feels like she deserves a better friend than a murderer.
He sees himself running away. Running away with his newfound power. The power that he betrayed his companion to get.
Then he sees himself hurting Nahida, and his heart breaks. He doesn't want to watch himself yelling at her, mocking her. Saying those cruel words.
He hates himself. How could he hurt his friend? She had shown him nothing but kindness. So why? He hates these memories. He wants to forget again.
He doesn't want to be Scaramouche. He doesn't want to be The Balladeer.
He just wants to be Kunikuzushi.
Kunikuzushi is Nahida's friend. But The Balladeer from his memories is her enemy.
He wants to go back to when he first woke up. Or maybe it would be best if he hadn't ever woken up at all.
Kunikuzushi is scared. Scared Nahida will know he remembers. So he leaves. He runs away. He hates himself for it. He just wants a family. He just wants a friend.
But he doesn't deserve friends.