Chapter Text
Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you
You looked over at Tsukishima. He'd been so distant the last few months and this was a nice reprieve. It's not like you always expected the relationship— or he himself— to be perfect at all times. Because he wasn't; much to his chagrin. But that's why you loved him: he wasn't perfect but genuinely thought he was. And on top of that, you had been together for almost four years. That novelty had long worn off, but you still loved him. You still wanted to be with him. You still thought he was beautiful (and damn near perfect, but you wouldn't actually tell that asshole that).
And here he was, paying attention to you for what felt like the first time in a long time. Well, kind of. He just walked into your dorm and held up a movie you both talked about a few months back but never got to see. But his arm was around your neck and his other hand was stroking your thigh over his lap. And it honestly felt like it had been months since he last touched you for longer than about ten seconds.
You wished you were being dramatic. After over three years of constant sex (literally, almost every single day and some days had multiple go-rounds), maybe the last few months left you feeling neglected in that aspect of your relationship.
And it's not like you didn't understand. You absolutely did. You were in college and he was not only doing his studies, but still played volleyball. And you went to all the games. And yeah, you guys had several classes together. You both wanted to work in museums, but different types of museums. He already had his picked out, had something arranged, and was actually interning there. You were in the works with an art museum not too far from it.
You were starting to wonder if you actually should do that.
Don't get it twisted, you wanted to be with him and be close to him. But you were beginning to think that he was planning the long goodbye instead of a quick and abrupt one like you always imagined he would do during the more intense fights.
"You've been staring at me for the last five minutes. Did that cookie kick in?" He smirked a little bit didn't look away from the TV. Along with the movie, he brought edibles Tanaka apparently made. You probably shouldn't have been surprised that Tanaka was who he got his weed from. Mostly because you got yours from him in high school as well.
You hummed softly. "Maybe. I was just lost in thought."
He hummed softly. "Oh? What about?"
You pulled your mouth to the side. "Us."
He hummed as his smirk shrank just a little that it was almost undetectable. "And what about us?"
"That I feel like you haven't touched me for longer than about ten seconds in months." Yeah, that edible kicked in, alright. And annihilated your filter.
He cocked his head as he pursed his lips. He was genuinely thinking about it. Finally, he kind of frowned. "It has been months, hasn't it?" he whispered. "I'm sorry, my love," he whispered even quieter as he pulled you a little closer and his fingers stroked your neck. "I've just been so busy lately. This season has been so jam packed. Then there's classes and all the fucking presentations I've had to put together. Not to mention, the internship." He sighed and turned to look at you. "I'm an asshole. And you should've told me sooner."
You smiled softly. "I'm sorry, baby," you whispered and stroked his cheek.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, you idiot," he mumbled and kissed you.
He hummed contently as he leaned his forehead against yours and his hand slid in between your thighs and gently rubbed. "I'd say we should have sex, but it's damn near impossible to make you come when you're edible high," he whispered as one of his fingers rubbed against your underwear. "But," he whispered even lower as his fingers on his other hand hooked over your throat, "edibles do make you super fucking horny."
You breathed out a soft moan as his slender fingers pushed aside your panties and rubbed your slick entrance before gently thrusting his fingers inside. He smiled against your lips. "I had been missing you more than usual when we've had to spend days apart recently. I thought it was that I hadn't been able to spend so much time with you. Hadn't even realized it was because we hadn't been fucking," he licked your lips.
He slowly moved until he was sitting in between your thighs. He pushed up your (his, really) shirt to reveal your breasts. He pulled his fingers from you then pulled your underwear down. He took off his own shirt then leaned down and kissed you. You pulled him down flush to you and hummed happily at the feeling of his skin on yours.
He chuckled and rolled your nipple as you pushed down his briefs and wrapped your legs around his waist. He hummed and smiled as he thrusted into you. "I'd make a joke about you being impatient, but I already want to fill you up," he kind of mumbled and sat up.
He grabbed your waist tightly and pounded into you what felt like as hard as he could. He was such a good boyfriend that he knew you wouldn't be capable of doing much other than laying there, taking it, and occasionally touching him in what was probably nonsensical ways.
He smiled as you reached up and scratched down his abdomen. "Oh, baby," he whispered as he loosely gripped your throat. "I didn't mean to go so long without showing you just how much I appreciate you and everything you are and do," he whispered even lower as he leaned down and kissed you.
One of your hands tangled in his hair and the other rested on his shoulder blade. He nibbled your earlobe. "I thought I noticed a distinct lack of hickies on your thighs when you undressed. Now I know it wasn't just a lack of sleep that made me hallucinate." His teeth dragged up your neck.
You couldn't help but laugh as he sucked on your collarbone in what felt like an honestly desperate way. He smiled against your skin. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, "I just can't help myself right now. I thought I was going crazy, but now I'm thinking it was withdrawals... From you... Which I didn't think was a real thing when my friends would talk that sentimental shit," he whispered and raised his head as his grip temporarily tightened on your throat.
All you could do was smile. Because those things were real for you. That desperate missing of him. The way it felt like your stomach flipped when you thought of him. That withdrawal like feeling after not being with him for so long.
You held his face in your hands as one of his hands loosely gripped your hair and he leaned his forehead against yours. He smiled that wide, pretty smile of his that always had you melting since the first time you saw it in your apartment all those years ago. "I see you feel the same, my love," he whispered and kissed you.
His free hand reached down and pinched and rubbed your clit, making you moan loudly into his mouth. "Good thing your roommate is out for the weekend. You get so loud when you're high. It's so hard to get those big orgasms out of you, but," he smirked as he let go of your hair and reached out. You heard the nightstand drawer open and him rummaging around in it.
His smirk grew as his hand came back with a wand massager and he turned it on as he pressed it against your clit. "I can get a hell of a lot of the little ones. And you get so fucking horny that I could probably fuck you all night long. Not like we haven't before."
He bit your lip as he sat up then let go and chuckled as you just fell back to the bed. "My sweet and good girl," he whispered as a small orgasm shook your body briefly.
You moaned his name as he grabbed your leg and put it against his chest as the other grabbed your throat. "Have you missed being my personal fuck toy and come dump?" His smirk grew when you moaned your assent. "Let me make it up to you then, baby. Well, partially anyway."
You spread your legs more for him as you held the wand and grabbed his side. He moaned softly as he leaned down a little and you did your best to rise up and meet him to kiss him. He smiled against your lips. "I say partially because your high ass doesn't have the attention span to prepare for anal. And I know I'm gonna be doing all the work as well."
You opened your mouth to speak, but a moan came out and he rolled his eyes. "Yes, I will. In five minutes, you'll be like, "I wanna ride you." But what you mean is I'm gonna be doing the work and holding you up."
You were about to open your mouth again, but he shoved his fingers in. "Woman, I love you. But I'm not gonna help you prepare. I want to continue to love you and find you attractive."
You laughed and put your hands on his waist and he easily stopped; knowing you so well that he knew you couldn't multitask very well high. "Just carry me there and back? I can take care of the rest."
He hummed softly. "You sure?"
You smiled and nodded. "I definitely want you to fuck me all night now. You need to reclaim me, baby," you whispered and stroked his cheeks.
He smiled widely and whispered, "Well, then," as he scooped you up in his arms. "If you're sure, my love," he whispered even quieter.
You just smiled and nodded as he carried you across the hall to the bathroom. He sat you down on the toilet and was even nice enough to prepare the enema for you. He leaned down and kissed your forehead then walked out of the bathroom.
And that left you alone with your thoughts.
Honestly? You were still thinking he was going for the long goodbye. You really couldn't put it past him if it meant he could avoid conflict with you. His competitive nature meant he never wanted to lose a fight. But your need to prove everyone wrong and stupid meant you'd never back down.
Even worse? Maybe it was you two actually needed. Whether it was a brief break and space from each other or the end, it would be better than where you were. You saw that shift in his expression when you said you were thinking about us. That wasn't because he was sad; he was angry. And you weren't even sure why or whether it was even directed at you.
Even worse than that? What if he was telling the truth? What if he genuinely did miss you that much? He still looked pained when he said I love you. He looked even more pained when he said I appreciate you. That way he'd lower his voice to the point where you barely heard him when he'd say baby or my love...
Wait, those are in the wrong category, you thought as you sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. It had been almost four years, you probably shouldn't be forgiving that shit anymore.
But that's just the way he is, you sighed and closed your eyes. You weren't even sure what option you were hoping for anymore. This was too deep a topic for your high brain to handle.
"Baby, you okay?! You're taking longer than usual!"
You looked at the door. He actually said baby loud enough for the neighbors to possibly hear him. He was showing concern in a way that people who heard could connect back to him.
"I'm fine! Just deep in thought, sorry!"
"Okay! Take your time! I don't mind, baby!"
You just kind of smiled as you continued to stare at the door. "Okay! Thanks!"
Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close, I feel like coming undone
You smiled as you turned your attention to the task at hand. And that didn't take as long as you thought it would. You were much more capable to do this while high than you ever had been. You honestly attributed it to how much you wanted him to fill you. You both honestly had a little bit of a breeding kink.
You walked out and were successfully able to navigate your way across the hall. You were such a lightweight with edibles and he lived for it. Because everything is a competition with him.
Before you could fall down that rabbit hole, you were pulled to the bed and on your back. He smiled down at you as he leaned over you, then gave you a chaste kiss. He was about to open his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.
"You take the lead, baby. I'm here for your pleasure," you whispered and he leaned his forehead down against yours.
He closed his eyes and hummed contently. His fingers fluttered up your thighs and sides. "In that case," he whispered in that special way of his as he opened his eyes, "I'm gonna take my time tonight, my beautiful and good girl."
You moaned against his lips as he thrusted into you. He smirked as he stroked your cheek and propped himself up on his other elbow. "I'm sorry I haven't shown you how much I appreciate you, babe," he whispered and kissed your cheek as he added more force behind his thrusts.
You grabbed a handful of his hair as he kissed your neck. You felt him smile against your shoulder as your grip tightened. "I love you too, baby," he whispered and placed a soft kiss to your ear.
You laughed as he nibbled on your neck. You turned your head and kissed his temple. He hummed happily and raised his head as his fist wrapped tightly around your throat. His other arm stretched out then came back. His smirk grew when you moaned at the feeling of wet and cool metal pressed against your ass. It grew even more when you moaned as he pushed it in.
He hummed softly and kind of shrugged. "A little pain but not enough fo me to be concerned about," he mumbled as he sat up more.
You just kind of reached up and touched his face, then your hand slid down to his chest and abdomen, finally resting there. He chuckled softly. "You're good, baby. I know how you get when you're edible high. You do what you feel like and I'll take care of the rest."
You smiled and moaned as a little orgasm shook your body. And that seemed to encourage him to move even faster. He grabbed your thighs and held them down next to you as he thrusted into you as fast and hard as he could. Your nails sank into his skin and dragged down his abs.
He moaned softly, closed his eyes, and leaned his head back. A small smile graced his lips as one of his hands slid up your body to your breasts and grabbed tightly. His head lolled forward and he hummed as he looked down at you.
You knew that look. You smiled as you reached down and pulled the plug from you. It honestly took him no fucking time at all for him to switch holes and you dropped the plug; the sound of it clanking on the floor lost in his skin roughly hitting yours and your loud moans.
He leaned down over you to kiss you and you felt him reach for something. He smiled against your lips as he pulled the thigh sling under your neck. You both giggled and he sighed. "I know you, my love," he whispered as he was able to blindly buckle one of the cuffs to your thigh. "You'll get your energy back in a couple hours. But until then, I'll do what I can to make it easier."
You stroked his cheeks and he hummed contently. "You're too good to me," you whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours.
He chuckled as he finished buckling the other cuff. "It's definitely the other way around," he cupped your cheek and studied you intently, a small smile on his lips. "You're the one who's too good to me, my love."
You couldn't help your smile. He said that at normal volume. And it honestly struck you speechless.
And of course, he noticed. He just chuckled and kissed you. "Don't worry, my love. I'm not going anywhere," he whispered against your lips and wrapped his arms around you.
Oh. Oh.
He was in the same mindset you were. He noticed it, the lack of sexual activity. And like he always did, he catalogued it and didn't bring it up because the ramifications were too great in his head. He was thinking all the same things you were earlier.
Your hands slapped down on his shoulder blades. He chuckled, dryly and self-deprecatingly, as he raised his head and bit your lip. He groaned at the little orgasm that rocked through your body. "Oh, good girl," he whispered and gave you a chaste kiss. "Don't worry, baby," he gave you another kiss. "I'm not ready to give you up. I'm glad you're not either," he smiled widely against your lips.
You held him down on top of you. And he didn't seem to mind. He seemed intent on marking you up with constellations of hickies like you were seventeen again. And you didn't mind that one single bit. He was showing everyone that you were his.
He bit down relatively hard on your shoulder and it pulled a sharp moan from you. All his actions, minus the sucking on your shoulder, halted. You stroked the back of his head and neck as he chuckled softly.
"I'm not entirely sure if I've ever come so fast," he whispered as he stroked your thighs.
You hummed softly as he sucked high up on your neck, but you were honestly too high and happy to care. "It's okay. You and I both know you're still ready to go. You're just taking a breather."
He chuckled and raised his head. "Fair point. I'm also not trying to break your asshole tonight. And I'm liable to in this state."
You shrugged. "Fair enough. I'm just here for your use, baby."
He hummed happily as he sat up on his knees. He grabbed your throat tighty. "You know all the right things to say, my love," he whispered as his thumb pressed into your jaw. He hummed again as he resumed that hard pace of his. "All the right things," he repeated quietly.
Oh, you were well past words now. He was in his element now and it felt too good for you to even think about anything else. Just his actions. Just the way he was making you feel.
He leaned down over you, making you realize that you had closed your eyes at some fucking point in time. He kissed your earlobe. "Already lost in me, my love?" he whispered lowly in your ear.
You could feel him smiling widely when you just moaned as another little orgasm shook you. "You are, baby," he growled out.
You just continued to moan as he continued to pound into you. He was so good to you. You two were very similar in the aspect that you didn't want to talk about things that bothered you. But how you dealt with those things diverged. He typically took it out on the court and himself. You had to learn how to properly tape up his fingers because he kept fucking them up. And you got through those feelings by him doing exactly what he was now: he'd basically use you as a fuck toy until you gave the word you were done. And then there was that breeding kink you both had coupled with your praise kink. He'd have his fun while he did it, so you never really put much stock into whether it was a coping mechanism of his as well.
Now you were beginning to think it was. It's not like he had never gone full force at you. But he never really did it high. Mostly because, all jokes aside, he did kind of break your asshole once and you were out of commission for a couple weeks. He was not a happy camper about that and blamed himself.
Well, that was about to happen again. At least he seemed to be aware of it this time and used a hell of a lot of less force.
He kissed your cheek. "Sorry, baby. Couldn't help myself. Just…"
You held him tighter and he sighed against your neck as he settled between your legs. "We really need to get better at communicating," he mumbled as he rolled his hips into you. "You've been saying it since almost the goddamn beginning. We internalize too much shit separately and it would cause problems. And every big fight, you bring it up. Because you always need to prove you're right and everyone else is wrong and stupid. And don't say you don't. So let's skip that argument."
You moaned out a giggle and he smiled against your cheek. "Fair enough. Continue to tell me how right I am then."
He laughed, a real genuine laugh that he only let a select few hear. "There's my girl," he whispered quietly and kissed your cheek. "You're right. I was wrong. I should've listened to you the first time. I'm the idiot here. When I first had the thought of how I missed you, I should've voiced it then."
"Me too," you whispered and kissed his neck.
His smile grew. "I'm glad you can admit your faults, my love. I'm sure if we had actually talked our schedules out like a normal couple, we might've been able to come up with time for each other. But I'm an idiot. You're an idiot. We're both idiots. I'm sorry. You're sorry." He kissed you.
He smiled against your lips. "I'd like to get back to fucking you now. We can have this conversation later." He laughed when you just nodded.
In the middle of the night, when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
He sat up straight and pounded into you. You opened your eyes and saw him smirking down on you. You tried to move one of your legs and his smirk only grew.
"Already want me to flip you over and do what I really want?" he whispered lowly.
You bit your tongue and he hummed as he slid his fingers against your tongue, one lingering around the tongue ring. His smirk grew still as he whispered, "That never gets old, baby."
He cocked his head and hummed softly as you dragged your tongue across your upper lip. "Neither does that," he whispered even quieter as he pulled out of you. He leaned down over you and pinned your wrists down next to your head. "You sure? So early on?"
You tried to stroke his cheek, then you remembered he had you pinned down and it made him chuckle. "I'm sure, handsome," you whispered quietly.
He smiled widely and nodded. "Okay. If you say so, beautiful," he whispered just as quietly. He sat up and easily flipped you over. You looked at him over your shoulder as he sat up and kneaded your ass. He smiled softly and hummed contently as he looked at you. "You're beautiful," he whispered and his smile grew a little more.
You hummed happily then moaned as he gently thrusted into your ass. One of his hands slid down your back to tangle in your hair. He kind of pulled your head back a little and hummed softly. "Why didn't you bring it up?" he whispered quietly as he used all of his force.
Oh, he was definitely gonna break your asshole tonight.
You did your best to kind of kick his leg and he relented a little. "Sorry," he whispered. He hummed when you lazily nodded towards the bathroom. "Yeah, good point," he mumbled as he unbuckled one cuff. "Let's not have a repeat of last time. God, I love how smart you are," he muttered under his breath.
You just kind of nodded as he scooped you up again and you leaned against his chest. He chuckled as you leaned your head back against his shoulder and he adjusted his grip on your thighs. "Now here's the question," he kind of laughed out as he carried you across the hall. "Do we preemptively turn the shower on? It will mean that I take off my glasses and can't see you very well."
You pointed to your eyes and he grimaced. "I love you, but I'm not okay with helping you take your contacts out." He held you in front of the mirror.
"I wasn't asking for that, jackass," you mumbled as you opened your contact container and started to work on pulling them out. "I just wanted you to put me in front of the mirror. You know I don't like showering with them in. Now we'll both be blind."
He chuckled as he kissed your neck and stroked your thighs. "Fair point, babe." He did his best not to jostle you as he leaned over and turned the shower on. He took off his glasses and set them down next to your contact container. "Did we ever decide who's more blind?"
You rolled your eyes. "You. Your farsightedness beats out my nearsightedness. By far and wide."
He laughed and smiled as he stepped into the shower. He set you down on your feet as you closed the curtain. He laughed even more as you leaned your face against the tiles. "This was your idea, baby," he whispered as he held tightly to your hips as you got on your tiptoes.
You just kind of nodded as he slowly and roughly thrusted into you. He kissed your temple. "You still haven't answered my question."
You moaned softly. "I thought we were gonna talk about this later?"
He shrugged. "It's just weighing on me, that's all."
You kind of shrugged. "I knew you were busy. You'd still sleep here or me there, so I wasn't all that worried about, like… You finding someone else." You would've said more, but he went back to that merciless pace.
He hummed curtly. "I think you were worried. Now tell me the truth," he said softly as he grabbed a handful of your hair and pressed your face more against the tiles.
He hummed softly when you simply nodded. "And you didn't say anything?" He nodded when you shook your head. "Why? Or do you even have the capacity to fully answer me right now?"
He hummed softly as you reached back and pulled him closer to you. "I love you too, but still. If you were afraid I might've found someone else, why not say anything?"
He closed his eyes when you just reached up and stroked his cheek. He leaned his forehead against the tiles above you and kind of cocked his head so he could look down at you. Not like he could see you very well.
After what felt like an eternity of a painfully slow pace and that gaze of his that bored into you, he finally licked his lips. "Are you saying that you love me so much, you'd overlook that?"
He hummed softly when you shook your head. "Okay good. Because that thought bothers me," he mumbled and rubbed his forehead.
He sighed deeply and squinted a little at you. "You love me so much that…" His features smoothed out and he sighed again as he rubbed your hips. "You were afraid to lose me," he whispered so quietly that you barely heard him over the shower.
You pulled your mouth to the side and just kind of bobbed your head about. He sighed and wrapped his arms around your waist. He tilted his head a little so he could kiss the top of your head.
He opened his mouth as one of your phones started ringing from the bedroom. He furrowed his brow. "Mine or yours?" He hummed when you shrugged. "Okay. I'm the more mobile of the two of us. I'll go get them. See if you can get out on your own," he mumbled and carefully pulled out of you. He smiled when you pat his cheek. "Love you too, baby," he kissed the top of your head as he let you go and got out.
You leaned your forehead against the tiles and couldn't help yourself as you cried. You didn't want him to know that. You didn't need him knowing that. You loved him, but you knew him. And he'd find some fucked up way of using it against you. Or doing exactly what you're afraid of and he'd try and use it to make you forgive and stay with him.
You closed your eyes and cried a little harder at the thought that directly followed that: And I fucking would. Every single time. You hated not only that thought, but yourself for even having it.
"Need help or a minute?"
You tried not to sniffle and failed. "A minute," you said softly.
He sighed softly. "Then the dilemma I face is… Do I let you have that… Or comfort you in whatever way you need me to?"
You tried not to cry more as the curtain opened and the water turned off. You felt a towel around you, drying you off so carefully. He kissed the top of your head then continued on with his task.
When he was done with your after shower routine, he carefully picked you up and carried you into the bedroom. He gently laid you down, then laid next to you. He pulled the blanket up around you and held you tightly.
"I love you. I do. I know… I'm not the best at showing it. I never have been. And you've always given me leeway on that. And… Honestly, I've probably been taking advantage of it. And you." He stroked your hair and kissed your forehead as you cried into the part of the blanket you pulled up to cover his chest.
He sighed and pulled the blanket away so he could hold you closer. "Don't do that right now, baby. Don't hide from me now."
You weren't hiding. He complained once about you crying into his skin like this so you never did it again.
"You're still hiding," he whispered into your hair. "We've gotta talk about this. Sooner the better."
You sniffled and pulled away. He cupped your cheek as you opened your eyes. He sighed and wiped away your tears. "There's my girl." He smiled. "You are…" He hummed softly. "You're the one who's too good here. And before you say you probably take advantage of me too, you do. And it's okay. I've always known and been okay with it."
His smile grew when you frowned and his thumb stroked your cheek. "We're both smart. And can read body language easily. And you sometimes get too worked up for words. Or too high. Or too in the moment." He hummed a chuckle. "And I've learned how to read you relatively well. I've learned to decode most of you and what you mean when you do things."
His smile grew when you stroked his cheek. "You're welcome, baby." He laughed when you sighed and rolled your eyes. "See? We take advantage of each other. And we do it in similar ways. Yes, you, my love, are the extrovert. But you're an introverted extrovert. And you don't like talking about things. You internalize them. Definitely worse than I do," he whispered and stroked your spine up and down.
You sniffled and stroked his cheek. "Why didn't you say anything?" you whispered sadly as he continued to wipe your tears.
He hummed softly. His smile dimmed just a little bit but not as much as you thought. "Well… Like you said, I was busy. Knew you were too. And your presentations are even more intense than mine. I don't understand why. I honestly feel like mine should be, but okay. I'm not gonna tell our professors how to do their jobs."
"But you want to."
"Sweet Jesus, do I," he mumbled as he rolled on to his back. "But I can't. Apparently, that's rude." He rolled his eyes.
He sighed deeply and looked at you. "So…" He licked his lips. "How are we gonna fix us?"
You smiled softly. "You wanna fix us?"
He hummed softly and smiled. "Of course, I do, my love. Now let's talk it out. And then I'll make love to you."
You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
Oh, oh