Chapter Text
"What the fuck are we doing?!"
Her eyes widen, he looks at her, pain in his expression, hurt, all of those things that fuelled anger within him at how the stars didn't want to align this time. It was Joyce, he couldn't be mad at her but it did spark something in him.
"You kissed me" he starts, she closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, she had a headache now
"I didn't kiss you, it was a moment of madness that-"
"Resulted in you kissing me" Hopper glares, she straightens out the cotton t-shirt she was wearing before flinching at the memories of his rougher hands skimming across the skim of her side under her clothes
"Just go Jim" she mutters and heads into the kitchen, she turns the tap on to fill up the sink so she could do the washing up
"No, not until you speak to me-"
"What is there to say?!" her eyes widen, she looked broken, torn, he could see it in her eyes "What happened, happened we move on"
"And you want that? To move on?" he looks at her, she turns her head so her gaze was off him unable to even muster up an answer "Deep in your heart? Do you want that Joyce?"
"I'm not playing this game Hop" she slams the towel down on the side, her hands placed on the side of the counter "Let's just pretend it never happened and move on"
She was angry, not at him but at herself, the way she blamed him just slipped out of her mouth, she didn't mean it and Hopper knew that, deep down. He understood that grief caused many things to a person and this was just one of those things. He looked into her eyes one last time before letting out a sigh, she bit her lip and looked at him, but neither of them said a word. There was just silence.
"Just go" eventually her small voice filled the room, he opened his mouth but shut it as soon as all the kids entered the house
Impeccable timing.
"Hey guys" Joyce smiles weakly, Will smiles at her and then looks at El who was standing there looking at her father expectantly "How was Mike's?"
"Yeah it was ok" Will smiles looking between her and Hopper "Has something happened-"
"What, no!" Joyce chimes
"No, nothing...at all" Hopper reassures and both children immediately notice the weird atmosphere "We should go kid"
"Okay" El nods and walks out of the door using her powers to shut it causing Hopper to roll his eyes
"I should..." he trails off, Joyce nods and turns back to her washing up, she hears the door shut and Will shut his bedroom door
At least now she could let the tears fall.
Joyce couldn't understand why she was grateful that she hadn't seen Hopper. Usually, it would be the opposite, usually she would love spending time with him but since she kissed him she didn't want to see him. Maybe she was just scared certain feelings would rise and she would be left there, wanting more. The thought of that scared her, for some reason she felt damaged like everything was her fault, the reason Bob died...it all just added up and developed into some conspiracy within mind.
It hurt.
It hurt a lot.
Joyce found herself unable to sleep that night, she was tired, drained, tried to force herself to read a book to distract her from the thoughts floating around in her head but it didn't help. It was almost as if Hopper's touch was burning holes in her body that she was unable to fix.
She found herself standing by the front door, cigarette in hand as she tried to smoke away the thoughts, the feelings, the grief that was hiding under the surface of her life.
Somehow she made her way to the phone, she felt the need to apologise, she held back though, angry, angry with herself for just doing something stupid, something that she didn't want.
Didn't want.
Maybe she did want it, deep down.
Maybe she just didn't want to admit it.
Probably because she felt like she was betraying another man's memory.
"Shit" she mutters as her lighter doesn't work, she sighs in annoyance and tries another one she knew was empty "Fuck"
"Are you ok?" Jonathan asks, she jumps wondering where he came from, she didn't even hear him come in
She just watched him get a glass of water before smiling weakly.
"Yeah just...none of my lighters-" she starts but Jonathan passes her one causing her to smile and light her cigarette "Thank you"
"Will said you were acting weird"
"Weird?" she wanted more information
"Yes" Jonathan nods "I just told him you were probably upset about Bob"
"Oh..." she trails off, wincing, a part of her wished she was upset about Bob but in all honesty to herself, she couldn't get Hopper off her mind "Yeah you know how it is..."
"I'm always here if you want to talk" Jonathan offers, Joyce smiles "And I'm sure the Chief is as well"
She pauses the puff on her cigarette at the thought, she swallows after taking the cigarette out of her mouth.
"I'm just going to try and sleep after I've finished this"
"Yeah I'm going to bed too, night"
"Night honey" she smiles weakly after hearing his bedroom door shut, she sighs and closes her eyes before rubbing her head
Tomorrow would be another day.