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How did you know/I had a weakness/for dykes with short hair/and broken hearts
for women/who walk down the street/like they have a right/to be there
or maybe/a baby butch/bold enough to take/what she wants/without asking
BUTCH/BULLDAGGER/BALL-BUSTING/D-Y-K-E
did I scare you/did they hurt you/with those names?
Come here, honey/let me show you just how/sweet/those words/can sound
in the mouth/of a woman/who wants you.
- Susan Kane
"Do you trust me?"
It's a simple question with a simple yes or no and August is pretty sure she already knows the answer. But she needs verbal confirmation, because what she has in mind could be scary for Jane, and the last thing August wants to do is cause Jane any more hurt.
"Of course," Jane replies, like it's the simplest thing in the world. And, August supposes, it is.
"And you know that I never want to hurt you?"
"Of course." Jane runs her hand down the side of August's face, cups the back of her neck. Her other hand is around August's waist, resting on the small of her back, keeping her from toppling off their armchair from her place in Jane's lap. Jane's lips are kiss-bruised, her eyes deliciously dark with need, and August wants to kiss her until the world stops spinning. "Should I be worried?"
"No," August says, then pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. "I just...I want to try something with you. Something new."
Jane smirks. "Angel, the day I turn that down is the day I die." She pulls August's lip from between her teeth, rubbing her thumb against her bottom lip. "Anything."
"And you'll use our safeword if you need it?"
"Of course."
"Okay," August says, then takes a deep breath. This idea, this scene requires her to be a character of sorts, one she isn't completely used to playing. She takes a minute to get out of her head and into the head of her character. Into someone who's completely confident and sure, even though the nerves of messing everything up are making her heart beat way faster than it ever should.
She pulls her shirt off, revealing her dark plum lacy bra before pulling down her hair, letting it fall in the loose waves she knows Jane loves. She runs her thumb across Jane's cheek, under her eye before pushing her fingers into Jane's hair and kissing her hard. Jane kisses her back with passion and heat, and August feels it through her core. She presses her chest against Janes and relishes in how it feels-small against large, soft against hard. She loves the differences in her and Jane's body.
She loves Jane. And that's why she wants to do this for her tonight.
August swallows thickly before pulling away, smirking at Jane with siren eyes and confidence. "You like this, Jane?"
"You know I do."
"It's a beautiful thing. What we do together." She drops her lips to Jane's ear, pressing a gentle kiss to the shell of her ear before whispering, low, "Being a dyke is a beautiful thing."
Jane's fingers tighten around her waist, and she pulls back to look into Jane's eyes. She expects a number of things-hurt, maybe even anger-but when she looks at Jane, looks into her beautiful, dark eyes, all she sees is fear. August's heart crack in her chest as she stares and waits. Waits for Jane to safeword or say anything or do anything, but she doesn't, and August can't look at her like this anymore.
August doesn't know what Jane knows. She didn't grow up like Jane did, when Jane did, and try as she might, August doesn't think she'll ever understand the full extent of what Jane's gone through. All August knows is last week, on their walk home from their shared shift at Billy's, someone called Jane a dyke, and August had to restrain her from beating the person to a pulp. All she knows is she held Jane while she cried that night, listened to Jane beg for things to be different.
And all August has been able to do is think about ways to make it better. She can't change the hurt, she can't heal Jane, but maybe she can try to make it beautiful.
"When all those people cal you a dyke, they don't know what they're talking about. They don't know how beautiful being a dyke really is, now do they?" It takes Jane a moment, but she responds with a slow shake of her head. "But I do. I know because I love you. I love you, my sweet butch. My beautiful dyke."
Jane opens her mouth, and all that falls out is a soft, "August."
"It's okay, love. I know it hurts. But let me make it beautiful for you." August presses a kiss to the tip of Jane's nose. "Safeword?"
Jane shakes her head again, in the same dazed, slow manner as before.
"I've got you. Let me take care of you. Let me take care of my girl."
August kisses Jane's lips a final time before she slips off her lap, sliding to her knees on the floor in front of Jane. She runs her fingers up and down Jane's legs, feeling her strong muscles beneath the thick fabric of her pajama pants. She slides her thumbs across the insides of Jane's thighs before moving her hands up, looping her fingers in the waistband of Jane's pants and underwear. "Lift your hips for me, love?"
Jane complies quickly and easily, and August slides her clothes down, tossing them aside before turning her full attention back to Jane. Her legs spread easily against August's gentle touch, her thighs twitching in anticipation. August kisses her way up Jane's leg, from the knobs of her knees to the inside of her thighs until she can feel the heat of Jane against her lips. Slowly, she kisses Jane, sending a shiver through Jane's body, before she opens Jane up with her tongue, touching her and loving her in all the ways she knows Jane loves.
Because she knows Jane. And she loves Jane. And all she wants is for Jane to be happy. All she needs is for Jane to feel good.
Soft moans fall from Jane's mouth, and August looks up because she has to see. Jane's eyes are clenched shut, her teeth digging into her hand as she shakes, all from August's touch, all from her words. August runs her hand up Jane's body, reaching under her t-shirt and rubbing soothing circles against her stomach. She pulls away and Jane's hips chase her mouth, bringing a small smile to August's face.
"You're so perfect for me, Jane," August says, pulling her fingers away from Jane's stomach and bringing her hand to Jane's pussy. She starts by rubbing slow circles around Jane's clit, before entering one finger, crooking it in the way she know Jane loves. All the while she presses gentle kisses against her inner thighs. If she could, she would stay down here all day and all night, worshipping Jane for the beautiful creature she is. She adds another finger, and Jane's moans get louder.
"August," Jane says, mumbling around her hand, and August catches her eye again. The smallest bit of fear is left, and August wants to hurt anyone who ever hurt Jane. She would go to war if it meant Jane would never feel hurt again.
"Don't think about all those other people. Focus on me. Focus on what I'm telling you. Being a dyke is beautiful."
Jane's eyes squeeze shut as her hips jump again, and August can tell she's getting closer. She keeps the same steady pace, reaching up with her other hand to pull Jane's hand from her mouth. Angry, red teeth marks cover Jane's hand, but August ignores them for now. Instead she focuses on keeping Jane's attention, keeping Jane's focus on her and no one else.
"Will you say it?" August asks, looking Jane directly in the eye. "Will you say that being a dyke is beautiful?"
It's a big ask, and August knows it. She doesn't expect Jane to reply. It's so raw, such an open thing for someone like Jane to say that all August expects is for Jane to try to believe what August is saying. But Jane swallows thickly and, quietly, slowly, she whispers, "Being a...dyke is beautiful."
August smiles. "Good girl. Such a good girl."
Jane moans, tightening around August's fingers. "I love you, angel."
"I love you too. So much. Cum for me? Cum on my fingers, just for me?"
Jane's thighs tighten around August's hand as she cums, a loud groan escaping her mouth as her head tips back. She works Jane through it, letting Jane thrust and whine and moan almost until the point of overstimulation before she pulls her hand away. She sucks Jane off her fingers, relishing in the taste that is so thoroughly Jane, and ignores her own desires as she stands up, her legs shaking. Jane's hand is stretched across her eyes, and August leans forward, tickling the palm of her hand until Jane moves it. Until Jane reveals the glistening tears in her own eyes.
August's heart shatters completely, and as Jane starts to sniffle, August takes her place back in Jane's lap and holds her. She scratches Jane's scalp, kisses her neck, tells her she loves her until her voice is sore and her fingers ache.
They stay there for a long time, holding each other, August comforting Jane until her sniffles quiet and the steady flow of tears stops wetting August's bare shoulder. When Jane's hand starts rubbing up and down August's back, August pulls away, cupping Jane's cheek and wiping her tear-stained cheeks with her thumb.
"Are you okay, love?" August whispers, her voice gentle and soft.
"I don't really know what to say."
"Did I scare you?" August asks, but she already knows the answer before Jane nods slowly.
"I didn't expect it. That word...hurts. But you made it beautiful. I...it feels beautiful coming from your mouth and I-I'm at a loss, August."
"I'm here," August says. "Whatever you need."
August means it more than she's ever meant anything in her life. She means it when she says she would do anything for Jane, anything to make sure she was comfortable and safe and happy. Jane is her world, her life, her future, and she wants Jane to feel loved. She wants to kiss her and hold her and tell her how beautiful she is for the rest of her life. It's not something she thought she would ever have, but she does. And she'll never let it go.
"I just need you."
"You have me. I'm here."
"I need you." Jane's arms tighten around August's waist, and August holds her closer. As close as she can possibly get.
"Shh, I'm here, Jane. You have me. I'm here."
"I love you, August. Thank you."
August kisses her temple.
"You don't have to thank me. I would do anything for you."
And when Jane relaxes into her as she says it, August realizes nothing else matters right now except for this. All that matters is her and Jane and love.
She loves Jane, and God, isn't that just a beautiful thing?