Work Text:
🜁 🕷
> Three Days Before the First Date.
JUNE: you’re kidding me.
EMILY: i can guarantee you im not
JUNE: emily, seriously?
EMILY: i dont think its that crazy of an idea
JUNE: it absolutely is that crazy of an idea!
EMILY: cmon
EMILY: what kind of roommate would i be if i wasnt trying to set you up
JUNE: the perfectly acceptable kind!
Emily and I are talking to each other from across our apartment. While she gets ready at her vanity, I’m on a mad dash across my bedroom and the living space getting everything I need for work, which at this point I’ll probably be late to. Emily decided that now – while I’m panicking about not getting to work on time – was the perfect opportunity to tell me about the blind date she set up.
JUNE: have you seen me lap top?
Emily pokes her head out of her room.
EMILY: i think i saw it on the kitchen island
I see it.
JUNE: thanks.
EMILY: and i dont see why youre not a fan of the idea
JUNE: why is this even an “idea” in the first place? where is this coming from?
EMILY: ti suggested it
Of course they did. TI was always trying to pair their single friends together. This wasn’t the first time they had tried to set me up with someone else they knew.
JUNE: by the knights. again?!
EMILY: shes exactly your type i promise
JUNE: i have a type?
EMILY: yeah
EMILY: tall and kinda scary girls with a heart of gold
I mean, she’s not wrong, but still!
JUNE: so ti just assumes that any girl with a few inches on me is my soulmate?
EMILY: theyre just trying to help you
JUNE: maybe i don't need help right now!
EMILY: june i tell you this because you are my friend and i love you
EMILY: you have been single for a little bit over a year now
EMILY: you almost constantly complain about being single
EMILY: and i have seen you on multiple occasions spooning a squishmallow in your sleep
EMILY: trust me when i say a blind date wouldnt be the worst thing for you
I’ve just finished scarfing down a granola bar I dug out of the pantry as a quick breakfast. Emily walks out of her room, just in time to see me throwing away the wrapper.
JUNE: have you been watching me when i sleep or something? how do you know the squish mallow thing?
EMILY: look
EMILY: sometimes i have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and sometimes you leave your door wide open and i can see straight in
EMILY: its not my fault your bedroom is right next to the toilet
EMILY: but am i wrong
JUNE: okay, but who doesn’t hug their squish mallow to help them sleep? i-
EMILY: no not that
EMILY: about the date
She joins me in the kitchen, propping herself up on the island with her elbows. The look on her face tells me that she expects me to admit defeat, and I have to admit, I’m on the fence.
JUNE: i mean…
JUNE: no.
JUNE: it’s just that…
I know what I’m about to say. “It’s just that I’m afraid of commitment because my immortality makes any love I find fleeting and impermanent.” “It’s just that I can’t be fully honest about my identity to any girl I’m with, so I’d rather just never date anyone than lie about who I am to someone I'm in love with.” “It’s just that the last actual, serious, gods damned relationship I had was a hundred years ago, and I royally fucked that one up, so I’m worried I’ll do that again.”
I don’t say any of those.
JUNE: i guess i’m worried she won’t like me? or some thing dumb like that?
Honestly there’s a hint of truth to this, but my self worth issues pale in comparison to my laundry list of other reasons.
Emily stares me straight in the eyes with an incredulous look on her face.
EMILY: june roberts
EMILY: you are a smart beautiful successful woman
EMILY: you have an impeccable sense of humor
EMILY: youre the kindest person i know
EMILY: any girl would be lucky to have you
EMILY: if she doesnt like you that says way more about her than it does you
I sigh. Maybe she has a point. One date won’t be the end of the world.
Screw it.
I relent.
JUNE: fine.
JUNE: sure. yes, i’ll do it.
JUNE: what’s her name?
Emily does a quick fist pump.
EMILY: yes
EMILY: ok so her name is verona apollo
EMILY: ti is convinced that you two are perfect for each other
> A Few Hours Later.
VRISKA: TI, I swear you 8etter not 8e setting me up with one of your exes again.
TI: that was 1 time!!!
VRISKA: One time is enough.
TI and I are on our lunch break, sitting in the employee lounge at the department store we both daylight at. In their infinite wisdom, they decided now was a good time to tell me about the blind date in three days they’d scheduled for me.
TI: well you’ll be happy to know that this 1 isn’t my ex.
VRISKA: Thank the gods.
TI: well don’t sound so relieved. you’ll insult my taste in women.
VRISKA: What makes you think I’m even up for a 8lind d8?
VRISKA: I mean, I’m a 8usy girl. I might already have plans that night.
TI: verona, you definitely don’t.
VRISKA: 8ut I might.
TI: yeah, but you definitely don’t. unless by plans you mean staying up until 3 in the morning playing videogames.
VRISKA: …
VRISKA: May8e…
TI: you’re telling me that when given the choice between a date with my cute nerd friend and killing fantasy monsters on your tv, you’d choose the latter.
VRISKA: I’m just not ready to 8e in a rel8tionship again.
TI: a relationship? it’s 1 date. get a pizza, talk about work, and call it a night. that’s literally all you need to do.
“All you need to do.” I almost laugh. Those words bounce around in my head more than TI intended them to. Honestly, that’s all I probably can do, if I can even muster that.
In my entire seven-sweeps-plus-one-hundred-something-earth-years life, I’ve never been in a real relationship. Nothing I would call real, at least. Anytime I ever came close, I acted like a piece of shit and ruined it. Even my non-romantic relationships tended to end that way. And now, even though I think I’ve grown and gotten better as a person, I’m too terrified I’ll backslide and ruin the life of whoever’s doorstep I end up darkening.
That’s not even getting into my conditional immortality, making long-term relationships a nightmare. It’s hard to be in a committed relationship when your partner ages and dies, and you, for the most part, don’t. And I burned my bridges with the other Gods a long time ago.
Honestly I want nothing more than to go back in time and throttle my younger self into being a better person. Maybe then I’d still be friends with all of them. Maybe then I’d still be able to think about them without feeling guilty for everything I’d done. Maybe then I wouldn’t be living under a fake name like “Verona Apollo” in the hopes of never being found.
VRISKA: I really don’t know, TI.
TI: verona, look.
TI: i know you got this cool-girl, i-don’t-give-a-fuck vibe going on, but you need some1 you can be vulnerable around.
TI: and i know that this is just a 1st date. i’m not expecting you to bare your soul to her, but at least talk. get to know her.
TI: and if it doesn’t go well, you can just text me, and then i’ll call a minute later pretending there’s an emergency or some shit.
TI: then you never have to see her again if you don’t want to.
I think about it for a second.
VRISKA: Alright.
VRISKA: I’m not saying that I’ll do it-
VRISKA: This is a soft may8e at 8est.
VRISKA: 8ut tell me more about this mystery nerd girl.
They smile and lean back further in their chair, with a smug face that almost screams “finally!”
TI: i’m so glad you asked.
TI: her name is june roberts, for 1.
> The First Date.
Somehow, here I am. Sitting in a booth at a restaurant I’ve never been to before, awaiting the arrival of a girl I’ve never met, for a date that will in all likelihood lead nowhere, staring out the window and consciously making myself more nervous with every passing second.
I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I shouldn’t be dating anyone. This was a bad idea. I can leave right now. She’s not here yet. If I just walk away then she’ll never have to know me, and I’ll never have to know her. I could tell Emily that I chickened out. It wouldn’t matter that much. I can just get up and walk away.
But I don’t.
I can’t.
I can’t bring myself to stand up from the table and leave.
Here’s the thing: I know that Emily’s right. I know that I’m lonely. I know exactly why I’m lonely, and I want to do something about that, but I don’t know how.
This, maybe? Maybe sticking around for another few minutes will do something about that?
Maybe giving this Verona a chance is the best I can do, as bad an idea I feel like that is.
So I stay in the booth, staring out the window.
I hop out of the taxi and thank the driver. Looking down at my phone, I check the address TI texted me against the one on the side of the building. This is it.
It’s not an expensive place, but it’s not too cheap either. It’s the kind of restaurant that wasn’t fancy enough to have its own separate menu for wine, but it was a few notches above fast food.
Stepping through the glass doors, I scan the floor for June. TI told me she’d be wearing a blue shirt, cargo shorts, and glasses. Sure enough, I spot a human girl sitting alone in a booth that matches that description exactly. She’s looking out the window, looking away from me, so I can't see her face. She’s probably scanning the sidewalk looking for her date, looking for me, and just didn’t see me come in.
I guess I’ll walk over and introduce myself.
She was supposed to be here at 7:30. I keep glancing between my watch and the street outside. It’s 7:32 right now. Two minutes doesn’t mean anything, right? She could just be stuck in traffic.
Or maybe she’s not coming.
VRISKA: June Ro8erts?
A voice from right behind me pulls me out of my thoughts. Is that her? She kinda sounds like…
I shake the thought from my head and turn to face her. I try to tell myself that maybe things won’t go as bad as I thought.
Huh.
That’s funny.
That’s funny.
She looks exactly like…
She looks exactly like…
JUNE: you’re…
VRISKA: Are you…
JUNE: no.
VRISKA: Gods.
JUNE: you’re kidding me.
VRISKA: Eg8ert?
JUNE: you’re fucking kidding me.
VRISKA: It’s…
JUNE: i should…
She starts to get up.
VRISKA: N8!
She stops, now standing straight up between the table and her seat, frozen.
VRISKA: I mean-
VRISKA: I’m sorry.
VRISKA: I’m just a little dum8founded, is all.
JUNE: you’re dumbfounded?
JUNE: i- i thought lord english killed you!
VRISKA: Well, not for lack of trying.
JUNE: look.
JUNE: i’m sorry for wasting your time. if you want, you can probably still go out somewhere and find a date that isn’t me.
JUNE: i just need to know one thing and i’ll be out of your hair.
JUNE: are you going to tell the others i’m here?
VRISKA: The other what?
JUNE: i-
JUNE: the other gods.
VRISKA: What?
VRISKA: How- why would I do that?
She pauses, caught off guard by my confusion.
JUNE: you’re not with them?
VRISKA: I- no!
VRISKA: Aren’t you?
JUNE: no.
VRISKA: …
JUNE: …
VRISKA: Huh…
JUNE: yeah.
Her shoulders relax. She sits back down. I slide into the seat across from her
VRISKA: You don’t want them to know you’re here.
I’m not asking a question. It’s more like I’m saying it out loud to myself so I understand it better. She nods her head.
JUNE: neither do you?
VRISKA: Yep.
JUNE: gods, i’m sorry. this is absolutely not what you were expecting when ti told you about their single friend.
VRISKA: I mean, I’m not complaining.
VRISKA: It’s gr8 to see you again. You look good!
JUNE: you too.
JUNE: it’s- i mean it’s been a while, hasn’t it.
VRISKA: Yeah. It has.
I don’t want to spend too much time reminiscing, but the memory decides to surface anyways. The final battle against Lord English. I had just unleashed the house juju, when the ground gave way beneath me. As I started falling towards the black hole, the last thing I saw was Lord English falling after me, and the four color-coded Gods who had delivered the final blow.
It was a year or two after we beat Sburb. We knew we had to go and fight Lord English in order to close the loop, so once we felt that the planet was on the right track, I retconned us over to fight Caliborn. From our perspective, practically no time passed between when he imprisoned us in the house juju and when Vriska released us.
I saw her fall in.
JUNE: how… how did you survive? where’ve you been?
VRISKA: I have no idea how. I just know that I did.
VRISKA: Once I fell into the 8lack hole, I crash landed in the middle of a desert somewhere here on Earth C.
JUNE: and you couldn't get in touch with any one?
I shake my head.
VRISKA: No, it’s…
VRISKA: When I finally got somewhere with signal, all of these messages from Terezi came 8uzzing through on Trollian.
VRISKA: She…
VRISKA: She said some things I didn’t know how to respond to.
VRISKA: She- the way that she thinks I thought a8out her…
VRISKA: I didn’t know how to make up for that.
VRISKA: So I wasn’t a8le to face her. Or anyone.
VRISKA: I was so terri8le to her. I was terri8le to everyone.
JUNE: so you just tried to stay as far away from them as you could.
I nod.
VRISKA: I was a huge 8itch as a kid. I figured everyone would 8e 8etter off if I wasn’t around.
VRISKA: I ruined everything I touched. I 8lamed my luck for my own shitty 8ehavior, and anyone I got close to got hurt as a result.
VRISKA: Tavros, Aradia, Terezi.
VRISKA: Myself, to a degree.
VRISKA: When I realized that, I thought: “If I really care a8out them, I should 8e as far away as I can possi8ly get.”
VRISKA: That way, they can 8e happy.
VRISKA: …
VRISKA: Gods, look at me.
VRISKA: We haven’t even ordered food yet and I’m already talking to you like you’re my therapist.
VRISKA: If- I mean, if ordering food is even still on the ta8le for us.
JUNE: …
JUNE: vriska, i-
She takes a deep breath.
JUNE: so much of the time, i feel the same way.
JUNE: all of the time, actually.
JUNE: once we beat lord english, dave took us all forward a bit to when society was more established. something like three thousand years.
JUNE: and then, i-
JUNE: roxy and i got engaged.
JUNE: and i loved her, i really did, but i couldn’t shake the feeling that something was just wrong.
JUNE: not just with our relationship, but with me.
JUNE: one night, i couldn’t take it anymore, so i just left.
JUNE: i spent a few months with some monks at a monastery in the mountains. i wanted to “find myself.”
JUNE: and i did.
JUNE: i finally came out to myself, and at that point everything just fell into place.
JUNE: but i just couldn’t bring myself to go back to roxy.
JUNE: i couldn’t shake this feeling that i’d betrayed her or something, and i didn’t deserve to go back.
VRISKA: What, 8etrayed her 8y 8eing trans?
VRISKA: June, that’s 8ullshit. You didn’t 8etray anyone.
JUNE: no. no, not that.
JUNE: i betrayed her by not telling her anything. by leaving.
JUNE: by disappearing into the night, and leaving a note on my pillow that didn’t explain anything.
JUNE: i mean, i tried to go back. so many times.
JUNE: i almost even knocked on her door once. i brought flowers and everything. i made it all the way to her porch.
JUNE: i knew our relationship was doomed at that point, but i figured i could salvage something. at least make sure she didn’t hate me.
JUNE: but i couldn’t make it all the way.
JUNE: after enough time had passed, i thought it was better for everyone if i just stopped trying.
JUNE: so, i mean, you think you were a bitch when you were younger?
JUNE: i left my fiance in the middle of the night before vanishing off the face of the planet leaving behind nothing but a note.
JUNE: if you’re a bitch, then you’re in good company.
I don’t know what to say.
VRISKA: Wow.
JUNE: yeah.
VRISKA: I…
VRISKA: I’m sorry to hear that.
JUNE: gods, no. i’m sorry for even bringing it up. i just…
JUNE: i guess we’re even now, though. right?
JUNE: now that we’ve both had turns explaining why we’re cursed to be alone for the rest of our seemingly eternal lives.
VRISKA: I-
I still have no idea what to say.
So I say something.
VRISKA: Do you want to order dinner?
JUNE: what?
VRISKA: It’s just that, I mean…
VRISKA: I mentioned dinner earlier.
VRISKA: And we’re already here.
VRISKA: And I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, and I 8et you haven’t either.
VRISKA: So do you want to have dinner together?
JUNE: i-
JUNE: you’re sure?
JUNE: you don’t want to leave?
VRISKA: Do you want to leave?
I don’t think I do.
JUNE: no, no i’ll stay.
VRISKA: Gr8!
VRISKA: I’ll stay too!
She flags down a waiter and gets us a pair of menus, and then she starts reading through hers. It’s weird. She’s still the same cool and confident Vriska I knew when I was younger. But… there’s something new on top of that. Like there’s an entirely new side to her. Or maybe just a side that was always there, but I never got to see.
But I need to clarify something real quick.
JUNE: is this still a date?
That was too direct.
She all but drops the menu as she freezes like a deer in headlights. She… is she blushing?
VRISKA: I, uhhh-
JUNE: i’m sorry, that was-
VRISKA: No, it’s just-
JUNE: i shouldn’t have said anything-
VRISKA: Do you want it to 8e a d8????????
Now I’m stunned.
JUNE: uhhh
I do want it to be a date.
JUNE: kinda.
“Kinda?!” What the hell is wrong with me?
JUNE: yes. i mean yes.
VRISKA: Then-
VRISKA: Then it’s a d8!
JUNE: this is a date?
VRISKA: This is a d8!
JUNE: we’re on a date!
JUNE: awesome sauce!
JUNE: ah- i mean…
I’m blushing now too. Did I seriously just say “awesome sauce!”
But she’s smiling. She’s still blushing a little bit, but she’s smiling. She’s smiling at me.
I’m blushing even more, but I start smiling too.
JUNE: yeah, awesome sauce.
JUNE: i’m standing by that.
I think I have a crush on Vriska Serket.
I think I have a crush on June Egbert.
I’m on a date with Vriska Serket.
I’m on a date with June Egbert.
Awesome sauce.
🜁 🕷