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Holy shit. Holy shit.
That's basically all you could think about, when you were staring at the man across the room. Messy black hair, tanned skin, leather jacket, an unmistakable smile on his face. There's no doubt, that's your crush himself, Skeppy. Or least known by his real name, Zak.
You've been watching him for 3 years and you didn't need much time to have a crush on him. He's funny, handsome and so adorable. Really not hard to love.
And you fell for him, obviously.
With your eyes glued on him, you gripped onto your drink harder. Partying isn't really your thing, but you like having a night out every once in a while. For example, look where it got you tonight! In the presence of the man of your dreams.
You breathe in, and lean to your group.
"I'm going to be back in a bit." you say, and they nod. That's the only confirmation you needed, before you make your way to Zak, who's sitting on a chair by the bar.
You look around if he's talking with someone trying to carefully analyse the situation, so you don't interrupt anything. He seems a bit awkward, as he smiles at his friends' jokes. You take in his sight for a second longer; his jet black hair seems to have some gel on it, and the white shirt-leather jacket combo he's wearing really compliments him. He's like two shots in, the alcohol slowly showing in the slight blush of his cheeks, and sweet sound of his giggles, that grew louder as you got closer.
The nerves would be kicking in if you weren't taking a few shots before this. His presence easily outshines anyone's in the room, and even though you're a bit tipsy, you feel your heart sneaking up your throat.
Nevertheless, you press on; after countless sorries, stepping on someone's foot, and bumping into couples busy with each other's mouths, you arrive at your destination.
He doesn't seem to notice you at first, too occupied with his mate's story, but when you lightly tap his shoulder, feeling the cold material of his jacket, he quickly turns around.
"Hey." you manage to greet him, thankfully, but you still feel your palms getting sweaty, your breathing quicken. "I, uh... I spotted you from across the room."
You swear you saw him raise his defined eyebrows at you. The dim lighting really didn't help you make out any reaction he might show, so you continued.
"I think you look, um... really good." you feel your cheeks heat up and suddenly you are thankful for the lack of lights. You're starting to pull on your top's sleeve as you wait for a reaction.
You can make out his big brown eyes staring at you with genuine surprise. Doesn't this happen, like, every time he goes out?
It seems like hours have passed, when he finally opens his mouth to answer.
"Thanks." he smiles and awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. He's lost for words, nervous even.
The loud music seems to be quiet when all you can really concentrate on is the blood making it's way to your cheeks, and your heartbeat drumming in your ears. "You can sit, if you'd like." he gestures, hesitantly, to the chair next to his, and you climb up on it. After a brief moment of silence he speaks up.
"So, do you like, watch my videos or...?"
Oh.
You could've expected this. Now your mind races with thoughts; if your answer is a " yes " he's going to treat you as a fan, which obviously not something you'd like right now. However if you say " no ", you'd lie, which sounds morally wrong in many ways...
But.
As you look at his smooth face illuminated by the colourful lights, his black strands brushing his eyebrows, the curious pair of eyes studying you, and his upper body turned your way, loose shirt revealing just a bit of his collarbone, you decide that if you want to get closer to him tonight, you'll have to go with the latter.
"Actually, no. Are you a content creator of some sort?" you practically shout into his ear and as you lean closer, you catch a small bit of his faint scent.
His face seems to be less cautious now, but suddenly he starts to fidget with his phone in his hand.
"Never mind, forget I said that." he giggles and finishes up whatever drink he's holding in his hand.
"How's it going so far?" you ask, as you feel like, the way he's sitting mostly by himself, spectating the events, screams that he's not having the time of his life.
He turns his head in the direction of the crowd dancing to the music, lingering his gaze on them for a moment, before turning back to you.
"Not so good... I'd rather be home, playing something or sleeping." he smiles and looks at his phone. You can't help but steal a glance as well, seeing the countless notifications from five different social media platforms.
"Wow, you must be very important." you try to act surprised, as if you don't know he's got more than six million subscribers.
"Yeah, they... have no chill, to put it like that." he turns the device on DND, and slips it back into his pocket.
"So, you make videos then." you are doing everything in your power to maintain this facade, and so far he hasn't caught you in it. "What kind?"
"Mostly Minecraft but I'm taking a break right now." you seem to discover a sour expression forming on his face, and you feel like you shouldn't ask about it more. Before you could change the subject though, he continues. "It got a bit overwhelming. The constant pressure was not something I'm handling well right now, plus I feel like my videos at the moment aren't something I'm very proud of. It's better to distance myself right now than disappoint my fans.
You are surprised by his honesty, but you're glad he's this talkative. You nod for every word he's saying and can't help but feel bad for him. This must be the reason he's not in his best mood and you doubt partying would cheer him up.
"I get it, I think its good to have some time away from it, if you feel like it's too much right now. I know, that they will understand." you referred to his fans. As someone who follows him on social media yourself, you always think about how he hasn't posted in a long time. More and more questions popped up as time passed without him, like "Where is he?" or "What is he doing?". Every day you hoped he'll tweet or like something on Twitter, only for it to not happen. But you were sitting next to him, and you won't let this chance slip away.
"I hope they do. I really don't feel like doing anything nowadays." he holds his face in his hand and looks at you. "Sorry, I sound like a depressed old man."
"No, it's okay, it's nice that you opened up to me, thank you." you smile and can't help but love how he searched for some relief in you.
"Okay, but this really isn't the place for this. What about you? Are you here with your friends?"
You tell him that one of your friends had her birthday yesterday and you came here to have fun, but you found him very cool and came up to him. You swear you could see him blush a little, but quickly thought otherwise, after you took the colourful lights illuminating his skin into account.
He was so much fun to be around, making you laugh almost every minute with his jokes, and your company seemed to lighten his mood up as well. You were pretty, he thought, and very easy to talk to. He thought about asking you for a dance, but changed his mind in and instant; he wasn't so sure about his dancing skills and the last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself in front of you.
So with that he just kept the conversation going. You two talked about basically everything; high-school, careers, family and relationships. The latter seemed to be a hard topic for him as he started to be much more active while talking; pulling on his jacket, running his fingers through his hair, biting his lower lip - that you also desperately wanted to do as well - and avoid eye contact with you much more.
"I had like, one relationship which was semi-serious." he started and you already knew everything he was going to say. "She was really cool, but our plans weren't the same so, yeah, we parted." This seemed to be a sensitive one to him so you didn't pressure him into saying more.
To be honest, you wanted to start shifting the conversation to a different direction. So with the liquid courage in your bloodstream, you asked him:
"How can a guy this cool sit alone on a night like this?" you inch just a little closer and you can see the effect of said words on him. He's taken by surprise but after a noticeable gulp he let's himself smile cheekily at you.
"Well, that seems to be irrelevant, since a girl like you keeps me company."
You feel your heart jump in your chest, and see that the bravery he had to say that, quickly disappeared.
You both didn't expect each other's boldness and a silence set between you two. You thought you ruined the night for yourself and wanted to apologise, but he was faster.
"Sorry, I don't know what got into me. I never do this shit." he looks at his knees and you can see his hand gripping his blue jeans. He's embarrassed.
"Same." you confess, and you're being honest. Going up to guys in a club was so cliché and seemingly impossible to you, that you never shot your shot even if you saw someone attractive.
But when you laid your eyes upon Zak, you knew that this isn't something you will miss. And you were so right, when you thought you won't be disappointed.
"Do you, erm, want to take a walk outside? If your friends don't mind you disappearing of course." Well, you took the risk. If he declined, that'd be totally fine. More than fine.
"You know what, yeah, I need some air." he scrunches up his nose as you both been breathing in the musty and smokey air for hours now. So he goes up to his friends to tell them he'll be off for tonight, and you do the same with yours as well. You feel kind of shitty for leaving the birthday party of your friend, but they said it's fine so you don't give much thought to it.
When you both said your goodbyes, you meet up by the entrance of the club. The streets are busy, countless drunk people are walking home or somewhere else to have fun.
You breathe in the cold air, enjoying the way it feels up your lungs, and turn to look at the boy standing next to you.
"So?" you smile at him widely and he can't help but do the same while letting out a chuckle.
"Sooo?" he pushes your shoulder jokingly and you begin to walk down the street.
"Do you go out with those guys often?" you ask, thinking back how his friends had a much different vibe than him.
"Nah, I don't like partying much. Especially big clubs like that. With a few friends somewhere private is fine, though." he explains and bumps into you a few times. "I didn't want to come today either, but they were spamming me so much and practically begged me to join them, so I gave in. I'm glad I did so though, you're really fun." you blush at his compliment and avert your gaze.
You want to kiss him so bad.
"I don't like going to parties that much either." You quickly say to occupy your mind, trying not to succumb to the effect of his eyes on your face. "It's fine every once in a while, but truly exhausting."
He studies your features as you speak, and can't help but find you beautiful. The curve of your lips, the shape of your nose, the flow of your hair distracts him from paying attention to whatever words leaving your mouth and he just wants to hold your hand tight.
He's not familiar with this. Never has he ever went out, and left with a girl, wandered the streets with her at 3AM, wanted to kiss her, hug her, make her feel safe. But it's happening now and he doesn't know how to put it into words. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe he's just been feeling lonely lately, maybe it's just you, your personality, the way you make him laugh, how you hooked your arm around his to keep your balance, the weight of you making his heart race.
Maybe the events, that have been bothering him lately - at home and in his personal life - and nothing feeling the same, made him sensitive and dangerously open to sensations he never experienced before. But this felt so right. You felt so right. He loved how the top of your head reached just above his nose and he could smell your perfume, quickly storing the memory of it.
He's not going to forget it for a while that's for sure.
The streets got less and less busy, almost no cars in sight. You came to a crosswalk and you waited for the light to turn green.
You can't survive even one minute now. You just want him to kiss your mouth, right this instant.
"I think making videos are much more my thing. I find streaming fun too but I don't like that i have to talk for an hour straight." he explains and you both start crossing the road when the traffic lights let you do so. "With videos, you can have silence and cut that out later. But everyone asks me to stream, they seem to like it much mo-"
"Zak."you say and he looks at you, surprised; you interrupted him. He looks at you, his eyes tell you that he's not getting why you both stopped in the middle of the road, with your arm tugging him closer and you looking up at him in a different way. "Can you kiss me already?"
It seems like forever until his flabbergasted expression changed into a warm smile and he shifts his arm to hold your face in his hands. That's all he dared to do: hold both your cheeks as he leaned his forehead against yours.
You sneaked your arms under his leather jacket, and wrapped them around his torso. He felt so perfect, trapped in your embrace, and you never wanted to let go of him.
"Not those nasty party make outs though." you warn him. "Like... a normal, nice kiss."
He just nods before pressing his chapped lips to yours. You feel the stubble on his chin scratch your skin, and his nose press into the side of yours.
He pulls away from the innocent lip lock, but quickly goes back in with a little more confidence, mouth just slightly more open, trapping your lower lip.
The moment is spectacular and you swear you never felt anything like this. You made out with a few guys before but they just never kissed like this. Zak wasn't very experienced, but he sure knew how to kiss with some kind of affection you couldn't put a finger on.
It felt devastating, not sexual at all, but it felt like you both understood each other in this simple act of love that is practiced for centuries.
You felt wonderful, brave, emotional. You hands sneaked down to his waist, and he smiled into the kiss, making your heart beat faster.
That was until you both got interrupted by a loud noise; a car, that was witnessing your private moment, honked at you for preventing passage to the main street. You quickly separated and ran to the other side, laughing out loud and holding each other's hand.
"Hey, you're quite good!" you push his shoulder jokingly.
"Well I can't say the same about you." he sarcastically pushed you back, and you open your moth in surprise. That was under the belt.
"Well, if you think I'm that shit" you grab him by the collar of his jacket, pride filling your chest when his expression changes to a nervous one. "You could teach me your ways."
He didn't need to be told twice, his lips back on yours in an instant, this time with much more confidence.
Though you told him you didn't want to fully make out, it all went out the window when he pulled you flush against him again, and you heard the startled sound he let out when he accidentally clinks your teeth together.
So with that, you pushed him against the wall, and let your tongue swipe across his bottom lip.
He lets you in; of course he does. His mouth tastes like some kind of flavoured whiskey, but you don't care, you probably have the taste of the rum that you drank back in the club.
You both pull away, out of breath, smiling like idiots. You lean your head into his neck after pressing a kiss on his cheek, and he wraps his arms around your back. His embrace is comforting and warm.
After you both collected yourselves he offered to walk you home. The trip was nice, calming, he held your hand and you leaned against him, not wanting to part ways with him.
When you arrived in front of the apartment complex, you sighed.
"Well, I guess our date has come to an end." you say and look at him sadly. He hugs you tightly, kissing your forehead.
"You could give me your Twitter if you have one."
You weren't believing what he just said and you excitedly reached for your phone in the pocket of your jacket, when you suddenly stopped.
Fuck .
Your whole Twitter account is full of fan art, and other posts related to him and Bad and you technically screamed in your head for not having a backup account for cases like this.
And then, you saw it on his face. The look of amusement, how he found the whole situation hilarious.
"I know you know me." he said finally and the wind seemed a little colder than before.
"How-"
"I never told you that my name is Zak." Shit, of course. Neither of you introduced yourselves back at the bar. You are so stupid.
"Are you angry then...?" you felt shame creeping up your throat, and you wanted to jump in a whole and disappear. You couldn't bare his gaze and looked at your shoes instead.
"No." he brushed your hair behind your ear and gestured you to look at him. "Just promise me you won't tell anyone anything, please." his voice just above a whisper, but you understood everything, clearly, and swore on your life that you'll keep your mouth shut. "You can still give me your account though."
And while exchanging Twitters and Telegrams, you couldn't help but smile like an idiot. You fancied him for years and it really did feel like a dream that you didn't want to wake up from.
It didn't help how he pulled you into one last kiss, how he held your face gently, and how his torso felt trapped in your embrace, your hands gripping onto his shirt underneath.
It was hard to pull away, even harder to move just one feet away from him, as you unlocked the door and looked back.
"Good night." you said and pressed a kiss on his cheek. He returned the gesture on your fingers. "Write if you're at home."
"I will." he hugged you with one arm and then waited until you got in the apartment complex. You ran up to your flat, and quickly closed the door behind you, a wide smile on your face.
After a quick shower and changing into comfortable clothes, you heard your phone buzz, and a text was showing on the notification centre. It was Telegram.
Skep: hey i got home
Skep: are you down to play something tomorrow? :)
You started typing on the keyboard.
Me: Bet >:)
You smile to yourself as you put your phone on the charger and got under your comfortable sheets.
What a night.