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So fucking good, fuck. It’s so good. He feels so good. He can’t believe it’s Donghyuck, sweet and kind and full of so much praise in public. Donghyuck who is morbidly frustrating and so damn confusing. He can’t believe it’s this Donghyuck, who’s fucking him this good and this deep, raw and instinctual.
This is his bandmate, his friend since sixteen. Donghyuck grunts overtop of him, teeth deeply rooted into the juncture of his neck, sure to leave a mark. Renjun finds he isn’t against it, instead, he wants it. He wants Donghyuck’s bare teeth indented into the thin of his skin, he wants it so hard that it bleeds red and stings.
Donghyuck is quiet, so far from his normal self. This Donghyuck doesn’t speak, doesn’t whine, doesn’t cry. This Donghyuck fucks him slow, tender. He sucks at his collarbones and nibbles at his shoulder. This Donghyuck is careful, not thoughtless. He white-knuckles the sheets behind Renjun’s head so tightly and breathes deep into his ear.
Renjun isn’t a sex addict, but he could be. He could become one for Donghyuck, like this—leg’s spread just enough for Donghyuck to fit, ankles grid-locked around his waist. Renjun isn’t letting him go, doesn’t want to. He’s so good at making Renjun forget. This is their first time, not expected nor planned. It isn’t rushed either, Donghyuck doesn’t want that, it seems, taking his time as he leaves warm hickeys all along his collar.
Renjun has never known a desire like this, not until Donghyuck had crept a smooth, calloused hand up his stomach as he cried into his arms. Not until he spoke sweet words into his ear and held his hands so tight.
This is all for Renjun’s comfort. This is Donghyuck helping him through his emotions.
There can’t be something deeper, even if Donghyuck is fucking him like there’s a meaning; It’s almost unbelievable. He wants to be loud, cry out Donghyuck’s name with so much love that anyone who’d hear it could understand just how much of it he holds. It’s so new, so new and so illogical. Renjun shouldn’t want this. He shouldn’t be doing this, letting this happen in this kind of way. Though Donghyuck has a coy tongue and a beautiful face, and he’s entirely too convincing.
To Renjun, it almost feels as though Donghyuck knows every single thought Renjun has ever had. Every single problem he’s ever dealt with. It’s like every bit of stress and suffering he’s gone through is being picked up, fixed, and molded into something pretty and special just for him.
Donghyuck says that it’s okay, that this’ll help.
He says that sex is just sex, that nothing can come between friends, between them. Renjun tries to remember that, he really, really does . He tries to chant it, a silent voice in the back of his mind, over and over.
This is just sex. This doesn’t matter.
Renjun is so stupid to believe him, a fucking fool for letting himself be laid down gently onto his mattress. He’s an idiot for being tricked, and even if this was never Donghyuck’s intention, Renjun is completely infatuated. It’s a different kind of pain, undefinable. Donghyuck is trying to help him, yet at the same time, he’s making him so much worse.
His hands—God, his hands—They’re warm and secure, letting go of the sheets to slide down and grip firm on his hips. There’s a jolt, a whimper in his throat as he’s lifted. Donghyuck fucks him deeper, harder.
Renjun’s mind is hot-wired, undivided attention on each and every sound Donghyuck makes, hot and possessive. Maybe Donghyuck loves so well because he knows just what Renjun needs, what he feels. Maybe it’s because they’ve been friends for so long that he pushes in so sweetly, that he cares for him in this way. Renjun has told him everything, shown him everything, his highest moments and the lowest.
He feels Donghyuck's mouth attached to his neck again, wet and grounding. He travels up the base, then to his jaw. He sucks there, and lets his teeth knick the bone under his skin. Renjun wants so badly for those kisses to reach his lips, his heart aches like nothing before, and he leans into Donghyuck, desperate and needy. He hears himself cry, doesn’t even know that he's been crying the entire time, stray tears staining his cheeks. He hadn’t even felt them.
“Is it okay?” Donghyuck mutters, voice creamy. Renjun just whines, trying to nod against the pressure of Donghyuck’s head rooting itself under his chin. He brings his hands up to finger through Donghyuck’s hair, to touch and pull at the nape of his neck and run his palms through the damp strands. He leaves one last kiss on the corner of his mouth before sitting up, a smile on his lips at Renjun’s incapability to answer. “Me too.”
Donghyuck still smells like cherries and laundry, his shampoo leaving itself behind after every shower. He’s not even completely dry, all too eager to weasel his way into Renjun’s sheets. When he lets his fingers roam up his neck, he feels the wet strands tickle his knuckles. Donghyuck pushes into him once more, so experienced that Renjun almost feels ill to the fact he’s done this before.
Renjun whimpers, pulling at his hair again and Donghyuck's response to the tugging is almost immediate. He drops his head back down and to Renjun’s surprise, he bites and bites so hard that Renjun is almost too loud. The pain shooting through his nerves nearly has him clawing into the smoothness of Donghyuck’s back.
His skin feels hot under Renjun’s fingertips, the muscles of his shoulders tense and strong. Renjun clutches there, feeling him up and running his hands along as much of Donghyuck as he can.
“You deserve it.” He pants and Renjun wants to say that no, he doesn’t. He doesn’t deserve it, not this, not Donghyuck. He wants to say that it’s Donghyuck who deserves this kind of love, the pleasure. Renjun is lucky and he knows it.
He’s okay with Donghyuck using him, though he knows Donghyuck isn’t that type of guy, he’d allow it anyway. Over and over again he’d let Donghyuck lay him down like this, fuck into him this way. Renjun dreads what comes after, he feels sick at the thought of Donghyuck walking out of that front door, walking home, and getting into his own bed.
It’s so twisted, melded into something so messy. His brain is liquid when he cries.
“Don’t leave.” The words slip from his mouth before he can think about just how desperate he sounds, the implications. It’s pathetic, and Renjun’s weak plea doesn’t go unheard, not this time. Donghyuck slows, cocks his head. His lips are cherry-red, slick, and pretty.
That was too much, way too much. Renjun squeezes his eyes closed. Donghyuck doesn't even realize it, he couldn‘t. He doesn't understand the lump in Renjun’s throat, can‘t feel the muscle pulling taught in an attempt to hold back more tears. “I mean—It’s so late. Stay the night.”
This is unbearable.
To Renjun’s horror, Donghyuck laughs. His cheeks are blushed and his chest heaves. Renjun focuses there instead of his eyes.
“Renjun,” He speaks slowly, “I’m not going to leave. I’m not going anywhere—I mean, I’m still inside you.” He laughs, and Renjun’s heart skips a beat or two. He stares at Renjun for a moment, and it’s a struggle for Renjun to stay neutral, but then he’s leaning back down, heated breath tickling Renjun’s face with more kisses to his skin.
Of course, of course he is, and if Donghyuck wasn't attached to his hips right now Renjun would run for the fucking hills. The sheer embarrassment alone could kill him right here and now. Donghyuck isn't going to leave because he kind of fucking can't.
He groans.
“Yea, you're right. Sorry—I'm just,” He takes a breath and holds it, and Donghyuck pauses above him. He’s so perfect, so kind and so patient. “This is a lot.” He settles on instead.
When Donghyuck sits up again he doesn’t stop smiling. He eyes Renjun so closely and so passionately that it’s almost scary. “Stop thinking so much,” He says, voice made of velvet. He leans in to leave a kiss between Renjun’s eyebrows, so delicate, though so intense. “For me.”
Renjun tries, tries so hard to hear what Donghyuck is saying, to remember it, that when he hears Donghyuck chuckle again it’s at the intensity in which he’s trying, the skin of his forehead wrinkling.
Donghyuck grabs his wrist, lets his palm slide up to spread Renjun’s fingers, and replaces the space between them with his own. He brings their hands up to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. It’s so sweet and so dangerous.
There’s so much care there, so much caution. Renjun feels silly for ever doubting someone Donghyuck in the past, for questioning his reasoning. He makes an effort to let himself enjoy it, and he does enjoy it, so much. He’s nearly love-struck. He blames the heart-shaped lights around Donhyuck’s head on the haze of sex and intimacy—two things Donghyuck is strikingly good at.
Before, Renjun had only known Donghyuck’s love through light touches and words of affirmation, but now, Donghyuck continues fucking into him, slowly building the pace. After a while he’s being pushed up the bed, the top of his head just hitting the headboard. All Renjun can seem to do is hold on and take it as best he can. It’s rough in a way, almost like he’s fucking the truth into him. Like he needs Renjun to see, to feel, to hear.
Renjun is listening to the best of his abilities. He holds tight onto the warmth of Donghyuck’s forearms and digs his fingers in, runs his eyes all along the muscle there. The veins from Donghyuck’s hands to his elbows are thick and pulsing, and Renjun catches his lip between his teeth at the sight, keeping himself quiet.
Donghyuck must like the attention, because when Renjun grips him tighter there, he quickens the pace, rolling his hips in a way that makes Renjun burn all over.
He’s not as quiet anymore. It seems all he needed was the reassurance that Renjun was enjoying himself, in a way. He looks straight into Renjun’s eyes with purpose. He doesn’t blink, and his eyes don’t wander like Renjun’s seem to do. He’s steadfast and unwavering, reaching out with his free hand and pushing the hair away from Renjun’s eyes for a better view.
“I’m not going to leave you.” He reminds Renjun. He says it so hotly, so passionately that it’s believable. Donghyuck is a good friend, a great one. He cries and Donghyuck swallows the sounds with his tongue, oblivious to whirlwind of emotions fogging Renjun’s mind.
Maybe Donghyuck leaving isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s Renjun.