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“Thee Notorious Pirate Black Beard, AKA Edward Teach, Was Killed At Oracoke On November 22, 1718, By Thee Brave Naval Lieutenant Robert Maynard”.
It didn’t seem possible, but the guide managed to speak every word as if it were the beginning of a sentence; each utterance a proclamation.
“Why do so many people put that pause between Black and Beard? I always thought it just rolled off the tongue.” The taller man leaned slightly into his companion, his tone low.
“Shush,” his partner glanced around the crowd. They had paid a dime each for THEE DRED PIRATES’ GRANDE TOUR, which so far had involved a walk along a rather smelly pier, several landmark signs and a lot of capital letters. Their fellow tourists oohing and ahhing with each story. If anything, it was good to get a read on the local folklore. See what had actually stuck.
“Edward Teach, Or Black. Beard. Was Finally Served His Comeuppance Here Off Thee Shores Of Oracoke When He Was Shot, Stabbed, And Beheaded. His Body Then Jumped Overboard And Swam Around His Ship Three Times Before Sinking Into Thee Sea”
“Alright, I’m sure that pause between Black and beard got even longer this time.” A huff.
“Edward, please. Just enjoy the tour.” A quick hand grip, then dropped, and Edward turned his attention back to the guide.
“What about the Gentleman Pirate then?” he called to the guide, who very visibly shuffled his mental notes.
“Ah Yes. Thee Gentleman Pirate, Stede Bonnet.”
Ed elbowed Stede gently and leaned into him while Stede blushed furiously.
“Captain Stede Bonnet, Or Thee Gentleman Pirate As He Was Known, Was A Fearsome Scourge Of The Caribbean. He Is Best Known For Inventing Walking Thee Plank. He Was A Compatriot Of Black.
Beard. And There Was A Time They Sailed Together, But It Is Unclear Just Why.”
“You know, you don’t have to put that bloody long pause in the name, mate!” Ed called out, “You can just run it all together. Blackbeard…See? It’s not that hard,”
“Edward!” a hiss beside him and Ed grinned.
“Apparently you invented walking the plank,” Ed stole a glancing touch along Stede’s side.
“Well, yes.”
“What?”
“There were a few merchant vessels. It was while I was still looking for you.”
“You never told me. That’s fucking hot, man.”
“Really? Erm, we’ll discuss this further…”
“Are You Two Quite Finished?”
“Sorry! Carry on my good man!” Stede blushed and Ed stared at his feet.
“Thee Dred Pirate Captain Stede Bonnet Was Tragically Mauled By A Jungle Cat, Then Crushed By A Pianoforte, Then Run Over By A Carriage, Avoiding Being Brought To Justice As He Should Have Been. He And Black.
Beard.”
“Fucksake!”
“Had Both Pledged To Become Privateers to King George Through Thee Act Of Grace, But Both Escaped. With Whole Navies Searching For Them, It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before They Were Served Their Due Justice.”
“I’m really going to need you to tell me more about this walking the plank business.” Ed took Stede’s elbow lightly, his whisper only slightly weighted with want.
“Excuse Me Sirs. I’m Going To Have To Ask You To Be Quiet.”
“Fine, fucksake. We’re leaving. It’s a shit tour anyway.” Ed led Stede by the elbow, turning him away from the crowd and back toward the shore.
“Excuse Me, Sir? This Is Thee Foremost Pirate Tour Of Thee Carolinas!” indignant.
“It’s Blackbeard. It’s not that fucking hard, mate. BLACKBEARD!”
Now it was Stede leading Edward away, back to their cover of anonymity, away from this dreadful tour. “Edward, come. Stop looking back. Leave them to their legends.”
“The fucking things I’m going to do to you…The plank, Stede. Start talking.”
*