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i don't want to die.
did those five little words ever cross your mind as you stood on that stool? why did you want to die when you were alive? why did you have to die? he was always there for you, wasn't he? regrets, did you have any? he supposed you would have some because everyone does.
after all, you were always too rash on yourself.
。。。
“fuyu, i don’t want you to ever end up being as rash as i am.”
this had caused the blond to stop in his tracks. he tilted his head slightly up towards the sky as the puddle under his feet gradually began to grow. the musky smell of the earth filled his lungs as he breathed in. to say it was a pleasant yet discomforting scent is what he would have said if asked.
it took you a while to notice his stop in movement. you turned around, staring at him as he stood in the middle of the pathway as if he was in deep thought. you stared for a while, letting the raindrops fall on your head due to the lack of coverage. after quickly scurrying under the umbrella where you once were, you let out a small sigh. your perfectly styled bangs were now sticking to your forehead. the clothes that you wore were now slightly wet from the rain. for chifuyu to say you looked dazzling at that moment was an underestimate.
"fuyu?" your voice was quiet as if it was a light whisper that wasn't supposed to be heard throughout the rainy night. you called out his name again to no avail. a frown grew on your lips as you tugged at the end of his hoodie which broke him out of his daze. the grip on his umbrella tighten as your eyes met each other. the soft pitter-patter pattern filled both of your ears as you both stared at each other, chifuyu's lower lip trembling slightly. "y/n, what do you mean by that…?" he asked, no longer using the nickname you grew to love. the tremble in his voice was apparent. instead of pointing it out, all you did was give him a gentle smile.
it was the same smile you always flashed at him yet all it did was fill him with more worry.
“ah... it's nothing much. i was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the pet store. you know, since the last time i ended up buying the wrong food for peke j,” you explained, your gaze now falling onto the puddle that grew beneath the both of you. despite your shoes being soaked, you didn't make an effort to move, you didn't want to. “also… when you meet the others again... could you- actually, never mind."
the words you wanted to say didn't leave your lips as you stared down at the puddle,
could you please tell them i'm sorry when the time comes?
。。。
his breath heaved, as he stared down at your grave. 10 years. it's been decade since you passed away. he remembers the day vividly. the day takemichi said you would commit suicide. he thought you wouldn't go through with it. he couldn't believe it. you just seemed too happy, a little too happy. so, when he got to your shared apartment that day, he was shocked. your corpse hanging from the ceiling as peke j tried to paw at your feet.
if someone were to ask you what your reason for dying was. what would you have said?
he doesn't know, he doesn't wish to know.
。。。
it doesn't take long for you to hear the door open, a smile forming on your face without you even noticing. "chifuyu!" you call out, stepping out from the kitchen for your eyes to fall onto the blond hair male. from his heavy panting it’s clear that he ran here in a hurry but for what reason? you wouldn’t know, you would never know.
you just wished to burn the sight deep into your mind.
“fuyu, what’s the matter?” you asked as you watched him hurry towards you, in a flash, you find yourself in a familiar embrace. the warmth of his body on your skin feels reassuring and comforting, you wouldn’t mind if you began to start calling his arms your home.
it takes a while for chifuyu to release you from the tight embrace. you mumbled his name as he looks at your body from up and down, his hands reaching out to grasp your face. it was as if he was making sure you were really there. of course, you were there. you were alive. "i-i asked everyone if they had seen y-you, and when all of them said no, i just... i-i got worried. so when i couldn't reach you. i thought…""
a frown spreads upon your lips, he was worried about you? a laugh rips from your throat from the thought itself. “i thought i told you that i was going to stay home. plus, my phone was dead because someone took the charger before leaving. you can be so forgetful sometimes.” you accusingly said, pointing your finger at his chest, a small smile on your face.
the gaze the male gave you said something else. the tremble from his lips reminded you of the day before. the longer you stared at him, you wondered if he knew something you didn't. "i-i'm just glad you're safe."
as you stared at him, you came to notice the thin layer of sweat that covered his forehead, the rapid rising of his chest, and the way his cheeks were slightly flustered. you felt bad that he had rushed all the way here. despite all of that, all he does is show you a gentle smile. that smile of his is like the warm sun that shines on a warm day. it's the same smile that shines brightly in your heart.
yet, you wonder if this is the last time you'll ever see it before falling into the dark sea.