Chapter Text
The images blurred in his head.
He remembered the car horn blaring and the ear-bleeding screech of tires on the asphalt.
He remembered laying flat on the hard surface, out of breath.
He remembered the crushing pain in his right side.
He remembered using the last ounce of his strenght to desperately turn to his friends, and seeing three blurry figures through his tear-filled eyes.
"Annie! What are you doing!?"
"We... we can't just leave, you asshole!"
He didn't manage to hear anything else, as his ears filled with a ringing noise. He saw the three figures getting further and further away before his vision begun to turn black. He wasn't even sure if any sound came from his mouth as he mouthed
"Please, don't leave me..."
It happened at the end of his sophomore year in highschool, 3 years ago.
3 years ago his life has officially stopped.
Well, not exactly. He was alive, but what kind of a life was that?
He remembers briefly regaining his consciousness.
He remembers the overwhelming pain he felt.
He remembers hearing panicked voices, seeing flashing lights and foreign faces.
He wasn't able to make out any of the words clearly, and the faces blurred together. His eyelids became too heavy and he blacked out again.
-
When he woke up, he was surrounded by white. He'd never felt so confused in his life.
Where was he?
Was he dead?
As he turned his head, he saw yet another face, which had debunked his probable theory about being dead. However, as soon as he saw it, his confusion eased a bit, and he relaxed, because he recognized it. It was his mother. As soon as the woman saw him turn towards her, she burst into tears, and quickly got up.
Why are you crying, mom?
What's happening?
It looked like as if she was calling someone, but he couldn't make out the sound, as the ringing in his ears still hadn't ceased completely.
He blinked and slowly examined his surroundings. The room he was in was extremely clean. White walls, white furniture, white bed sheets. His own bed sheets, he realized. He was laying in a bed, but it couldn't have been his own bed. On his bedside, he spotted a drip which he realized was attached to his left arm. His whole body was attached to different kinds of devices. He immediately felt sick. He'd always been afraid of needles and medical equipment of all kind and hospitals overall-
Wait... a hospital.
Right. It would explain all these machines and his mother's tears.
And the pain too.
He closed his bleary eyes and felt the ringing in his ears slowly disappear.
Maybe it was all just a bad dream?
But it wasn't a dream. He knew that now. This was his new reality. A reality that he utterly despised.
One moment. One moment that had turned his whole life upside down.
He saw someone enter the room. A tall, blonde haired man dressed in a white hospital gown. His mother was at his side immediately.
"Doctor! My son, he's- he's awake!" she exclaimed in a raspy voice.
The man's eyes widened, and he instantly rushed to his patient's side.
"Marco? Can you hear me?" His doctor asked carefully. He opened his mouth and managed a raspy "Yes..."
His voice sounded scratchy and unused, foreign on his tounge, like it wasn't his own.
"Alright, okay, now if you could open your eyes" he started diging in one of his gown's pockets. Marco took this moment to read the name imprinted on his badge. Erwin Smith.
After a few seconds, Smith pulled the thing he was looking for out of his pocket. It turned out to be what looked like a tiny flashlight. He started flashing it in Marco's eyes. The boy slightly flinched in surprise, but kept his sight focused as his doctor moved the flashlight back and forth betweet his eyes. After a minute, Smith hummed in acknowlegment and put the tiny item down.
"His pupils react correctly to the light." he stated, turning to his mother, who nodded frantically, dried tear streaks staining her cheeks. Erwin turned back to his patient "It's good to see you awake, kid. We're going to have to run more tests, but right now all you have to do is rest. Sleep is recommended, although I understand that you've had plenty of it for the past week."
A week? He'd been asleep for a week?
The doctor continued "You'll most likely also experience what's a called a phantom limb, but that's normal after an amputation."
Marco's thoughts came to a screening halt.
An... amputation?
He slowly looked down. He realized with horror that his right arm ended practically right after it started.
Wha...?
When? How? Why?
He suddenly forgot how to breathe, feeling his body run cold, his heart in his throat as he heard it race loudly in his ears. So many thoughts clouded in his brain. He started gasping for air and his vision started to turn black again. He heard his mother's cry and the doctor shouting, he registered a few people rush to his bedside and then, it was darkness again.
-
His doctor apologized for starling him as his condition was stable again.
He explained that it was necessary. His arm was beyond saving and attempting to do so would risk his life. Of course, that wasn't all. There was also a sprained right ankle and bruises. A lot of bruises.
Marco took in that information silently, trying to process the words. It was too much.
They didn't tell him explicitly what kind of tests they were going to have to perform now, they only talked to his mother, and he respected that. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know the details, as he'd already had his fair share of fainting.
So his next few days consisted mainly of sleeping, each time with hope of waking up to it all being some horrible nightmare, staring at the ceiling and talking to his mother. She told him a bit about the rehabilitation process he'd have to go through. It made him sick.
Only on the fifth day, while talking to his mother, did the though occur to him.
After she'd said "Oh sweetheart, it was horrible, and when your school found out about it..."
He didn't hear anything else, because it hit him.
So, his school knew?
Then... what about his friends? Were they worried? Have they been here when he was still unconscious? He asked his mother about this right away. Her gentle smile slowly faded, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards.
"Honey, I'm... I'm sorry, but..." she didn't finish, turning her head to avoid looking her son in the eyes.
Marco's heart fell in his chest.
So, his friends didn't even try to visit him?
But, maybe they at least tried calling him?
With this new flame of hope in his chest, he'd asked his mother where his phone was. He could recall he didn't have it with him when the accident happened. He was surprised that it had only now occured to him to ask for it.
His mother, shocked a bit at her son's new found vigor, reluctantly reached into her bag and pulled out the device.
Marco reached out and grabbed it. His left hand fumbled with it, and he let out a frustrated groan. He'd never though he would ever curse himself for being right-handed.
His anxiety grew stronger and stronger the longer it took for the phone to turn on.
When it finally did, the first thing that caught his attention was the wallpaper. He was almost sure it was different than the last time he'd used his phone. Then again, given everything that had happened, it wouldn't surprise him if he just didn't recall changing it. Whatever, it wasn't important right now.
With a swipe of his finger, he unlocked the device and entered the messages.
The flame of hope was snuffed out when he saw the screen before him read
No new messages
He felt a lump forming in his throat.
None of friends really did care, huh?
The realization stung. Like really stung.
It stung more than anything ever did sting.
To know that neither Eren, nor Armin, Sasha and Connie...
Not even... not even Jean...
Did none of them really care?
He let the phone drop from his hand and turned on the side so his mother wouldn't see the tears that started spilling from his eyes.
-
The hurt of the revelation and his new situation left him drained of energy for the rest of his stay at the hospital.
He even briefly considered maybe reaching out to them first, but let go of this idea.
What would he even say?
No, if his friends didn't want to talk to him, he would have to make do with that, no matter how much it hurt.
His mother stopped trying to cheer him up after a while. Thankfully, there were only 2 times that required him to pick his head up from the pillow.
The first one was a visit from a police officer.
"Nile Dok. Local police headquarters. I need you to answer a few questions."
His tone was harsh, straight to the point. Marco felt intimidated by his demeanor. He tried his best not to bow under the pressure of the officer as he tried to recall the details of that feral day.
He'd also learned that Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt were questioned too. All of the information made his head spin.
When he'd once again struggled to form an answer, doctor Smith stepped in "Alright, Nile, that's about enough. You have your answers, let the kid rest." he said firmly.
Officer Dok looked at Smith with an unreadable expression, then stood up, thanked for the patient's time and left.
-
The second time was when he met Mina.
It was his third week at the hospital, just another day on laying on his bed, miserably recalling the memories of spending time with his friends. He was amazed he could remember these evens so clearly despite the memories of the accident being so blurry. He kind of wish he couldn't.
He recalled that time when Sasha ate half of the snacks on Armin's birthday all by herself. He recalled that time when Eren and Connie fell into the pool while bantering with each other. He recalled everytime Ymir threatened anyone who even got close to Krista. He recalled that time when he and Jean made plans to go see that movie they were both crazy about since the trailer came out.
That last memory made his stomach squirm unpleasantly. Recalling Jean hurt the most. Jean was his best friend. At least that's what he'd thought, because this so-called best friend didn't even bother to check on him after all.
Tears brimming his eyes threatened to spill again when he'd heard the sound of doors opening.
He'd quickly wiped the tears away. He didn't want his mother to catch him crying again. It was already difficult enough knowing just how much pain he'd caused her.
But this time, his mom wasn't alone. Next to her was a girl, seemingly his age. She looked at him sheepishly.
The woman cleared her throat "Honey, this is Mina Carolina. She's volunteering here, and I though- I mean I talked to the doctors about it and we decided that you're the perfect candidate for her to be assigned to. You guys are close in age, so I'm sure you'll get along swimmingly!" she chirped.
Marco only looked between his mother and Mina, who had begun to fidget nervously.
Was that what his mom thought he wanted?
To be a burden to yet another person?
"Well, I'll leave you to get to know each other!" Mrs Bodt announced, and she was out the door before her son could voice his protest.
It was awkwardly quiet for a while. The girl was the one who broke the silence "Hi, I'm Mina, but you already know that, of course your mom already told you, hah, I'm sor-"
"Hey, it's okay." he said, trying his best to sound reassuring "I'm Marco."
He sent her a smile. His first instinct was to reach out his hand and greet her, but then he remembered that he... couldn't. Right. He'd have to get used to that.
Calming people down was something he'd always been good at, and it seemed to work this time too. Mina's shoulders relaxed a bit and she sighed. Marco tried to keep up the smile as he quickly added
"Listen, if you'd rather be assigned to someone else, I completely understand. I can talk to the doctors and let them know-"
"What makes you think that?" The girl cut in, visibly taken aback by his words. He stared at her, equally shocked.
"W-well, I just... I can see you're nervous and I just don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with..." he trailed off.
Mina leaned forward on the chair "I'm not uncomfotable at all! I'm nervous because... I'm still new to this, that's all. But I'd really like to get to know you! Unless..." she sat back, unsure '...unless you don't want to."
The boy blinked, belwildered. "W-what?" he uttered.
"Are you okay with it?" she asked.
That... was a first
Usually he was the one concerned about the others well-being and comfort
He didn't want to be a burden
But... Mina sounded so genuine...
And then he thought about how much he'd actually missed having someone his age to talk to
He didn't even realize how much he'd craved it
Especially now, after his friends...
He turned to her, smiled and said "Yeah, I'm okay with it."
-
Finally came the day when he was allowed to leave to hospital.
Doctor Smith set him off with a detailed instruction on how to take care of himself and wishes of good luck. Marco really grew to like him.
It felt really weird to finally leave this place.
As soon as he'd crossed the gate, another revelation had dropped on him. First it was the amount of bags and suitcases next to their car, and then his mother's words as she chirpely announced they're moving back to their hometown, Jinae.
"It's for the best." she patted his shoulder and motioned for him to get in the car as she herself moved to do so
"But-" he started
"What is it, sweetheart?" him mom asked, stopping in her tracks to look back at him.
But what about my friends? He wanted to say, before remembering that he... didn't really have friends anymore.
Except for-
"What about Mina?" he ushed. He didn't want to lose touch with her. They really grew attached and he didn't want to lose a friend again.
The woman's features relaxed "Oh yes, what a lovely girl, right? Don't worry, I'll take care of everything!"
He felt weird for having to rely on his mother like that. He was 16, and yet he felt like a preschooler. Mina gave him her phone number. He could reach out to her himself.
After settling in the backseat of the car, the exhaustion finally caught up to him. It was his most tiring day in the past few weeks. As he closed his eyes, he heard his mother say "Don't worry, honey. You're about to start a brand new chapter."
He drifted off with these words in his mind.
A brand new chapter...