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"guys, guys, take a look at this."
woody knows the voice anywhere. it's distant, maybe a few yards away, but the space ranger was enough within earshot and woody couldn't stand it. although he knew he calling wasn't for him, the sheriff couldn't help but glance over his shoulder — wanting to understand what the hubbub was about (as no stranger to eavesdropping.) it was none other than buzz lightyear- his most detested- approaching his group of fellow space rangers. there was something in his hand, splayed out. it was a ringed binder, t'kani prime's preferred method of documenting momentous occasions within the planet's lifetime (right next to digitally copying the information down.) although it wasn't formally recognized as one, many of t'kani prime's citizens referred to it as —
"the history book?" mo morrison, one of buzz lightyear's companions, questioned with a perplexed look. woody was indifferent to him, but by mere association with the star command captain, he couldn't care less about his existence. "what about it?"
"they inscribed my name in it!" buzz pointed excitedly to the page's contents, a finger shifting along the paragraphs. woody didn't need to see the pages in question to know what he was referring to; he'd already seen the book and he'd already had his envious fits over buzz's cementation in the work.
"you're a big part of our history, buzz," izzy hawthorne, another one of his companions, nudged buzz with an elbow. "of course you're in there. you're the whole reason we're on this planet in the first place!" an innocuous sentence, but it was enough to already boil woody's blood.
buzz only chuckled at her words, closing the book and staring at the cover. he ran his hand across it. "... it's funny, i always felt so.. awful for marooning my crew, but ... now it feels like i'm kind of a hero. you know, none of this would've existed without me."
oh, that was it. a hero? was he serious? how many times has woody heard that word come out of everyone's mouths these past weeks? to woody, being a space ranger was hardly different from being a sheriff ; self sacrificing to protect your people. his job was nothing special. even then, it felt overshadowing, almost — and ridiculous! this guy comes around, literally steals a spacecraft, blows up one enemy ship and suddenly he's labelled a hero, unparalleled? what about the years of dedication woody's put into protecting t'kani prime and its people? where was his pat on the back, his medal of honor, his appreciation?
"well, i should return this. i've gotta help the mechanics repair the ship." buzz saluted his team before he turned, walking off with the binder in hand.
woody let his gaze fall from the space ranger and down to his badge, a hand coming up to fiddle with it as he feels the insecurity weigh down on him. who am i kidding, he thinks to himself, just before he feels an elbow jab into his side with a little-too-hard force that almost knocks him off his cane. "ow! hey-!"
"awwwh, don't let it get to ya, woody!" jessie, woody's trusty deputy and lifelong friend, reassures too loudly. though that's unsurprising, she was always the more loud one of the two; peas in a pod despite their differences. they'd gotten into too much trouble over the years to really find the urge to cut ties. maybe that connection is why she could practically read his mind, feeling the need to come and at least try to make him feel better over something so unspoken. jessie offered a bright smile, holding an optimism woody just couldn't seem to match this time around.
"uuhh, let what? i don't, uh.." the sheriff stammers, startled from his thoughts. his free hand fumbles, unsure what to do with itself until it awkwardly rests at his hip, finally finding it in him to meet jessie's gaze. "whaddya mean?- who?"
"look, everyone's just EXCITED about buzz and his buddies savin' our butts from that zurg ship," an arm flings around woody's shoulders, giving him a friendly and tight shake. "but you'll always be our sheriff, and ya can't get any better'n that!"
for a moment, her words sink in, and for the first time in a long time, woody starts feeling a little bit better about the whole thing. how much better could you get than the gosh-darned sheriff? buzz has barely had the joy of being so connected with t'kani prime's life and ways, maybe just a few weeks — but set that next to woody's years, that's pathetic! the sheriff's got it better, clearly. who needs space?
the smile on his face grows, nodding along with his self-convincing ... until he looks back up, spotting buzz again. he feels his entire theory shatter right before him as he watches buzz high-five a pair of kids who were dressed up, bouncing around with unbridled excitement in their cardboard space ranger garb. (what the heck! nobody's ever done that for the sheriff!) "that's it," woody growls, shrugging off jessie's arm.
with patience worn thin, woody stomped over to the subject of his annoyance, cane hitting the ground in long strides. once approached sufficiently from behind, his free hand gripped buzz's shoulder, giving him a hard spin so they can stand face-to-face. confusion painted the space ranger's face momentarily, but washed over with irritation as he realized it was woody of all people bothering him again. but woody didn't care. he pointed a finger in the shorter man's face, bringing him to flinch.
"listen, light-snack. you stay away from around here; this city is mine. and no one is taking it away from me. keep your business in space, ranger."
"what are you talking about?"
and buzz turns back around, unfazed still, annoying woody even further. buzz barely gets another step in before woody's hand is back at his shoulder, forcing the man to face him once more.
"and another thing? STOP with this HERO thing! it's getting on my nerves!" woody yells, standing closer and jabbing a finger into the space ranger's shoulder, instigating.
buzz clearly doesn't take kindly to it, as his expression twists with agitation, returning the intimidating closeness — chests bumping. "are you saying you wanna lodge a complaint with star command!?"
"ohohoh, okay! so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?" woody mocks, smirking as he raised a fist tauntingly. but both his smirk and fist fall as buzz raises his own hand, shoving woody back and bringing the man to stumble over his own feet.
"don't even think about it, cowboy." the space ranger growls.
"oh yeah, TOUGH GUY?" with his frustration finally bursting through the surface, woody musters enough strength to return the shove — barely making buzz move an inch but managing to knock the binder out of his hand ...
... which leads to the space ranger gasping dramatically, instantly dropping to his knees as he frantically gathers the papers that'd come out of the rings upon impact. the scene's almost laughable, and woody would have laughed if he wasn't completely unimpressed by the theatrics over a few loose sheets of paper. he glanced around, briefly wondering if he was the only sane one on this planet right now.
"how DARE you disrespect star command property like that!?" fuming, buzz stood quickly, arranging the papers back in the ringed binder as he stared woody in the eyes. "i should toss you in the stockade for a move like that, sheriff! i don't know what's gotten into you, but as a star command officer i order you to clean up your act, or you can kiss that badge of yours goodbye." buzz's voice lowered, menacing. not a second later, he slammed the binder shut in woody's face.
the sheriff stood stunned momentarily, but not out of any fear or shock. in fact, he began to smile, giving buzz and incredulous look as the dots connected in his head. "you ACTUALLY think you're all that?" at this revelation, woody wheezes as he begins to laugh, relying on his cane to not completely topple over from the hilarity. "all this time i thought you were PLAYING IT UP! HAHAAHA!" still laughing, he pretended to cower in fear before the space ranger, putting on a desperate, pleading voice. "oh, oh NO! mr. lightyear, oh please have MERCY on me! d-don't use your scary laser!! ha-HA!" he slapped his knee, cheeks beginning to sting with how wide he grinned.
but buzz didn't find this bit funny. not even for a second. he only stared, gritting his teeth with a harsh squint. "you're mocking me, aren't you?"
woody stood sharply, putting on a completely serious expression. "oh, no, no no no no no no——— BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!!!"
"WHERE!?" buzz immediately whipped around, stance readied as his gaze flitted across the sky in a frantic attempt to find said invader.
... but, there was nothing. and buzz realized woody knew this too, if his brand new explosion of laughter was of any indication. as the space ranger turned back around with a glare, he watched as woody fell to the ground, his body weak with joy as he practically howled, slapping his knee and pointing at buzz. the space ranger could only stare, helpless, cheeks flushed with embarrassment and bewilderment at woody's sheer audacity. what a jerk.