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Castiel was tired. He’d just had a long day at work filled with overly talkative coworkers and a broken coffee machine that could’ve saved Castiel a headache, had it been fixed. He walked down to the metro, dragging his feet after himself, considering if he should eat one of his frozen meals when he got home.
The metro was busy when he walked in, filled with exhausted people longing to get home. The sun was setting outside and watching the landscape in all its orange and pink hues was usually Castiel’s favorite part of his commute. Now, even with the various colours trying to cheer him up, Castiel felt dull and gray.
He let his shoulders droop and his head hang back, his thoughts driving back to Dean for the 100th time that day. It was like the man plagued his thoughts, taunting him to reach out and fuck everything up.
He was pulled from his thoughts as the metro whined approaching the next station.
Then, it was like time stood still. Seeing him, basking in the fading sunlight, made Castiel feel like he was in the eye of a storm. The world felt so small. So quiet. Like it was zoning in on him.
Dean was as beautiful as the day Cas met him. But in a melancholic sort of way. In a moment of insanity, Castiel believed he'd thought him up, thinking about him so hard.
But then, all the memories seemed to overcome Castiel all at once when those green eyes locked on his.
The amusement park. Telling Dean he’d never been and having him take charge. Running around like little kids and getting stuffed on cotton candy and hot dogs. How they’d tried everything twice and Dean had won Cas a stuffed animal. He still had it.
The drives filled with laughter. Dean in his element. At his most relaxed behind the wheel. Occasionally looking over at Cas with so much passion.
The wild flowers that Cas would pick. Just because he’d thought of Dean when he saw them. And how Dean would set them in a vase on the dining room table, as if it were his most prized possession. How he wouldn’t throw them out until they were wilted and shriveled up.
The mixtape Dean made. His way of telling Cas he loved him after struggling with the words for so long.
The trip to the beach. Where they built sandcastles and found pretty seashells to gift each other. The dozens kisses they had exchanged and the sand they found in uncomfortable places later that night.
The love. The love that was felt between them with every kiss, every hug, every pat on the back.
The hope. The hope they had felt for the future. A future they were supposed to live together. The one that had not come to fruition as their ideas of it had not aligned. As Cas saw it as kids and later on grandkids. As Dean saw it as them on an open road.
Even that last fight, that last decision. Everything, every memory with Dean was always with love. Consuming, heartbreaking love.
Every memory they shared came rushing back, threatening to take him under. Make him drown in the reminder of their life together.
He couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel anything more than his thundering heartbeat thudding against his ribcage.
He and Dean felt like the only two people on earth. In this busy metro, they were likely the most alone they ever were. The only people who were witness to this beautiful story. This tragic story. Who knew that it could never be.
Then the metro stopped and it was like the trance had been lifted and both of them looked around, afraid they might’ve been caught in… what? What exactly was it they were caught up in? Neither of them could say, but they both still knew it was something.
It was everything.
Dean smiled gently at Cas, with tears in his eyes, possibly knowing it would be the last time he’d be able to.
Castiel nodded his head as if giving him permission to go. To move on.
So Dean left.
Castiel thinks that maybe they could’ve been. In an Alternate World.