Work Text:
Lucius slowly wiped her makeup off with the wipe. She did it with long smudging swipes for the sick thrill of it. She liked to see her face messed up for once. Because after only a few wipes it was her face again. Only more tired.
“My skin looks terrible,” she told the mirror.
“It’s fine,” Izzy said from behind her. “You just need to sleep more.”
“If I could, I would.” Lucius met Izzy’s disapproving eyes through the reflection. Izzy thought she should work less, but actresses that worked less never worked again.
She threw the wipe away in the waste bin. “Anyway, let’s go home. I’m exhausted.”
“I’ll call the car round.”
———————————————————
Lucius walked sullenly to the side of the set and plopped down on the couch where Izzy was. A huge yawn stretched her mouth and she grimaced at the feel of the prosthetic on her face protesting. “Whatcha workin on?” She leaned her head on Izzy’s shoulder.
Before, Izzy would have shoved her off. These days she didn’t bother. “Some admin stuff. Not important.”
“Okay.” Lucius closed her eyes. “Wake me up if they call for me, will you?”
“That’s not my job-“ but Izzy cut herself off. “Whatever.”
————————————————————
Lucius leaned forward and placed her hand on the other actor’s cheek. He was some young heartthrob singer.
“Action!”
The lines felt clumsy in her mouth. She was ripped out of the flow by the looming kiss at the end of the scene. She was usually fine at this kind of thing, but it had been a long time since she’d done a scene with a man. These days she tried to only take queer projects.
“Cut!” Lucius pulled back from the kiss. She’d been distracted and certainly they’d seen it. “That was fine.”
Fine. Well, it could’ve been worse.
“Let’s try the next one with more passion, both of you.”
Lucius had felt relieved too soon. After three takes she was embarrassed by her performance. After fifteen takes she figured the director was picky. By the thirtieth and final take Lucius was ready to cry. She never needed this many tries to get what the director wanted.
When she went back to her trailer Izzy was waiting. “Sorry to make you wait. The director was on one.”
Izzy wasn’t the type to say, “it’s fine.” She just cocked her head and looked Lucius up and down. “What?”
“What do you mean what ? I just told you.” Lucius threw her coat over her arm and hoisted her bag on her shoulder. She felt sweaty and disgusting. She shooed her hands at Izzy. “Let’s just go.”
“Okay, be a fucking baby then.”
Lucius pouted but stayed quiet. The valet brought the car around. No driver tonight.
Lucius waited until they were off the lot to speak. “Did you always know you were gay?”
Izzy’s eyes stayed resolutely on the road. “Yeah, why?” Shimmering city lights sped past them as Izzy raced towards Lucius’s house.
“I don’t know. Just curious. If you ever kissed guys.” She wanted to lean her head against the glass like in the movies, but it would only give her a headache.
“A few. Kissing is kissing.”
“Not to me, I guess.” Lucius laughed awkwardly. Kissing used to feel like the simplest thing in the world. Lately though, there was something about love scenes that felt harsh. She felt exposed and vulnerable in all the wrong ways.
Too bad driving in L.A. took forever. Now would’ve been the perfect time for Izzy to arrive at her house. To drop her off and this weird conversation would be over. Instead, Lucius was trapped with her own words.
“So you had a kiss scene today.”
“Yeah. Can we not talk about it?” To Lucius’s further embarrassment her voice cracked with tears.
Izzy deliberately lowered her shoulders to soften herself. “Course.” Izzy was terrible with her words though. She was a woman of action. So Lucius dabbed her tears with her fingers and sat in silence.
When she felt calmer she spoke again. “In the grand scheme of things, today isn’t so important. I just have to keep going while the going is good, you know?”
“Is that how it works?” Izzy asked, snarky and rhetorical. As if she hadn’t been a bodyguard for starlets like her for decades.
Lucius gently hit her on the shoulder. “You know it is. People rarely make successful comebacks after a break.”
“Better that than dropping dead from exhaustion.”
“I know you’re paid to care, but you don’t have to care this much.” Lucius winced at what felt like bold longing in her voice. Of course it felt nice for someone to worry about her well being. Not because she might miss a speaking engagement or filming or a shoot, but because they wanted her to come out the other side okay.
Now Izzy did turn down her street. When Lucius slid out of the car Izzy walked her to the door. “Well, thanks for doing your job.”
“Yeah.” Izzy looked at her with a tense expression but didn’t elaborate. Izzy gave her one last glance over and slinked out the door.
Lucius collapsed onto her couch and didn’t bother to turn the lights on. She honestly couldn’t make it to the bed. Right here was fine.
——————————————————
Thankfully she was able to sleep for a while after that. She didn’t have anything to do until an event at 7pm. The glam team was coming at 5pm, so Lucius spent the day in sweats.
When the team arrived she could feel the dread starting to build. Relaxing had felt nice. She’d been able to sit at the table and sketch and drink coffee. Her brain had mostly turned off for once. Now the thought of another night with the flashing cameras and questions was making her feel sick. It was always like this. She just swallowed her anxiety as best she could.
“How was your day, honey?” Mary was doing her makeup.
“It was good.” Mary gripped her chin to hold her still. “Got to sketch a bit.”
“Ooh, you’ll have to show me.” Mary was a bit of a traditional artist herself. She was an excellent painter, not just of faces.
There was a knock at the door. “Oh, can you get that?” Mary waved to the hair stylist, Evelyn. Izzy plodded in looking extremely uncomfortable. She was in her usual leather jacket and suit. Her salt and pepper hair was slicked back.
“Hello Izzy,” Lucius chirped. She did feel a bit better to see Izzy. “I’m nearly done with makeup. It won’t be long now. Come here.” Izzy crossed the room at her command. Lucius closed her eyes for Mary to powder her. She held out a hand. “Are you there?”
Gingerly, Izzy took her hand.
“Thank you. I’m shoring myself up for tonight.” She smiled at herself and kept holding Izzy’s hand. Mary moved back.
“All done.” Lucius opened her eyes and turned her head left and right.
“Brilliant as always. Thanks, Mary.” They air kissed each other’s cheeks.
The glam team hurried off for another appointment. Lucius carefully peeled off her tank top and shorts so she wouldn’t mess up her hair and makeup. “Izzy, can you zip for me?” She shimmied up the dress. It had thin spaghetti straps just holding it up over her boobs.
Izzy walked over towards her and placed one warm hand on Lucius’s back to brace. Up the zip went, firm and slow. “Thanks.” When Lucius pivoted she caught Izzy averting her eyes. How silly. “Should we go?”
“Yeah, car’s nearly here.”
“Okay, good. Thanks for escorting me tonight.” It was sort of sad to have your bodyguard as your date but Lucius tried not to dwell on that. “There’s a free bar at this one.”
Izzy scowled. “I’m not getting drunk on the job.”
Lucius felt her face fall. “Oh. Right.” Izzy checked her phone and moved for the door. When they slid into the car Lucius sat right next to Izzy, thigh to thigh.
“There’s no seatbelts, don’t let me go flying,” she murmured. Lucius watched Izzy blink at her and then look away. She was a tough nut to crack.
“You think you’re so cute,” Izzy settled on. She said this a lot to Lucius.
“I’ve told you: It’s all an act. Pretend you’re cute and everyone will believe it.” Izzy rolled her eyes at that but there was a smile on her face.
Lucius felt so stiff. She stretched her arms up with yawn. “Didn’t you sleep at all?” Izzy shot her a disapproving look.
“Some.” Lucius gasped as suddenly one of the straps on her dress snapped. “Oh my god.” She stared down at it dumbfounded. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Izzy looked over her face and body for signs of injury. “Speak words.”
“My dress. I can’t go out there like this. What am I gonna do?” The panic she had shoved down was bubbling back up like soda pop. “Fuck, Izzy. Make them turn the car around.”
Izzy gripped her arm tightly. It was a grounding touch. “You’re okay. We’re pulling up now, we can’t go back.” Izzy shook her gently. “Keep focused. Here.” Izzy shimmied off her jacket and draped it over Lucius’s shoulders. “There you go.”
Lucius looked down at it wide eyed then back at Izzy. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Okay.” Lucius opened up her phone camera to look at herself. “Needs to look more purposeful.” She slipped one of the pins out of her hair and onto the jacket. “There.” Her fingers were still trembling with anxiety. “Thanks.” The roar of a crowd drew closer. There was no time to dawdle.
Izzy got out first and held her body protectively in front of Lucius. Today she turned back and offered a hand. Lucius smiled in spite of herself. Izzy could be a real gentleman sometimes.
“Lucius! Lucius! Where’s your dress from?”
“Is that your date?”
“Are you and your new costar getting cozy?”
The barrage had become no less jarring to her. The famous director-star couple Bonnet-Teach (or better known as BonnetBeard) had told her that it got easier. She assured them it hadn’t started feeling easier yet.
She gripped onto Izzy like a vice. Izzy placed her hand on Lucius’s back. She smiled and stopped at a few points. Tonight wasn’t about her so they ushered her along quicker than usual. She sighed with relief when they finally made it inside to the dimly lit ballroom and to their table.
“This one had good food last year. So, at least there’s that.” No one else had sat at her table yet. Wonderful. She hoped Stede and Ed would be at this one.
“Lucius.” She turned but she already knew the voice.
Stede was stunning in a baby blue gown with huge taffeta sleeves. Lucius stood and kissed her on the cheek. She nodded at Ed. “I’m glad to see both of you, the table’s kind of empty.”
“Yes, I see that dear. Well, how are you doing?” Stede moved round to sit next to her, and Ed the seat after.
“Love the jacket by the way,” Ed added.
“Oh, thanks.” Lucius looked down at it though she knew what it looked like. “Izzy saved me from having my tits out on the carpet.” She moved the jacket to show Stede the snapped strap.
Stede smiled warmly at Izzy. “Well, isn’t that some quick thinking. How are you, Izzy?”
“Fine.”
Lucius frowned in confusion at the way Izzy clammed up. She seemed like a closed book before you knew her. Once you did, you realized Izzy was as easy to read as anyone.
“Lovely to hear. I’m glad you’re keeping our Luci safe.” Stede wrapped an arm around Lucius’s shoulders and squeezed her tight. “I miss the days when you were my assistant.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t,” Lucius teased.
Stede pretended to gasp. “Naughty girl. Well, Ed and I were playing a game on the way over. Who do you think’s going to get the drunkest?”
Lucius smirked. “If I have any say, it’ll be me.”
————————————
Lucius burst out of the venue with a song on her lips, something about bubblegum. Do you want this bubblegum? Or no, something else. She held out her hand to steady herself on Izzy. “These shoes were a big mistake. Thank god we were mostly sitting.”
“We’re not home yet.” Izzy all but picked her up to manhandle her into the back of the car.
Lucius let herself slide right into Izzy’s lap as the car turned a corner. “You’re so good to me,” she slurred. “Giving me your jacket. That was the nicest. You’re so caring.”
“No.” Izzy had a hand floating over her, like she was unsure whether to hold her there or shove her away. “It’s my job.”
Lucius snorted and waved her hand. “Yeah, well it wasn’t your job to be my date tonight. Or sorry, my ‘escort’. Ha! Izzy Hands, paid escort. 50+. Hottest butch in town.”
Izzy slapped her hand over Lucius’s mouth. “Stop that.” Her cheeks were flushed. “Just keep your lips from moving until you’re home.”
Lucius clamped her hand around Izzy’s wrist but didn’t bother pulling. Izzy was much stronger than her. “Yeah?” She said it muffled behind Izzy’s hand. Lucius tugged at her wrist a few times to make her point and Izzy dropped it. “Who says I’ll regret it?”
“I’m sober and you’re not. Trust me, you’ll regret it.”
Lucius stuck her hands into the pockets of the jacket and cozied down into it. “Fine, I can be quiet.” Izzy laughed but didn’t push it. Lucius pulled out a receipt, a few tissues, and a pack of nicorette gum. “I bet you taste like this,” Lucius sighed.
“Fucking Christ.” Izzy snatched the gum out of her hands. “You’re a real slut when you’re drunk.”
“And when I’m sober.” Lucius winked. She rubbed the receipt paper between her fingers. “Let me try that gum of yours.”
“You don’t smoke.” Izzy took out a piece anyway and went to hand it to her. Lucius let her mouth fall open. Izzy cursed under her breath, unwrapped the gum as quickly as possible and put it in her mouth. “Fuck me,” she mumbled and looked out the window away from Lucius.
Lucius started chewing. “Oh ew,” she stuck out her tongue. “That’s terrible. Why do you like that.”
“Well now you’ve wasted it.”
“Oh, it doesn’t have to be a waste. C’mere.” Lucius sat up and pulled Izzy in by the starched collar of her shirt. She kissed her and slid the gum inside Izzy’s surprised mouth. “See,” she said brightly inches from Izzy’s face. “No waste.”
Izzy rubbed at her chin seemingly stunned. She chewed the gum hesitantly.
When the car arrived Izzy didn’t escort her to the door this time. That was fine with Lucius. She stumbled her way into the kitchen and had a large glass of water.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Izzy’s mouth. She certainly hadn’t been drunk enough to come onto her employee. Lucius bent over the counter and sighed. “Fuck!”
—————————————-
Lucius decided to rectify her slip in judgment by not mentioning it again. She would move on quickly and efficiently. She would stamp out these inappropriate feelings. Too bad the press didn’t have the same idea as her.
Tabloids were already filled with photos of her and Izzy at the event. There were pictures of Lucius drunkenly leaning on her, and they seemed to have gotten wind that the jacket was Izzy’s.
Lucius picked up on the third call from her publicist. “So, what’s the deal? Cause this isn’t terrible. I’m just pissed you didn’t warn me, pendeja.”
“Look, Jim, I didn’t mean to. I’m putting a stop to it right now.”
“Are you really? Because from where I’m sitting, you look pretty smitten. It’d be easier if we just went with it.”
Lucius groaned and ran a hand through her greasy hair. “We’re not actually together.”
“Like that matters. I’m gonna clear it with her and go ahead unless you tell me it’s not an option.”
“I guess see what she says? I don’t know Jim…”
“Great.” The phone beeped signaling the end of the call.
Lucius waited anxiously by her phone all afternoon. She kept glancing at it while she made lunch. She had it on the table next to her while she did a self tape audition. Just before dinner it lit up with Jim’s name.
“Okay, she agreed. So I’m going to send out a statement about you guys just saying you’re very happy together, whirlwind romance, blah blah blah. You guys need to go to lunch or something in the next few days. Just send me a text before you go.”
Lucius swallowed, but her throat felt dry. “Okay. Will do. What did Izzy say?”
“Um, she said something about supporting you? I don’t fucking know, I heard yes and I went with it.”
“Oh, my pasta water is boiling, I better go.” Lucius hung up and stared at the empty stove. This couldn’t be real. She felt incredibly embarrassed about dragging Izzy into her mess. Should she text her?
Lucius opened the message app and started typing, then deleted it. She was better in person.
Lucius: can you come over?
Lucius: so we can chat about this
Izzy: sure.
Lucius paced her kitchen in circles until Izzy knocked at the door. When she opened the door Izzy was dressed casually in jeans and a fishing shirt. “Wow, I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Never mind. Come in.” Lucius awkwardly motioned to her house. “I’m so sorry about this really. I didn’t mean for you to get bogged down in my shit. I hope you know you didn’t have to say yes to Jim-“
“Lucius,” Izzy cut through her rant. “It’s okay.”
“Yeah?” Lucius wasn’t sure how that was possible. “I’ve never dated anyone for very long. It’s always kind of. Quick.”
“Why does that matter? We’re not dating.”
Lucius forced a laugh. “Right.” She rubbed at her face slowly. “Do you not want to? Like is there something wrong with me?”
Izzy squinted in confusion. “What?”
“I would date you. Is what I’m saying. For real.”
Izzy slowly sat down in the chair nearest her at the kitchen table. “Fuck, listen Lucius. I’m a lot older than you. I don’t know that, well, me helping you out is one thing.”
“And you’re not interested, I get it.” Lucius bit her lip at the sting of rejection. It has been a minute since she’d been vulnerable like this.
“That’s not what I said. You’re an infuriating little shit. I’m saying it’s a bad idea. But of fucking course I’ve thought about it.”
Lucius felt like she had whiplash. Her lips parted. “You have? I mean, I know you have, but I thought you were humoring me.”
Izzy shook her head. Lucius jumped to her feet and crossed the room. “Can I touch you?”
“Yeah.” Lucius plopped down into Izzy’s lap. “Fuck,” Izzy whispered. Her hands immediately went to Lucius’s waist.
“We could do that. Maybe a kiss first?”
Izzy tilted her head back so Lucius could reach her mouth.
Lucius pulled back after one kiss. “Let’s go to my room.”
“Yeah?” Izzy’s fingers tightened into the flesh of Lucius’s stomach at the idea.
“Yeah.” Lucius brought her lips to Izzy’s ear. “Want to sit on your face.”
“Fuck me,” Izzy gasped. “Fucking go then.”
The two of them stripped off their clothes as they went. Lucius threw her shirt down and let her pants pool at her feet. Izzy climbed on top of her and brought their foreheads together.
“I’ve been thinking about you like this since you hired me,” Izzy admitted.
“Yeah? Me too. Wanted to climb in your lap and ride you, right there in the limo.”
Izzy groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. “Shit, that’s. Yeah we’ll be doing that.”
———————————————-
By the next week photos of Lucius at dinner with Izzy were everywhere. They were candid photos of them clinking their wine glasses together and Lucius chatting enthusiastically.
Of course because they looked happy their had to be something else. How long will it last? Is Lucius getting fat? Was Izzy too old?
Friday Izzy came into her trailer while she was waiting for her call. Lucius quickly stuffed the magazine into a drawer. “What’s that?”
“Oh nothing.” She could hear the guilt in her own voice. She was a great actress, but a terrible liar. “Just reading. About getting my body smaller.”
“What, why? Also no you’re not. But your body is fine.” Izzy pointed to the drawer. “What is it?”
“Totally nothing.” Lucius stood abruptly. She started pacing the length of the trailer. “Like, it’s totally fine that everyone knows we’re dating now. And that every eye is on my first relationship and that they have a thousand things to say about it. You know what? I need gum.”
Lucius started raking through her purse.
“Lu, you’re too anxious about it all. I’m not worried.”
“Anxious? Fuck yeah, but it’s fine. I’ll get over it.”
“I think you need medication, Lucius.”
“No, no I’m fine.” Lucius fluttered her left hand around. “I’m not that bad off, at least enough for that . If I asked, the doctor probably wouldn’t even give it to me.” Lucius kept rifling through her purse looking for that damned gum. She could’ve sworn she’d left a pack of cinnamon flavor in this purse.
“I’ve been on Zoloft for twenty years, it’s not a big deal. You need the fucking help, they will help you.” Izzy stayed on the other side of the room. Lucius could feel the roar of white noise that meant she was about to have an anxiety attack. “Lu,” Izzy quickly moved closer to her.
“I know,” Lucius said. Her voice had a faint whine to it like a dying car. Her breath was coming faster and faster. “Will it even out my moods? Like, what if I’m flat, lifeless? Will I still be able to act?”
Izzy hovered near her but didn’t touch. Lucius hated to be touched while she was anxious. “The right meds should even you out, but you should still feel like yourself. You’ll still have a range of emotions.”
Lucius blinked hard and wiped her eyes with her palms. “Oh fuck, I forgot I have makeup on.” Lucius frowned at the black mascara smudges on her hands.
She turned her body towards Izzy and finally met her eyes. “Will you hold me? And then…maybe you can help me make an appointment?”
Izzy opened her arms out a few inches and Lucius collapsed into them. Izzy’s voice came out heavy with tenderness and understanding. “It won’t all get magically easier, but it sure is a fucking start okay?”
“Okay,” Lucius whispered against Izzy’s chest. She breathed in slowly and held it. Then she sighed it out of her mouth with a groan. “I’d probably be less tired all the time, huh?”
“That’s for fuckin sure.” Izzy rubbed her back up and down. It felt nice to be held in big strong arms and be comforted.