Chapter Text
Childe did not sulk, he told himself. But of course the moment Lumine walked into the Golden House for their weekly spar she dematerialized her sword.
“Alright, the fight’s off. Something’s wrong,” she signs.
“Whatever do you mean, comrade? I’m still raring to go if you are!”
She makes a suitably unimpressed face and soon enough as if sensing the disturbance, Paimon is popping out of thin air.
“What’s going on? Paimon thought you needed to get that sword billet for Ayaka.”
“Childe’s upset.”
“A-and he still has his weapons out?!” she shrieks, hiding behind Lumine’s shoulder.
Childe sighs and dismisses his water blades. “Fine, fine. If you’re so intent on just talking today I digress.”
“Oh no, something really must be wrong with Childe.” Paimon floats over and puts a hand on his forehead. “Are you sick? Paimon’s never seen you back down from a fight!”
Childe bats her away gently while scrunching up his face.
“Paimon, I think you should leave this talk to the adults,” Lumine suggests.
She gasped dramatically. “Paimon is much older than– Childe, at least!”
Choosing not to question her obvious hesitation, Childe digs a small pouch out of his pocket and holds it out for her.
“Here, you can take this and buy some snacks while we talk–”
“Paimon is offended you think she’s so easily swayed!”
“Unless you want to hear about my love life.”
In a flash, Paimon grabbed the pouch and began flying for the exit.
“Nevermind! Thank you, goodbye! Just meet Paimon at Wanmin when you’re finished!”
They watch the door slam behind her and Lumine can’t help but chuckle.
“That was good. You really are a pro at dealing with kids.”
Childe shrugs. “Comes with the territory. Plus, didn’t she say she was older than me?”
“She’s in elf years or something,” she signs with a bit of a shrug. “I don’t think it really counts.”
Well, Tevyat has certainly seen stranger things.
“So, trouble in paradise?”
Childe groans as he takes a seat on the stairs and begins to explain, Lumine quickly joining him.
“He’s– 90% of the time he’s perfect but sometimes he’s just really really dense and I have no idea how to bring it up to him.”
“ Please ,” she signs with a bit of extra force. “ Please tell me this has nothing to do with your sex life.”
“NO oh archons no, Lumi, you’re like a sister to me. And by that I mean I rather drown than tell you a single word about that.”
“Oh, good. Also, that was sweet.”
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything,” she signed smugly.
All Childe could do was give her his best glare of brotherly disapproval, which of course she was absolutely immune to.
“Anyway, something obviously happened, so give me the deets.”
“Well, I was out getting lunch with Zhongli…”
Childe was engrossed in one of Zhongli’s typical info dumps while they ate. He was awfully beautiful when he talked, and also distracted enough to not notice he was struggling with his chopsticks again.
Suddenly a gasp was heard from across the plaza, and a short man was bounding over and waving his hand to get their attention.
“Zhongli is that you?! Yoooohooo! It’s me!”
Zhongli turned and suddenly the stranger was launching himself at his husband full speed. He expected a shield, or maybe a single hand to catch him by the scruff, but instead Zhongli let the man throw his weight on him with nothing more than a slightly ruffled look.
“Venti, is it? It’s been a while.”
“ A while ? It’s been ages! What have you been up to besides the whole– you know.”
No, Childe did not know but it seemed Zhongli understood him just fine and was soon depositing him on the stool beside him and fixing the hat that had fallen off his head while this Venti preened under his attention.
“I’ve been working at a funeral parlor as a consultant. I’ve found something of a home there.”
“Aww, I’m happy for you. You’ll have to invite me over some time so we can truly catch up!”
Childe choked on his tea. He didn’t know how long these two had been out of contact but surely he’d at least ask about his relationship status before flirting with him so openly, right? Zhongli must've mistaken his choke for a purposeful cough as he suddenly turned his attention back to Childe.
“Oh right, how rude of me. I forgot to introduce you two. Childe, this is a friend of mine, Venti. Venti, this is my partner, Childe.”
“Husband,” he elaborated with a pleased grin. There will be no mistake about who Zhongli’s heart belongs to. “I’m his husband.”
“Childe, huh?”
Instead of offering his hand, Venti merely scrutinized him. Not one to back down from a challenge, he glared right back.
“So, what brings you to Liyue,” Zhongli asked, ever oblivious to the tension.
Immediately once the attention was back on him, Venti’s features smoothed out and he relaxed. Part of him wanted to interrupt with his own two cents, but the other was too fascinated with the fact Zhongli was friends with such a man to do anything but watch the conversation carry out.
“Oh, you know. Just needed a change of scenery for a bit, and to check up on some friends in the wake of all the craziness that’s been going on over here.”
Zhongli nods solemnly. “You must have been worried. I admit I was as well when I heard about Dvalin’s rampage.”
“Aww looks like the old blockhead is capable of being sweet after all!”
Zhongli scowled. “I won’t be paying next time we go drinking.”
“Oof! So mean to me! Well, lucky for you I actually have some mora to spare for once. So what do you say, tomorrow night at 8?”
The audacity! Right in front of him? And his fried shrimp balls? Really?
“I can do that,” he said with a nod, oblivious to Childe’s seething.
“Yay!! I can’t wait!”
With another hug and a quick pat on the head, Venti skipped off into the street looking like he just won the lottery.
“Are you sure the guy asked him on a date?”
Childe of course had conveniently left out any names, so Lumine had no idea who he was talking about. But she knew enough lovable fools to see how this could all be a mistake.
“I’m telling you he was hanging onto Zhongli like his life depended on it. I thought he might actually crack with how much he was smiling.”
Lumine whistles. Zhongli is impressively dense for a man so wise.
“So are you going to tell him it’s a date?”
“Shit, I don’t know. Zhongli doesn’t have a lot of friends. I don't want to make him uncomfortable with his friendship. He seemed mildly annoyed but it was in a kind of fond way. I don’t want him to feel like he has to cut him off because of me.”
She hummed. “And you’re not worried about him cheating, right?”
“No. Never on purpose. But the way that imp glared at me,” he shivers. “He totally has it out for me. And that man looked fucking mischievous . I have no idea what he might try to trick Zhongli into just to get back at me.”
“Childe, I think you forget he’s more than 6000 years old. He might stumble into a date that’s purely platonic from his end but he still has common sense.”
“They’re going drinking, Lumine.”
Her hands are still for a moment as she digs through her memories for details about Zhongli.
“He has a terrible tolerance, doesn’t he?”
“I think Paimon could handle more liquor than him, and she barely weighs as much as a few sunsettias.”
“So what’s the plan?”