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Levi had expected he would look forward to the day his two monkeys - and Erwin’s little angel- started school. The three of them at school would mean having the house to himself, all empty and quiet. He wouldn’t have to play cruise director and find things for all three of them to do. Hours of quiet for Levi to take advantage of with writing time.
Hell, he could even clean the apartment uninterrupted and without a gaggle of five year olds leaving a mess behind him. Plus, there was still some unpacking that needing doing, since his and Erwin’s families moved into a larger apartment together a few weeks ago.
So really, there was a lot that Levi had to look forward to. Particularly with Eren and Armin getting more and more antsy about starting school.
But as Levi tucked Eren into bed (though he had a hard time reaching the boy from his top bunk above Armin) he felt the tightening in his chest and clenching of his stomach that he associated with anxiety and panic.
There was no need for it though. The back to school shopping had been done weeks ago. Backpacks that dwarfed their respective child owners, boxes of crayons and pencils, packs of glue sticks had all been bought and carefully prepared to be taken to school. Eren and Mikasa’s new outfits for the first day were washed, pressed, and laid out- Levi had fought very hard to get Eren to agree to a green polo and plaid shorts, as the boy was very stubborn about wearing ‘comfy clothes’. Lunches had been prepared with the kids’ help not even 30 minutes ago, because like hell were they going to have school lunch (processed, un nutritional, salty crap, as Levi had described it to Erwin). Then baths and getting ready for bed that led to now.
Levi was definitely close to panicking though.
“You’ll wake me up on time, promise?” Eren asked, excitement clear in her voice. “I don’t wanna miss school!”
Levi ran his fingers through Eren’s hair. “Yes, I promise.” The assurance was unnecessary, as Eren always woke up early, particularly when he was excited about something. “Now, go right to sleep and don’t get out of bed. Morning will come faster if you sleep.”
“Okay Papa!” Eren chirped and closed his eyes immediately to show his obedience.
“Goodnight buddy,” Levi murmured before stepping away and allowing Erwin room for his nightly routine with his son.
Next was Mikasa, who was better at waiting her turn to say goodnight. She was waiting on her bed, holding her red blanket close. Unlike Armin and Eren, she was nervous to start school. They’d been working on her independence over the last several months and she’d made good progress. But this would really test her. Levi was confident that she wouldn’t throw a fit and would be fine once she got there.
“Hey sweetheart,” Levi said, sitting on the edge of her bed. “You’re going to do great at school tomorrow.”
Mikasa stared at her hands. “Can I bring my blanket?” she asked.
“If it’ll make you feel better, of course,” Levi replied. “I know you’re a big strong girl.”
She looked up at him. “Am I a strong girl if I have to hold my blankie?”
“Of course,” Levi assured her. “Now it’s time to go to sleep.”
He gave his girl a kiss on the forehead and a loving little pat. Mikasa would be fine, he was certain. He wasn’t so certain that he would be though.
“We should go to lunch together tomorrow. To celebrate your new freedom,” Erwin suggested as they got ready for bed a few hours later. “You’ll be able to go places without being slowed down by three little kids. We could even go someplace nice without worrying about them making a scene.”
Levi hummed absentmindedly as he changed into sweatpants. He was only half paying attention to what his boyfriend was saying. Instead he was distracted by that anxious feeling swirling in his head.
“Did you get the okay to be a little late to work, so we can drop off the kids together?” he asked suddenly, not even registering that Erwin had asked him if he’d prefer Indian or Thai for lunch.
Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed a little. “Yes, I talked with my boss a few days ago. I told you about it, remember?” he replied slowly.
Levi turned around and nodded. “Right, right.” Erwin was already sitting in bed, waiting for Levi to climb in so he could turn off the lamp. But Levi felt hesitant to climb in. “I better go check to make sure I labelled Eren and Mikasa’s lunch right. Or Eren will throw a fit when he sees the crust on his sandwich.”
He was already halfway to the door as he spoke and was only stopped by Erwin’s quiet “Levi.”
“What?” Levi snapped and paused as he realized how harsh that had sounded.
“Come here Levi,” Erwin instructed softly.
Without meeting his eye, Levi walked over and climbed into bed. The bed shifted as Erwin scooted closer and put and arm around him.
“You’re worried,” Erwin stated.
Levi let out a shaky breath and nodded. It was stupid. They’d carefully chosen their apartment for the school district, spoken with the principal and the teacher about the children’s specific needs. Everything was prepared. But…
“I won’t be there if something happens,” Levi said. “Eren and Mikasa are special. The teachers won’t understand them. Maybe all day kindergarten was a bad idea.”
As he spoke, Erwin rubbed his arm soothingly.
“I think all parents worry about that and their kids,” he stated quietly.
“My kids aren’t most kids and you know it,” Levi replied.
“They’re a special case, true,” Erwin admitted. “But they’re growing older and entering the world now, a little bit at a time. You can’t be there to protect them all the time. Now you need to do your best to support and love them when they are around you.”
Levi breathed deeply and soaked in the words. Then he smiled to himself. “God, I’m acting like they’re going off to university. Save that little speech for then, alright?”
Erwin laughed lightly and kissed the top of his head. “You’ll be a downright mess then.”
“Ugh, don’t even mention it.”
Oddly enough, Eren was the one who had a harder time letting Levi leave the classroom.
The two families had driven together to the elementary school bright and early in the morning, kids looking cleaner, more well dressed and put together than usual. The dads had walked them down the hallway, a little distanced from the older aged kids, and to their colorful classroom.
Excitedly, Mikasa and Eren held Levi’s hands as they explored the new room. Eren eagerly pointed out every picture on the wall, every book, every toy to Levi. Together, they found Eren and Mikasa’s name tags seated next to each other at one of the miniature child sized tables.
“This is where you’ll sit,” Levi explained. “And look, Armin is right across from you.”
Their teacher, a young and pleasant woman had introduced herself. She smiled at Eren’s energy and, sensing Mikasa’s shyness, complimented her red blanket. That seemed to calm things down for her. She nodded and smiled and looked more at ease.
A hand touched Levi’s back. “Alright, I think they’re settled. Shall we go?” It was Erwin. He turned his head to him and nodded, before crouching down to speak with Eren and MIkasa.
“You guys are going to have lots of fun,” he said.
“Yah, look at all the glitter!” Eren agreed.
“I bet you’ll make lots of pretty things,” Levi remarked. “But now it’s time for Papa to go.”
Mikasa nodded and leaned forward to give him a tight hug. But Eren went rigid and held onto his Papa’s hand tighter.
“But. But, I want Papa to stay and see all the fun things with me,” he said, voice wobbling a little. “Stay and play with us.”
Levi felt his throat go tight. “I’m sorry buddy, but Papas aren’t allowed in school. You can tell me all about what you do when you come home. You’ll have so much fun with your teacher and the other kids that you won’t notice I’m gone.”
That answer did little to satisfy Eren. He clung to Levi in a tight hug. When Levi broke away and stood up, Eren tried to grab onto his legs as well. His teacher, seeing the struggle, came and distracted Eren long enough for Levi to slip away.
When he and Erwin got back to the car, Levi allowed himself to cry.
But only a little.