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Eren knew something was up when their usual trip to the grocery store had a small detour. It was to the aisle with snacks and granola bars- the good kind that were sweet and had chocolate, not the dry kind his Papa gave them. Then, to add to the suspicious detour, Papa stopped and browsed.
Papa never browsed. He knew exactly what he wanted and he grabbed it, hardly slowing down the cart to do so, unless the shelves had been rearranged.
But today, Papa stopped the cart and observed the rows of colorful boxes. He pulled a few from the shelf, turning them to the side to read the nutritional information.
“Papa, what are you looking at?” Eren asked, being too short to see exactly what his Papa was doing. “Are you getting granola bars?” he asked excitedly.
“It’s not for you Eren,” Papa replied, not even looking away from the box in his hand.
Eren pouted. It wasn’t fair. He never got to eat anything good. Not like the other kids at school who got chocolate and fruit snacks and gushers in their home lunches. Gushers. But nobody would trade apple slices or cheese and crackers for Gushers.
While Eren stood and contemplated how much he would give up to have Gushers every day, Papa placed a red and white box into the cart and started moving again.
“Come on Eren,” he commanded, not needing to look to know that Eren hadn’t immediately followed behind him.
At 6 years old, Eren was too big to fit comfortably in the basket of the cart or the car in the front. So he got to walk around with Papa like a big boy. Mikasa and Armin could still fit though. Today Armin wasn’t sitting in the car with Mikasa. He was sitting in the front basket, legs poking out, and looking quiet and sad. Papa said it was because his tummy was hurting.
Eren hoped his tummy would feel better, because Armin had been hurting too much to play the last few days.
As Papa kept walking up and down the aisles, Eren kept up and waved at Armin. In return, Armin smiled weakly and leaned around Papa’s body to wave back. Then Eren ran right into Papa when he slowed down to grab something.
“Be careful and watch where you’re going,” Papa said automatically.
Eren giggled. “Sorry!” He was pleased to see that Armin giggled too.
By the time they all got back home, Eren had forgotten about the special box that Papa had bought. He was solely concerned about Armin, who was grabbing at his tummy and making small whines. It had been like this for a few days.
Papa carried Armin into the apartment and Eren valiantly carried two grocery bags all by himself. Because he was a strong helper. Mikasa also carried some bags in, but she carried three not two. And she also went back with Papa to get more once Armin was set down.
“Armin, try going potty again,” Papa instructed before going to get the rest of the groceries.
“Okay Levi,” Armin replied as he walked awkwardly to the bathroom.
Eren trailed behind and stood guard at the bathroom door, wanting to be helpful, but not really being able to do anything. He didn’t understand what was going on with Armin. If is tummy hurt, was he sick? Papa was treating Armin like he was sick.
“Is Armin sick?” he asked as soon as Papa stepped back into the apartment carrying two armloads of groceries, with Mikasa carrying a gallon of milk behind him.
“No,” Papa answered. “His tummy is hurting.”
Eren followed him into the kitchen as he continued his inquiries. “But if he isn’t sick, why is he hurting?” he asked, concerned and confused.
Papa sighed. “Armin is having a hard time going potty.” Upon seeing the confused look on his son’s face, he continued. “The poop won’t come out his bum. He’s constipated.”
“Oh,” Eren replied. “So, he can’t just… sit on the potty till the poops come out?”
“Yeah,” Levi answered. “And that’s making his tummy hurt.”
That’s when Armin came out of the bathroom looking miserable.
“No luck?” Papa asked and Armin pitifully shook his head. “Hmm, okay. Why don’t you go lay down?” Obediently Armin nodded and arranged himself on the couch. “Eren, go and sit by Armin. See if you can make him feel better.”
“I can do that!” Eren replied confidently. He was very good at helping Armin feel better.
So he hopped on the couch as Papa started putting away all the groceries. Eren sat at Armin’s feet and crossed his legs. Armin was holding a pillow tight in his arms against his chest. Eren recognized it as something he did when he wasn’t feeling good or was scared.
“I’m sorry you can’t poop,” he said after a moment.
Armin made a hum in response. That didn’t seem to do much. So Eren employed a different strategy.
“Once, I couldn’t stop pooping and it was all green and mushy!” he declared.
“Ew, Eren that’s gross!” Armin cried, but he had a smile on his face.
“I swear, it happened!” Eren promised. “And it smelled like eggs.”
“Stop it!” Armin replied and shoved the pillow in his arms towards the other boy.
“Aah!” Eren yelled dramatically and fell over. “You got me Armin. I’m dead.”
Armin giggled. “You’re not dead.”
“I am so,” Eren insisted. “See?” and he stuck out his tongue and closed his eyes in a dramatic fashion. He was quiet pleased by the laugh it produced from his friend.
“Then that means you can’t talk about poop anymore,” Armin declared.
“No more talking about poop,” Papa said approaching them. “No bathroom talk outside the bathroom.”
“But Papa, you just said poop!” Eren pointed out with glee and laughed at the look his Papa shot him.
“Sit up Armin,” Papa instructed, ignoring Eren. “This should help your tummy.”
And then Papa handed Armin a bar wrapped in red plastic. Eren’s eyes zoomed in on it instantly. It was a chocolate granola bar, Eren was pretty sure. Probably from that box that Papa had bought earlier.
“What’s that?” Eren demanded as Armin sat up and unwrapped the bar. It was chocolate. Eren stared longingly as Armin took a bite.
“It’s not for you,” Papa replied. “Erwin wanted to get some to help Armin’s tummy.”
“Is it good?” Eren asked Armin. Armin nodded. “Can I try?” he asked.
“Eren, listen to me carefully,” Papa said firmly. Eren tore his gaze away from the bar to look at his Papa. “These bars are to help Armin feel better. They are not for you.”
“But that’s not fair!” Eren cried out.
“Eren, I’m not arguing with you about this,” Papa replied. He was using his voice that meant he was very serious.
Eren crossed his arms and pouted. He never got to eat anything special. Papa only let them eat healthy food, except when Erwin made cookies. And now when they did get something good, Papa wouldn’t let him have any. How were chocolate granola bars supposed to help Armin poop anyhow?
He was so jealous in fact, that he couldn’t sit by Armin any longer.
By the time Papa had gone to his office to his work for the day, Eren was determined. He was going to have those special chocolate bars. Lucky for him, he knew exactly where his Papa and Erwin put the special treats.
So while Papa was busy with work and Mikasa was playing quietly with Armin, he set his plan in motion.
First, he went to the kitchen and inconspicuously as possible. There was no one around to see what he was doing. Then he grabbed his Papa’s step stool that was kept in the pantry and lifted it up, so it wouldn’t drag across the floor (this was a trick he’d learned from Armin when they had worked together to sneak things from the kitchen). Carefully, he set the stool in front of the stove, his target being the cupboard above the hood. Eren stepped up the stool, climbed onto the stove top and could just reach the cupboard on his tippy toes.
The only problem was he couldn’t see what he was doing. Blindly he reached his hands into the cupboard, feeling around with his fingertips. He knocked against a few crinkly things, plastic bags he figured, before he felt was he was looking for. A cardboard box. His fingers were just grubby enough to give Eren enough grip to pull the box out with his fingertips, until he could properly grab it.
The box came out, just the right red and white one he wanted.
Then as quietly as he came, Eren closed the cupboard, returned Papa’s stool, and hurried out of the kitchen. There wasn’t time for him to eat them now- no telling when Erwin would get back from work or Papa would start dinner. So Eren hid the box of bars in his room, which he shared with Armin, on his bunk (the top one because Armin was afraid of heights) and under his pillow.
There were still five whole bars left in the box. If Eren ate one every night, it could last him five days. But, he should probably eat them as soon as possible, before his Papa noticed they were missing.
That night, after Papa had told him goodnight and Erwin had tucked Armin into bed, Eren made his move. Quietly, he slipped his hand under his pillow and slowly pulled a bar from the box. It made a slight crinkly noise and Eren froze.
Nothing happened.
Eren relaxed again and as slowly as possible undid the wrapping. He cringed at every noise it made, but there was no stopping it. Eren lost his patience for going slow and ripped off the wrapper all in one go.
“What are you doing?” Armin asked from below.
“Nothing!” Eren hissed back. “Don’t say anything to Erwin or my Papa!”
He could practically hear the way Armin rolled his eyes. “Alright Eren.”
Confident that Armin wouldn’t betray him, Eren relaxed. Now, he could enjoy the special treat. He could smell the chocolate wafting off it. He savored how soft it felt in his hand. Then he let himself take a bite.
It was different than he anticipated. The bar was kinda chewy and dense. The flavor wasn’t as chocolatey as he expected too. Maybe it wasn’t a chocolate granola bar. Regardless, it was still sweet and still forbidden. So Eren ate it all in a few bites. His need for sweets hadn’t been satisfied with just one though. So he ate another. And then another. And another. And the last one too, even though he felt too full and didn’t really want to eat it.
It was more chocolate than he’d had in a long time.
He drifted off to sleep, surrounded by wrappers and feeling quite pleased with himself.
That feeling only lasted a few hours though.
Levi woke at his usual time the next morning, way before anyone else, and padded towards the kitchen. He was going to put the kettle on to boil and make his morning cup of tea and Erwin’s coffee. Lord knew the man could barely get out of bed without the promise of a cup.
But Levi stopped when he saw the bathroom light on and door closed. The kids usually weren’t up this early. He stood listening by the door, to be sure everything was alright. Perhaps it was Armin trying to take a shit. Levi hoped the fiber bars would help make him regular again. Eren was annoying when one of his playmates wasn’t feel well enough to play and Armin had been miserable for days.
Then suddenly, there was a loud farting sound and a quiet whine.
Levi paused. That whine sounded like Eren.
He rapped on the door quietly. “Everything alright?”
There was a small gasp before a small “no.”
Yes, that was definitely Eren’s voice.
“I’m coming in, okay?” Levi announced and opened the door.
The scene was almost comical. Eren sat on the toilet, pj bottoms and underwear at his ankles. He was leaning forward and looking red in the face from effort. The whole bathroom smelled of farts and the boy let out another loud one as Levi stepped in.
“I keep feeling like I need to poop, but all that comes out is toots,” Eren cried, the corners of his eyes pricking with tears.
“What?” Levi asked in confusion, before realization dawned. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Eren, you at the special bars for Armin.”
“How did you know?” Eren gasped.
Levi ignored the question. “How many did you have?” he asked, needing to know what damage had been done.
Eren looked away and muttered his answer. However Levi couldn’t hear it, as his kid ripped another one at the same time. It was very, very hard for Levi to keep a cool face and not burst into chuckles.
“How many?” he repeated.
“All of the rest,” Eren said with shame.
Levi let out a loud sigh. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you Eren. Those bars were to help Armin start pooping again. They had special stuff in them.”
“Am I ever gonna stop tooting?” Eren asked, sounding so pathetic and desperate that Levi had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.
“Well, you’ll be pooping and tooting a lot for a few days, I think,” Levi replied seriously. “This is what happens when you don’t follow instructions.”
Eren nodded somberly. “I’m sorry Papa.”
Then Levi left the bathroom quickly before Eren could see him laughing.
Upon hearing of Eren’s predicament, Erwin couldn’t stop chuckling. Levi allowed himself to join in, knowing he didn’t want Eren to know how hilarious the situation was. If Eren knew he could make everyone laugh with his constant farts, it wouldn’t really be punishment anymore. So Levi let it all out while he could.
“I guess we need to find a new secret cupboard hiding spot,” Erwin replied, when he caught his breath. “And I think we’ll need to crack open a window.”
“Good thing it’s not too cold outside,” Levi replied, still smiling. “And I need to get another box of fiber bars for Armin,” Levi added. “You could probably benefit from more fiber too. You always take forever to take a shit.”
Erwin gave him a shove and a shush, before one of the kids heard him swearing and talking about pooping.
Despite his routine being interrupted, Levi didn’t mind heading to the store again. This time, he knew he wouldn’t have to hide the box, feeling confident Eren wouldn’t be sneaking off with it.