Chapter Text
Artwork commission by valuvi
“So what do you say?”
Kagome stared at her friend, at the way his eyes pleaded with her to say yes, more desperate than his outward appearance would have one believe.
“You want me to pretend to be your girlfriend. Because if I don’t, your uncle might cut you out of your inheritance… if you don’t—”
“Don’t settle down, yes.”
“But we’re still in college,” Kagome retorted. Not to say she was against this idea. The two had always danced around the maybe-what-ifs after all… “Are you certain that Mushin would just… cut you off?”
“Nothing in life is a certainty,” Miroku raised a single eyebrow. “But… Mushin seems to think that my eyes and hands will wander unless they’re not tied down.”
Kagome tried not to sneer; that might have been the understatement of the year. Miroku had always had a habit of… chasing nearly everything that walked. It was sometimes endearing, knowing that her friend would see a cute girl and go prancing over with some strange excuse to strike up a conversation. He was successful at it too, so much so that Kagome was extremely careful introducing him to her female friends (and some of the prettier male friends; Hōjō had actually gotten a bloody nose from his Miroku encounter).
“What’s in it for me?” Kagome asked, her eyes still studying the violet eyes of her friend.
“Is my delightful company not payment enough?” Miroku teased, but his grin nearly immediately gave way and his expression turned serious. “Well… Mushin’s 80th birthday is taking place up at Lake Tahoe, so I can promise you kayaking?”
“And…” Although Kagome did like kayaking, pretending to be Miroku’s doting girlfriend for his elderly Uncle would take more than that.
“I thought we were friends!” Miroku moaned overly dramatically, but once again his expression turned serious. “And… I suppose I can throw in my magical chemistry notes.”
Now that was worth considering…
“Keep going…” Kagome loved Miroku, she really did, but she had not forgotten what Miroku said about Mushin, namely that he too was a bit of a cad (in his youth? still now?). “I haven’t forgotten the story about your Uncle and his post-op nurses.”
The way that Miroku’s face contorted definitely made clear that Miroku was regretting telling Kagome that story. How Mushin would bring each of them a rose and call them all “the loveliest flower” (and how he had begun to refer to them based on the color of rose he used for that specific nurse. Or how on the last day he asked each for a goodbye kiss… Yeah, Kagome definitely remembered that.
“You drive a hard bargain, Higurashi,” Miroku frowned. “Fine. You get first pick of bedrooms when we find an apartment.”
“You have yourself a deal!” Kagome held out her hand to shake. “I will be the best-most-amazing girlfriend you could ever want, even if your Uncle hits on me.”
“Mushin wouldn—” Miroku seemed to think better of making that promise halfway through. “So… my beautiful ‘girlfriend.’ Lake Tahoe?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Kagome chirped and she shook Miroku’s hand. This might have been the best idea the two had ever had, and this might be the worst.
Either way, Kagome was looking forward to getting her pick of bedrooms.
“Kagome?”
“The very one.” Miroku sipped his coffee and tried to understand why his friend sounded so disgruntled as he spoke.
“But—but she’s…” Inuyasha looked as if he had swallowed a bug. “She’s not your type at all.”
“Oh?” Miroku tried not to project his interest. He knew that Inuyasha and Kagome didn’t get along, like, at all, but he hadn’t expected Inuyasha to be this surly over something as trivial as Miroku’s starting to ‘date’ Kagome. “She’s fun and we’ve always gotten along really well, so why would you believe she’s not my type?”
“W—w—well, because she’s a loud eater.” Inuyasha’s ears were pinned back. “And she never lets anything go and she—she’s not even that cute!”
Miroku thought that the half-demon doth protest too much.
“Sounds like it’s a good thing that Kagome is not your girlfriend,” Miroku said, watching with keen interest as Inuyasha sputtered and grumbled to himself. It was… very interesting.
“H—how did you… uh.” Miroku waited for Inuyasha to find words between the grumbles. “How did you guys… start?”
“I asked her on a date,” Miroku answered. Technically this was true after all. He had asked Kagome on a date. A date in Lake Tahoe that cost him his good chemistry notes and the good bedroom.
“I—I didn’t even know she was into you.” Inuyasha had started to pick at his fingernails, something he usually only did when he was elbow deep in studying and extra-anxious. “Or that you were… into her.”
So very interesting…
“I’m wounded, friend!” Miroku threw his hand over his heart theatrically. “To think that all this time you never thought I was a catch!” Inuyasha’s answering sputter was highly amusing. “And who wouldn’t be into Kagome? Maybe you don’t find her cute, but I sure do!”
Truth be told, Miroku really had never thought of Kagome that way. They’d met their first year, when Kagome and he just happened to sit next to each other in freshman calculus, when Kagome asked to borrow his notes (ah, there was a theme there.) and they just… never stopped borrowing each other’s notes or taking classes together.
And whether his best friend thought she was cute or not, Miroku could not deny that Kagome was adorable. She had a heart-shaped face with full lips, and a compact little body that was honed from years and years of hiking and biking and surfing and skiing. Her breasts were not bad either, a nice handful, if Miroku had to gauge.
Why hadn’t he ever considered Kagome before? It seemed a grievous oversight that it took Mushin’s inheritance threat to get him to look at Kagome that way, to assess the pint-sized beauty that was right in front of him all this time.
It was about damn time that Miroku paid attention to just how damn cute Kagome was.
“Yeah well, whatever.” Inuyasha shot up from the table. “Do whatever you want.” Then proceeded to storm out of the coffee shop.
Yeah, the half-demon definitely didst protest too much.
“Huh.” Miroku probably should get to the bottom of that before his arrangement with Kagome created a situation with his best friend. “Huh.”
Why did Inuyasha care so much about his dating Kagome?
Inuyasha barely tolerated Kagome.
The highlights of their first interaction included Inuyasha accusing Kagome of being stinky and Kagome telling Inuyasha that most people who spoke only in swear words are obviously delinquents.
It didn’t get better.
Kagome took to wearing strong rose-scented perfume when Inuyasha would be around, which Miroku was certain she knew would aggravate his nose. And Inuyasha spoke mostly in grunts and growls when Kagome was around, before storming off with some obviously-made-up-excuse about seeing his brother or painting his apartment or polishing his sword (it was a real sword, Miroku checked).
It usually also meant that all Miroku would get to talk about for the next several hours was how horrible one or the other of them was.
It was exhausting.
And Miroku had always just assumed that it was because the two really did hate each other, and did everything he could to keep them separated. Sometimes he just wanted to throw the two idiots into a room together and lock them in until they got through their childish issues with one another.
It sounded like they did need to be locked in a room together, but for very very different type of workout, if Inuyasha’s reaction was anything to go by.
“Well well well…” Miroku knew that his grin was shit-eating at the moment, but he did not care. “How very very… interesting.”
Miroku really had planned to see if it could work, if he and Kagome were compatible as more than friends, but…
There was a reason he’d never thought of her that way.
And he really liked having her as his friend.
He also liked having Inuyasha as a friend.
Perhaps Inuyasha and Kagome were never meant to be friends… and that was what made them so insufferably annoying around each other.
It would take some finesse (luckily he had that), and they really did need to put on a good boyfriend-girlfriend show at Mushin’s birthday weekend.
But that didn’t mean that it was impossible.
Miroku’s smirk stayed plastered on his face while he made the walk home.
He had work to do.
“What?!?” Kagome was going to kill Miroku. “Absolutely not. No. That is not happening.”
Clearly he had brought her to lunch that day under false pretenses, namely, to make sure that she could not yell at him at the volume she definitely wanted to be yelling at him.
“But Inuyasha has been a friend of the Hōshi family since we were kids,” Miroku whined—whined! Because he knew that he was being the worst friend ever right now. “His family is coming to Mushin’s eightieth, so he was invited too.”
Kagome regretted making the bargain now. She wanted to tell Miroku to stuff it and to storm away from this farce and do anything else (...probably drink heavily…). But she was already reading over his chemistry notes. And just because Inuyasha would be there did not mean that she could not have fun.
Actually…
“Miroku, can we not tell Inuyasha that this is…” Kagome could feel the private sneer try to paint her face; she swallowed it down. “For show?”
Inuyasha Taisho was the worst person in the entire world. He was rude and he was blunt and he was a jerk and—and he told Kagome she smelled. First time meeting, first thing out of his pouty jerky mouth is “what is that stench?”
Who says that to a woman the first time they meet them?!
Apparently Inuyasha Taisho says that.
And was it Kagome’s fault that she absolutely started to wear really heavy perfume whenever Miroku subjected her to Inuyasha Taisho’s presence? Well… at least when Inuyasha said something about her stinking now, he was accurate.
Kagome hated his stupid face. His stupid golden eyes that managed to twinkle even in the dark. She hated his full lips and his fang that always seemed to escape his mouth. She really hated his silver hair that ran down his back like starlit silver threads and his triangular puppy ears on the top of his head? They were absolutely completely totally the worst. Because the looked so soft and they moved depending on his mood.
He was too much of a jerk to be that adorable. It was false advertising.
“May I ask why?” Miroku raised his eyebrow in that way that Kagome knew meant he was reading into this. Stupid insightful Miroku.
“Do you want me to back out?” Kagome was not going to sound hostile, she was not.
“You already are using my chemistry notes, Higurashi,” Miroku huffed. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. Because for some obscure reason you hate Inuyas—”
“He said I smell,” Kagome interrupted. “First time we met. First thing out of his stupid mouth was ‘what is that stench?’ So yeah. He can get fucked.”
Kagome was not going to picture Inuyasha getting fucked. It was gross to think about the way his biceps could pop out of a short-sleeve shirt or how that little fang he bit was probably something he did when he was hovering over someone getting ready to press his—
“You’re blushing.” Miroku’s amusement was not okay. “And I’ve told you about eighty times that Inuyasha is an idiot with words and doesn’t have a filter.”
“And you’re going to be subjecting me to him for a whole weekend while pretending to be your girlfriend and dodging your Uncle’s wandering hands?” Kagome understood now; Miroku was getting the sweet end of this deal. She should have made him promise to let her borrow his car whenever she wanted too… “This party better be the swankiest most amazing and fun thing I’ve ever been to, and you better tell Inuyasha to keep his idiot mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.”
Damn, Kagome had meant to sound menacing when she said that, not pleading. But Miroku just sprung Inuyasha is going to be there on her.
“He’ll be on his best behavior, I’m sure,” Miroku replied, a smile now on his face that Kagome did not like. It was Miroku’s know-it-all smile. “I have the utmost faith in your incredible girlfriend abilities, even with Inuyasha there.” He then squeezed Kagome’s hand. “And don’t you worry, I’ll defend my girlfriend honorably should certain half-demons say anything about your smell.”
Miroku then leaned in and kissed Kagome’s forehead, before winking and picking up the check.
“You owe me so big,” Kagome growled; she definitely let Miroku pay.
“I know,” Miroku said, that stupid smug smile unchanged. “And trust me, I am already working the perfect way to pay you back.”
Kagome wasn’t sure what worried her more: Miroku’s kiss or Miroku’s scheme.
…Or this arrangement subjecting her to Inuyasha Taisho for an entire weekend…
She definitely deserved use of his car for at least the next decade.