Work Text:
でも一人は寂しいよ？
-Satoru Gojo
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Yuuta Okkotsu is tipsy. Okay, Yuuta Okkotsu is drunk, and okay, Yuuta Okkotsu is a clumsy drunk. He’s not drunk enough for it to be an issue, he’s at the sweet spot between tipsy and fully wasted, but to be totally honest, it’s a wonder he hasn’t spilled his drink as he stumbles along through Panda’s apartment, one hand on the wall to keep himself from falling on to someone. Why does Panda have to know so many people anyway? What is this party even for? Where the hell is Panda himself? Okkotsu recognizes almost everyone here - not only are the rest of the Tokyo branch kids here, so are the Kyoto students, and the rest are probably just people Panda met out on the street. Yuuta looks around at this apartment, filled with his friends, and it’s not lost on him how different his life is now from when he first started at Jujutsu Academy. He can call these people his friends now - it’s different from that first day when Maki and Panda tried to kill him in the front of his classroom, with Rika behind him. It’s different now that he feels wanted, feels needed, feels that it’s okay to be alive. He relies on them, and vice versa.
He shuffles down a hallway, eyes glazed as he looks around for someone specific - platinum blonde hair that’s just a little too long, freckles decorating his face just above his curse marks. As he trips his way into the living room, Maki’s voice calls out to him from the couch where she sits with Nobara in her lap -
“He’s out on the balcony, loverboy.”
Okkotsu feels his face flush, as he nods and manages to make his way towards the patio door through the crowded apartment towards the aforementioned man.
His relationship with Inumaki is his best—once just a classmate who wouldn’t speak to him, to someone who taught him how to work with his curse, to someone who was willing to die for him against someone with power to rival Gojo’s, they’re friends.
Best Friends.
Not more than friends .
But infinite voids, does he want to be more. It’s become a joke of some sort that Inumaki is his (despite the fact that Inumaki is his own person and Yuuta has no claim to him) simply due to the fact that if nobody can find him, he can usually be found with Okkotsu, or if he isn’t with him, Yuuta typically knows his whereabouts. Something about Toge makes him jittery, the way Inumaki makes him feel, hyper-aware of everything he does. His stomach fills with butterflies on the rare occasions Inumaki speaks in something other than curses, says his name. He remembers the feeling he got when he met Nobara and Yuuji, Itadori saying “oh THIS is the guy Panda was telling us about.” He doesn’t know when the feelings started exactly. Maybe it was the first mission. Maybe it was the first time Inumaki said his name. Maybe it was when he came back from overseas and Inumaki was the first person he saw. Maybe it was somewhere in between all that, between all the times he fell asleep on Yuuta’s shoulder, or shared his headphones on the train, or ate lunch with him so Yuuta wouldn’t be alone. Inumaki makes him feel like he isn’t lonely. Inumaki makes him feel like he isn’t alone.
Yuuta Okkotsu could wax poetic about his Toge Inumaki.
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The door to the balcony is cracked open, and there’s a draft blowing in from outdoors. As Yuuta steps out into the night air, he feels sobriety start to creep in to his bones. It’s quiet out here - a stark contrast to the bright and noisy inside.
It’s no surprise that Inumaki is out here: it wasn’t a secret that he smoked to help relax, especially with his curses. Toge’s figure sits on one of the far lounge chairs, staring at a small side table in concentration as his fingers lazily twist a grinder. Okkotsu readies himself and walks over, sitting down on the chair across from his best friend as he works on wrapping the blunt. At some point he's lost his drink. Acknowledgement comes in the form of Inumaki holding the joint out towards Yuuta a minute later and tipping his head towards it, a silent ask for Yuuta to seal it. Yuuta tilts forward, running his tongue along the edge before leaning back again and watching as the blonde runs a lighter along the edge before raising the blunt to his mouth.
Toge inhales, pulling the smoke deep before letting his gaze fully rest on Yuuta, who he blows the smoke at. It takes everything in Okkotsu not to do something he’ll regret when Inumaki offers him the substance, so he just shakes his head no and watches as Toge drowns in the ribbons of smoke that drift upwards towards the heavens.
An unknown amount of time passes in silence as Inumaki smokes - maybe it’s been 15 minutes, maybe half an hour, maybe an hour, and Yuuta’s head is foggy again, this time with a secondhand high along with the thoughts of how delicate Inumaki seems to be. His hands are gentle as they raise towards his mouth once again, one with a lighter and one with a fresh wrap, and Okkotsu watches and wonders what it would be like to get to be that close to Inumaki’s lips, to be the thing that Toge breathes in.
Inumaki exhales, and the smoke stretches from his mouth and up towards the sky, floating away in lazy wisps and spirals. The corners of his lips quirk up in a not-quite-there smile, face relaxed. It's beautiful. Enticing. And Okkotsu watches it go, wanting (because Okkotsu wants it all, of course - the vapor, the escape, the high… and Toge. But when doesn’t he want Toge?).
The smoke disappears into the night sky, blending among the constellations that the two are sitting under, and as beautiful as it is to watch and to see, the only thing Yuuta can focus on is Toge. Fuck it, he thinks, at this point he’s crossed, and what’s the worst that could happen?
Yuuta leans forward, hypnotized, whispering as he watches Toge,
“Wanna taste, Ge.”
Inumaki fixes him with a stare and he once again offers the blunt, but Okkotsu shakes his head no and moves infinitely closer to the edge of his seat.
“Ge.. help me out here. C’mon.”
Okkotsu knows he’s playing a dangerous game with his own feelings by asking Inumaki to shotgun him. It’s not the first time they’ve done this, but a smug, shit-eating grin spreads on Toge’s face as he raises a hand and tangles it into the base of Okkotsu’s hair, applying the slightest amount of pressure at the back of his skull. He tugs gently, and it’s an invitation that Okkotsu happily accepts as he lets himself be guided towards the blonde as he takes another drag from the joint.
Yuuta watches as the end glows red, trapped on a ruby glow that comes in the form of ash. Inumaki’s chest rises as he inhales, and then, slowly, he leans forward in Okkotsu’s direction and parts his lips. Smoke seeps out, and Okkotsu meets him halfway, resting his forehead against Inumaki’s as he sucks in the smoke before it escapes into the night or disappears entirely.
His eyes shut involuntarily as he breathes the smoke deep into his system, stinging heat burning his throat, and he holds, savoring the peace in this moment of partial sensory-deprivation. When his lungs can’t take it anymore, Okkotsu lets the vapor escape him with a low moan and a chuckle, eyes still closed and still leaning on Inumaki for balance that he’s not sure he wants back.
“That’s good shit, Toge.”
A sharp exhale escapes Toge, a laugh that didn’t quite make it all the way, and when Okkotsu opens his eyes, dark blue meets violet grey, the space between them seeming infinitely smaller than it was before the hit, and although he knows it’s not possible, Yuuta swears the stars have been placed into Inumaki’s eyes, the moonlight woven into his hair, and fuck, his best friend is so pretty. His breath hitches when Toge’s tongue pokes out to wet his lips and he can’t help the involuntary glance down, the thoughts that follow immediately:
Fuck, I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad.
Inumaki’s eyes widen and Yuuta realizes his mistake, immediately moving to dip away, lips still tingling from the shotgun and Toge tightens the grip he has in his hair, preventing him from moving any further. Their eyes lock, and Yuuta’s breath stops dead in his throat. Toge shifts, moving ever so slightly closer before taking the hand resting on Okkotsu’s head and using it to pull him back to where he was. Yuuta’s breath moves again, this time in a shaky exhale, and then there’s a warm pressure on his mouth, and oh, Inumaki’s kissing him, that’s what this feeling is, and-
Oh. Oh.
If Yuuta couldn’t breathe before, he sure as hell wasn’t breathing now, not with the way Toge was gently pressing his lips against his, and oh god, he’s just sitting there like an idiot.
Inumaki begins to pull his hand away, pull his face away, and Yuuta chases after him, using one of his own hands to anchor himself on Inumaki’s thigh and uses the other to cup his jaw, bringing him back close enough for Yuuta to slot their lips together again. Yuuta presses forward and Inumaki hums, the small noise vibrating through his chest, and presses just the tiniest bit closer. He angles his head to meet Okkotsu’s lips better, and suddenly it’s like Yuuta is inside a cloud up in the heavens with the smoke, he feels like he’s surrounded by a border that’s colored silver, he feels like he wants to spread his arms really wide and grab the silver cloud by its hazy edges and trap this feeling in him for forever.
They break apart and Okkotsu shifts back, looks up at the midnight sky. He thinks the moon and stars are unusually bright for Tokyo tonight, considering it usually looks like when all the lights are out. The party inside is long forgotten.
“Please tell me I’m not dreaming right now because holy shit, Ge, I don’t want to wake up if I am.”
Inumaki blinks back at him, a laugh in his eyes, and his mouth slides into a small smile. He pats the space next to him on the lounge chair, scooting over so Okkotsu can join him. Their knees knock as Yuuta changes seats, there’s a bumping of shoulders, and then the air goes still. Not stiff, not awkward or heavy or tense, just… frozen in time. Okkotsu watches as Inumaki sets the blunt down on the side table, watches as the embers fizzle out, and when Toge turns back to him, he can’t get a good read on his expression anymore.
Okkotsu’s gaze drops to the ground when he goes to speak, to apologize, to do something to make sure he didn’t entirely fuck this up, when Inumaki breaks the silence before he can.
“Yuuta.”
Okkotsu’s head snaps to look at Inumaki, whose gaze is also on the ground. His head lulls to the side as he turns to meet Okkotsu’s eyes, and he reaches his hand over, interlocking their pinkies. Okkotsu feels a light squeeze before his entire hand is being maneuvred, fingers are being interlaced, and he knew Inumaki’s hands had to be soft but wow this is even more than what he imagined. Every point of contact they have makes Okkotsu feel like he’s floating, and he’s not sure if it’s because of the high or because of Inumaki, but he wouldn’t trade this moment for the world. He squeezes Toge’s hand back,
“So this is okay?”
Inumaki doesn’t answer him but reaches for the blunt again, detangles their hands and turns away to take a relight, and they’re so close, here on this balcony outside Panda’s apartment, Okkotsu has more than enough room to breathe but he can’t catch his breath and he’s not sure that he wants to. Toge comes back into his space, and their legs are still pressed together and Okkotsu’s still breathless, Toge makes oxygen useless for him, and his hand comes up to cup Okkotsu’s jaw. Yuuta is hyper aware of everything and yet is completely desensitized to anything that’s not Inumaki, don’t ask him about anything that’s not his jaw in Toge’s palm or the skin on his neck where Toge’s fingers are resting. Everything is spinning except for Inumaki and then his thumb is dragging across Yuuta’s lower lip, parting them as Yuuta tips forward willingly, and as Toge pulls his mouth open he utters a word,
“Stay.”
Not that Inumaki needs to use his curse on Yuuta, Yuuta would follow Inumaki and do whatever he said w ith a blind trust. Inumaki turns away again, takes a hit and holds it. He comes back to Yuuta once more, leans forward, their lips only a breath apart in a kiss that’s not quite there. Inumaki exhales, Yuuta inhales, breathes it in, and as he breathes it out again, Inumaki is there taking it right back from him as his lips hovered over Yuuta. The smoke filters out from between them and Toge closes the gap, moving into something sweet, and smooth, and languid, and something Yuuta’s only imagined about for god knows how long. Yuuta brings his hands up, resting them on Toge’s shoulders. He can feel warmth under his palms, slides one down to feel the steady beating of his heart. His own heart is beating out of control and he prays Inumaki can’t hear it.
They part, the gap between them remaining miniscule, and Yuuta’s lungs go into manual mode because how Inumaki has this much of an effect on him is an enigma at this point.
“Pretty,” Yuuta says, as Toge moves his hand and traces Okkotsu’s lip as if he can feel the heat of the lingering smoke. Toge laughs, and it soothes the sting in Yuuta’s throat, washes it away and makes everything feel better as they press their foreheads together again, just wanting to be close.
Yeah. This is okay.