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Stede’s phone rang during breakfast, which was unusual. Most of the people in their circle slept in, especially on Sunday mornings. Eddy went on consuming french toast from the good place down the street while Stede talked.
“Oh, I see,” he said softly after listening a bit. “Of course, I’d be delighted- no I understand. We could- no? All right. Let me just ask Eddy.”
“Ask me what?”
Stede put his hand over the bottom of his phone, smearing a bit of maple syrup on the screen.
“It’s Mary. Apparently, Charlie is going on a scouting trip with Doug and Mary was invited to speak at an artist’s retreat at the last minute. She was wondering if we could take Alma next weekend.”
“Did you check the calendar?” she asked to buy time. It had been in the back of her mind that both kids would be arriving for their week with their father in just a month’s time, but that had seemed like ages away.
“Good point.” Back to the phone Stede said, “Just a second Mary, let me confirm the dates.”
Stede walked away, apparently taking Eddy’s contribution as agreement, which was fine. They weren’t going to stop the man from seeing his child. But what the hell was Eddy going to do around a child? She’d barely had a childhood herself, and her adulthood hadn't brought her near a kid for good reason. Eddy, prior to meeting Stede, had rarely felt things like panic or fear. Her life had been engineered to make her the apex predator in her environment. It had been boring, but her blood pressure had certainly been lower.
“Okay,” Stede circled back. “The usual spot then. Mhm. See you then. Bye.”
“So?” Eddy glanced at him, attempting to be nonchalant.
“Sorry to spring this on you. Thursday is good for pickup. The weekend is fairly clear. I’ll take the Friday show off, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, sure. I can fill your slot,” they agreed. “Uh, any idea what we do with her?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Scrubbing at his face with his hand, Stede sat back down. “It’s a fresh guessing game every time they visit. I’ll try to plan a few things, give us some structure, but I like to leave her time to decide too.”
“Makes sense,” Eddy agreed. “Are you excited?”
“I’m happy to see her.” Their knees brushed together under the table. “I always get nervous. She holds a grudge about me going. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, sometimes it does.”
“How much money do you spend to make up for it?”
Stede closed his eyes with a sigh.
“So much. Mary is always peeved with me.”
The week was consumed with preparations for the visit. There was a roll-away cot kept in the basement storage unit that had to be carried upstairs and aired out. Stede produced nice linens for the thing and a canopy of gauzy material that had to be hung from a hook in the ceiling to give the bed some privacy from the rest of the open floor plan. Groceries were purchased to please a young vegetarian palate and some more adult items were tucked away for later retrieval.
The only distraction was the troubling sight of Lucius walking out of the bar with Izzy with a determined look on his face.
“Lucius can take care of himself,” Leda assured her. “And if not, Jim has his back. What’s Izzy’s place like anyway? I’m imagining a dungeon.”
“Dunno.” She texted Lucius quickly. “Never been there.”
“...You never saw where he lived?”
“Nah. If he needed something after work hours, he came to my place.”
“The more I find out about your relationship with him, the less I understand it,” Leda said with some exasperation.
“You and me both.”
Lucius was back at the bar the next day, intact and far too pleased with himself.
“See? I survived.” He gave a little turn to show his unmarred flesh. “And for the record, you would’ve owed me fifty dollars.”
“Please don’t tell me anything else,” Eddy groaned.
“All I’m saying is that all our lives would’ve been easier if you’d fed his praise kink once in a while.” The shit-eating grin was truly epic.
“Stede!” Eddy called out. “Help!”
“Lucius, stop torturing her just because you can. You’re a man, not a cat,” Stede called from backstage. “Also, where did you leave the glitter cannon?”
“It’s behind the-” Lucius started, then interrupted himself, coming around the bar. “Never mind, I’ll get it. You’ll never find it.”
“Try not to be alone tonight,” Eddy growled. “You never know what could happen.”
“After last night, I no longer feel fear,” Lucius sniffed.
“Boo!” Jim said from behind him.
“Fuck!” Lucius jumped a foot in the air.
Eddy laughed so hard, she almost fell off the barstool. She held up a hand and was well satisfied by Jim’s maliciously hard high-five.
So that was fun, but then reality sunk back in and they were only three days from the crash landing of a small person in their lives. Eddy tried to concentrate on the meeting she had on Thursday with a club promoter, preparing a few questions and documents, but mostly she spent a lot of time staring out the window. Normally, Stede would get them out of these kinds of moods, but he was preoccupied himself. He kept fussing with the little bedroom area and watching YouTube videos of outlandish interior design projects like either of them were ever going to put up drywall.
It was almost a relief to kiss him goodbye just before the meeting. Stede and Mary had a child exchange system that took place in a Target parking lot that was exactly between the apartment and the old Bonnet family home.
“Sorry I can’t come.” Eddy turned their face up for the kiss.
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m not,” they agreed.
“Good luck at the meeting.”
“Good luck with your ex-wife.”
They kissed for an inadvisable amount of time and then at last parted, heading out for their respective afternoons. The club promoter turned out to be a bit of a joke. Eddy had decided against them halfway through their pitch, and managed to escape with a half hour to spare before Stede would get back. They considered changing their clothes into something....more something, but what did one wear to meet a future stepchild? Might as well stay in black leggings and the belted black tunic shirt. It was comfortable, at least.
They heard them before they saw them. A high pitched voice rattled away at a mile a minute with Stede’s occasional ‘mhm’ ‘oh’ punctuating it as they walked up the steps and Stede got out his keys. Maybe there was still time to go out the window. The door opened before she could get up off the couch. Which was probably a good thing. The window was about fifteen feet off the ground and she wasn’t as bouncy as she used to be.
“Hey, honey!” Stede called out cheerily. He was carrying a purple sparkly suitcase and had a look like he’d been smacked with a fish.
“Hi.” Eddy tossed aside the magazine they hadn’t been reading in what probably looked like a very casual and relaxed way.
“Hi.” Alma moved around her father and into the space with surety. She locked eyes with Eddy. The first thing they noticed was that she had Stede’s nose. In photos it was hard to see a likeness, but here in person, there was that nose and the same warm brown eyes.
“I’m Eddy.” She held out her hand. Did kids shake hands?
“Alma.” She marched forward and took it. Her hand was small in Eddy’s, swallowed up. “Dad says I can be the flower girl in your wedding. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine by me.” They tried to match her solemness.
“I just wanted to check. Dad just says things sometimes and my mom says that the bride makes the rules at a wedding.”
“Yeah,” she choked. “Your mom has that right.”
“I told you it was fine.” Stede set down her suitcase. “Little miss said she’s hungry and requests sushi for dinner.”
“That’s cannibalism,” Eddy protested.
“You don’t have to eat octopus,” Stede snorted.
“You’re gonna make me watch you eat it.”
“You’re not actually an octopus,” Alma contended, then looked uncertain. “Right?”
“They’re just being a troll,” Stede assured her.
“Maybe.” Eddy wiggled their fingers as much like tentacles as they could and Alma actually giggled. “Do vegetarians actually eat sushi?”
“I like avocado nigiri.”
“I think I ate chicken nuggets every night for like three years when I was your age,” Eddy shook their head. “Sushi it is.”
They went out, walking the few blocks, and Alma kept in front of them, peering into shop windows. She had a cellphone and occasionally stopped to take random pictures.
“Mary has to clear off her phone once a week. She fills it up,” Stede said, amused, reaching for Eddy’s hand. She had never refused that offer and wasn’t about to start now. Clearly the kid knew what was what anyway. “Just random things.”
“Ever have a Polaroid? I was jealous of those things.”
“No. That would’ve been too frivolous,” Stede said, the last words in someone else's voice.
“Good thing you ignored all that and became the Queen of Frivolity.”
“I think childhood should be fun. Or at least more fun than mine was. Ours was.”
“Probably.” They squeezed his hand. “It’d be hard to be less fun.”
“Is that it?” Alma had gotten a little ahead of them, pointing at a door.
It was odd to have a third at their table, interrupting the flow of conversation that had become second nature between them. She was a curious little thing, peppering them with questions about the restaurant, the menu, and whatever else seemed to come to mind.
“What are we doing tomorrow?” she asked just as the food arrived.
“Well, I was going to ask what you wanted to do.” Stede began the careful process of shuffling their dinners together like a deck of cards, leaving them both with a mixed plate of everything. Alma observed this without comment.
“Can we go see the Egypt exhibit at the museum?” she asked. “I’ve seen the one near us a bunch of times and the one here looks way bigger on the website.”
“Certainly. I didn’t know you were so interested.” Stede opened Alma’s chopsticks for her. Eddy was wielding a fork, which Alma eyed with interest. “When did that start?”
“I saw this-” she started, then stopped. “You can’t tell Mom.”
“Alma,” he sighed. “You know that’s a difficult position to put me in.”
“Then I’m not telling you.” She picked up her nigiri with a precise movement and shoved it into her mouth defiantly.
“How about I guess?” Eddy suggested. “Blink twice if I’m right.”
Alma stared at her, chewing sullenly.
“Caught a mummy in your garden?” she guessed.
Alma’s nose wrinkled up.
“You were bit by a radioactive archaeologist?”
Her eyes crinkled.
“Fell through a time portal?”
“That’s the plot of the movie I saw!” she said around her mouthful of food.
“Late night creature feature,” Eddy diagnosed. “Someone was out of bed at 2am.”
“I can’t sleep sometimes.” She glanced at Stede, who frowned.
“Why not? Even we’re asleep at 2am, and people pay us to stay up late.”
Eddy, who sometimes got up in the middle of the night for no reason at all and prowled around the apartment like a caged tiger, did not comment.
“Dunno.” She reached for her glass of water, sucking it down in loud gulps. “Mom would kill me if she knew I was watching scary movies.”
“I think she’d be more concerned that you can’t sleep,” Stede said gently.
“I fall asleep okay, but sometimes I just wake up and I can’t go back to sleep. I just watch the tv really quiet and go back to bed. It’s no big deal.”
“It is if you’re not getting enough sleep. Or you’re scaring yourself silly with movies,” Stede contended.
“You’re the one who started watching them with me even though Mom told you not to. You can’t change your mind about it because you’re not there.”
Shots fired. Eddy was suddenly very interested in their sushi. Beside him, Stede had gone tense as a wire, then made a soft sound and deflated entirely.
“As long as they’re not giving you nightmares...well. The sleeping thing is another thing, but I doubt some people in rubber costumes are going to do you any damage.”
“So you won’t tell Mom?” she pressed.
“....Not this time,” Stede relented. “But maybe you should.”
“No.” She took another bite of her dinner.
“So explain the Egypt thing then,” Eddy cut in before it escalated again. “Saw the time portal movie and?”
“I liked all the costumes.” She glanced at Stede, who just made a carry on motion. “And then I got a book out at the library and read all about actual mummies. Did you know they took out their brains?”
“They did?” She had Eddy’s attention. “Why?”
“Because they didn’t think they’d needed it. They thought all your thoughts and feelings were in your heart.” She pressed her hand to her chest. “They took out a lot of other things too.”
“How do you get a brain out?”
“Okay, so they have this cool long tool and they poke it up your nose,” she said enthusiastically. “And then pull it out!”
“What else do they do?” Eddy leaned in, fascinated. Vaguely she was aware of Stede making protesting noises.
Alma gave her the full rundown of the mummification process as they ate, answering every question with more facts like she’d just been bursting with them and had finally sprung a leak. Sometimes she got her words mixed up or doubled back to fill in something she’d missed, but Eddy had to do that too sometimes.
“And that’s why it’s called the fever crescent,” Alma said around her last bite of food.
“Fertile crescent,” Stede corrected. “How many library books did you say you read about all this?”
“Whatever they had,” she said eagerly. “And then I read some things on the internet at school. I want to be an archaeologist.”
“Even if you might dig up cursed things?” Eddy asked.
“At least curses are interesting.” She set down her chopsticks. “Can we get ice cream?”
While they waited for the check, she went to the bathroom and Stede heaved a sigh.
“I will never understand her.”
“That’s funny.” Eddy stole one of the rolls Stede hadn’t eaten off his plate. The mummy talk had put him off his appetite, apparently. “Cause she’s just like you.”
“I was never that bright.”
“Nah, sure you were. And you both like to daydream and tell stories. Bet you weren’t telling your Dad every bad moment you had either.”
“Mary isn’t like him,” Stede defended.
“So what? I loved my Ma and she was sweet as she could be, but I wasn’t going to add another worry to her every time something went wrong.”
“She’s only ten. She doesn’t need to start hiding things.”
Eddy put an arm around his shoulders. “I dunno. I can think of worse things to hide than late night movies.”
“What were you hiding at ten?”
“Stealing cigarettes from the corner store and reselling them at school.”
“Not at ten!”
“Sure I was. I couldn’t work yet and we needed cash. I told my Mom it was a paper route.”
“Goodness. I was just running away and hiding in the garden with a book.”
Eddy kissed his temple. “Rebel.”
Ice cream was uneventful and by the time they got back to the apartment, there was time for one episode of some kind of teen drama before Alma was off to shower and get ready for bed. She moved around the apartment with easy knowledge. It was a little disconcerting to realize that she’d known this place for far longer than Eddy.
“Dad!” she called out once she was out of the shower. “Can you do my braid?”
“Just bring your brush!” Stede called back.
Eddy drifted to the kitchen, getting out of their way by filling up the kettle for the next morning. They couldn’t help but observe the quiet ritual, though. Neither of them spoke as Stede brushed out her long hair. It wasn’t Stede’s color, or Mary's, judging from pictures, but something in between. With his fast, clever fingers, Stede did a French braid. He’d done the same for Eddy countless times and they’d never thought to ask how he’d learned.
“When she was three, she’d give Mary such a hard time over it,” Stede told them when they asked later. Alma was asleep, or doing a good job pretending to be. They’d adjourned to their bed, watching a movie on Stede’s tablet to avoid waking her. “I don’t know what it was, but they’d both get upset and Alma would work herself up into tears. There wasn’t much I felt like I could do, but braiding seemed simple. I watched a lot of videos and practiced on myself. Maybe that’s what really started putting ideas in my head about Leda, if I’m honest.”
Eddy could easily imagine Stede, a little younger and sadder, alone in the bathroom putting braids in his short hair. Undoing them over and over until he got them right.
“Who does it for her now when she’s home?”
“She can do it herself,” Stede smiled faintly. “I taught her over video chat when she was willing to talk to me again. She’s good at it, but it’s still our thing when she’s here.”
“I never asked you. If you miss them.”
“I don’t have the right.”
“That’s not true.”
“I left them, of course it’s true,” Stede said calmly, factually. “I’m lucky Mary lets me see them at all.”
“But you do.” Eddy could hear it now, seeing it in a way she was ashamed she hadn’t before. She drew him into a hug. “You miss them.”
“They’re better off with her and Doug. They’re far better parents than me.”
“You can still miss them,” Eddy insisted. “Fuck, do you know what I would’ve given for one extra person who gave a shit about me? What would you have done? To have an adult sit down all quiet with you and braid your hair?”
“Oh, only a limb,” Stede broke, the cool facade shattering. “Only everything.”
“So maybe it wasn’t good or right, but it’s not the worst thing. I think you can miss your fucking kids.”
They held Stede as he cried, the silent, wracking tears of someone who’d learned to hide them. He was puffy-eyed and regretful after, but willingly curled up to sleep. His lips pressed to the back of her neck softly once before he dropped off as he did most nights. Eddy drifted uneasily in and out of sleep, too aware of the extra body in the room.
By the time she woke up, the Bonnets had already had breakfast and had ensconced themselves with separate books on opposite sides of the couch. They had identical expressions of concentration. Eddy sneakily took a picture from under the covers before rolling out of bed and into a bathrobe.
“We left you some cinnamon toast,” Stede informed her, tilting his face up to receive a kiss. His eyes were still a little pink around the edges, but his usual upbeat attitude was back in full force. “The museum opens in about an hour.”
“You get a little pin that says what day you got there and you can keep it,” Alma said seriously. “It’s a different color every day so you can get back in all day.”
“Love a pin,” Eddy said vaguely and went to throw themselves at the mercy of the caffeine gods.
It was a little weird getting dressed in the bathroom, like they were hiding in their own home, but it passed. They’d settled on jeans and a black tank top with a billowy sheer red cardigan over it. That looked museum-y enough. Probably.
When they emerged, Alma was kitted out in jeans with flowers embroidered on the pockets and a shirt with those flip sequins on them in the shape of a unicorn.
“Awesome,” Eddy deemed.
“Dad got it for me,” she said, a little pleased. “I’m kind of not into unicorns anymore, but this one is cool.”
“Sequins are always in fashion,” Stede nodded. “Are we ready?”
“Let’s go, gotta beat the crowds.” Eddy had no idea if the museum got crowds. They hadn’t actually gone to the museum in years and the last time, they hadn’t really been there to appreciate the art.
The place was bigger than they remembered, imposing. Like it was informing them that they were not welcome. Alma had no such concerns and rushed ahead so many times, Stede started muttering about leashes before they got to the ticket booth.
“I want to hold the map.” She reached for it and Stede handed it to her without argument, even though she had to be corrected twice about the right way to hold it.
“We’re going to end up on the wrong ass end of this place,” Eddy predicted.
“Probably.” Stede bumped his shoulder into theirs. “But at least it’s an interesting place to get lost.”
To their surprise, after one false start, Alma guided them straight to the Egypt wing, which was guarded by two very large statues holding scepters.
“That’s Ramses II!” Alma informed them. Once more the cork had come un-popped and they spent the next hour stopping at every urn, statue, sarcophagus and pot to read the plaque and hear whatever other random facts popped into her head.
“I haven’t learned this much since you made me watch that miniseries on MLMs,” Eddy whispered to Stede.
“You made me watch that, you lying liar,” Stede contended. “Anyway, she’s happy.”
“Can I have something to drink?” Alma pointed to the museum cafe just visible beyond the next set of glass doors. “I’m thirsty. And kind of hungry.”
“Yes, let’s take a break!” Stede put a hand to Alma’s shoulder and ushered her away. “And sit down.”
After the snack, Alma was back on her feet and had a new objective of hitting the gift shop with a vengeance. Eddy watched, entirely amused, as she wheedled, cajoled and justified her way into two books, a plushie sphinx, an art print of an archeological dig for her room back home, and a lollipop.
“You are the softest target,” Eddy teased as Stede got out his credit card. “I’m going to shake you down for a necklace to match my engagement ring later.”
“Oh, I already got that,” Stede said mildly. “I was thinking of giving it to you on our wedding day, but I was waiting to see what style of dress you’d pick. I’d hate for it to clash.”
“You did?” Eddy blinked at him, sucker-punched. Goddamn the man, honestly.
“In case you have to take your ring off for a gig or something,” he nodded. “There’s a set of earrings that go with it, but you hadn’t shown much interest in getting them pierced and I know how you hate clip-ons.”
“Used to have an ear piercing,” they said for lack of any other coherent response. “Cartilage one. Let it close up, though.”
“I would’ve liked to have seen that.”
“Can we see the IMAX?” Alma held out her hand for the bag. “It’s playing in fifteen minutes.”
The movie was loud, and the camera swooped around a lot. Eddy approved. Pizza was the closest thing for lunch, so they ate slices on a bench outside the restaurant with a lot of napkins in use. On the way back, they passed a park with a playground.
“Can I do the monkey bars?” Alma asked urgently.
“Of course. How about I take everything back to the car?” Stede glanced at Eddy. “If you don’t mind watching her?”
“I’ll even use both eyes.”
“How would you only use one?” Alma’s brow wrinkled up.
“Like this,” and Eddy showed off their ability to move their eyes in two different directions.
“Oh gross!” Alma squealed. “How’d you learn to do that?”
“Always could. Probably something a doctor should look at,” she allowed.
“Okay,” Alma accepted that with equanimity. “I’m the best at monkey bars, wanna see?”
“Yeah, all right.”
She was pretty fast, zipping across them. It was boring just standing there so after a few rounds, Eddy reached up, crossed their legs so they wouldn’t drag on the ground and followed after her.
“Hey!” she protested. “You’re too tall. It’s not fair.”
“Fairness is overrated,” Eddy scoffed. “Come here. I’ll show you something cool.”
Which was how Stede found them both upside down, hair streaming towards the ground with their knees locked over the monkey bars. Alma was turning a little red in the face, but she was also grinning like a jack o’lantern, so Eddy figured it was fine.
“Look at the state of the both of you.” Stede was clearly trying to repress a laugh. “You’re covered in wood chips.”
“Eddy fell,” Alma blabbed.
“Hey! I was trying to help you get a grip, tattle-tale.”
“I’m gonna go on the swings,” she determined, swung up the way Eddy had shown her and dropped neatly to the ground before running off.
“This is a new look.” Stede moved to Eddy’s side, then very gently pressed against their hips until they swung back and forth. Felt weirdly good with the blood sloshing around in their head.
“Maybe I should do an aerial act.”
“Please think of my heart. I already have to live with watching Jim, Roach and Buttons skirt the edges of safety regulations.”
The swaying finally did in the valiant efforts of her tank top, which gave way to gravity and flopped over her face.
“Say nothing,” they warned Stede.
“No, of course not,” he laughed.
Eventually, they escaped the children’s concrete jungle and made it back in time for Eddy to get her bag ready for the night’s show.
“Why can’t I go?” Alma groused from the couch.
“I...don’t know?” Eddy looked to Stede.
“We don’t put on a child-friendly show, honey.”
“We don’t?”
“Cursing, lewd acts, fake blood, occasionally real blood, alcohol and nudity,” Stede listed off.
“I never get to see Dad perform,” Alma pouted.
“You want to?” Stede’s voice trailed up in shock.
“Yeah! I get to hang out in Mom and Doug’s studio all the time, but I’ve never seen you do your job and it sounds way cooler. Anyway, if you gave us up to do it, it must matter a lot.”
“That isn’t-” Stede stalled out and restarted. “Thank you, sweetheart, I’m glad you want to come along, but I’m serious. It’s not really a good place for a child.”
Eddy got out their phone and started texting as they bickered.
Group Text: The Usual Gang of Fools
Eddy: ledas daughter wants to see her in drag. whos up for pg bingo this sunday? just the once
John: pete and i have a disney medley thing we’ve been working on. could do that during the mid-session break.
Frenchie: i can do the number call so it goes over her head and still gets the adults going.
Lucius: Why not just add a second session? Do an afternoon thing, 3pm-ish. I can push it out over social media. DM some regulars that have kids.
Buttons: Does she like birds?
Eddy: L, get on that. yes to disney, yes to number calls. no on the birds. B, you dont even work bingo. please continue to not work bingo
Buttons: Kids like birds.
Lucius: I’ll look up some mocktail recipes.
Stede realized his phone was blowing up and pulled it out, reading over the messages. A smile grew over his face and then he gave Eddy one of those soft expressions that made their insides melt.
They still went to the Friday show alone and in lieu of Leda, the Kraken was on hosting duty. Things were decidedly even more child unfriendly than usual as a result. She changed and cleaned up as best she could in the dressing room, using the time to plan out bingo a little further with John and Frenchie, who were surprisingly excited about the whole thing. By the time she got home, it was late and she carefully took off her boots at the door to slide her way around the apartment. Usually, she and Leda would de-drag together, sharing the shower and making the magic of the night last a little. Without her, Eddy was too keyed up to sleep. She took Stede’s tablet to the couch and stretched out to watch a glass blowing competition on Netflix to wind down.
A shadow fell over them and they reacted fast, dropping the tablet and reaching for their knife. Luckily they no longer carried it with them at all times, so all they grabbed was a handful of bathrobe instead of accidentally stabbing a small child. Good job all around.
Alma shifted on her feet. “Sorry.”
“Did I wake you?” Eddy asked in a hush.
“No.” She had a ghostly appearance in her white nightgown and fancy braid, with the moonlight streaming in behind her.
“Bad dream?”
“Sort of.” She sat down in the space they’d abandoned when they jumped up. “It’s always the same. Do you ever have that? Just the same dream over and over?”
“Yes.” Eddy paused the show and took off the headphones, setting the whole thing aside. “Started when I was around your age.”
“What was it?”
It was almost certainly not what Stede would deem child-friendly. Too bad for him that he was asleep and Eddy was awake.
“I grew up near the sea. I used to dream that a beast would climb out of it. Great big beastie with tentacles bigger than a house, and it would grab up someone I knew and drag them down to the ocean floor. Hear them screaming all the way down.”
“When did you stop having it?”
Eddy leaned against the back of the couch, throwing an arm over it. “I still have it every once in a while.”
“But that was a bad dream, right? A scary dream?”
“Not always. Sometimes it was...okay. Sometimes it was someone that deserved it,” they said carefully.
“I dream that I’m in a tower. I know I have to reach the top.” Alma brought her knees up to her chest. “I don’t know why. Just that I do. So I climb and climb, but I never get there. Sometimes I can just see the door when I wake up.”
“Are you scared when you wake up?”
She shook her head, but her mouth was pinched tight.
“S’okay if you are,” Eddy fumbled, looking for the right words. “Sometimes the things that scare us are just...ordinary.”
“I bet you aren't scared of some stairs.”
Eddy heaved in a breath and let it out slowly. “Listen, if you promise not to tell, I’ll let you in on a secret not even your Dad knows. Deal?”
She held out her hand, pinky extended. It had been a long time since Eddy had hooked her pinky around someone else's, but she still knew the way.
“Deal,” Alma whispered.
“I’m scared of slamming doors,” Eddy whispered back. “Give me the shivers, every time. One thing I love about your Dad is that he’s never slammed a door in his life. I’d rather face down a dozen mummies than listen to doors slam.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
With the boneless confidence of the young, Alma squeezed herself up against Eddy’s side. She was warm and small and the weight of responsibility for her fell on Eddy like a ton of bricks. For all Alma’s confidence, facts, and excellent vocabulary, she would be helpless in the face of the world. Just a child, vulnerable and trusting. It made Eddy all the angrier at her father, at Stede’s father, at all the people who had failed them. If Eddy, of all people, could figure out how to be someone for this little girl to confide in, then what the fuck was wrong with the rest of them? How could they have looked at a tiny fragile person and seen something to break?
“Sword fighting or Godzilla?” Eddy asked her, pushing down at the rage, moving it as far out of sight as they could.
“I can stay up?” Her voice pitched above a whisper then hurriedly back down again. “Really?”
“You’re on vacation, hell yeah you can stay up.”
“Sword fighting,” she decided.
“Princess Bride it is.”
Alma fell asleep again in the Swamp of Despair. Eddy watched a while longer until they were sure she was out, then scooped her up and tucked her back into bed. The girl mumbled and rolled over, but stayed asleep. Eddy stood over her bed, thinking dark thoughts.
It wasn’t a surprise that they were visited by the kraken that night when they finally slept. It was Lucius this time for some reason, and when they woke, they were tangled in the top sheet and sweating profusely.
“Do you want some time to yourself?” Stede asked as she rose up out of the bed like a zombie. “I was going to take Alma down to the riverfront and feed the ducks.”
“No. No, I’m okay.” She really did not want to be alone.
The riverfront wasn’t exactly scenic, but the ducks were ducks and happy to accept a bounty of wilted cabbage torn into chunks.
“Ducks eat bread,” Eddy said, watching the chaos of a dozen ducks latching on to their treats.
“Bad for them,” Stede explained, ripping up another leaf for Alma to toss. “Buttons has a whole lecture. Anyway, we weren’t going to cook this.”
“Why do we even buy vegetables?”
“So we don’t die of malnutrition.”
“I don’t think them rotting in the fridge is helping out there.”
“We should eat more salads.”
“Over my dead, carnivorous body.”
“Maybe a multivitamin,” Stede conceded. “How was the show?”
“Good. Frenchie’s new dance was popular. What’d you two do?”
“Painted our nails.” Stede waggled silver fingertips at them. Paint was slopped over the cuticles. “It’s much harder doing it for her than you. Very small working space.”
“Mine are green!” Alma held up a familiar poison apple shade.
“You’ve got great taste,” Eddy laughed. “That’s my go-to.”
“But you don’t have any now.”
“I use press-ons when I perform,” she explained. “Ruins anything underneath. Only wear it when we’re going to be off stage for a few days.”
“Huh.” Alma looked at their nails. “Will you do that for the wedding? I got to wear press-ons for my Mom’s wedding. They were super cool.”
“I haven't decided yet.”
“Are you wearing a dress?”
“At least one.”
“How do you wear more than one?” Alma frowned. The ducks were encroaching on Stede with interest.
“One for the ceremony, one for the reception.”
“Will you get a big puffy one? Mom wore a short one, and it wasn’t even in white. It was nice, but it didn’t feel like a wedding dress.”
“Haven’t started looking yet.”
Despite Eddy’s deep desire for such a thing, it seemed insurmountable. She wasn’t going to take Stede with her to pick it out, but she hadn’t yet gone clothes shopping without him. Sometimes on this entire journey, she found mountains where she thought she'd finally reached level ground.
“We should go on Pinterest,” Alma said solemnly. “There’s a lot of things there.”
“A little help?” Stede said nervously.
The ducks had encircled him, their quacks becoming more urgent.
“You’re bigger than them,” Eddy sighed. “Just bark or something.”
“You bark at them!” Stede held up his hands like he was under arrest. “I’m empty, my friends. Go in peace.”
“Quack,” said the biggest one menacingly.
“Hold that thought, Alma.” They stomped across the pavement, ducks flying off as they went. They took Stede’s hand and dragged him away from the river edge. “How do these things always happen to you?”
“I have a way with animals?”
The afternoon was spent at the movie theater, where Eddy took a much-needed nap. They brought home dinner and before Eddy was quite prepared for it, Alma took Stede’s tablet and sat next to them.
“You should make your own account,” Alma advised, pulling up the site.
“You have your own?”
“For artifacts and stuff. Mom says it’s important to visualize your goals.”
“Right, sure.”
“Dad,” Alma glared at Stede, who was very innocently eating his dinner. “We have to do important wedding business, you’re not allowed to look. Go find something else to do.”
“I live here, you know,” he said good-naturedly, picking up his plate. “I’ll just go watch television loudly.”
It took a few minutes for Eddy to get a handle on the damn site and even after that, they weren’t 100% sure what they were supposed to be doing until a few keyword searches got them to a veritable sea of wedding dresses of every description.
“I like this one,” Alma pointed to a frothy one.
“Then pin it,” Eddy decided. “Might as well start by pulling everything we like and then narrowing it down.”
They fell into a rabbit hole of boards. Alma had a lot of opinions on how princess-y one’s dress should be (very), what color (only white) and sleeves (none). Eddy, who hadn’t had a strong idea before, developed one as they went through.
“I hate to break this up,” Stede called from the couch. “But it’s past someone’s bedtime already.”
When Alma had reluctantly gone to the bathroom to shower, Stede got up and took her seat beside Eddy.
“You’re good with her.”
“More like she’s good with me,” Eddy contended.
“She just likes you. If not your taste in wedding dresses.”
“I think you should’ve let her go out last night. She can throw shade with the best.”
“She’ll have to be content with tomorrow afternoon. Lucius says the response has been good.”
“Nervous?”
“Very,” Stede sighed. “But I suppose it couldn’t stay separate forever. This is who I am.”
“Anyone that doesn’t like Leda doesn’t have a soul,” she assured him.
“Mm, I think you’re a little biased.”
No one woke up in the middle of the night this time and they all shared a leisurely breakfast. Alma got a tablespoon of coffee in her milk, which made her very smug.
“Your mother says I’m allowed to get you a moderate amount of clothing,” Stede announced after checking his phone. “Preferably some things for the beginning of school.”
“What’s a moderate amount?” Alma asked around a spoonful of Lucky Charms.
She had expressed a lot of pleasure in it being purchased for her visit, so Eddy had not informed her it was always around. They ate it by the handful whenever they could get away with it. After prolonged exposure, Stede had taken up the habit too. Maybe they did need to start taking vitamins.
“If I don’t ask a follow up question then we get to decide,” Stede winked at Alma. That'd be an interesting credit card statement.
Eddy let them go on their own. They needed to be alone with each other eventually. Heading over to the club, she spent the morning arranging chairs and then playing darts with Jim. They were always around on Sunday mornings when Oluwande went to visit their family.
“You don’t get along?” Eddy had asked tentatively weeks ago, the first time they found them there.
“No, they’re all really nice,” Jim had sighed and flipped the dart in the air, catching it at the point. “It’s just too much. I go once in a while. Enough so they don’t think I hate them or anything.”
“And you just hang out here instead?”
Jim shrugged and threw the dart. Bullseye. “Why not?”
Eddy didn’t ask any more questions. She wouldn’t want anyone asking them either. So they threw darts, set up Frenchie’s station for later, ate a couple of sandwiches, and didn’t talk much at all. Jim was easy to be around like that.
Alma and Stede appeared an hour or so before the show. With a shy spin, Alma showed off her new outfit. The top was bright blue with gold embroidered scarabs. How Stede had found that was one of his little miracles, Eddy guessed. The skirt was a black pleated affair over blue leggings. And on her feet were the tiniest Doc Martens that Eddy had ever seen.
“Nice boots,” Jim announced before disappearing into the back.
“What they said,” Eddy agreed. “Want to post up on stage while we get ready, kiddo?”
“I want to watch.” She glanced up at Stede. “Can I?”
“It’s not exactly pleasant back there. And I’d have to ask everyone else if they’d be comfortable,” Stede stalled.
“Tell you what,” Eddy made a quick decision before Stede tied himself in knots. “We can set up our kit on the stage, do up our makeup and then you can hang out here while we go get dressed. I’ve got that battery ring light mirror I’ve been meaning to try.”
“Really?”
“Why not?”
She had a million questions, but it wasn’t such a bad thing to talk through what they were doing. Leda handled a lot of them, occasionally using Alma’s face as an example. Inevitably, Alma wound up with some sparkly blue eyeshadow and rose gold highlight on the tip of her nose.
“Needs one more thing,” Eddy decided and picked up her purple eyeliner. “Heart or star?”
“Star,” Alma said immediately. Eddy drew a little star beauty mark on her cheek.
“You know how to throw darts?” Jim re-emerged from wherever they’d gone.
“She’s ten,” Leda shot back.
“I learned earlier with sharper things,” Jim shrugged. “Wanna learn, kid?”
“Yes, please!”
They watched Alma follow Jim without hesitation. Leda almost got up after them, but Lucius made the thirty minute call and then it was just padding, dresses, wigs and shoes for a bit. Everyone had taken the PG Bingo thing to heart. Lots of fantastical outfits, but no unexpected thongs or chaps.
Pete and John were particularly changed, their usual short skirts replaced with floor length princess gowns.
“What are you supposed to be?”
“I’m Elsa.” Pete crossed her arms over her gauzy blue covered chest. She’d borrowed one of Button’s blond wigs and braided it.
“Who now?” Eddy frowned.
“Let It Go? Ice princess? The biggest cultural phenomena in a decade?” John prompted. She was in pink with a brown braid.
“I’ve got nothing.”
“Movie night,” Pete and John chorused, high-fived without looking, then went back to pinning up Pete’s dress, which was dragging on the floor a little. So that was probably some future doom to think about another time.
It was really something else to come out of the backroom to the noise of a playground instead of a bar. Eight families had shown up and Eddy recognized some of the parents as Friday night regulars. It was strange to see them in a different context. There were a few tense moments as they got started, but Frenchie got the music turned down when it blared too loud and John squatted down to talk to one scared toddler and ended up holding them for the entire first call card while they played with the end of her braid.
When John and Pete did their number, they invited all the kids up to sing along and it was deafeningly off-key, but pretty cute. Someone had thought ahead (Lucius, probably) and replaced all the usual prizes with dollar store toys. Alma won a prize or two and when they had a final dance party, she let Leda take her hands and dance around with her. They were both smiling and sharing a laugh.
“How’s childcare going?” Lucius asked, handing Eddy a glass of orange juice with a cherry bobbing in it.
“Exhausting.” She didn’t take her eyes off the pair. “How’s lion taming?”
“You said no details, so you don’t get any.” Lucius dropped another cherry in their glass. “But exhausting, as it happens.”
“You don’t have to do it.”
“Neither do you.”
“What was I going to do? Get a hotel while she was here?”
“Some people would,” Lucius shrugged. “No one pays us to care, do they? We just do it for the love of the game.”
They squirreled Alma backstage for adult bingo with Netflix and dinner. She seemed content among the ocean of costumes and makeup, tucked up in a chair with Leda’s dressing gown draped over her like a blanket.
“She told me I looked like a real queen.” Leda cornered the Kraken for a kiss in the wings before they went on, careful of their already retouched faces. “I almost cried all over her.”
“You ever going to explain to her why you left?” They reached up to adjust Leda’s wig, pulling an extra bobby pin out of their pocket to lock it down.
“Yes. When she’s a little older.”
“What do you think is going to happen between now and then?” Eddy kissed her again. “You taught me to talk about shit, House. Don’t start running from it now.”
“She’s going back to Mary’s tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but not first thing in the morning.”
“...will you stay with me while I do?”
“Got nowhere else to be,” they assured her and then gently pushed her onto the stage.
With all the excitement, Alma zombie-walked into bed when they got back and fell asleep hard. She had gained, over the course of the day, a second suitcase that looked like it was straining to close.
“Moderate, huh?” Eddy teased while they washed their face. Stede was brushing out his hair beside her.
“Usually we have Charlie with us and he’s not overflowing with shopping enthusiasm, so I might have gone even more overboard than usual.” Stede laughed at himself. “Anyway, some of it I got in two sizes. She’s having a bit of a growth spurt.”
“How’d you even find Docs in that size?”
“She spotted them in the shoe store and was very insistent.”
“Wonder why?” Eddy picked at a bit of glue stuck in her eyebrow.
“Because you have them and she thinks you’re cool,” Stede said as if it was very obvious.
“She does?”
“Honey, everyone thinks you’re cool. You wear leather, knock people out with a single punch, have effortlessly great hair, and carry off red lipstick like it was made for you. I’ve seen people stand stockstill when you walk into a store because you erased their brains for a second.”
She stood up straight. “You mean all that?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, hold on.”
Group Text: The Usual Gang of Fools
Stede: If I say cool, who in this group do you think of first?
Frenchie: eddy.
Pete: eddy.
Roach: eddy
Oluwande: jim.
Jim: im trying to fucking sleep assholes. eddy
Lucius: Eddy, in the ruthless does not give a fuck kind of way. Jim, same reason. Frenchie in a hottest girl in school kind of way. Pete because he’s the coolest to me and the rest of you can suck it.
Pete: aw, babe!
Buttons: Karl.
Roach: karl is pretty fucking cool since you added that jaw hinge thing
Jim: phone is going on silent. if any of you have an emergency tonight youre dying without me
“See?” Stede cocked his head to one side. “How is one little girl supposed to stand up to that if you’re leveling whole groups of people?”
“Huh.” She leaned back to regard herself in the mirror, unsure of what to do with that information. “Docs are good for stomping on people. Should work at any age.”
"Don't give her ideas."
It was easy enough to fall asleep, but the creak of the floor boards woke her not long after they’d gone to bed. With a yawn and careful roll, Eddy was on her feet. They weren’t surprised to find Alma on the couch.
“Hot chocolate?” Eddy offered, already on the way to make herself some.
“Yes, please.”
She made two mugs the same way Stede made it for her. Thick, sweet and topped in too much whipped cream. Then she headed for the front door.
“We’re going outside?” Alma went wide-eyed.
“Nice night. C’mon.”
They sat on the stoop. This time of night, cars were few and far between. It was a little chilly being barefoot, but the hot chocolate kept their hands and faces warm. The street lights buzzed and the ambient hum of thousands of people still hung in the air even as they slept.
“Aren’t our feet going to get dirty?” Alma asked, still whispering.
“Probably,” Eddy shrugged. “We’re going to wash your sheets tomorrow anyway. Us night owls need a little moonlight sometimes.”
“Really?”
“Sure. Scientific logic. Night people need night light.”
“Did you take science classes?” she asked suspiciously.
“I got out of high school with a piece of paper that says I did.”
“You didn’t go to college?”
“Nope.” They took a sip from their mug. “Graduated from the school of hard knocks.”
“How’d you get a job?”
“Being the best at what I did. Security, before you ask. Yes, I beat people up. No, I don’t recommend it as an ongoing career. Become an archaeologist, you’ll enjoy it more. Also, your Dad’ll flip out if I told you to skip college.”
“You didn’t tell me to,” she frowned.
“Exactly,” Eddy saluted her with the mug.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Nothing has stopped you yet.” Eddy glanced at her. Alma’s gaze was locked on the moon above them.
“Is it okay if I keep calling you Eddy after you and my dad get married?” she asked solemnly.
“What else would you call me?” they frowned. “It’s my name.”
“We started calling Doug ‘Pop’ sometimes. He didn’t ask us to, but Charlie started to and then I felt weird just calling him Doug. And we still have a dad.”
“Sure,” Eddy nodded. “But that’s different. Doug does all the parent stuff with your mom when you’re not with your dad, right?”
“Uh huh.”
“I’m...dunno. I’m good with being an Eddy. Your Eddy. Whatever that means for us.”
“Can I text you if I’m up in the middle of the night? Can it mean that?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely you can,” they said, then sighed at themselves. They’d almost made it through the whole weekend. “Also your Eddy curses a lot. Don’t repeat those words around anyone that gives a shit. Deal?”
“Deal,” Alma nodded. Then experimentally, she said, “Fuck.”
“Fuck,” Eddy repeated encouragingly. "You gotta really hit the 'ck'."
They said it until they were both laughing and out of hot chocolate. By then Alma was shivering a little, so Eddy got her back inside and talked her into laying down for a few minutes. Sleep seized her and Eddy went back to their own bed with dirty feet and a laugh still caught in their throat.
It took a few cups of tea for Stede to psych himself up, but Eddy was immensely proud and relieved when he finally set down the dishes in the sink after breakfast and said,
“I think we have to talk, sweetheart.”
“About what?” Alma eyed him warily.
“You’re old enough to know why I left, if you’re ready to hear it.”
“Okay,” her voice went small. “Really?”
“Really. And first of all, it had nothing to do with you or your brother. I never expected to be a father, but I have no regrets about having children. I love you both very much, okay?”
“Okay,” she echoed.
Eddy stayed on the couch, pretending their phone was very interesting while keeping an ear out as promised.
“Your mother and I...we weren’t happy. We got married because we didn’t think we had other choices and we made each other very miserable.”
“You look happy in the pictures,” Alma argued. Eddy had actually seen Stede’s wedding pictures and the man had looked like microwaved shit.
“Yes, well. Sometimes pictures don’t tell the whole story. I knew that I wasn’t in love. That there were other things I wanted more. And the longer I stayed, the more miserable I made your mother. And you and your brother. I don’t think you remember anymore, but I wasn’t very good at hiding it.”
“Mom would always say you were busy when we knew you were home,” Alma agreed. "And sometimes you would pretend to listen to us when we talked, but then you didn't remember anything."
“That’s all true. I don’t...you never have to forgive me. I did what I thought was best, but I hurt all of you. I still don’t think I should’ve stayed, but there was a better way to handle it.”
“You were just gone,” she accused. “I woke up and Mom said you were gone. She kept saying you weren’t dead, but couldn’t prove it. I kept looking for you.”
Stairs ever upward. Eddy tapped their phone a little harder than they intended and almost knocked it to the floor.
“I was wrong, Alma. Very wrong to do it that way. You don’t have to forgive me, but I am so sorry.”
“I thought it was because Mom wasn’t a man, but now you’re marrying Eddy.”
“I am,” Stede agreed. “That is- well. Sexuality is a spectrum and it wasn’t just men I was missing. It was a whole life where I could be who I really was.”
“And you couldn’t do that and keep living with us?”
“No. I couldn’t do that to your mother. She deserved to live her life the way she wanted to. Or myself. It would've been half a life.”
“I’m still mad about it,” Alma informed him curtly.
“You can be as mad as you want as long as you want,” Stede agreed.
“But that’ll make you feel bad. If I’m mad.”
“Don’t worry about my feelings. You do what you need to do.”
“...can I have a hug?” she asked. “Even if I’m mad?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
There was a lot of sniffling from both of them. Eddy’s phone vibrated.
“Problem.” Eddy leaned her head back against the couch so she was regarding them both upside down. She could see their matching noses even clearer that way.
“What is it?” they asked simultaneously. Cute.
“According to Lucius, we’ve got over a hundred requests to do junior bingo again with more notice next time.”
“Huh, suppose we’ll just do it again then.” Stede was holding onto Alma so hard, Eddy was a little worried for the girl’s ribs.
“Can I come back for the next one?” she asked.
“...Let me talk to your mother. Maybe we should do this more often than once a year.”
Originally Eddy hadn’t intended to go with them to drop Alma off with Mary, but Alma just seemed to expect that Eddy was coming and she didn’t actually have an excuse. So all of them loaded into Stede’s rental car (“Own one? In this city? Just a waste.” “Says the man with three identical pairs of brown loafers.” “They have subtle but important differences!”).
Stede and Alma had apparently created some road trip rituals that mostly involved singing off key and shouting car colors at each other, so Eddy zoned out and watched the city retreat into a long stretch of strip malls and encroaching forest. They hadn’t gone for a long car ride in a while and they forgot how time would stretch and collapse on itself.
“Ah, here we are.” Stede pulled in next to a fast looking white car. He got out, so Eddy did too.
Mary was sitting on the trunk of her car. With her hair up and a crisp white button down open a few buttons, she gave off the air of an old-fashioned starlet. When she saw Alma, she smiled brightly, jumped down, and held out her arms. They hugged each other like puzzle pieces fitting back together.
“Thank you,” Mary said with all apparent sincerity to Stede. “I know it was all a little last minute.”
“It was a good visit,” he assured her. “I’m glad we got to have her.”
Mary glanced up, her eyes locking onto Eddy’s face. The smile didn’t dim.
“You must be Eddy. It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Hi.” She came around the car, accepting a handshake.
“I hope Alma didn’t ruin your plans.”
“No.” Eddy could feel the weight of assessment on her, which made her want to put up a few middle fingers and leave the whole situation behind. “It was fun, actually.”
“Do you have any kids of your own?”
“Nah. Never came up. She’s a good one, though.”
“She can be,” Mary laughed ruefully. “Stede says you work with him?”
“Yeah. Started with just performing, but I took on some of the business parts the last few months.” They shifted on their feet uneasily. Stede was using Mary’s distraction to load the extra suitcase into the white car’s trunk.
“I’m not trying to grill you.” Mary leaned in, her voice lowering. “Honestly, I’m thrilled you exist. I worried about him out there all on his own.”
“He wasn’t alone,” Eddy said stiffly.
“I know, I know. That’s what he would say too when I asked, but I can tell the difference. When he told me he was going to ask you to marry him, I was so happy. He deserves a good life. He gave me mine, in his own roundabout way.”
“He gave me mine too,” Eddy admitted reluctantly. “He’s probably going to ask about seeing the kids more. It’s none of my business, but I’m good with it, for whatever it’s worth.”
“More custody?” Her eyebrows flew up. “That’s a first.”
“It was an interesting weekend.”
“All set!” Stede said with too much cheer. “I’ll miss you, sweetheart.”
Alma hugged him. “I’ll miss you too, Dad.”
To Eddy’s surprise, she ran to them and wrapped her arms around their waist. They put a hand to her shoulders. "Bye, Eddy."
"Bye, Alma."
“A very interesting weekend,” Mary said slowly, giving another one of those assessing looks. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
Back in the car, Stede dropped his hand on Eddy’s thigh as they drove. They didn’t talk and as soon as they reached the apartment, they stripped down and made good use of their returned privacy. It was the longest they’d gone without sex since they’d met and Eddy was a little delirious by the time they were done.
Stede kissed them. “You’re a marvel.”
“My ears are ringing,” she informed him solemnly. “I think I came so hard, I pulled something in my brain.”
Stede stroked a hand over her arm over and over, lost in thought. She let him work it out, dozing a little.
“I’m jealous,” he said at last. “Of how easy it was for you. With her.”
“It wasn’t easy.” She opened one eye. “I need to sleep for a week.”
“No, but...you knew what to say. How to handle her. You showed me what to do.”
“She’s not my daughter. Don't have all the baggage.” Eddy gave up on relaxing, propping herself up on an elbow. “And I definitely fucked up a few times. What the hell do I know about kids? I just kept thinking about what I didn’t want to do.”
“Like what?”
“Scare her.”
“Think you managed the opposite there. You’ve never scared me either, for the record. Except that you might leave.”
“Nah,” she collapsed back down and took him with her. “This is home.”
A few nights later, in the wee hours of the morning, Eddy was sitting outside on the stoop in the moonlight when her phone pinged.
Alma: i think i found a perfect dress for you.
Eddy: lay it on me
A picture came through that wasn’t at all princess-y, white or sleeveless. No Alma in it at all, but all the things Eddy had gravitated to. No question that she was Stede's kid.
Alma: is it ok?
Eddy: kiddo, its perfect
Alma: do you know what i found out about papyrus today?
Grinning at the phone, Eddy settled in for the long haul.
Eddy: ive got all night. lay those facts on me.