Work Text:
Doyoung was, unfortunately, a people pleaser.
It was humorous to him, considering half the people who have ever met him would easily call him a self-indulged narcissist, and although this was something he couldn’t deny at times, it didn’t stop the itch at the back of his head at the thought of leaving someone unhappy due to his actions.
It was a trait that bit him in the back quite often, like when he had to complete his classmate’s homework just because they had asked once, or when he had given up his sandwich (he still dreams of it) because someone at work said they wished they had one too, and now. Now it was just him agreeing to be in an unlabelled relationship- well Doyoung wasn’t sure what to even call it or when he agreed but ending up in Jeong Jaehyun’s bed every Tuesday daydreaming of a cute date in the park but too afraid to even propose the concept because Jaehyun’s too scared of definition while that is all that Doyoung needs for a peaceful life is not what he expected, nor wanted.
No, as he counts the freckles littering Jaehyun’s cheeks for the fourth time this morning, he wonders how he ends up in these situations.
--
“I made you pancakes,” Jaehyun grins as Doyoung sleepily walks into the kitchen, eyes half open with a smile plastered on his face, “And I didn’t forget the sugar this time.”
“Oh, my prince,” Doyoung teases, voice still deep from sleep. He sits on top of the countertop, much to Jaehyun’s dismay who pulls out a bar stool next to him. Doyoung laughs as Jaehyun rolls his eyes, before lathering his pancakes in as much syrup as he can because work will be long and a day without Jaehyun is even longer.
Jaehyun takes a bite of his own pancakes, nodding his head in approval, “Try them, I have outdone myself this time.” Doyoung follows swiftly along, head leaning back a little as he wallows in the sugary goodness currently travelling down his throat.
“These are so good,” he groans, and in a few minutes, the pancakes are gone, and he is picking at Jaehyun’s plate, ignoring the other’s grumbling.
“I gave you your own, you should have eaten slower!” Jaehyun whines, prodding Doyoung’s chest with his fork. He shielded what remained of his pancake stack with his other hand.
Doyoung placed his hand on his chest, the other on his forehead as he pretended to faint, “I have been defeated. How could you do this to me?”
It was silent for a moment as Doyoung stared at the ceiling, thoughts racing through his head. What was he doing here, upon a kitchen countertop of all places? Who was going to feed his cat while he was gone? Had he turned off his phone charger before leaving? And all of a sudden, Jaehyun appeared in his line of sight, face inches away and body pressed against his, and the fuzzy feeling in the bottom of his stomach spread to his fingertips as he pushed Jaehyun’s hair out of his eyes, and their lips touched. God, Doyoung would choose this over pancakes every day.
Jaehyun pressed his elbow against the countertop, so his entire weight wasn’t on Doyoung (although Doyoung didn’t mind being crushed) and lifted his head up slightly, skin bathed in the sun that streamed in through the kitchen window.
“Do you like my frinkles?” Jaehyun asked slowly, “Or my dimples more?” He smiled after, two little indents appearing in his cheeks.
Doyoung laughed, amused, “Both. I like all of you, made up words included.” Jaehyun was insistent one night that frinkles was a real word, and as much as Doyoung loved indulging him in his delusions, he couldn’t help but break Jaehyun’s dream of frinkles. Jaehyun had freckles! But he agreed that either way they were his frinkles too.
Jaehyun grinned, pressing another wet kiss onto Doyoung’s lips, the sickly taste of syrup on his tongue. In all honestly, Doyoung wasn’t sure what they were doing lying upon the countertop with his hands in Jaehyun’s hair and their lips spending more time together than apart, and he sincerely cursed the phone that rang throughout the apartment as Doyoung immediately grabbed Jaehyun’s waist to stop him rolling off the side.
“Thanks,” Jaehyun was a little breathless, face still shocked from the sudden noise, and immediately got up to check who was calling. Doyoung, on the other hand, remained staring at the ceiling, tongue licking his lips as he laid a thousand curses upon whoever this caller was.
“I’m late for work,” was the next thing Jaehyun said as he ran in, tie loose and shoes untied. “You’ll be okay to let yourself out?” He fiddled with the tie, almost choking himself, but as always, Doyoung was there to easily fix it for him.
He nodded at Jaehyun’s words. The younger smiled, thanking him once more before running out, and maybe Doyoung was a little delusional himself for making such a nice home inside Jaehyun’s apartment. For goodness’ sake, he had keys to a home of a what? Stranger? But they were a lot more and calling themselves friends was just painful. Labels were an issue for another day, he thought to himself, although he knew Jaehyun had no problem, and this was all one-sided.
He guessed that was the issue after all. Jaehyun had no problem.
–
One good thing about Doyoung’s job was that he finished earlier than most people. Regardless of whether he spent most nights finishing up the work, he hated being confined in his office building, and preferred the openness of his own home. This perk of his was especially useful when Jaehyun’s workplace was nearby, and Doyoung loved seeing Jaehyun’s face after a long day of crunching numbers. Although he had almost an hour to pass, so he decided to grab himself a coffee to accompany his coming long walk around the neighbourhood.
The coffee place was small and quaint. It was warm inside, and Doyoung was reminded of the first time he had gotten coffee with Jaehyun, and how he had tasted like roasted coffee beans and vanilla after. He was stretching his arms after ordering, eyeing up all the other customers nearby, and if his heart felt like snapping after seeing a couple hold hands under the table, he kept that to himself.
He collected his order and headed out immediately, not paying any more attention to the people around him. He still had another forty minutes until Jaehyun would be set free, so he decided on weaving through the residential homes for the remaining time.
Doyoung could not stay still. If he kept on moving, he would never have to stop, or be given the chance to think. It was an ideology of his that was almost always wrong, but that didn’t stop him from pacing around as if walking any faster would stop his brain from functioning. It was almost everyday after work that he followed this routine. Not that he minded waiting for Jaehyun. The hour spent doing absolutely nothing was always worth it to see Jaehyun’s smile.
Recently the problem weighing down on Doyoung’s mind was that he wanted to hold Jaehyun’s hand while walking home, as stupid as that sounded when he voiced it aloud to himself. He wonders if the tree he is walking by thinks he is being stupid too.
It shouldn’t be a problem. Doyoung had spent too many nights in Jaehyun’s arms to be anxious over their hand positions, yet here he was, because Doyoung wasn’t even sure what was allowed in this relationship of theirs, and if Jaehyun could just bullet point every single detail maybe his mind could finally rest.
Regardless, he was alone in these anxieties. Secrets between him and these trees, he supposed, as he started to make his way towards Jaehyun’s place of work.
The next time Doyoung thought about his hands was when Jaehyun was beside him, and they were halfway back to his place. The younger was speaking enthusiastically about this project he had finally finished, and the excitement in his voice was making Doyoung feel giddy enough, if not for the way Jaehyun’s hands would brush against his every so often, just to remind Doyoung that they are there.
It felt more of a nightmare than a dream at this point, as he started to tune out what Jaehyun was saying to think about how lonely his hand felt.
Kim Doyoung was not one to give up so easily, and he refused to let something so miniscule be in the way of his time listening to Jaehyun. It wasn’t fair that something so small could take up so much of his brain space. He relaxed his hands and wiped them on the side of his trousers.
Jaehyun had pretty hands, Doyoung had always thought. He often found himself fixated on them whenever Jaehyun was eating, although the other had thankfully never noticed. It was so quick to feel so easily overwhelmed by Jaehyun, because Doyoung adored him so deeply that it felt that sometimes he couldn’t help but zone into all these little details about him. It was funny to him, because the more Jaehyun became a part of his life, the more he felt the need to obsess over these minor details like they would hold any substance in the much larger scheme of things. But he couldn’t help it. He needed the comfort in knowing that every little part of Jaehyun was his, the same way Doyoung would easily give everything over with just a few words.
A hand shot out in front of him and Doyoung stepped back, glancing up to look at Jaehyun.
The younger raised an eyebrow, “You’re about to walk past my place. Leaving me so easily?”
Doyoung turned around and saw that Jaehyun was right - they had arrived a lot quicker than he had wanted them to. He sighed, glancing down at their two hands side by side. Another day.
“Let’s go then,” Doyoung turned around, pushing Jaehyun back slightly before running off into the building. He could hear Jaehyun’s loud laugh echo through the hallways of their apartment complex, and maybe it didn’t matter that they couldn’t hold hands today. There was always tomorrow.
--
The day Doyoung publicly spiralled would be a day for the history books, his best friend had always said. His best friend was also the one calming him down at this moment, much to his dismay. He was embarrassed, to say the least, but the sheer look of horror Taeyong had on his face when Doyoung had started crying in the club was something he would never forget.
Ugh. Today only, Doyoung wanted to scream ‘Fuck Jeong Jaehyun’, and not even in the good way.
It all started after another hard day at work.
“I swear, Mr Nakamoto does it on purpose. It’s mind games Doyoung, mind games,” Taeyong was blabbering about some class rivalry that was happening at the middle school he works at, and as much as Doyoung loved Taeyong, he could speak for two years if no one stops him.
“You know, what we both need is a night out,” Doyoung declared after that, “No more work talk or I will die.”
Taeyong nodded, his hand daintily touching the tips of his pink hair, “Please don’t die, my roots need retouching.”
They had later found themselves at one of their favourite clubs, mainly because they had befriended the bartender who often gave them free drinks (and in this economy, the prices are forever rising, Doyoung reminds everyone as they sip on their fourth drink). Taeyong loved dressing up, so it was no surprise that he looked like the grim reaper next to the bright fairy-like personality Taeyong had presented himself as, but Doyoung didn’t mind.
He loved his best friend as he is, and partying with Taeyong was always fun. It felt good to let the music deafen him as the alcohol pumped through his veins and fuck, he felt ecstatic as he started jumping up with the rest of the crowd. If he jumped high enough, he thought he could grab a star and hang it on his bedroom ceiling.
“More drinks!” Taeyong shouted next to him, to which Doyoung yelled excitedly in response, words not making sense to his brain anymore. He fist pumped the air, pushing through the crowd until he could finally breathe at the bar. The bartender, whose name was Johnny, shook his head at the sight of the two of them, but passed over two shots regardless. The two men downed them immediately, singing along with the music, slurred words passing as lyrics in this moment of time.
Where the night started to go downhill was only an hour later, when the two of them had sobered up a little and were now sitting on bar stools, drinking water slowly. Johnny was telling them about this photography class he was running, and the burning feeling in his throat was distracting enough from Johnny’s enthusiasm, but when he had noticed a familiar head of hair, he shot up instantly.
“Jaehyun?” he whispered to himself, unsure if he had made a mistake. The coincidence would be too crazy, he knew that, but he had to check for sure.
Taeyong nudged him slowly, “You good?” Johnny had stopped speaking now, eyeing him curiously.
“I have to check something out. Uh, you guys carry on without me.” He walked off straight after, targeting the brown hair like he was on a secret spy mission. He stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed a black set of hair besides Jaehyun, and oh my God, wait, it was Jaehyun. The realisation caused him to hide behind a pillar as he watched the two guys laugh amongst themselves.
Was this weird? He wasn’t sure, if he was being honest. His brain was burnt out from all the alcohol.
He sighed, brushing his hair out of his eyes and sweat off his forehead. He could do this.
Doyoung stalked towards the two boys, and Jaehyun caught his eye earlier than he expected, a smile on the boy’s face as he waved Doyoung over.
“Hey,” he cheered, “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Jaehyun stepped closer to him and wow, Jaehyun smelled great. Doyoung could faint from how good he smells, but he snaps out of it as he notices another pair of eyes on him.
He can’t speak though as another voice calls for him.
“Doyoung,” Taeyong yells, clearly breathless, “Wait up.” He catches up to the three of them, hands on his knees as he takes in a deep breath, “God, you walked so quick like, I’m so tired.”
Doyoung begged for Taeyong to shut up right now, hoping the bright coloured lights hid the blush creeping onto his face.
Before the situation could get any worse, Doyoung decides to take control, “This is my best friend, Taeyong. I’ve mentioned him before,” Doyoung was speaking to Jaehyun now, some jealous instinct awakened inside him ignoring the other presence in the group.
Jaehyun nodded, shaking Taeyong’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Jaehyun, and this is Jungwoo, my friend.” Doyoung nodded at this information, his muscles still tense. “And Jungwoo, this is my friend Doyoung.” Ah, there was the bullet tearing through his heart. Who knew one word, ‘friend’, could cause him such grief?
“Friend.” Doyoung echoed, a little louder than he intended. Jaehyun turned towards him, mouth slightly open. “What kind of friend, like, Taeyong is my best friend, for example?”
Jaehyun stood silent for a moment, eyes wandering around the room, thinking of an answer, “Well, I don’t know if we are best friends. We could be if you want! I guess we’re friends like me and Jungwoo are… I don’t know.” Jaehyun paused again, “I thought we talked about this.”
Doyoung gaped at Jaehyun’s words. How could Jungwoo be friends with Jaehyun the same way he was ‘friends’ with Jaehyun? Unless Jaehyun was going around kissing all his friends, and the thought of Jungwoo underneath the other was putting Doyoung’s brain into overdrive.
“Doyoung?” Taeyong whispered, sensing the sudden change in mood.
Doyoung frowned, looking between Jaehyun and Jungwoo. He wasn’t sure if it was the anger or alcohol taking control at this point. “How could you be friends with Jungwoo like me? You disgust me,” He clenched his fists, squeezing them tightly, “We never discussed this! You- you’re so- how could you do this to me?” Doyoung was now in tears, as Jaehyun just watched, speechless. “I hate you. You know what? Stay away from me, you filthy cheater. Or, or whatever, you filthy cheating friend whore.” He stormed off after, ignoring Jaehyun’s calls, and when he finally made it outside, he was thankful he could fall into his best friend’s arms.
--
Doyoung had often found himself in Taeyong’s bed after drunken excursions, but he had never found himself alone. It was a weird feeling, and it was even stranger to hear clattering from the kitchen. He sighed, wondering if he had accidently gone home with some random person, but the picture frame with Doyoung and Taeyong smiling brightly on the bedside table assured the anxiety in his chest that this was indeed Taeyong’s house.
“Hey sleepy head,” Taeyong’s head popped out from behind the door, “Come eat. I made food.”
Doyoung sighed, mumbling a good morning, and followed Taeyong outside into the kitchen. Unlike Jaehyun’s house, Taeyong had a little table in his kitchen where a little stack of waffles was shared between two plates.
“I like waffles better than pancakes,” Doyoung mumbles, stabbing the first waffle angrily, “Pancakes are too soft and fluffy, and they have perfect hair and pink lips and they’re stupid,” he huffed, biting the waffle straight after.
Taeyong watched him, amused, and placed some strawberries on his plate, “You want to talk about last night? About uh, pancakes?”
Doyoung sighed, deciding to take a gentler approach to eating his waffles by cutting them up into small bite sized pieces, “It’s nothing. Just a misunderstanding, I guess.”
“On whose part?” Taeyong asked, placing some whipped cream on Doyoung’s plate, “To sweeten you up,” he added after, giggling to himself.
Doyoung snorted, shaking his head at his best friend’s antics. He licked the whipped cream off his knife, the sweet taste reminding him of Jaehyun. Everything reminded him of Jaehyun if he was being honest. It was like his brain was a radio tuned into the Jaehyun channel and he had no clue how to turn it off.
“My part, I guess. I don’t know. I thought I could be with him on his terms, but maybe I can’t.” Doyoung sighed, “The thought of disappointing him sickens me, but it hurts. It hurts so bad.” His voice cracks, and Taeyong’s hand is on his, giving him a reassuring squeeze.
“Come on now. You know you are worth a lot more than that, don’t you?” Taeyong’s voice was too soft to not cause Doyoung to cry harder, and he wiped his tears with the back of his hand as he looked up to his best friend, “Speak to pancakes, and let yourself be heard for once. Don’t let anyone take your right to say no.”
“His name is Jaehyun,” Doyoung sniffs, fiddling with the knife and fork in his hands, “But thank you. I’ll go see him right after this.”
Taeyong laughs, “With the pink lips, yeah I heard.”
--
To say Doyoung was stressed would be an understatement. He was half a minute from passing out on Jaehyun’s doorsteps, scared to knock again in fear of seeming desperate. That was the truth, however. As much as he wanted to seem strong and uncaring, he was crumbling down inside, and he couldn’t help but blame his low expectations and saying yes to everything demeanour.
His head snapped up at the sound of the door unlocking, and he quickly wiped any tears that had leaked from his eyes during his thoughts. Crying in front of Jaehyun once was embarrassing enough, but twice was enough to throw himself in front of a car.
The door opened slowly to reveal a messy haired Jaehyun, as if he had just gotten out of bed, “Doyoung?” He asked cautiously, the grip on the door tightening.
Doyoung sighed, “Are you alone? Can I come in?” Doyoung hated conflict, but this was even worse. He wished they were just arguing instead of this awkward silence that was choking them.
Jaehyun nodded and opened the door fully. Doyoung stepped inside and the strong smell of alcohol hit him immediately. He scrunched his nose in distaste, something Jaehyun had noticed with a small frown. The other boy closed the door behind them, guiding themselves into the living room where he opened the windows immediately.
Doyoung looked around as if he had never been here before, as if he hadn’t spent more time in this small room than his own apartment for the last month. He sighed again and sat down, waiting for Jaehyun to return from his window opening excursion.
“So,” Jaehyun started slowly, “I should explain myself.”
“No,” Doyoung cut him off immediately, his fingers tapping at his knee nervously, “I want to speak first.” Jaehyun nodded, looking down at the floor like it was the most interesting thing he had seen. “Look, it’s my fault for letting us leave things so ambiguous, if you want to be with multiple people at the same time, that’s your own thing, I don’t judge but-“
Jaehyun’s laugh caused Doyoung to freeze in his place, his mouth still open from when he was speaking. He couldn’t believe he was opening up to someone and they would laugh straight at him in such a cruel manner. He felt hurt.
“What the hell Jaehyun? What are you laughing at?” He seethed, arms crossed now to stop himself from punching the wall.
“Doyoung, please,” Jaehyun stopped to let out another giggle, “Why would I ever want to be with someone else when I have you? It’s my fault, I didn’t know what to call you in front of Jungwoo because we agreed to leave things undefined but-”
“Jaehyun.”
“-But I didn’t know what to say and I would shoot the old me for not giving myself the chance of calling you my boyfriend. I thought I couldn’t be in a relationship but then you came, and I’ve not wanted anything more.” Jaehyun took a deep breath, and Doyoung just stared at him. “Doyoung, I’m really sorry but me and Jungwoo are just friends, not like us, because no one will ever be like us, you know?”
“Jaehyun,” Doyoung’s voice was trembling now, and he squeezed his thumb tightly to stop himself from crying, “You don’t know how long I have waited to hear you say that.”
“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” Jaehyun whispered, and Doyoung felt himself engulfed by Jaehyun’s arms, and he didn’t mind, because he felt at home and at peace once again.
“You’re stupid,” Doyoung huffed after a few minutes, “Stupid, and I hate you. Hate you so much.”
Jaehyun laughs, and with one hand he threads through Doyoung’s hair, causing the latter to completely relax under him. Doyoung looks up, pink flooding his cheeks and eyes fixated on Jaehyun’s pretty, pretty lips because God, those lips are possibly his favourite thing in the world.
“Hey.” Jaehyun was staring at him, eyes bright and full of adoration. “I’d ask you to be my boyfriend, if I wasn’t two seconds from…” Jaehyun looked away embarrassed and then back at Doyoung. “Exploding.”
Doyoung snorted in response, rolling over so his head could rest on Jaehyun’s thigh. Jaehyun grinned, pressing a small kiss upon Doyoung’s nose.
“I like when you go red,” Jaehyun commented absentmindedly, his fingers tracing Doyoung’s jawline gently, “Suits you.” Doyoung pushed Jaehyun’s hands away, deciding to turn his head away and God, Doyoung indulges Jaehyun too much, but he can’t care when he feels the other suddenly kissing against his neck, sucking a little skin between his collarbone and neck. Jaehyun doesn’t stay there too long, kissing up Doyoung’s neck until he reaches his lips.
Doyoung’s a little more needy than usual, but Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind as the latter now climbs onto his lap, whining against his lips, with his arms clinging to Jaehyun’s shoulders and eyes closed. Jaehyun opens his mouth and sucks on Doyoung’s lips until they’re red and swollen, his hold on Doyoung’s waist tightening when he hears the older groan.
Jaehyun pulls away slightly, their foreheads pressed against each other. He presses a short, chaste kiss on Doyoung’s lips, “I have a work thing in a bit.”
“Why is it always work? You’re so annoying,” Doyoung groans, “But I like you anyway. What does that say about me?” He sat up, sweat glistening from his back in the sunlight. The city was quiet from way up in the sky, but Doyoung had never felt so alive.
Jaehyun hummed beside him, his arms still hooked around Doyoung’s waist, “You have great taste?”
“You do taste good,” Doyoung teased, turning back to look at him, “And you’re wrong, also.”
“About?” Jaehyun tilted his head slightly, and wow, Doyoung thought he looked like a Greek God the way he was lying on the couch right now, jaw so defined and chest perfectly etched like he was carved from marble, and Doyoung had to stop himself from drooling at the sight. It still felt surreal to be holding Jaehyun in his arms at times like these, like he was the Chosen One or something silly like that. His own thoughts drive him crazy but the boy with him was a walking dream, and Doyoung for all things good and bad hoped he would never wake up.
“I can’t not be yours for a second longer, Jaehyun.”
“Then be mine.”