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Eddie was pretty sure he wasn’t gay. Well, maybe not, totally, one hundred percent, undoubtedly sure, but pretty sure. How the fuck was he supposed to actually know if he was, anyways? Surely you don’t just know like he felt he did? That didn’t feel right, like there was something more to it. So, he tried to forget about it.
He failed to forget about it.
The guys were beginning to notice how distracted he was at practice. He got several playful slaps to the back of his head from Stone when he forgot lyrics or fell out of time. Mike rolled his eyes every time and Jeff huffed in annoyance.
“You know what, let’s finish up for today, guys,” Stone sighed, reaching to turn off his amp and unplugging his guitar. Mike nodded and did the same. Eddie bit his lip nervously.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine, Ed. Just go get some rest. Something’s obviously bothering you.”
“What is bothering you?” Mike pressed. Eddie shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he lied. Jeff snorted and Eddie looked at him. “What?”
“Nothin’.”
Eddie scrunched up his nose, moving to his stool and sitting down. He scratched at his leg, watching the skin turn red for a moment. Matt, Jeff, and Mike all said their goodbyes and slipped out of the studio, leaving Stone carefully setting his guitar into its case, and Eddie.
Stone went quiet and Eddie glanced up, seeing Stone’s intense gaze on him.
“Stone,” he began.
“What’s going on with you?” Stone crossed his arms. Eddie looked away, playing with a loose string hanging off his shorts.
“Like I said, nothing.”
Stone clicked his tongue.
“If you wont talk to me about it, find someone else to talk to, because we can’t get shit done when the damn vocalist hasn’t got his head in the game.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I promise it’ll be fine by next week.”
“Better be,” Stone muttered, picking up his guitar case and striding out of the room. Eddie sighed, raking his hair back from his face.
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“You spoken to Ed recently?” Stone took a slow drag of his cigarette before passing it to Chris beside him.
“Yeah, yesterday. Why?”
“He seem off to you?”
Chris took his own pull from the cigarette and passed it back, scratching his chin and blowing the smoke from his lungs and up into the dark sky.
“A bit,” he said eventually. Stone nodded thoughtfully, puffing once more at the smoke before dropping it to the ground, crushing it beneath his boot. “Why?” He asked again.
“He’s about seven hundred miles away at practice. Has been the last few weeks.”
“Huh. Normally he’s pretty all in.”
“Exactly. Can you talk to him, please? He won’t tell me or any of the guys what the issue is. And there’s obviously an issue.”
“Sure, I’m going down to the beach with him tomorrow. I’ll talk to him.”
“Thanks, man.” Stone clapped a hand down on Chris’ shoulder. “I’m gonna head. See you later.”
Chris waved a hand as Stone stood, making his way back through Chris’ house and letting himself out of the front door.
Chris stayed outside for a few more minutes, staring up at the sky and watching his breath fog the air. He had a slight inkling as to what might be up with Eddie, something he himself had dug around with years ago.
<>
Guilt. That was the only thing Eddie could feel. He shouldn’t be getting so flustered over feelings he was still trying to work out if he even had in the first place for his best friend. He couldn’t help it. Chris’ arm around his shoulder, a gesture he’d more than gotten used to from his friend over the last year, suddenly made his stomach flutter and his heart thump wildly in his chest.
Chris dropped his arm back down, sticking his hands in his pockets and staring at the sunlight glinting off the expanse of the ocean before them. Eddie’s heart sank at the loss before he caught himself, kicked himself mentally and pretended he didn’t miss the contact, or worse still, crave it. Chris glanced across at him, noting his flushed face and his teeth digging into his lip nervously, the way he locked his hands together to hide their shaking.
“You okay, Ed?”
“’M fine,” Eddie muttered. Chris shot him a heavily disbelieving look.
“Now again, but you’re gonna tell the truth, dumbass. You okay, Ed?”
“I’m fine, Chris.” Eddie looked away for a moment before moving abruptly toward a nearby bench that overlooked the beach. He felt Chris sit beside him quietly, and they both stared out over the water again, watching the sun dip slowly toward the horizon.
“Everyone’s worried,” Chris said, after what felt like an eternity.
“They shouldn’t be.”
“You can’t act like nothing’s wrong when something is bothering you, we all know you too well by now.”
Eddie didn’t respond, just crossed his arms and sighed. “C’mon, you’re my friend, Ed…” Chris’ brows furrowed in confusion when he saw Eddie’s shoulders tense defensively at that.
Eddie’s lips formed a thin line. Friend. Again, he felt guilty for even wishing it were more than that.
Fuck.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered.
“For what, Ed?”
Eddie shook his head, closing his eyes. Chris moved in front of him, dropping to his knees and putting both his hands on Eddie’s wrists. “Eddie?”
“It’s stupid, Chris. It’s fucking stupid.”
“It’s obviously not.” Eddie opened his eyes and looked down at Chris.
“I promise you; it is. It’s embarrassing.”
“We’ve talked about plenty of embarrassing shit, Ed, you can talk about this one.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
Eddie shook his head again. Chris stood slowly. “C’mon,” he pat Eddie’s thigh softly, “let’s go have a drink, talk at my place.”
Eddie followed him to his car in silence. Chris didn’t say anything more, leading Eddie through his kitchen when they got to his place, snagging two beers as he went. They took a seat on the steps in Chris’ backyard. Chris passed one of the beers to Eddie, cracking open his own and taking a sip.
He waited for Eddie to take several sips of his own, loosen his tongue up, hoping to get him to talk. When Eddie looked less tense, slouched a little and took a few slow breaths, Chris finally spoke.
“I promise, Ed, you can tell me. I won’t tell another soul, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”
He waited while Eddie took another sip of his beer, bigger than before.
“How’d you know you were gay?” Eddie muttered sheepishly. Chris let out a breath he’d been holding.
“’S that what’s bothering you?” He finally met Eddie’s gaze without him looking away immediately. Eddie shrugged, then nodded sheepishly. “Oh, Ed,” Chris smiled and shook his head fondly. Eddie looked at him expectantly. Chris looked up, a little wistfully. “Andy kissed me.”
“Oh,” Eddie said, pausing for a moment before he snorted. “That’s it?”
“I mean, I knew I wasn’t straight even before then, but that’s what really made me realise. We weren’t together or anything, though. Just shit-faced.” He sat back and took another small sip of his beer, Eddie mirroring his actions. “You think you are?”
“Gay or shit-faced?”
“Either,” Chris laughed. Eddie smiled.
“Maybe to the first, still a few beers away for the second.”
Chris chuckled again, and Eddie felt his mood lighten with the sound.
“What makes you think you are?” Eddie went serious again with the question.
“I just… feel like… I dunno, really.”
“’Feel like’ how? You ever looked at a guy and wanted to fuck him, or no, it’s pretty simple.”
“Yeah, I mean… yeah.”
“Yeah? Then, Ed, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably gay.”
“I still don’t know…” Eddie murmured.
“You need a guy to kiss you like Andy did to me? Gotta make sure?”
He saw Eddie look at him from the corner of his eye and his jaw dropped in a silent “oh”.
“That an offer?” Eddie asked quietly. Chris licked his lips quickly, setting his beer to the side.
“Don’t make a mistake, Eddie. Do you want this?”
“I’m not making a mistake.” Eddie downed the last of his beer, dropping the can beside his feet and turning to Chris. Chris took a slow breath. Before he could make a move toward Eddie, the other man was crawling into his lap, both his hands going into Chris’ hair. He could feel Eddie’s breath over his lips, smell the alcohol on it.
“I thought I was supposed to be kissing you.”
“I’m waiting.”
Chris smirked, sliding his fingers up to the back of Eddie’s head, the other hand going to his thigh, bringing his lips to his softly. They only met for a moment before he pulled back, massaging Eddie’s skin softly. When Eddie’s lips chased his, he brought their mouths together again, tilting his head and parting his lips. He slid his tongue over Eddie’s teeth, heart skipping a beat when Eddie made a soft noise. He felt one of Eddie’s hands leave his hair, returning to brush his fingers over his chin and jaw.
Chris pulled away slowly. Eddie whimpered softly, brushing their noses together and opening his eyes to look into Chris’.
“Convinced yet?”
“Yeah,” Eddie whispered with a nod. “’S different. Good.”
Chris smiled and went still, waiting for Eddie to make the next move. He did, almost immediately, quickly pulling Chris back into a kiss. Chris’ tongue slid between his lips again, the hand on his thigh sliding up to grab Eddie’s ass quickly, then up under his shirt. “Your hands are cold.” Eddie sniffed.
“I’m trying to warm them up,” Chris murmured against his lips, licking quickly into his mouth. Eddie moaned quietly, moving in closer to Chris. He felt an electric rush shoot through his veins as their crotches brushed, he felt the hardness in Chris’ pants and became aware of his own.
“Oh,” he gasped.
Chris rubbed up and down his back slowly.
“It’s okay. We don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“Then we can go slow.”
Eddie nodded quickly. “Calm, Ed. We’ve got all night, okay?”
“I’m calm,” Eddie breathed. They locked eyes for a moment before meeting again in a desperate, hungry kiss.
“I’ve wanted you so fucking long, Ed.”
“Mm?”
“Yeah,” Chris huffed.
Eddie was grinding down onto his thigh now, desperate for the friction on his cock, little moans rising in his chest. Chris hooked Eddie’s legs around his waist, wrapping his arms around his back and standing up slowly. Eddie clung on tightly, still trying to catch Chris’ lips with his own. Chris moved inside, shuffling down the hallway to his bedroom. He kicked the door open and moved to the bed, slowly setting Eddie down on the mattress.
He planted his elbows either side of Eddie’s head, kissing him hard and slipping a thigh between his legs. Eddie’s hands smoothed down his back, breath coming in pants from his nose. “How far you wanna go with this?”
“As far as you’ll take me,” Eddie groaned. Chris exhaled softly, rocking his thigh against the tent in Eddie’s pants. Eddie made a soft, pleading noise in his throat. “You’re my first.”
“I know. I’ll make it good. Make it slow.”
Eddie nodded. Chris leant back a little and Eddie felt his hands sliding up under the front of his shirt, over his stomach. He sat up quickly, pulling the garment over his head with a grunt. Chris smirked at his eagerness, rubbing his thumbs up over Eddie’s chest, over his perked nipples. This drew a quick gasp from the man below him, prompting Chris to do it again, then lean down to repeat the action with his tongue. Eddie arched up into the touch, closing his eyes and squeaking quietly.
Chris looked up at his face quickly. “You like that?”
“Mhm,” Eddie breathed. Chris grazed his teeth over Eddie’s skin, closing them over his nipple and tugging gently until Eddie moaned properly. He let his tongue slide across, then down to Eddie’s navel, kissing his way over Eddie’s waist, just above the top of his shorts. He felt Eddie’s fingers curling into his hair again, pushing at his head and begging. His hips were lifting up off the bed, desperately pushing up toward Chris’ mouth.
Chris pushed him back down, holding him still and kissing around his stomach more. “Chris, I’ve been waiting so long for this, c’mon.”
“Then wait more, because I’m gonna make you feel so good. All night.”
Eddie loosened his grip on Chris’ hair, let his hips fall still and laid back. “Good,” Chris murmured. He moved away from Eddie, standing straight and pulling his shirt up over his head. Eddie stared unashamedly, and when Chris leant back down over him, he ran his hands over his chest. Chris laughed breathily. He slid down between Eddie’s legs, knees hitting the floor with a dull thud. “Sit up.”
Eddie did. He lifted his hips when Chris slid his fingers in under the waistband of his shorts, sliding them down his thighs. Chris’ eyes locked on the front of Eddie’s underwear, the outline of his cock straining at the fabric. He hummed quietly, brushing his fingers down the length of it. Eddie hissed, trying to roll his hips into Chris’ hand. “Ten minutes ago,” Chris brushed a chaste kiss over Eddie’s dick through his underwear, “you weren’t even sure you were gay,” his tongue flicked over the material, “and look at you now.”
Eddie just whined, grabbing the bedsheet either side of his thighs, fisting it in his hands. He caught Chris’ devious smirk through his eyes as he started mouthing around his bulge.
“Oh,” Eddie whispered. He felt goosebumps rising up on his skin as Chris slid his fingers below the waistband of his underwear, as he’d done with his shorts.
“Ever had your dick sucked before?”
“No,” Eddie said, near-inaudibly.
“You’re about to. Tell me what you have done.”
He pulled Eddie’s cock from his underwear, sliding his tongue back and forth under the head. Eddie swallowed thickly, struggling to think straight through his arousal. Chris’ fake-innocent blue eyes kept looking up at him, even as the head of Eddie’s cock slipped between his lips, and he sucked softly.
“High school. Girl gave me a handjob in the school bathrooms.”
“Mm,” Chris hummed.
“Does watching a couple guys make out and jerk each other off at a party a few years ago count?”
Chris let his cock slip out of his mouth, dropping his face to rest on Eddie’s thigh to hide a smile.
“Half a point.”
“What’s all this gonna count for by the end of tonight?”
“As many goddamn points you can count on both hands.”
And with that, Chris swallowed down Eddie’s cock, immediately picking up a quick rhythm in bobbing up and down the length of it.
“Oh… oh, fuck. Chris I…” Eddie had to look away, the image of Chris’ head between his thighs with his dick down his throat far too much.
Chris pulled off, nuzzling at Eddie’s erection, rubbing a hand over his thigh.
“You can come, Ed. I know it’s a lot.”
“That’s embarrassing,” Eddie muttered.
“Eddie…” He sighed, “it’s not embarrassing, just means I’m doing a good job, yeah?”
Eddie took a slow breath, glancing back down as Chris slid his dick back into his mouth, sucking harder. He raised one hand slowly, bringing it behind Eddie’s back and brushing his fingers up his spine. He flicked his tongue quickly around the head of his cock as he pulled back, his other hand curling around the base, sliding his grip up and down Eddie’s length.
Eddie’s voice broke with a moan, gripping the sheets harder, bucking his hips into Chris’ mouth and hand.
“Oh my God, fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Chris’ eyes fluttered shut as the taste of Eddie’s cum coated his tongue. He slowed his strokes, milking Eddie’s cock slowly, every last drop that he could. He swallowed quickly, licking his lips as he pulled back when a stray bit of cum dripped from Eddie’s cock onto them.
“You’re pretty when you come.” Chris bit his lip. Eddie fell back with a laugh, taking several quick breaths.
“I’d probably say the same, but I haven’t got to even see your dick yet, so…” He lifted his head, looking quickly at Chris and raising an eyebrow. Chris closed his eyes for a moment, a smile still on his lips.
“You wanna see it?”
Eddie nodded, biting his lip and propping himself up on his elbows. Chris jerked his head for Eddie to sit up. He rose up from his knees, just as Eddie did what he was asked.
Eddie found himself staring straight at the crotch of Chris’ jeans, and the bulge within.
“Oh fuck.”
Chris’ hand slid into Eddie’s hair, resting on the top of his head.
“Go on.”
Eddie’s hands came up, carefully pulling the end of Chris’ belt free from the clasp, pulling it toward himself so the catch slipped out. He moved his fingers to the button of his jeans, slipping that free too, carefully sliding down the zipper. Chris’ pupils were blown wide watching him, watching the way he licked his lips subconsciously as the hard-on in his boxers came into view.
Eddie pushed at Chris’ jeans, letting them fall around his ankles. Chris rubbed his scalp gently with his fingertips. His other hand rose to palm at himself slowly. Eddie’s eyes widened. He tugged at Chris’ boxers, begging him silently. Chris smirked and started pushing them down, letting his cock spring free. Eddie’s eyes widened almost comically, and Chris tugged lightly at his hair to bring him back to earth.
“D-d’you want me to…”
“It’s okay, leave that for next time, hm?”
Eddie tried his best to hide a smile as Chris pushed him back, manhandling him to the centre of the mattress.
Their lips came together hard in a sloppy kiss, hands all over each other, Eddie’s sliding down Chris’ back. His blunt nails scraped over his skin, making Chris growl animalistically and push Eddie hard into the mattress. Eddie grunted and Chris muttered a soft apology. Eddie shook his head and Chris pulled back, eyebrows shooting up.
“Don’t apologise,” Eddie gasped, “It’s good.”
Chris chuckled and grabbed Eddie’s hips, fingers digging in harshly. He kissed Eddie’s jaw, sucking softly at his skin. “Chris,” Eddie warned.
“Don’t worry. They’ll be gone tomorrow.”
“Better be, I’ll never hear the end of it from Stone.”
“Might be a good thing, get him off your case, huh?”
Eddie thought seriously on it for a moment. “Mm, maybe, maybe?” Chris snickered.
“One. Under where my shirt goes.”
Chris growled a quick, triumphant ‘yes’, immediately shuffling down, kissing over Eddie’s collarbone. He dipped a little further down and sucked at a spot, harder than before, sinking his teeth into the skin for a few moments. Eddie groaned, swearing quietly. He pushed his hips up into Chris’ stomach, grinding up against him. Chris sucked harder still, pulling away and brushing his fingers over the darkening mark.
“Looks good on you,” Chris whispered. Eddie’s hands wound their way into Chris’ hair, pulling him back up to kiss him desperately. His tongue made its way into Chris’ mouth, his crotch grinding up harder and faster. “Tell me what you want, baby.”
“Fuck me.”
“You ready for that?”
“I hope so.”
Chris kissed his cheek softly.
“You’ll be okay. Fuck-ton of lube, fuck-ton of time, you’ll be just fine,” Chris purred.
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered, belied by a faint grin.
Chris leant over him, nearly smothering Eddie beneath his arm as he clumsily opened his nightstand drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube. He set the lube down on the sheets, reaching for one of his pillows and shoving it under Eddie’s hips. He picked up the lube again, pumping enough onto his fingers that it dripped down onto the bed.
“Easy, Ed,” he murmured, rubbing one lubed finger over Eddie’s hole. He felt Eddie tense and rubbed his spare hand over his stomach. “Hey, relax.”
“I’m okay.”
“I know, baby.”
Chris carefully pushed his index finger into Eddie, just to the first knuckle. Eddie breathed out heavily, grabbing Chris’ wrist.
“Shit.”
Chris moved his hand to grip Eddie’s. Their fingers laced together quickly, Chris slipping his finger further into Eddie.
Eddie squeaked and Chris smiled fondly. He moved the finger in and out of Eddie tentatively. Eddie sighed, laying his head back and moaning softly.
“There you go,” Chris smiled wider. “It’s weird at first, I know.”
“Yeah,” Eddie whispered.
Chris curled his finger up, rubbing it inside Eddie slowly, searching for his sweet spot. Eddie choked out a gasp. “That’s good, Chris, fuck.”
Chris’ tongue darted out over his lips.
“You ready for more, or not yet?”
“Please, more.”
Chris squeezed his hand again, urging him to relax more and pushing his middle finger in beside his index. Eddie whined deep in his chest, louder when Chris curled his fingers again. “Wow,” he breathed. Chris smirked and leant down, kissing just below where he and Eddie’s hands were joined, kissing in time with the thrusting of his fingers. Eddie took a sharp breath, squirming his hips needily. “Chri-is,” he whined, “fuck me, please.”
“Not yet, Ed.”
Chris slid in a third finger, fucking Eddie with them quicker, watching his features go soft with bliss. “That’s okay?” Chris asked quietly. Eddie nodded vehemently, digging his nails into Chris’ hand. Chris continued for several more minutes, watching Eddie’s cock leak onto his stomach, watched as it twitched when his fingers rubbed over his prostate.
He took the fingers out slowly, feeling Eddie clench around them for a moment, biting his lip at that and moving closer to him. “Ready?”
“Chris.”
Chris hid a smirk and pressed the head of his cock against Eddie’s ass, the hand still with lube coating it spreading it quickly over his length. He pushed his hips forward slowly, guiding his cock gently into Eddie and moaning quietly. Eddie hissed and Chris forced himself to still. “I’m good, I’m good,” Eddie assured him. Chris nodded and kept going, slower than before. When he finally bottomed out, he went as still as he could, trying to ignore the way Eddie was repeatedly clenching around his cock.
“You’re driving me crazy, Eddie.”
“You’ve been driving me crazy for weeks,” Eddie gasped. Chris moved his hips back slowly, forward again, slowly building up to a steady pace. He let go of Eddie’s hand, putting both his own on Eddie’s hips and holding them tight. His breathing quickened noticeably as he rose to a pounding pace, making Eddie jerk back and forth on the bed.
“Oh, yeah, Ed. Shit,” Chris grunted. “You’re so fucking hot, you know that? Look so fucking good with my cock in you.”
“God, oh, fucking Christ,” Eddie cried, scrabbling at Chris’ shoulders, trying to pull him down again.
“When you asked me to kiss you I-“ Chris was cut off by Eddie surging up to meet his lips with his own. He let out a surprised grunt, rhythm faltering a little. “Mm,” he moaned, licking at Eddie’s mouth with obscene, wet noises.
“More,” Eddie growled. Chris complied. He hadn’t expected this to turn into quick, rough fucking, but if Eddie wanted that, he was more than happy to supply what he needed. He breathed hard through his nose, grunting with every thrust into Eddie’s pliant body.
“I’m gonna come, Ed.”
“Me too.”
“Good.”
Chris went back to kissing Eddie like he was starved of the taste of him, tongues sliding together and against one another, Eddie’s hands again coming up to scrape his fingernails down Chris’ back once again, crossing over the faint pink lines from before.
Chris’ hips pumped faster, hands going behind Eddie’s knees to spread his legs further, to sink deeper into him with every movement. “Can I come in you, baby?”
“Yeah,” Eddie murmured. Chris nodded shakily, giving a few more thrusts and reaching for Eddie’s dick, jerking him off quickly. The shock of the sudden added pleasure threw Eddie over the edge of his climax, and he came with a hoarse cry.
Only a heartbeat later, and Chris was thrusting as deep into Eddie as he could, moaning with his release. Eddie felt the slick heat inside him and shuddered, dropping back to the bed with a huff.
Chris pulled out of him gently after several long moments, laying down beside him and staring at the ceiling.
“That was fucking amazing.”
“You said all night,” Eddie teased.
“I meant it. Few minute break, and I hope you’re ready for round two.”
Eddie rolled onto him, kissing him quickly and smiling deviously.
“You’re on.”