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It was a beautiful haunting night with an ocean of stars. Grief and loss hung heavy in the air, suffocating him. His library shadowed him, leaving him in darkness. Charles shakily grabbed a glass of whiskey ignoring his Earl Grey. Horrors were still fresh in his mind and would linger forevermore.
Moonlight danced in the study while Charles watched the fading stars. He sighed deeply with heavy exhaustion teasing him. The days seemed endless and faded together into nothingness. He stared at the darkness outside his window. The tea beside him was not cold, he had been sitting there for hours.
Symphonies of screams and agony burned his thoughts. They poisoned his dreams and left him sweating in his bed. It had only been two days since the rescue, the battle, the deaths. Charles kept replaying it in his mind. The hands he had to let go, the crimson spattering into the dirt, the men he had to kill.
Finally, he succumbed to the sobs that shook his body. It was a painful sound echoing in the cold study. He didn’t care, he might start screaming from how heavy his head felt.
“Charles?” A voice asked, cutting into his breathless cries. He tried to take deep breaths but tears choked his throat. “It’s okay, I will stay by your side,” Erik soothed as he embraced Charles in the moonlight. He was too weak to fight the hug, instead surrendered to his arms.
Soon time passed and Charles was drained of his tears and energy. Erik carried him to his bed, both in silence. Charles melted into the mattress beneath him, scared to enter sleep. Erik left to leave before Charles whispered into his mind.
“Can you stay with me? That’s all I ask,” Charles’s voice lingered in Erik’s mind like a beautiful melody. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”
“Of course,” Erik said with a small smile and nod. He lay beside Charles, staring into his bright blue eyes circled by redness from crying. “‘I’m not leaving you again.”
“I thought about it so many times, joining you. Every time, humanity tested my faith in them. How many days I would miss you. I couldn’t do it,” Charles admitted defeat.
“I thought about you joining me. And I thought about joining you at the school every day and every night,” Erik replied. A few heartbeats passed echoing the weight of the statements. “Do you still think I’m a monster?”
“I think you are beautiful, it is I who is a monster. That day-I never thought I had it in me,” Charles said, turning towards him. “I always thought you were beautiful, your mind was breathtaking-”
“You are not a monster-never think that about yourself. You are beautiful, I think about you when I use my power,” Erik confessed. “It's how I became so powerful.” The air becomes still with the sound of soft wind echoing outside.
“All this time, I thought you were thinking of Shaw.” Erik stared at him and grasped his shaky hand. Charles gazed at him with his heart pounding.
“I was thinking of you, the anger I felt at myself for leaving you. For everything that could have gone differently. I think of you.” Erik confessed with a dry chuckle. Charles gave a small smile back.
“What have we been doing all these years? All this pointless fighting, wars wasted on who was right-we could have been side by side….together”, Charles sighed hiding the break in his voice.
“You have always been with me. Read my mind?” Erik asked. Charles reached into his mind, racing past the trauma they both witnessed.
I really want to kiss you. Can I?
Charles nodded, a blush creeping onto his face. They closed the space between them, lost in the moonlight, and a lost love refound.
I’m sorry it took so long to say, I love you, Charles Xavier.
Charles walked into his mind, coming to the large ballroom where Erik stood smiling. The kiss lingered in the telepathy. A sense of serenity filled their hearts.
I love you too.
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The morning arose without the bitter aftertaste of nightmares. Erik held Charles gently under the sunlight. Charles’s shirt was stained with his tears from last night. But a warm embrace of happiness and relief woke him up. The battle was still fresh as was the smell of blood.
“Is this a dream?” Erik muttered, curling his grip tighter.
“Why would you say that?” Charles groggily said, turning one eye towards Erik.
“I dream a lot that I’m holding you but then I wake up,” Erik confessed. Charles chuckled, shifting his body to kiss him.
“It’s not a dream, it’s not in your mind. Trust me I should know,” Charles pressed their lips together. “It’s real.”
“Maybe I need a reminder?” Erik teased, arching an eyebrow. Charles chuckled, pulling himself up.
“We have a lot of work to do after-after” He fell from happiness back into the terrible weight of his fresh memories.
He was drowning, the blood-rich with the smell of smoke. The thoughts planted in the enemy’s head. The world crashing into the sky thundered. He was there with so much anger and power in his head. He was drowning-and he couldn’t breathe.
“Charles? Breath, focus on me. Can you do that? C’mon,” Erik cried, pressing their foreheads together. Charles’s eyes were still and glassy, lost. He took his hand, squeezing it tight. After what seemed to be an eternity, Charles jumped from his memories into reality. Sweat and tears coated his pale cheeks.
“Erik”? He asked slowly, his eye darting frantically. Erik gave him a small grin. “Is it over?”
“Yes, Liebling , it’s over.”
“I think I’m a monster.”
“We can be monstrous together,” Erik soothed, tossing an arm around Charles’s shoulders as they tumbled back to bed. “It will take time but we will heal into something beautiful.”
“How did you become so wise?” Charles croaked out, sobs about to escape his body.
“I know a very-” Erik pressed a warm kiss to his tear-soaked lips. “Very sexy wise professor.” Charles laughed before his short smile morphed into cries of grief. Erik held him tight as he began to cry himself. Together they clung to each other with grief but the hope of a beautiful future.