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Jonathan Archer was pretty sure he knew what to expect when he took his boyfriend camping on Earth for the first time. He knew the basics; they would camp, get some rock climbing in, he would introduce Shran to the wonderful world of smores, cuddling would ensue, maybe more if he was lucky. Overall, an enjoyable weekend. He could even be reasonably sure of a few other things as well. There would definitely be bickering; it seemed to be the standard Andorian form of flirting. There would also be some good-natured competition; just because Thy’lek Shran and he had fallen in love, and into bed with each other, didn’t mean either man had given up their need to be the best. Jon was an avid outdoorsman and, even though he did know that the unexpected could happen at any time, he really thought he had covered all the bases with his imagination before they ever even left spacedock. What he really, really, never in a million years expected was the piercing yell that came out of his boyfriend’s mouth accompanied by the unceremonious hauling of both of them onto the picnic table at the center of their camp.
“Damnit Jon, why didn’t you tell me you had khoh-khüph on this blasted planet of yours,” Shran hissed, squinting at the bushes just north of their campsite. Jon, worry lancing through him, surveyed the area for whatever threat Shran had picked up on. It wasn’t unheard of to have bobcats and coyote in the area, there had even been a bear sighting once. The only movement he was able to pick up on though was a couple of small rabbits.
Pulling Shran closer to his side, Jon continued to scan for danger. “I don’t see anything, Shran.”
“Surely this is a badly timed example of your human humor,” the blue warrior grimaced, eyes never leaving the sight they were locked on.
“We’re in danger and you think I’m joking around? I’m serious, Shran! What are you seeing? What does a ‘sharp fur’ look like?” Jon wasn’t to the point of wishing Hoshi were here on his vacation with Shran, but he’d give his left foot for his translator to add context instead of just direct translations.
“There is danger directly in front of you and you are entirely oblivious. I should have known; you may be a decent warrior when you need to be, but you are definitely blind.” Shran huffed, tightening his arms as Jon began to move around. “The khoh-khüph are sitting right there, stalking us!”
“All I see are some rabbits!” Jon yelled. He finally shrugged out of Shran’s desperate hold, a phrase about snakes and being bitten flitting through the back of his head, even as he pushed it aside to better focus on the situation at hand, dropping off of the table to move closer to the harmless creatures. Shran let out a terrible shriek, diving off of the table to get between him and the rabbits. He grappled with Jon, only managing to tangle the two of them hopelessly, the commotion finally becoming too much for the bunnies who scattered into the underbrush.
Shran stared after them, frozen in mid struggle, jaw hanging open limply and his antennae rigidly fixed towards the retreating mammals. Jon took this opportunity to disentangle himself from the other man. “You were seriously looking at the rabbits?” he asked, half deadpan and half disbelievingly.
“They didn’t attack us,” Shran mumbled, dumbfounded, “They didn’t even attempt to approach us.”
“Of course they didn’t! They’re rabbits!” Jon huffed, just barely stopping himself from throwing his hands in the air.
Shran just stared at Jonathan blankly. He split his attention between his human boyfriend and where the rabbits had disappeared. The look on his face would have been funny if it weren’t so concerning.
“Rabbits are prey animals,” Jon continued, softening, “We’re bigger than them and come off as predators. They’re more likely to freeze or flee than they are to approach us.”
“The khoh-khüph are an aggressive, carnivorous species from Andoria.” Shran started hesitantly. “They hunt in packs and tend to lure prey in by presenting a small group while the others surround the area. Their fur is sharp enough to cut through cloth and flesh down to the bone while their teeth and jaws crush the bone to get to the marrow. They consume every shred of their kill and are fast enough that the victim need only be distracted momentarily for them to lose their life.” Shran was still tense, keeping his body angled between where the rabbits had disappeared and where Jon still crouched. He seemed to be slowly recovering from the surprise but still watched the wilderness around him distrustfully.
“So, does that mean you just tried to heroically throw yourself into a trap that would have meant certain death on your planet just because you didn’t want me to go in alone?” Jon asked, half-jokingly.
“Don’t be ridiculous, pinkskin!” Shran blustered. “I merely attempted to once again get you in my debt. Besides this is your planet; it would be inconvenient if I were left here by myself.”
“Sure,” Jon muttered, “Love you too.” He finally stood up and began to dust himself off, watching Shran out of the corner of his eye. “Now, are we going to get on with camping or not? We just have to set the tent up before it gets too dark out.”
Shran rose from the ground and allowed Jon to direct him through the motions of setting up the Earth-style tent, making dinner over an open fire, and cleaning up the campsite. Jon watched carefully as Shran moved throughout the evening, but the odd tension never left him. He tried to engage his lover in conversation over the food, but Shran seemed stuck on monosyllabic answers and shifting eyes. Finally, as Jon crawled into the tent to get some rest for tomorrow, he made a decision. While Shran was attending to his last ablutions before bed, Jon rearranged their sleeping bags to be one big bag and crawled in. When Shran came in, he blinked slowly at the situation.
“You made us a nest?” he whispered hesitantly, tucking himself into Jon’s body and zipping them in.
“I thought it might help you after today. I might have missed what was going on, but I definitely didn’t miss the effect it had on you.” Planting a firm kiss between Shran’s antennae, Jon pulled him in until their bodies were flush with each other, not even a breath could pass between them.
“I was worried,” Shran admitted in the smallest voice that had ever passed his lips, a confession and a statement wrapped in a single sentence.
“I know,” Jon replied, which was as much a confession as Shran’s, and the two men settled into the warm comfort of sleep.