Work Text:
“A declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how unbearable it would be to live without them.”
The voices inside Ben’s head had finally been silenced. But along with those voices, he could no longer feel Rey’s presence in the Force. He crawled up the edge of the abyss and onto the stone floor of the citadel. He had to get to her— because surely she wasn’t… Ben couldn’t even think the words. He could see her in the distance, laying on her side. She wasn’t breathing. He couldn’t feel her. He couldn’t hear her. Every muscle in Ben’s body protested as he crawled over to Rey. He was sure he’d broken a few ribs but that pain was nothing in comparison to the heartbreak he felt as he held Rey’s lifeless body in his arms.
He cradled her against his chest, hugging her for the first time and probably the last. Ben’s heart shattered at the thought of living in a Galaxy where Rey no longer existed. It was incomprehensible. For the first time in Ben’s life, he knew exactly what he needed to do. Gently, he held the back of Rey’s neck and laid her across his lap. His other hand rested against her waist and he took a deep shuddery breath.
Ben poured all of his love and healing energy into Rey’s body. Tears welled in his eyes as he felt the warm glow of the Force healing her from the inside out. He would give Rey all of his life Force if it meant she got to continue on living. He breathed calmly as he fell into a deep meditation. Giving, giving, giving, until he didn’t have any more to give.
That’s when he felt the soft touch of Rey’s hand on top of his own. He opened his eyes and found Rey’s gaze settled on his face. She looked at him in awe of what he’d just done.
“Ben?” Rey smiled, and Ben could already feel himself growing cold.
He’d given too much of his life Force, but Rey was alive. That was all that mattered. Her fingers caressed his cheek like that of a lover. And then— she took him by surprise, capturing his lips in a desperate kiss.
In that moment, everything else in the Galaxy was silenced. All he felt was the love they shared. His beautiful, beautiful girl and her petal soft lips. Her mouth made a soft little pop as they separated for breath. Rey was smiling at him— that bright sunny smile and it was all for him. Ben felt his cheeks pull up into a grin of his own. He couldn’t remember the last time he smiled. Though the feeling of elation was short lived as Ben felt his body growing colder and colder. He didn’t have long. Part of him wanted to confess everything to her in his final moments. He wanted to tell Rey how much he loved her. But would that be fair to her when he knew he couldn’t stay?
Rey must have sensed something was wrong by the way she clutched his hand. The smile slipped off his face as he fell back against the stone floor. At least he would die knowing he saved the woman he loved. The love of his life.
There was a saying in Alderaanian folklore that the moments before one dies, their life flashes before their eyes. Ben Solo didn’t see his life flash before his eyes. He saw a myriad of visions. Dreams of a future that would never come.
***
The forests of Endor were littered with floating lanterns. Ben Solo stood at the front of a wooden altar as he nervously brushed his hands along his black trousers. The Ewoks chittered back and forth in excitement over the festivities. Ben kept turning his face to gaze down the makeshift aisle, hoping to find the familiar hazel gaze of the woman he loved.
Ben’s thoughts were interrupted by a soft murmur from Chewbacca.
“Relax,” Chewie said in Shyriiwook. “She’s almost ready. Rey wouldn’t leave you at the altar.”
Ben snorted as he cracked his knuckles. He remembered a time long ago when he’d offered Rey his hand. She’d left him in the ruins of the throne room. Ben was another man back then. A man that thought she wanted the Galaxy when in reality all she wanted was him.
“How can you be so sure?” Ben questioned his uncle, with a smirk on his lips.
“Your mother almost left your father at the altar. But that’s a story for another day.”
“She probably did just to make him sweat,” Ben concluded.
“Sounds like her,” Chewie agreed.
“I wish she were here,” Ben admitted, sadly.
“She’s here,” Chewie said, pressing a furry paw over Ben’s heart. “She gave her everything for you.”
Before he could lose himself in those thoughts, a flash of white caught his eye. Ben looked up and settled his gaze on Rey’s smiling face. Her gown was simple yet elegant and her soft chestnut hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders.
The only thought that came to Ben’s mind was how breathtaking she looked. His Rey— his soon to be wife. The traitor— or Finn , rather, walked Rey down the forest lined aisle. When they arrived at the altar, Finn released Rey’s arm and gave her a soft smile as she turned to Ben.
She had stars in her eyes, Ben realized. Like the entire Galaxy lived within her. His hands shook as Rey interlaced their fingers. How had he gotten so lucky? Ben would continuously thank his lucky stars that Rey returned his feelings.
Chewie began the ceremony but the growls and groans went in one ear and out the other. All of Ben’s attention was on Rey in her delicate lace gown. He peered down at the freckles adorning her nose and he found himself wanting to lean in and press a kiss there.
This isn’t real. A voice whispered in his mind. Ben shook those thoughts away and focused on Rey.
Chewie wrapped a red ribbon around their wrists, signifying their promise to love each other in this life and the next. The kiss felt familiar. Like they had kissed every day for a lifetime. It was warm and comforting. It felt like coming home.
***
It was dark and silent in the little treehouse save for the whispers between Ben and Rey. His wife . He couldn’t believe she’d actually said yes. Rey could have anybody in the entire Galaxy. But she’d chosen him.
They had explored their bodies in the months leading up to their wedding but they hadn’t made love. They recognized that they had all the time in the world. There was no reason to rush things.
He’d never done this before. Neither had she. But they could learn together, Ben reasoned. Slowly, they rid each other of the clothing, letting it fall in a heap on the floor. Ben kissed Rey softly as he guided her towards the bed.
Long chestnut tresses framed Rey’s blushing face as she laid back against the pillows. Ben let his fingers dance through her silky hair as he kissed her luscious lips. As they separated to catch their breath, Ben let his gaze fall to the gentle swell of Rey’s breasts.
A husky breath left his lungs at the sight of Rey lain on the bed. She was all golden skin sunkissed from years beneath the Jakku sun. She was everything to him. His wife, his shining light.
She was the sweetest of dreams.
Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. Ben reached between their bodies and pressed the head of his cock to her entrance.
“Are you ready?” Ben questioned, as he looked into Rey’s starry eyed gaze.
“Yes, I love you. Please!”
Ben groaned as he slowly slid inside, whispering those three little words back to Rey as he pushed deeper. Her walls squeezed him like a vice and she felt utterly incredible. Once he bottomed out inside, Ben froze to let Rey adjust to the intrusion. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes and Ben started to pull back in fear that he was hurting her.
Rey locked her legs around his hips and pressed him further inside.
“Don’t leave me,” Rey said. “You aren’t hurting me. You’re just kriffing huge.”
Ben chuckled and hid his face in the crook of Rey’s neck. She played with the ends of his long hair and scratched at his scalp.
“You can move now, I can take it.” Rey assured.
He groaned into her neck as he pulled back and slowly rocked back in.
“I know you can,” Ben replied. “You’re the strongest person I know. My feisty Jedi. My beautiful wife.”
“My dark lord, my darling husband.”
Ben felt his cock throb at Rey’s words. There was something so rewarding in hearing Rey refer to him as her husband. Like she claimed him.
He knew he wouldn’t last long but they had all night to learn each other’s bodies. Ben used the Force to stimulate Rey’s clit as his thrusts sped up. Her walls fluttered around his cock as she fell into her release. Ben followed shortly after, filling her tight cunt with his spend.
“I love you,” Ben said through teary eyes. “I love you so much, Rey. Thank you for choosing me.”
“I would always choose you, Ben. I love you, too. In this life and the next.”
***
In the blink of an eye, the scene changed and Ben found himself in a luxurious bed. The room was dark, save for the moonlight trickling in through the window. Ben rolled over and wrapped his arms around the woman sleeping beside him.
Rey let out soft little breaths in her sleep. Ben glanced at her hand resting on the mattress and noticed the wedding bands that adorned her finger. His wife.
Just as Ben started to settle back against the pillows, a soft snuffling cry made his eyes fly open. Ben shot up in bed and stared at the corner of the room at a small bassinet. He quickly got to his feet and crossed the room.
His heart melted at the beautiful baby girl nestled in the crib. She had dark curls and freckles on her nose. She couldn’t be more than six months old. Ben knew without a shadow of a doubt that this small child was his daughter.
Instincts took over and he reached down to pick up his little girl. She cooed at him and gave him a big gummy smile. Ben never thought he’d get the chance to be a father. He thought he’d given up that right with what he’d done to his own dad. But this baby looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars.
“Bring Ivy to me. She’s probably hungry,” Rey called out.
Ben kissed Ivy’s chubby cheek and brought her over to her mother. Stars, Rey was a mother. They were parents. Ben handed the baby to Rey and watched her feed Ivy from her breast.
Ben was in awe of what they created. Their love had created a perfect little girl. His heart beat rapidly in his chest like a caged porg.
“Isn’t she perfect,” Rey smiled down at their baby.
If only she were real.
***
The salty sea air stung Ben’s eyes as he practiced his saber forms on the cliffside of Ahch-To. After his strenuous activity, Ben sat down and crossed his legs as he meditated. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the Force. Ben had always struggled with the pull between the Dark and the Light side of the Force. It was only once he allowed himself to use both that he found a true balance.
Rey followed the same practice. Together they did what his grandfather had always sought to do — bring balance to the Force.
“Daddy!” A small voice pulled him from his meditation.
Ben peeked his eyes open and grinned at his six year old daughter, Ivy. She was followed behind by her four year old brother Rain. The tiny boy threw himself into Ben’s arms.
“Where’s your mother,” Ben asked Ivy.
“Mama sent us on a mission,” Ivy replied with a toothy grin.
“Oh yeah, what’s the mission my little star?”
“Mama caught some fish and wants you to cook them up on the fire. She sent us here to ask you.”
Ivy pushed her little lip out and gave him the porg eyes. How could he say no to that face? Rey knew every one of Ben’s weaknesses. He scooped up Ivy and Rain and carried them down the stone steps to the cluster of huts below.
“Rey,” Ben called out once he placed Ivy and Rain on the ground.
“Over here.”
“Practice meditation,” Ben told his children as he placed a handful of pebbles on the ground. “And lifting rocks.”
“Okay, Dada,” Rain replied. He stuck his tongue out and squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. Ben smiled at his son before turning the corner in search of his wife.
Rey was sitting by the fire wearing his worn black sweater. Rey loved that sweater and had stolen it from him long ago. Ben didn’t mind, he liked seeing Rey wearing his clothing.
“Sweetheart,” Ben whispered as he swooped in to kiss Rey on the lips.
Rey giggled and kissed him back.
“Where are the kids?” Rey questioned.
“Lifting rocks,” Ben smirked in reply.
Rey snuggled up against his side and sighed happily. Gods, the strength of the love he felt for Rey and their children knew no bounds. Ben never thought he’d love another as much as he loved Rey— but then Ivy was born followed by Rain.
“I wish we could live forever,” Rey remarked.
“I think we can. We live on in them,” Ben said, nodding towards the direction of Ivy and Rain. “They look so much like you, Rey. You’ve done an incredible job as their mother.”
Her cheeks flushed as she curled up closer against him.
“I couldn’t do it without you,” Rey replied.
“I don’t know, I think you could. You are so strong, Rey. Stronger than you know.”
You could carry on without me. But I couldn’t live a day without you.
Lightning struck in the distance and the picturesque moment was shattered. Ben felt himself being pulled from the vision. Flashes of the dreams flipped through his mind in reverse. Ivy holding her baby brother. Rey’s stomach, round with their first child. Stolen kisses in the treehouse on Endor. A proposal on the Falcon.
Ben traveled back to the beginning of the end. Back to the cold, stone floor of Exegol. Back to the moment he gave his life for another. Ben’s vision started to go dark. At least he could pretend it had all been real. Every last vision the Force had gifted him. He could die believing it all happened. One moment he was staring into Rey’s teary face. The next, he was swallowed by the dark.
***
A warmth pulsed around him. Ben opened his eyes and witnessed Rey crying over his lifeless body. His heart was in his throat. It pained him to see Rey so devastated over the loss of someone like him.
“Ben,” a familiar voice called out.
He turned around and stared at a luminescent vision of his mother. His eyes welled up at the sight before him. She had become one with the Force — he felt it back on the ruins of the Death Star. Yet, a little piece of her had held on. For what? Ben wasn’t sure. But here she was, using up every last bit of her waning Force energy for his final moments.
“Are you here to guide me to the other side?” Ben questioned.
“No,” Leia answered. “I’m here to give you one last gift.”
Ben furrowed his brow in confusion as Leia wrapped him up in her arms and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Then, the comforting warmth he felt encompassing him swarmed to a fever pitch.
No, Ben thought. You can’t sacrifice yourself for me.
“I’m already too far gone, Ben. Let me give you this. You deserve to live.”
“Mom, I… love you.”
“I know,” Leia smirked. “I love you too, son.
Ben felt his mother starting to fade. And he tried his best to hold onto her for just a little bit longer.
“Ben,” she whispered. “I’ll always be with you.”
***
Ben blinked his eyes open and groaned. His body ached— it felt like he’d broken multiple bones. Then he remembered being thrown into a crevice by Palpatine. He had broken many bones.
He squeezed Rey’s hand and she popped her head up from it’s resting place on his chest. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying.
“Ben?” she questioned.
“Hey sweetheart, I’m here.”
Then her lips were on his again. It was a kiss of promise. A kiss full of love and devotion.
“I thought I’d lost you,” Rey said between kisses. “I don’t know how I’d have lived without you.”
“My mother saved me,” Ben said. “She brought me back from the brink of death, and then she became one with the Force.”
“Because she loved you,” Rey replied. “When you love someone so deeply, you can’t imagine living without them. It’s unbearable. You gave your life for me and Leia brought you back to me.”
Rey hugged him and soaked his sweater with her tears.
“I wish we could live forever,” Rey said.
Suddenly, a vision flickered in Ben’s mind of Rey saying those very words by the fire on Ahch-To.
In Alderaanian folklore there is a saying that the moment before one dies, their life flashes before their eyes. Ben realized the visions he saw weren’t dreams of what could have been. They were moments he has yet to live out. They were a promise of what’s to come. A future worth living for.