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It was spring. The weather is beautiful. The sun shining lightly on them, cool breeze, surrounded by flowers and flowers-petals. The scenery was simply...breathtaking. In more than one way..
Right at the center of this beautiful scenery, looking like a painted masterpiece, was a couple. A tall man wearing an indigo suit, with a warm smile almost splitting his cheeks. A woman wearing a gorgeous white dress that fits her body perfectly, her eyes sparkling in joy. A couple who were about to get married. It’s a happy day.
It’s supposed to be, right? Not to him.
How can it? When the love of his life is right in front of him. Marrying the love of his life.
And him? He’s his best man, because who else would he be? The one standing beside him instead of his bride? Not a chance. Life has never been that good to him. He should’ve been satisfied with being remembered. With being his friend, his partner(though only in the professional sense) his,now, best man. It’s an honor he said. It’s humiliating, is what it feels.
His eyes stings, his heart hurt, his cheeks taste like blood. He grins. Faking his happiness, because he would never stand in the way of the happiness of the man who meant the world to him. Never.
He watches them making their vows, holding each other’s hands, looking at each like everyone else is nonexistent. He curl his fingers hard against his thigh inside his pocket. He claps enthusiastically when they were finally announced as husband and wife. God, he could barely breathe. He runs the few steps to hug him. Congratulating him excitedly. Because it was expected from him right? He teases him about crying, barely holding his own tears back. He compliment them, calling them a celebrity-level-beauty couple. And they are. They look so gorgeous together. He hates it. Damn them. Damn him for being so handsome for someone else. Damn him for being someone else’s. And damn himself for falling for a man that was never his.
The dance starts. He watches them dance slowly together, so engrossed in each other, so.. happy. He looks away. He must be a masochist. Why else would he do this to himself? His drink taste like acid. He drinks it in one gulp. He walks to them. He’s a masochist for sure. He asks the groom for a friendly dance. He obviously refuses at the beginning, but his beloved wife( the thief. He wants to yell at her. He wants to rip the ring from her hand. He wants to push her away.. he doesn’t) convince him to do it at the end. And so they dance.
He intertwined one hand with his, which makes him flustered but doesn’t pull away, the other on his shoulder. They sway slowly. He dares to imagine. What if this is their day? He looks at him, memorizing his features from up close, gazing up at him with unbidden longing. They joke, like friends. Oh yeah.. they’re just friends.
They dance for another minute (where he suck up every little second in his arms, losing himself in this small temporary fantasy) before letting go and laughing as people surround them (bursting his little bubble) and the day goes on like this until night comes everyone partying wildly. After a few hours, he watches the groom and bride leaving. He tells them goodbye. Wishes them happiness. And if he hugs him a little too tight? Well.. friends do that too, so it’s fine. He let go (he doesn’t want to. Not of the hug, or more importantly, the man himself). He goes to his car. He drives away quickly. And if he holds back tears the whole way? And if he screams? And if he almost goes in the direction of his apartment by mistake (his safe place. No. Not anymore. He has no right in there anymore. But did he ever?) well, nobody has to know.
He doesn’t return home. Not where his mom is. Nor where the scent and the warmth of that man is.
He goes to the nearest hotel, he gets a room at the top with a beautiful scenery. It looks so lifeless to him. He lays down on the bed. He wraps the blanket around himself tightly. He buries his face in the pillows and he finally cries. Loud sobs, cursing and gasping in pain. He has never felt so heartbroken like this before, and he saw and experienced way too much. It hurts so bad. Would it ever get better? He doesn’t think so. Not when he lost him. Not if it’s him. He could never move on. He doesn’t even want to.
He falls asleep after hours, after his throat felt sore and itchy, after his eyes dried and burned.
He feels a hand stroking his cheeks. A soft murmur near his ears. He feels strangely warm. As if someone holding him gently. What is this? Is he dreaming? If so, he doesn’t want to wake up. It feels too good to wake up. Let him have this at least for a few minutes.
“Shhh.. you’re okay. It’s okay Takie, I’m right here baby” a voice whispers comfortingly.
His heartbeats rise. It can’t be. There’s no way. This voice. He would recognize this voice anywhere. Oh. Seriously, please, don’t ever wake him up! He closes his eyes tightly, whimpering, begging to live this dream for as long as possible.
“Hey.. it’s fine, you can wake up. Come on, I know you’re awake. Open your eyes, okay? For me?” Young Min says gently, worried.
Seung Tak open his eyes very slowly, fearing this dream going to disappear if he opens it too fast.
“Good morning Seung Tak-ah.. there you are. See, I’m right here. How about this, can you tell me who am I?” Young Min says sweetly, fingers brushing Seung Tak’s bangs softly, smiling fondly.
Seung Tak feels fresh tears prickling his eyelids. He swallows thickly. He watches the love of his life right there, in bed, with him! Half naked, holding him against his chest lightly. Looking at him with loving eyes. Him. Not her. Him.
“Young Min. Min-ah. My super handsome, smart and amazing boyfriend” he says with a wet chuckle. Hugging him tightly. Burying his face in his throat.
“That’s right. And don’t ever forget or doubt that” he says proudly, returning the hug just as tightly.
He gets on top of Seung Tak, looking down at him with a smile, wiping his tears with his thumbs. “I love you. I love you. Seung Tak, my precious, beloved, clingy puppy. My Takie. Nobody else. Only you. Do you understand?” He whispers, kissing him with every word softly, pinching his nose at the end.
Seung Tak laughs, wrapping his arms around his neck, enjoying the sweet kisses, straining his neck, looking up at him with shining eyes. He nods with trembling lips “I love you too. I’m sorry. I can’t control my nightmares. I know you love me, I really do, but I can’t help thinking this is the dream whenever I wake up” he says sadly.
Young Min let his weight falls on him, wrapping his arms tightly around him.
“I know. And I will always remind you, that this is real, I’m alive, I’m awake, I love you and we’re together and anything you may doubt. For as long as you need it” he says, sincerely.
Seung Tak squeeze him hard, making Young Min yelp. After a minute he pushes him away, grabbing his face to look at him.
“Min-ah.. will you be mine officially?” He says hopefully, smiling widely for the first time since he woke up.
Young Min blinks. His breath stutters “Are you proposing?!” He asks faintly.
Seung Tak pulls his face close, whispers against his ear “What do you think” he says playfully.
Young Min gasps “Seriously? Now? Here? You’re so unromantic. What a waste of the secret surprise and ring I prepared to propose” he says indignant.
Seung Tak jumps up, sending Young Min who was on top of him, almost to the floor.
“What! What surprise? What ring? I want it! Where is it?” He says quickly, too excited, sleep and nightmare all forgotten.
Young Min glares at being suddenly pushed, dangerously, at the end of their bed. He scoffs “Like I said, so unromantic” he mutters.
Seung Tak throws himself on him, straddling his hips, shaking his shoulders like an overexcited puppy “Min-ah! When is the surprise? I wanna have it tonight. Tell me!” He says jumping up and down, Young Min groaning under him.
“Calm down you damn brat! It’s not ready yet.. maybe next week, on our three years anniversary?” he says breathlessly, trying to calm his enthusiastic boyfriend. He laughs a little later at the attack of sloppy kisses on his face and neck.
Seung Tak looks at the man under him adoringly, and prays ‘If this is a dream, please let me stay here, forever. Let this be my forever’.