Chapter Text
This is it, I’m going to die.
Loki had lost count of how many times this exact thought had passed through his mind.
Each time had varied in severity; sometimes a moment that found him on his back, looking up into the hideous face of an axe-wielding enemy. Other times it crept around the peripherals of his brain as he held a murderous captor spellbound with his charm.
But the TVA and its cruel bureaucracies seemed to be his match. Loki could not beguile nor magic nor trick the steel minded soldiers.
This is it, I’m really going to die.
“Judge Renslayer?” Loki’s sentencing was interrupted by a guard slotting their body between the heavy doors of the courtroom. Through the faint sliver of space, Loki could hear a child wailing and hiccupping in the vestibule beyond. Or, at least, it sounded like a child. It was the sort of cry that lacked any self-awareness; demanding and needy and an on the verge of absolute exhaustion.
And yet, Loki noted, the sobbing sounded like it was coming…from an adult.
“What’s happening out there?” The young judged narrowed her eyes.
“It’s the next case,” said the guard, “request to take them to Floor 18?”
“Do you think that’s necessary?”
The wailing hit a piercing pitch. Everyone but Loki winced at the sound of it.
There might be hope for me yet…
Being a master of mischief meant that Loki was not only clever, but that his mind worked rapidly to take in the context of any situation and see how it might fit his need. This was the first time he had seen the TVA out of step. The perfect rhythm of their by-the-book hellscape had come to an absolute halt at the sound of cries and the mention of Floor 18.
A crying adult to Loki meant only one thing: ädla. The word itself had many meanings in Asgard, though most often it was used describe a precious stone; something worthy and of value. The other usage was one Loki vehemently disagreed with…
“Have their file sent for review,” the judge said. She stamped a paper in front of her with a great deal of authority, letting Loki know that the mindless machine that was the TVA was back up and running.
“And…in the meantime?”
“I am ordering a stay on their case. Take the variant to Floor 18 – we will revisit it at a later date.”
Revisit – Loki could buy himself time.
If he could convince this judge that he was an ädla.
Well, Loki could do it. Deception was a mainstay of his wheelhouse. But to become something he found so loathsome…?
You know what you have to do – the voice in his head told him. Loki swallowed hard and released a long exhale from his nostrils. He despised the ädla; adults who acted as children, needing proper nursemaids and nannies to care for them. It was impossible for Loki’s mind not to conjure up the memory of his first encounter with an ädla. He had been the son of a visiting family from the north. The image of him, a full summer older than Loki, sitting at the longtable as his nursemaid spoon-fed him gruel was not one Loki would soon forget. And the noises he made! Pathetic mewls and outright bawls when he soiled himself!
How could he lower himself to their ranks?
To save your life you fool!
Loki had wished for an exploitable weakness, the Achilles heel of the great TVA. It seemed that some concessions were made for the ädla. At least his court date could be pushed back. As for Floor 18, well, in front of the judge, Loki’s odds of death were one hundred percent. Those same odds went down to a manageable fifty-fifty on Floor 18.
Time was running short, and Loki had to make a choice. Certainly, it would not be his finest moment, not one he would share over clashing mugs of ale with Thor. But he would live…at least, that was the hope.
Releasing one’s bladder as an adult was a near impossible task. He had to focus all his attention on the tiny organ, willing it to void itself.
Loki made a small yelp at the sensation of the first trickle. The courtroom was ice cold and the sudden splash of warm urine surprised him. The trickle soon turned into a stream, covering the crotch of the jumpsuit, and running down the right pantleg. It was then the judge realized what was happening right in her own court room and cried for a guards to assist her.
“What is he – no! Are you kidding me?”
The urine was already starting to cool by the time Loki saw the guards approaching.
Now or never.
Loki widened his eyes and blinked little tears to form on the edges. With a small sniffle, he uttered a single, terrified ‘Mummy’ before putting his thumb in his mouth.
“This one too?” The judge sighed. “Take him away! I’ll deal with these cases later.”
Stamp, stamp, stamp. And that’s all there was.
Even as Loki was being forced from the courtroom, he could not believe how well the plan worked. They really thought of him as a feeble minded ädla! How long he could keep the ruse up though, Loki could not speculate. The next part of his plan needed to form the moment he entered Floor 18.
“Call for a stroller!” The guard leading Loki by the elbow said to the court clerk.
“Didn’t you just-?” She looked Loki up and down from above the rim of her bifocals, “Is this another Little?”
Little? Is that what they call the ädla here?
Loki attempted a sort of infantile gurgle from behind the thumb, just in case the urine soaked jumpsuit wasn’t enough.
The stroller, Loki learned, was a plastic chair with some vinyl covered padding. Material choices that made sense considering the state of his clothing. He was placed into the seat and secured with nylon straps that went over his shoulders and between his legs, clicking together at his belly. Loki remained quiet as they rolled him through the halls of the TVA, occasionally offering a coo to help keep up appearances. The guards though did not seem interested in him, chatting idly as they rode the elevator…up? Down? Damn, this place was confusing…
Floor 18 had the distinct scent of talc powder and oatmeal and the acrid twinge of urine. Loki did have to admit with some chagrin that the last one might have been him. He wiggled against the weak restraints of the stroller in an attempt to find a more comfortable position, but it was hopeless. The jumpsuit was wet, wet with his own release, causing the cheap fabric to cling to his skin.
After the smell was the sight. Loki was pushed into a bright room, a great contrast to the windowless maze of mahogany and burnt orange that made the TVA. This place actually had…well, Loki was not going to assume they were real windows. The glass was frosted which led him to believe they were being illuminated from behind by a false light source. But they were properly dressed with cream color drapes that pooled onto the hardwood floors. Across the valances were small garlands of stuffed stars and moons and suns.
In the center of the room was a perfect configuration of what Loki surmised to be about twenty-four white cribs with gender-neutral bedding in greys and yellows and greens. Some were draped in a starry canopy that dropped down from the ceiling. Others just had a television above them, flickering in with colorful cartoons. There was little crying or fussing and women in immaculate white dresses moved between the rows to check on each of the…what were they called? Littles.
“Oh, look at this little love!” One of the ladies in the white dresses was making a quick approach to the stroller. She was of an indeterminate middle age with blonde hair pinned back under her cap. Her face was unbelievably kind, so much so Loki wondered if the only qualification to work on this floor was to have a wide, assuring smile.
The woman tickled Loki under his chin.
“Coochie-coo,” she pursed her lips as she spoke, “what pretty green eyes you have!”
Instinct made Loki finch and turn his head away. He immediately regretted his lapse in focus and wondered if he had ruined the whole charade.
“Someone’s cranky!” The woman laughed. “Poor baby, let’s get you out of that nasty jumpsuit and into some nice, clean jammie-jams; hm? I can tell you’re ready for a nap!”
Loki nodded slowly at the woman, like he was stupid and did not understand her words. Inside his stomach was lurching in disgust at her saccharine tone.
Loki was pushed to the outside of the were where there was a row of built-in tables lining the wall. On each one was a vinyl pad in a butter yellow gingham. As he got closer, Loki noticed it the pads were patterned with little rattles and bows and alphabet blocks spelling out ‘B-A-B-Y’.
These Midgardian and their obsession with cute! Loki bemoaned. As a child, he had slept on rank furs with his brother Thor and if they could not hold their water through the night, they would face the wrath of Odin’s palm on their backside.
The lady in white leaned down and began to undo the nylon straps that held Loki to the chair. “Don’t worry, sweetie. Nurse Lisa will get you cleaned up in a fresh nappy and then put you down for a quick kip until your nanny agent arrives.”
She then snapped small thin, weightless bracelets on his wrist. Before Loki could make sense of them, Nurse Lisa was removing the collar around his neck. Loki attempted a few spells, but nothing manifested. The cuffs seemed to have the same limiting effect as the collar…but were far more comfortable to endure.
“Upsie-daisy!” Nurse Lisa cheered the guards lifted Loki onto the pad. He found himself staring at some mobile with sappy faced little butterflies looking down on him. “All right, let’s get this yucky old thing off!” She slipped off his shoes with ease and removed his socks. “What adorable little toe-sie woe-sies!”
Loki made a low growl, a warning that she dare not touch them.
“You must have been royalty in your past life,” said Nurse Lisa, not seeming phased. “I can tell, I have been doing this a long time…” She smiled down at Loki before pulling something out from under the changing table.
Loki did not react when the rubber nipple was pushed past his lips. His body became rigid, as if afraid, his eyes looking up at Nurse Lisa in confusion.
“Not so bad once you have a soother, hm?” He voice had lost its cloying sweet twinge. “Just relax; Nurse Lisa is going to take care of you now.”
As vile as the soiled jumpsuit was, Loki still flinched and let out a small, nervous whine as Nurse Lisa pulled down the zipper. The TVA had provided no undergarments. The moment the jumpsuit was removed, Loki’s clammy skin was open to the air.
Push through it he thought as he screwed his eyes shut.
Loki chose to focus on the soother in his mouth. Slowly, he nursed the nipple, creating a perfect rhythm of in and out, in and out…
He did squirm a little when Nurse Lisa put the cool wet wipe to his skin.
“Sh-sh-shhh,” she whispered, “precious little prince…”
A pained noise crawled from Loki’s throat: mother had called him the same thing.
Frigga his mind cruelly corrected she is not our mother!
“A little lavender oil to keep baby’s skin soft,” Nurse Lisa generously rubbed the calming oil around the inside of Loki’s thighs and up over his belly. Next was the big puffs of talc powder. She was careful to make sure his backside was fully covered before dusting the front.
“Since we’re going to put you down for a nap…,” Nurse Lisa reached beneath the table and pulled up a plastic diaper; stark white with blue clouds and balloons. “Let’s put you in a sleepy-time nappy.”
Once more, Loki focused on the soother in his mouth as Nurse Lisa lifted his legs to slide the thick diaper under his bottom. The crinkling noise it made as she lowered him down made him want to cry.
This is for your life…your life!
But Loki still had to fight back the tears, especially when he felt the front of the diaper pulled up between his legs. The top reached all the way to his naval and was secured to the back with two loud strips of tape. Nurse Lisa ran her fingers along the leg holes, making sure they weren’t too tight.
“Snug as a bug,” she beamed down to Loki, “do we feel better, baby prince?”
Loki’s brain was still trying to make sense of the diaper. Its presence was impossible to ignore. The plastic made a deafening noise with each movement and the thickness prevented him from properly bringing his legs together. The reality of his decision was now very heavy. Loki was diapered – diapered! Like an infant, like an ädla.
And if he didn’t get a plan into motion, he was going to be expected to use it.
“Now, which jammy-jams do we want?” Nurse Lisa asked as she pulled some items from the tall cupboard beside the table. “Does the baby prince like bunnies?” She held up a pale blue romper covered in smiling rabbit faces. “Or, I think, he likes duckies!” Something on Loki’s face must have indicated he wanted duckies because Nurse Lisa gleefully began to tug the onesie over his head. Loki tried his best not to look at it; white with fuzzy yellow ducklings. The worse was the snap crotch. As if Loki was not already hyper aware of his shameful situation, as if he could not hear and feel the diaper with every movement, now it was being snuggly pressed against him in the stupid duck onesie!
“Up we go,” Nurse Lisa sing-songed as she sat Loki up. “Much better now, right? Oh!” She took a long nylon strap and hooked it to the end of the soother before pinning the other end to Loki’s onesie. “There we go, don’t want to lose that!”
Loki now noticed the guards were gone, it was just him and the nurses. But the mental toll of being undressed and diapered made it difficult for him to consider any sort of plan.
“Do you think you can walk? Or do you want a stroller?”
Loki stood up from the changing table, giving himself a minute to feel out his new dress.
“Come on,” Nurse Lisa took his hand, “let’s get you down for a nap.”
Loki did not mean to whimper, but the waddle-walk to the open crib was too humiliating. He could feel the thickly padded bottom sway with every step. He could hear the other nurses whisper about how adorable he looked; what a cute baby boy!
Nurse Lisa brought him to a crib and helped him get settled.
“Poor thing,” she petted his cheek was Loki was lying down. “This must all be so overwhelming for you.”
Loki did nothing, just sucked on the soother.
“I promise, it won’t be long before your nanny agent is here. And they’ll take good care of you!” Nurse Lisa stood and pulled up a somewhat heavy blanket over Loki. “This will help,” she said, “just dream, little prince. It’s going to be okay.”
Loki was surprised that Nurse Lisa leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead before lifting the side of the crib. But he did not question it. After all, she thought he was stupid, scared little ädla. Loki felt somewhat relieved at the idea that his plan, no matter how insane, was actually working.
A starry curtain came around him and Loki noted that it in fact twinkled and danced like a real night sky. Once shrouded in night, it was not long before the baby prince was fast asleep…