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Jonghyun sighs airily, running a shaking hand across his chest. Rising, falling. Rising, falling. Taemin gliding across the stage, clothes tight and showing off his subtle curves in the prettiest ways. It makes him smirk with pride. Rising falling rising falling rising falling.
His eyes are shut and he doesn't dare to open them—some irrational fear that Taemin will be there when he looks around the room, clicking his tongue and shaking his head, what am I going to have to do with you, Jonghyun? Confident smile growing on his lips when he sees the hitch in Jonghyun's breathing, the simultaneous fear and lust in the older's eyes. Older, but never stronger. Weak under Taemin's determined gaze, heavy eyes examining his every move.
God, Jonghyun feels crazy but he can't stop, taking a nipple between two fingers and letting a noise slip out a little louder than he had meant to and he's ashamed it took so little to get him started. Started? He imagines Taemin telling him in his head, be honest with yourself, Jonghyun, you've been on edge for seven years now. You're not getting started now, in 2019, you started in 2012 palming yourself through your pants in a backstage closet. You came to the muffled sound of me calling your name, yelling it out in search of you.
He squints his eyes further shut, if possible, biting his lip to muffle a needy whimper. He speaks to the big, empty bedroom, voice coming out as a barely-there whisper, "I didn't want to make a mess. I would have felt so guilty."
And you felt guilty enough, didn't you, baby, the Taemin in his head only continues, thinking such naughty things about your inexperienced, little dongsaeng. Couldn't be so close to me like that without getting all worked up, could you? Am I that irresistible, hyung? Even all covered up—but you know how I look under all those layers. It must be ingrained in your filthy mind.
Jonghyun shakes his head, hand traveling down his increasingly sensitive chest, gulps. Says in a shaky breath, "Taemin, please."
His internal Taemin chuckles dryly. After all, you won't find me on any of those disgusting porn sites. All you have to turn to is what I've let you see; what you happened to catch a glimpse of between changes. Oh, and how could I forget, Jonghyun, when I let you in the shower with me? So excited and I didn't even notice. And Jonghyun's pants are even tighter at the resurgence of the memory, Taemin's smooth, wet skin right beneath him, and he had the privilege of touching it himself, his senses being graced, filled with only Taemin. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," the younger had offhandedly joked, yet cooling Jonghyun's anxieties that he was uncomfortable by leaning into his touch and sighing when he did Taemin the favor of washing his hair. Yes, Jonghyun then remembered, he was the one who had asked Jonghyun here, not the other way around.
You had fun when you got back to bed that night, I bet. The Taemin in his head hums in amusement. Tell me, hyung, was it more fun then when you were in the dark completely, or is it more fun now, knowing that I like men? Having walked in on me with a stranger, hm? God, I bet you ran with that one as well, picturing me as some slut who lets just any guy go down on me.
"We.." Jonghyun gulps, completely embracing how delusional he feels, rolling with it, hand just barely inching down to where it hurts the most. "We kissed that night."
Wow, Jonghyun, I'm impressed you managed to remember that after that little encounter in Kibum's bedroom. Did you touch yourself to the thought of the kiss, too, hyung? Taemin's voice lowers to a purr. Do tell me everything; no matter how cloudy.
Jonghyun twitches against his bed, trying desperately to pull the memories back up. "We were at Kibum's house.. Um, what were we—oh, I remember now." He bites his lip. "We were celebrating his new move and drinking like it was our- our last day on Earth." Jonghyun takes a deep breath.
Go on, he pictures Taemin telling him with a rough hand yanking his head back to make eye contact. That unwavering look on his face, because when Taemin made his mind up that he wanted something, he was willing to play the long game and see it through to the end. He'd pull any strings he needed, and he knew exactly what Jonghyun liked. Exactly what Jonghyun wanted. Continue, baby.
He rubs teasing circles on his own thigh, chest rising and falling a little more erratically. "Oh, Taemin."
Taemin laughed unbelievably loudly, arms draped around the two men who surrounded him; Minho on his left, the stranger Jonghyun recognized from earlier on his right. He curled his lip up at the sight of Taemin being so touchy with this guy, his stupid bright t-shirt and sloppily placed fedora broadcasting out to the world, free of charge, that he was a massive douchebag. How could Taemin not see that?
Jonghyun grumbled, taking the shots he was being given with no thought to it whatsoever, attention zeroed in completely on Taemin and that man, gross little lips ghosting against his neck and making Jonghyun feel sick.
Taemin must have felt the eyes on him, snapping his head up and narrowing his eyes when they met with Jonghyun's, like he caught him red handed. In a way, he had. The bedroom encounter wasn't hot to Jonghyun just yet, it hadn't sunk in—all the older felt was pure, unbridled envy. It was ruining his night.
Taemin beckoned him over with a finger and teasing smile, mouthing something Jonghyun's clouded mind couldn't quite make out, but he knew had to be pretty bad if Taemin was this wasted and still wouldn't say it aloud. Jonghyun found himself right behind the boy in no time, hands rested on his shoulders, breathing in his flowery perfume.
"What do I smell like?" Taemin got the question out with a giggle.
Jonghyun blurted out the first and only word to come to mind: "Pretty."
Taemin's giggle only continued, volume rising, "You're ridiculous, hyung." He bit his lip, looking the older up and down before dropping his arms from the other two men (Jonghyun hadn't even noticed them again since he got over here), snaking them closer to him. He backed Jonghyun away from the men, away from the crowd, all the way back until they hit a wall, the impact making Jonghyun's head pound.
He stared up at Taemin, dizzy yet seeing him so clearly, being scanned by the brunette but not understanding why. Jonghyun blinked his eyes, attempting to make himself as desirable as possible, proud when he pulled a nervous chuckle out of Taemin. He lifted Jonghyun's hair out of his eyes with a finger, whether to see him clearer or for Jonghyun to see him clearer, the older didn't know.
"Do you know how beautiful you are, hyung?" Taemin's voice was low and deeper than Jonghyun was used to, making him gulp on instinct.
"You really- really, really think so?" He felt ridiculous. He felt small, Taemin had so much strength and weight against him and he couldn't remember when the last time they were so close was—
"I really, really think so." Taemin let out a steady, deep breath, seeming to think to himself before deciding, Fuck it. Leaning in and smashing his lips against Jonghyun's, taking his breath away.
Jonghyun's phone beside him begins ringing and it all but sends him flying into the ceiling. His left hand hovers over his neglected cock uncomfortably, yet he peers over at the screen anyway, nearly passing out when the contact comes into focus. The Taemin inside his head thinks it's hilarious. Better pick up, whore.
He gulps, answering and picking it up with his unoccupied hand, refusing to move his left with the far-off hope his climax is still on the horizon. He takes a deep breath before he speaks, trying to steady himself. "Taemin. Hi there." It still comes out with a subtle whine behind it, and Jonghyun curses himself.
The voice on the line is quiet and if Jonghyun didn't know him so well, he might not have recognized that it was him. "What are you doing awake so late?"
Jonghyun chuckles, moving his left hand to his sweatpant pocket. He's given up on taking care of it, no matter how badly it hurts—he's a big boy. He can handle it. "I could say the same thing to you, Taeminie." He smiles. "What's the matter?"
He tries to picture Taemin right now, sleepy face pressed against his phone, unbrushed, messy blonde hair splayed across his forehead and pillow. Soft, pink lips barely opening when he speaks. He speaks: "I was thinking about you, hyung. I couldn't sleep." There's a whine behind his voice, as well, but his is so much more prominent and Jonghyun can tell it's on purpose.
It's adorable, but he doesn't know if he can take it in the state he's in now. "What a coincidence. I can't seem to sleep either." Fucking liar.
"Mmmmh," He can hear Taemin moving across his bed, springs creaking under him. "I miss rooming with you, hyung. You feel so far away." Taemin drags his words out. Jonghyun can't really think, much less respond; he finds himself at a loss for words.
But Taemin isn't done, "I know you're just down the street but it doesn't feel right. Am I being silly? .. No, you don't have to answer that. I feel clingy." A sleepy sigh. "I'm not trying to bother you. I just miss my bed buddy."
Bed buddy. That had been how Taemin so endearingly referred to Jonghyun for years now, using any slight inconvenience as an excuse to crawl into Jonghyun's bed and his arms. The older never complained. Taemin's presence is always a welcome one.
"Taemin, you're.." Jonghyun stares up at the ceiling in amazement. "You're too cute."
"Hyung, stop," He can hear Taemin shake his head. "You'll make me blush."
The two lie in silence after that, listening to the sound of one another's breathing. Jonghyun feels comfortable in the fact he won't have to push himself not to fall asleep, at least. He smiles softly to himself, happy to manage to get Taemin by himself even if it was a bit unconventional.
"Jonghyun, I really like when we do this." Taemin's voice is tender and it warms his heart.
"Do what exactly?" He turns on his side, feeling like a schoolgirl fawning over her yearly crush.
"You know, when we.." Taemin fumbles over his words. "Hah, you're going to make me just say it, aren't you. I like when we act like boyfriends."
If Jonghyun had been drinking something, he'd have spit it out like a cartoon character. He can't control the words that come out of his mouth: "Act like boyfriends?"
"Oh, don't make me feel stupid." He hears Taemin gulp on the line. "I've felt like this since we were young.. how should I put this? Always nervous around you." Taemin laughs quietly. "Always so desperate for attention. Kibum always would make fun of me for following you around like a lost puppy, but you were my favorite boy. Are my favorite boy. I.. I wasn't always sure that it was a crush. I thought maybe it was normal for straight boys to.. you know. Think about kissing other boys. No one explained it to me, ever, I had to come to the conclusion it made me different all on my own."
Jonghyun found himself still stunned to silence. A quiet urge for the younger to continue.
Taemin goes quiet for a moment. "I did everything I could to try and get you to see how much I liked you, but nothing—so eventually, I thought, forget it, right? I don't need Jonghyun. I tried other people.. a lot. Of other people. No one felt quite right. I only ever want to be in Jonghyun-hyung's arms at night. You're so warm." He can hear the frown in Taemin's voice. "I miss it a lot. I really do. I wasn't lying when I said it."
"Taemin.." He shuts his eyes, still not completely sure he isn't dreaming. "This is a lot."
"You're right." Taemin sighs. "No, you're right. God, I'm sorry, I don't know why I—"
"No, Taemin, I never said that.. I, I do. I do like you. Love you. Really, I do." Jonghyun glances at the clock. "But, you know, it's two in the morning. And I'm not so convinced I'm not asleep right now." He drives his palm into his eye. "Why now? Why over the phone in the middle of the night?"
"I wasn't going to." Taemin pauses, and Jonghyun visualizes him biting his lip cautiously, his worst nervous habit. "I just kinda, started talking and couldn't stop. And confessed.. a thirteen year crush, on accident." Taemin speaks semi-brokenly, like he, too, can hardly believe him. "You don't sound particularly surprised."
"Taemin," Jonghyun sighs. "I've been psyching myself up to make a big move on you for years now with very little success. The only thing really stopping me from realizing you felt anything back was my own self-doubt."
"I'm so amazed that a guy as hot as you has any self-doubt."
Jonghyun again finds himself speechless, but Taemin continues, "Sorry. It's the word vomit again."
"Oh, no," Jonghyun chuckles, "I love the word vomit when it's gassing me up. Don't stop," he drags out the end of his sentence teasingly, smiling when he hears Taemin's breathing hitch over the line.
"Yeah, um," the younger pulls his knees up to his chest, "Very sorry, mister, but if you want me to keep going, you better come see me in person."
"Is this—" Jonghyun can't hold back his smile. "Are you inviting me over?"
"Ugh, hyung, you couldn't catch a hint with the biggest net in the world," the boy whines. "Yes, I'm inviting you over. I'm about thirty seconds from begging you to get in my bed already."
"Well," Jonghyun thinks it over, "Just saying, I would love to hear it."
"Jonghyun." Taemin warns.
"Alright, alright, I'm coming, you big baby." He smiles through his words, teasing may they be. "You better not fall asleep before I get there."
"Mmmh, hyung," Taemin rolls his eyes behind the phone screen. "You know I can't."