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Jean knew he shouldn’t be awake.
He had to get up early in the morning for training, and he was already late into the cabins due to his fucking mouth leading to a fight breaking out in the mess hall. Having to clean up the mess was just as time-consuming as Jean had predicted, but it wasn’t as if he was going to back down from a fight from Eren of all people.
Learning to drone out that shithead’s grumbling and half-assed insults that led to inevitable fists meeting was a feat he couldn’t grasp. It was something he could never achieve no matter how many times Shadis or Marco or everyone else would lecture them. It wasn’t like it was only him who couldn’t help but start something. It had to be even; the number of times each of them would start a fight.
Marco had suggested one time out of rare annoyance that he enjoyed fighting and being in a close proximity with Eren, to which Jean actually felt like he was going to die right there and then. He had chastised Marco for a very long while after that, but no matter what he said, it would never break Marco’s strangely suspicious smirk he adopted afterward.
‘Your sketchbook says otherwise’ is what Marco had said.
Jean almost started the first fight he’d ever had with Eren not involved.
Every time ended the same way: get held back by Thomas and Reiner, get lectured by Marco and Armin, get yelled at by Shadis, clean the mess hall, repeat. It was like a weekly routine at this point, and it had gotten to the point where everyone was just waiting for it to happen for a show and to avoid cleaning duties. Reiner started sitting in a position where it would be easy to leap up and end the fight as soon as possible, his ass literally on the corner of the bench. Armin had a lecture on his tongue constantly, going as far as to remind Eren as soon as they sat down. Connie and Sasha finished their food in a hurry, just waiting for a feud to break out so they could pile on their plates again without being noticed.
No matter what anyone did, no matter how many lectures and punishments they had to grit their teeth through, it would always happen again.
It was tiring. It was routine.
It was natural.
‘This is like watching a toxic couple,’ Armin had complained, which was met with extremely fervent hostility from both of them.
But this had been their worst one yet, for a reason he couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was because of how they’d all had a bad day. Maybe it was the amount of tears involved in this one. Or the fact that it was more…personal this time. But one thing Jean knew for sure was that this time, he was the instigator.
So now, after hours of cleaning in the rare, uncomfortable silence, he lay awake in the barracks, back to Marco, facing towards Eren’s sleeping form on the other side of the room.
His ears were filled with the faint snoring from beside him, the roaring of a snore from Reiner, the faint kicking of sheets from Bertholdt, the non-stop mumbling and muttering from Daz. And the occasional sniff from Eren.
Even in the darkness, Jean couldn’t take his eyes off the boy in front of him. He looked eerily at ease, well, as much as a kid with trauma could be. His eyebrows which were usually furrowed to an impossible amount were relaxed, and the crease between then was almost non-existent. His constant frown was now a gaping hole, drool positively dripping down his face. Gross, Eren. Curled up the fetal position, his knees up to his chest and practically hogging the entire blanket. Luckily for Eren, Armin emitted constant heat, so he probably wouldn’t suffer too much upon waking up.
Apart from when hanging out with Armin or Reiner or Connie or literally anyone else, where his angered look would become a beaming look of child’s joy, determination practically glowing from his piercing jaded eyes, this was the only other time he looked peaceful. For some odd reason, Jean felt a pang of jealousy, not entirely sure why.
The slight shuffling from Marco brought him back to his senses, back to the guilt he felt for bringing up Eren’s mom to get the upper hand in a fight that didn’t even matter.
“I’m…sorry.” He whispered. He may be even mouthed it.
Lord, why couldn’t they just…
Jean didn’t know how to finish that thought and was thankful for when he finally let himself fall asleep, the last thing he saw was Eren’s face.