Chapter Text
You were just visiting for the summer, that was it.
Just at the island of Crockett, visiting. You grew up there, and like many others left. Left for your dreams that never came to be.
But it was nice, seeing the old residents, and meeting new folks too. It was kind of the Flynn family to invite you to Sunday mass. You didn’t grow up going to the church but something inside urged you to go.
And so in the small motel room, you searched through your suitcase. You couldn't remember if you packed some formal clothing or not. After all, you packed most of your wardrobe, not that you had much of one anyway. You lived in a way too small way too expensive apartment in a city. It wasn’t such a surprise most of your wardrobe came with you for this trip.
So you searched, all through Saturday night after coming home from dinner with the Flynns because you couldn't say no to Annie, her warm smile lighting up when she saw you. You remember her reaching out, hugging you so tightly, touching your hair, commenting on how you’ve changed. How the last time she saw you, you were barely a full adult yet.
You remembered the entire conversation, it warmed your heart but also led you to where you were now-
“Look at her Riley! She’s so grown- “ She grinned, she was proud.
“Lots have changed.” you sheepishly replied, sharing a smile with Riley as well.
“Unlike Crockett, Same old same old,” Riley mentioned, slightly monotone, unenthusiastic.
“Oh hush! Crockett has changed.” She swatted Riley on his arm all motherly-like. It made you giggle, you always wished you had a mom like her.
“Its changed? How?” You followed up, curiosity sparking within you.
“Oh well, we got a new sheriff. Kind, kind man” Annie nodded, adjusting her glasses. “We have a new rec center- Oh, and we got ourselves a new priest as well!” She sounded particularly excited about that one, smile widening furthermore and you knew what was coming next. Because she stopped talking, obviously waiting for you to ask about it. And once again Riley gave you that look, a look that said:
“Well- go on- you asked first.”
“A new priest? What about… Monsignor John? That was the one who’d been around forever right? I mean I don't remember much since Ma never went but I remember at the little gatherings I saw him, and on Christmas too…” You rambled a bit, trying to seem genuinely interested, not like you weren’t interested you were just not as excited as her.
“Well, Monsignor is on the mainland as of now. The poor man is having health problems. He went on a trip to the holy land and oh well…he got worse. He’ll be back…well, that’s up to the lord.” Annie shrugged.
“Alright well, what about this new guy? Is he uh- up to your guy’s standards?” You lightly joked and were glad to see her chuckle in reply.
“He’s great! Wonderful man. He’s special really- got such a passionate heart, so caring for people. Even for my Riley here. Father Paul is a real people person.”
“Oh, he sounds really great.” You nodded, looking down to your food now, and you could feel her eyes on you, you knew what was next. The question you dreaded.
“You should meet him. I think you’d benefit from it (y/n).” Her tone got serious, and suddenly she was looking right through you. Like she knew.
Knew what exactly? You couldn't put your finger on it. It’s not like you were the devil. You were just a normal 24-year-old woman who works too hard for barely any money in a city where dreams are crushed. There were countless others like you.
“Well, maybe I’ll run into him in town.” You reached for the glass of water and took a gulp.
“Maybe- though there is daily mass so, most likely you wouldn’t lovey.” She cleared her throat before turning back to you. “Instead maybe come by at Sunday mass tomorrow. It’s a wonderful time and you’ll see all the other old folks you haven’t said hi to yet.”
And you couldn't and didn’t say no so here you were. Pulling out a summer dress from the bottom of your suitcase. It was beautiful, but you rarely wore it.
It was white with blue flowers printed all over, was just above the knee. A bit too tight though because once you put it on it seemed to hug and accentuate your waist. Which would be fine anywhere else but this was church. And the neckline went a bit too far down. But lord knew you had nothing else.
So you found a white cardigan and called it a night.
The next morning you were up at 6, rushed to the shower, then to get dressed, light makeup, light jewelry, etc.
And you were off.
The nerves were high as you walked down the trail. It wasn’t a long walk, not at all. But it was a bit windy and chilly even for summer, probably because it was the morning, so you pulled the cardigan sleeves down a bit more, and wound it a bit tighter around your body, and finally thank god- you made it just in time.
You could hear the organ beginning to play. The light chatter of the folks in the old church. There were still a few people were walking in, Riley’s family catching you, Annie waving with such a huge smile as she walked back down the stairs.
“Oh Lovey! I’m so so glad you made it- so proud.” She chuckled warmly, taking your arm in her own and leading you up the stairs.
A woman at the entrance stared at you. Her hair was pulled back tightly. She was wearing a modest ankle-length dress. Her smile appeared once Annie said something, you weren’t paying attention though. But as Annie and her family walked to the pews you could feel that woman’s eyes on you…was it the dress you wore? Perhaps.
But soon you were standing, singing (mumbling) hymns that were too cheery for 7 am, And just when you thought you were going to sit the organ played again. Except it wasn’t a hymn this time, this time the altar boys came down the altar, you were sitting near the front. So you couldn't see much, you saw Warren and another young boy, dressed in white robes, and finally behind them, towering over them. Jet black hair, head bowed near his hands which were pressed together, praying hands . Big hands.
He was tall and when he lifted his head, his eyes stared at the cross before him, but you could see the rest of the people in the pews seemingly in awe as he walked by. His eyebrows thick, his slight smile peeking through as he finally reached the main altar, he bowed and then stepped up behind the podium.
And then, with a more noticeable smile and a inhale. He began to speak, “Good morning everyone. I would like to start by saying that today feels like a blessed day... And I say that because I’m looking at the crowd and I’m seeing new faces, new and wonderful faces and it warms my heart that more people are coming by, giving it a chance, giving our lord a chance. Because the few weeks I’ve been here I haven’t seen the pews so crowded, it’s just truly something else. Amen.” His eyes, dark eyes ran over the crowd. “But enough about that- let’s go back to where we left off-” He reached for his bible.
And the meanings of his words faded out for the most part. All you paid attention to was the warmth of that voice. So warm, so deep, In fact so comforting it almost made you want to fall asleep. Especially as he lowered it, to seem intimate, to seem like this one on one conversation he was trying to have to get his point across, to convince. And it calmed you for a moment.
Until communion came around. And everyone was standing except for you and Riley. You sat back with him.
And that was fine. At least you weren’t alone, but you were respectful. Keeping your eyes down, Sometimes sharing a smile with Riley. But then as a stranger passed by they dropped their wallet and everyone else was on the line for the bread and wine so the only sensible thing to do was get it, return it. You were in church, after all, Lord was watching.
So as you got up out of your seat bending down for the wallet it didn’t register that hey, maybe some bitch was gonna bump into you and spill wine down the front of your white cardigan when you stood up, but unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.
You gasped, taken aback, wallet in hand, cardigan dripping, the crystal wine holding glass whatever you call it on the floor and the same woman who stared at you with daggers in her eyes was the one who “bumped” into you.
At least you returned the wallet and at least church ended about ten minutes later. And your white dress with flowers was also stained as you sat for the rest of church stained with wine and in a dress that was not modest whatsoever. You looked down at your hands the entire time, feeling stares.
And soon enough Father Paul ended service and you wanted to leave so badly. And you were on your way to do just that when you heard a warm voice behind you.
“You’re new.” The voice was the same one that had been preaching to you for the past hour.
And it sent a shock through you and you didn’t want to turn around, but you had to. So you did, and he was so much taller than you expected, you had to crane your neck to look up to him, to look up to Father Paul. And he had to crane his neck to look down.
“I’m new.” You huffed out, forcing a smile with your face burning as you couldn't cover up and you were standing in front of a priest. A priest who was so tall that he could probably see down the front of your dress, so you watched his eyes closely- and he didn’t. And you felt glad but paranoid.
“What’s your name?” His tone was extremely polite. A little awkward even. A ghost of a smile on his lips as he tilted his head slightly.
“(Y/n) (y/l/n)” You replied your full name. Still forcing that polite smile as he looked down at you.
“Wonderful name. As you know I’m, uh, Father Paul Hill. It’s great to meet you, I enjoy uh knowing everyone in my congregation, you could imagine how that’s important to me.” He gestured with his hands as he spoke. He was nervous somehow. Like a different person when he wasn’t at the altar, and he spoke slower too, taking his time with every word.
“Yes, I could imagine. Must be hard, with so many people.”
“Well it can be but I make it a point to know everyone on a more personal level. And speaking of, I saw the little accident that happened, would you like maybe a different cardigan? It’s a shame yours got ruined and I feel terrible you having to sit around like that. And such a uh- pretty dress ruined as well.” He gave a smile, and it was only now you realized the church was almost empty by now.
“I would appreciate that very much, Father.” You smiled back sweetly, genuinely, warmly and you could see him swallow deeply. Still, that nervousness presented itself greatly and you couldn't figure out why… but he led you to the back, then out the back, then to a little house a little ways behind the church.
Apparently, this is where he stayed.
“Oh, this is a cozy little place.” You playfully commented, and Paul chuckled softly.
“Well it works,” he replied as he unlocked the door. “I’ll just rush in there and get something for you.” He turned his head to face you but a part of you- some strange part of you felt inclined to do something you normally wouldn’t.
“Not gonna invite me in Father? Thought you said you wanted to know everyone on a personal level.” You grinned at him, and if you didn’t know better you would assume you really just flirted with a priest. A priest who happened to be just your type.
And you cruelly watched as his cheeks turned pink, the initial surprise in his face turning over to a sheepish smile. “I’m- I’m sorry you’re right. Come in.” He laughed slightly in his words and he moved out of the way, holding the door open as you swayed on in the small cozy almost cabin-like home.
“You wouldn’t believe me but honestly this is a bit of a dream home for me. Its very nice actually.” You commented turning back around to see him walking in, having to bow his head as he entered. The doorframe was about his height. It stirred your feelings heavily.
“You can take a seat, um- do you want water or- or-”
“Oh no just a cardigan for me.” Your tongue was surprisingly fast today, he even looked at you like he couldn't keep up. But he laughed in response and went to another room and finally emerged with a large blue cardigan. “Hopefully this will match with your dress.” He rolled his shoulders back and he walked and took a seat across from you, handing it over.
And it was warm and soft, the material much more expensive than yours, And you looked up to his eyes, smiling as you slid it on, holding that eye contact with him. And then wrapping it around yourself tightly. And exhaling softly, “I appreciate this you know, that’s something I’ll never get tired of, the kindness that has plagued Crockett.” You huffed out a small laugh. And you could see him smiling, this sad warmth his eyes held was something you could get lost in.
“What brings you to Crockett anyway? To our church even- I mean, I saw you sit back for communion anyway with uh Riley…are you two-”
“Oh no!” You cut him off, laughing nervously. “No no, I’m just close with Mrs. Flynn and I’m here for the summer- I used to live here with my Ma till I was seventeen. I never went to church as a kid and ya know, Mrs. Flynn asked me to come. But I just didn’t think it would’ve been proper to take communion Father.” You blinked a couple of times, looking down at your hands, the sleeves completely engulfing the entirety of your palms,
“I noticed that too. Do you mind me asking where your beliefs lie? Are you… like Riley? Have that similar mindset?” He raised his eyebrows, setting his hands down and folding them. He tilted his head slightly, a strand of hair falling into his eyes.
“Well…I believe there is a god but I’m not very religious, I don't know much so no…not really like Riley.” You chewed at your lip for a moment. “But… maybe you could teach me?” You tilted your head to match his, and once again his face blossomed into a bright shade of pink.
“I’d be happy to sit down with you …. one on one another day. Go over scripture if you’d like. But I think the best thing would be for you to come to daily mass, just listen in (y/n). Pay attention, take notes.” He inhaled deeply.
“I’ll make sure of that. But enough of me bothering you, I’ll let you get on with your day-” You stood up, the cardigan was way longer than you expected. And you laughed at the length. “I’ll return this soon enough- it looks odd enough on me.” you extended your arms to show how large it was on you and he stood up, smiling fully- his eyes running over the sight of you in his large cardigan.
“Personally, I think it suits you (y/n).” A cheeky smile with red cheeks responded. And it warmed your face because it seemed a part of him was reciprocating the small feeling you created in this environment, this small spark.
But you left his small cabin with a huge smile and a huge cardigan.
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The plan was to stay for the summer. But then summer turned into fall and you didn’t go home, and then fall got colder and you called in to quit your job and went to cancel your lease. And then got a new job in Crockett and rented out a cabin on the far side of the island. And soon enough this was a place you called home once again.
And over that short time, you went to mass almost all the time, and you never got around to returning that cardigan either. You would wear it normally, it became a piece of your wardrobe even.
Though you also had many sit-downs with Father Paul, over the course of 6-7 months you would have nice sometimes deep conversations, friendly as can be and other times slightly flirtatious conversations, with smiles and laughs and prolonged eye contact.
It was little things here and there that made you suddenly realize how much you wanted him, you would catch him looking at you across the room. Him up on that altar and you…sitting in the pews with a warm smile.
And then winter came. - - - - - -
The power went out in your home. Normally you would find shelter in the Rec center but it was closed when you got there and it was snowing heavily, Everyone was locked inside, and you weren’t about to go down to the shore to the Flynns home, so you went to the closest home, and that was Father Pauls little cabin.
It was hard to ignore his home as it was decorated with all the lights in the world, it made you let out a scoff as you walked up to his door, shivering as you knocked a couple of times, not too hard because the cold made your hands feel like ice and it hurt like hell.
You sniffled a bit, waiting for a minute or so, no one came to the door, you were about to leave when you heard a lock come undone.
“Coming!” you heard a muffled, familiar voice call. A little panicked sounding.
And then a familiar face presented itself, his hair messier than you’ve ever seen, though that was a given, it was late. And he wasn’t in his usual priest attire. He was wearing a long-sleeved loose dark grey shirt, the sleeves rolled up on his forearms, the shirt low on his neck paired with grey sweatpants. He looked as comfy as possible, and his dark eyebrows raised once he realized it was you.
“Oh- “ he mumbled, a small smile forming at the edge of his lips, his cheeks rosy, it took him a minute to get his bearings on what to say. “I um-”
“My power went out.” You huffed softly, eyes lowering to your feet. “I didn’t know where else to go, I thought the rec center would be open but it wasn’t- so I just came by and was gonna ask if…” you trailed off, realizing how it sounded, how the town would look at you or worse, at Father Paul if someone found out you stayed the night, Beverly already would stare at you like the devil when she realized whose cardigan it was you wore ever since the first day you came.
“I’m sorry- I don't know why I came by Father, I’ll be going now-” You turned to leave, but you felt a warm, huge hand grab your wrist. His touch was such a surprise that it was as if it almost burned you as you gasped softly, turning to look back at him, and maybe he thought it offended you because his hand was gone just as fast as it appeared.
“I’m- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to- sorry- you…you can come in, I wouldn’t mind- its warm in here and I’m making coffee anyway, there’s lots of blankets and the fire is going. Please…come in.” Paul’s eyebrows and eyes held so much worry, even his forehead wrinkled slightly.
A smile fell upon your face. And the sudden stress melted away. “Thank you.”
You sat on his couch covered in a thick blanket, a warm mug in your lap as you sat, staring at the fire, he didn’t have a tv- just that fireplace burning and crackling. He disappeared into his room for a while, probably not used to a girl sitting in his living room. Probably panicking and the thought warmed your insides, you weren’t happy he maybe felt like he was breaking his vows or whatever priests called them. But just that your presence made him this way.
You noticed it after a few months of being here, his sudden nervousness, he could never keep his composure.
But eventually, he came back out, an odd look on his face. He was biting at the inside of his cheek as he walked a few steps before stopping, just staring.
His hands found their way to each other, he nervously intertwined them together in front of himself, playing with his own fingers. Awkwardly standing still.
“Are you gonna come join me, Father? There’s enough space I think- maybe not though, you’re kinda big.” You quipped. Raising a brow and watching him seemingly come back to reality and huff out a breathy half-laugh. Shaking his head.
“You know most of the time I’m alone. I’m just not used to company. And yeah… I probably wouldn’t fit.” Paul ran a nervous hand through his hair dark hair. It was even getting a bit curly, he sorta let it grow out, after all, it was winter. But it was cute like that, your fingers itched to run through that jet black hair of his.
But he walked to the couch, sitting on the far end, staring once again. He took a sudden breath, turning his head fully to you. “How’s the coffee?”
“Light and sweet. Perfect. ” The answer came out in a flirtatious fashion. You really couldn't help yourself around him. You even licked at your lips, just a tad bit too slow and you swore those dark eyes watched as you did so. And then he immediately turned his head away.
“I love your decorations Father- though I bet that was the reason my power went out.” You side-eyed him, grinning and for a second you could see the panic in his face, replaced with a smile just as you began to laugh. His smile was cheeky and warm and white.
“You know, you really get me nervous. Frightfully so. I can never tell if you’re being serious. Even after all these months, but I like that about your personality, you are very unique, no one else is like that around here. You keep me on my toes, kinda scare me a little-” He furrowed his brows, finishing with a chuckle, his smile remained as he confessed what he felt.
“I scare you Father?” your voice dropped a bit. As much as his words warmed your heart you could help raise your eyebrow, you challenged him, setting down the mug on the coffee table. Moving the blanket off to the side and standing, every movement slow as you walked and stood directly in front of him so he looked up to you. “Father?” you asked in a whisper. Letting him know exactly what your intentions were.
It was like his jaw hung open as he looked up. In awe of you, this fierce woman who he’d been hellbent on not falling for…he couldn't do it again. He promised himself after Mildred but here he was, in the same predicament. Paul swallowed and you watched his adam’s apple bob up and down. “Yes, you-” His voice cracked “Y-you scare me.” You caught his voice quivering at the end.
You sighed. Wishing he would make a move. “Oh, I’m not scary. I don't bite.” You reached a hand, moving that strand of hair back from his forehead, and his eyes almost closed for a second, a sound getting caught in his throat. “I can be very gentle Father.” Your other hand found its way to his cheek, your thumb rubbing over his cheekbone.
He whispered your name, almost like a warning, almost like a prayer.
“I can’t-” his voice faltered once again.
“Yes…you can.” a small smile was on your lips. “You know, all this time- I’ve been waiting for you to get the hint.” A chuckle left your lips and he even smiled, all embarrassed like. Ears and cheeks blushed.
“I got the hint, I got it the first day you came. But you have to understand…my vows-” He watched you with worried. Big sad puppy eyes land on your face, staying there. They held so much adoration and respect and want, it almost broke your heart a little.
“I don't want much from you.” your hands went to his lips, your thumb ghosting over them, they were beautiful to you, and you learned to have loved them from afar but now you wanted more.
He leaned into the touch, you couldn't imagine how starved he must’ve been of touch from another person, from the warmth and love you gained from someone else. Your hands fell once you felt his hands on your hips. Slowly those large hands and long fingers tightened as his head fell forward to your stomach, he was hugging you. Nudging his head upwards- he wanted the same thing but he couldn't bring himself to.
So you held his head closely. Running your fingers hesitantly through that jet black hair. “I’m tired of…just looking at you from afar. or sitting with a table in our way- or with people staring... I feel like I’m wasting time, valuable time.” his voice came out small and his arms tightened and kept doing so. And it felt so comfortable, it almost surprised you.
“So don't waste this time Paul. Don't send me away.” Your voice was small now because he was right- you too were tired of it, of just having a conversation here and there with people staring. Tired of the distance, you needed more. Because he plagued your thoughts, and it was so odd because this connection was oddly strong, and the pain it brought you to be without him was almost unbearable.
“Hey, Look at me.”
And he did, his eyes wide, pink soft-looking lips parted, eyebrows furrowed. Like a sad puppy.
But the want was even more noticeable.
“I won’t hurt you.” You smiled at him, cradling his sad face once more.
You lowered your head, kissing his cheek softly, and he froze in your hands, not daring to even draw a breath, and so you moved to his other cheek. Pressing another soft kiss. Letting him get used to the feeling. And he closed his eyes, exhaling. His entire body begged for more, his face tingling with warmth as this unknown feeling took over his body, all he knew was that he was addicted and now his thumbs were pressing into your hips.
Exploring the body before him, exploring your body.
You finally lowered your head to where your lips were so close to his. You slowly, hesitantly leaned forward, finding that he was also moving his head upwards to meet yours.
Both of your lips met, softly, it was scary for him. Even for you, it felt a little nerve-wracking, you’ve never dealt with someone this fragile before. But you held his face as the kiss lingered, it was chaste. But it sent shockwaves through the man below you.
You broke the kiss, checking to see if he was okay, but as you went to pull away further, he was pulling you right back to him, seizing your mouth with his own. The kiss deepened, his hands pulling you forward, and the next thing you knew you were sitting on his lap.
Straddling his lap, his arms holding you impossibly close, keeping you there as you both explored one another’s mouths, experimenting almost, seeing if he liked this or that, Seeing how he reacted to a bite or a suck of the lips.
He reacted wonderfully to all your tricks. Either humming or groaning into the kiss, his shoulders tensing or his hips bucking forward. Your own hands wandered, pulling at his hair slightly, pressing your hips into his own and he moaned - actually fuckin moaned.
And his hips bucked up into yours and you could feel the sudden hardness below you. But you couldn't blame him. This was probably his first time in a long time. And so you did it again, grinding intentionally this time.
He broke the kiss, moaning aloud. His hips bucked up as his shoulders tensed. “Oh I’m sorry-” he breathlessly and rushingly rambled, “Oh I’m so sorry-” and you wondered why he was apologizing and couldn't look at you for a moment until you felt the growing wetness below you from his pants. ‘He finished’- you realized suddenly.
Paul’s face was beet red- and he was bewildered. And ashamed and so painfully embarrassed.
“Hey- hey-” you took his face in your hands again. “Its okay-” you shook your head. “Its okay- I understand.” You smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth.
“No, I’m sorry that- I’m pathetic- I didn’t mean to do that.” You could see pricks of tears in his eyes. And you kissed him on the forehead, part of you feeling guilty .
“How about we get you cleaned up? Let’s umm let’s take a bath?”
You sat in between his legs, your back to his chest. It didn’t bother him, the nudity. At first, it took you a long time to convince him it would be okay. He was afraid of your reaction to his body, he was self-conscious - but you promised it wouldn’t change a thing. In fact, you found his body to be beautiful, it was toned, his arms strong, shoulders broad, lean and toned, and you smirked at him when he sat there afraid of his own body.
“Paul…you are so so handsome, god everything about you is perfect.” You muttered softly,
His reaction to your naked self was amazing though, he spouted out thanks to god when he saw you, he praised you in a way you never had received from any other man in this world, he considered himself the luckiest man to be seeing you so vulnerable.
And so you sat with him. In the warmth of the tub and he held you. He perfectly enveloped your body. And he hummed hymns as you rested your head on his chest, everything was so soothing. It felt so perfect and sure it wasn’t really the most normal thing, the entire pace of your relationship was strange but it felt good and comfortable, and safe.
It was refreshing actually, he wasn’t so sex-hungry, he saw you naked and his immediate reaction was “You’re heavenly.” he didn’t reach for you, to touch for pleasure, he didn’t even kiss you, he sat in the tub and held you and pressed kisses on the top of your head, he told you stories of his youth and hummed hymns while you told him about your own youth. It felt so pure just being here with him.
“I want you to stay tonight. In my room, I want to…hold you.” he sweetly whispered like it was a secret no one else could hear.
“Yeah?’ you softly replied, your eyes closed.
“Yes…and then I want you to stay the next day. And then the next.” You could hear the smile forming in his voice as he nudged your cheek with his nose. And you grinned, giggling as you turned to face him, the water was getting colder now.
“Sooo… you’re saying you wanna spend Christmas with me?” You raised your eyebrows, flattered as could be. A stupid grin painted your face.
“I would like to, we canceled service because of the storm anyway… so I’m free to stay in here and spend the day with a very beautiful woman who is very kind and not scary at all.” He gave up a cheeky smile once again.
You leaned forward to kiss him on the tip of his nose. “I like that idea..but ya know the water is getting cold so maybe we should get out and cuddle somewhere drier.” You quipped once more and he scoffed and sorta laughed,
“I would be honored.”
That night was genuinely the first night you rested well. No middle of the night waking up thirsty for water, or uncomfy pillow, or even just plain old overthinking.
It was just you and Paul. In his ever so soft bed with thick warm blankets. He held you tightly, his body just so big compared to your own, it felt so nice…and you wondered why he was so kind and loving and why you were so lucky. You didn’t know what this meant for the both of you, but god it felt so good, to feel his chest rising and his small hums in his sleep. To turn and see his eyes closed so peacefully, no worry in his face.
But you knew you wanted to be a part of his life…but of course, it had to all be one step at a time. For now, you would focus on the next two days, just the two of you sitting in a storm during Christmas. You wondered what his present would be.
Maybe early in the morning you would sneak out and get something.
But it all excited you so much as you closed your eyes, sleeping at last.