Work Text:
Outer Rim Territories - 5:32 pm
Ahsoka sighed, leaning back into her chair. With one boot propped up on the console, she stared blankly out the viewport at the swirl of light and dark blue as the ship traveled through hyperspace. Every aspect of the last battle ran through her mind almost as fast as they were traveling.
He got away. I let him get away, again. The clones- my brothers. So many gone… so many-
“Ahsoka?”
Carefully the chair spun around as Ahsoka looked up to her former brother in arms. Rex gazed back, concern clear on his face despite how tired he looked.
“Are you alright?”
“Mmhmm.”
Right.
“Why uh- why don’t you let me take over for a bit. You can go rest.”
“I’m alright, Rex.” She responded quietly, spinning the chair back towards the front of the ship. Rex frowned, sighing himself as he moved to the other chair, sitting down before facing her.
She didn’t extend him the same courtesy, however, keeping her gaze locked out of the viewport. The silence was deafening, and both knew it. Neither one knew what to say, what to do. What was there to do now? With the Republic shattered and fallen, their family gone, their life. It felt as if every turn were a dead end with the sickening realization of their new reality waiting to suffocate them.
“It’s not your fault.”
It’s mine, Ahsoka.
She didn’t respond.
“What happened, no one could have stopped it. It was… it was too late.”
It’s my fault. They were my brothers, and I abandoned them all to die-
“It was my fault.”
Rex looked up. Ahsoka still wasn’t looking at him, but her body language alone told him everything he needed to know. The way she was sitting, hugging her knees to her chest as if it were her last line of defense to her heart. The way the air around them was stiff and silent. Rex could only imagine how the Force must have been affected.
How it was affecting Ahsoka.
“It was my fault.” she repeated “I- I should’ve known.”
“How.”
“I don’t- it doesn’t matter how it matters that I should have known.”
“You-”
“Maul?” She sighed, finally turning to face him “He’s on me too. I let him get away, again, all because the clones-”
The clones. The pawn of the Republic, of the Empire, of the Jed-
“I was so focused on the win, on, on capturing Maul that I didn’t realize anything until it was too late.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that, Ahsoka. You can’t. Maul-”
“Maul warned me.” She interrupted “He warned me about everything, and I didn’t listen. He told me what would happen, and I- I didn’t listen to him because I didn’t want to believe he was right. I couldn’t, I mean, how could he be right about something so horrible?”
Rex didn’t respond that time since he didn’t have a good answer. Instead, Ahsoka shifted and crossed her legs before leaning forward slightly.
“Anakin’s gone, Obi-Wan is gone, The Jedi, the Republic, our lives. Everyone and everything we’ve ever known is gone.”
“Not us.” Rex sighed
“Yeah, it’s a miracle.” Ahsoka scoffed, slightly turning towards the viewport.
“Ahsoka. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do, because all of this doesn’t even feel real. 48 hours ago I was talking with Cody about how close we were to the end of this war and now- now I don’t know.”
Ahsoka didn’t say anything aside from a light head shake before the console beeped as she flipped a switch and hit a few buttons before taking the controls.
“We’re here.”
‘Here’, meaning they’d finally arrived in the Outer Rim. They had to go somewhere, and with the entire galaxy now under the thumb of the Empire, there were limited options. Including planets that weren’t really suitable for humans or torgrutas.
Hoth.
One minute there, Ahsoka already hated it. She hadn’t personally been there yet, but from what she heard from Temple rumors alike, it wasn’t pleasant.
“Ew.” Ahsoka grimaced, staring out the viewport at the landscape of never-ending white. “Rex, are you sure we can’t find somewhere better?”
“Maybe.” Rex sighed, throwing on his winter gear “But this will have to do, for now. Just until we can get better bearings.”
“I don’t think we’ll get any bearings out here.”
“Well, we could always go back to the Inner Rim, that is if you don’t mind picking and or fighting your way through the Empire and their guard.”
“At least we wouldn’t be stuck in snow hell.”
“No.” Rex scoffed “Just Empire hell. This will be fine for a few hours while we get things figured out.”
“How are we to prevent the ship from getting buried?”
“It’s not snowing right now. We have time.”
“How do you know so much about this place anyway?”
“Research.” He replied nonchalantly, passing Ahsoka her own gear “You might want to layer up, it gets cold here.”
Once they had layered up and made sure the ship was secure, both found themselves back in the cockpit sitting in silence, again. It wasn’t Ahsoka’s first choice, but neither was staying on this Force forsaken planet, or running and hiding from the Empire, or abandoning the only home she’s ever really known, or-
“Here.”
Spiraling, again.
Ahsoka looked up where Rex stood tall. She wasn’t sure when he had gotten up, but now he was offering her a small cup which she took. Instantly the warmth from the cup seeped into her frozen hands while the steam warmed her face.
“What is this?” She questioned, catching Rex’s gaze as he slid into his own chair with a heavy sigh, a matching cup in his hand.
“It’s hot chocolate.”
“It’s what?”
“You’ve never had it?” Rex scoffed “It is- it was Anakin’s favorite.”
“Oh. No, I’ve never, I don’t think I’ve ever had it before.”
“Try it, it’s pretty good.”
Rex allowed himself to smile when Ahsoka took her first sip of the beverage, her face neutral for a second before her eyes went wide as she gripped the cup tighter.
“Oh stars, that’s so good!”
“Right?” He laughed, taking his own sip “It’s pretty good.”
“It’s amazing! ” Ahsoka corrected “I can’t believe Anakin kept this from me for so long!”
“Hot chocolate for him was practically a delicacy. Growing up on Tatooine, he didn’t have much. So, when he came to the Temple, General Kenobi showed him everything there was to see, introduced him to more food than he knew what to do with.”
“That’s where he found his love for hot cocoa?”
“Mmmhmm. He took a liking to it pretty fast. It’s been his favorite drink ever since.” Rex smiled
Ahsoka allowed herself to smile as well before it faded when she looked down into the cup, watching the light brown liquid slowly swirl around the same way her mind was.
Spiraling.
“You really shouldn’t blame yourself, Ahsoka.” Rex frowned “I know what happened was… difficult, but-”
“Difficult.” Ahsoka scoffed “My Master turned to the Darkside, betrayed his family, his life, everything he had. What about that wouldn’t be difficult?”
“I know.”
“Do you? Anakin was my Master, and sure he had his flaws, he made mistakes, but he was good. That was the one thing he had, Rex, the one thing. No matter what happened, what he’d done, what he would do, no matter how bad things got, he was always good. Somewhere along the line, he lost that part of himself, and I wasn’t there to-”
Ahsoka sharply cut off, looking out the viewport again. A light snowfall had started, not enough to warrant any panic, but enough to send a chill down her spine.
“I wasn’t there for him. That’s on me.”
“So, what? You’re just going to blame yourself for the rest of your life?”
He earned a glare for that one.
“I just mean, you can’t let this consume you, Ahsoka.”
“How else am I supposed to get through it.” She scoffed “Counseling?”
“No.” Rex sighed with a pointed look, placing his cup down on the console. “But I’ve seen this a million times, Ahsoka. Brothers who have fallen so deep into their grief and regret they barely function anymore. You can’t let that happen, we need you. I need you.”
“You don’t need me, Rex.” Ahsoka sighed “You don’t. I can’t- I’m not someone you want to have watching your back. Not anymore.”
“I disagree.”
“You spent too much time around Anakin.” She scoffed, taking another sip. “He disagreed with almost everything I said.”
“Maybe he was onto something.” Rex smiled, grabbing his cup again. “Trust me on this, alright?”
“If it’ll make you happy, fine.” Ahsoka frowned “For now, I’ll trust you.”
“Thanks.” Rex scoffed “Just drink your cocoa.”
Even behind the cup, Ahsoka could tell he was smiling slightly as she did the same, trying to ignore the dull ache of a voice in the back of her mind repeating the same thing, over and over again.
Your fault.
They hadn’t intended on spending all night there. It was almost dark by the time they arrived, and the original plan was to stay for a few hours and come up with a new plan, a new place to hide until they could find something better.
That didn’t happen. They wound up staying on Hoth well into the night.
There wasn’t much snowfall, just enough to cover the ship in a thin layer. Ahsoka only hoped it wouldn’t freeze overnight and render the ship useless by morning.
There wasn’t much sleep for a while either. Ahsoka had claimed the first watch so Rex could get some shut-eye, which only lasted for about an hour before he was shuffling back into the cockpit, pulling his parka tighter as he sent her off to sleep.
“My turn for watch. Go get some rest.”
“I’m good.”
“I’m not asking, Ahsoka. Go.”
She’d tried to argue, and probably would have won too, but Rex was already exhausted, and after the last few days, she didn’t want to fight anymore. The thought of it made her nauseous. So she left without further complaint, to the back of the ship.
The ‘beds’ were not comfortable, and the cold chill of the ship didn’t help as Ahsoka pulled her own parka closer before pulling the light blanket around herself, finally falling into a light sleep almost an hour later.
“With your help, the Jedi can stop Sideous before it’s too late.”
“Too late for what! The Republic to fall? It already has and you just can’t see it! There is no justice, no law, no order, except for the one that will replace it! The time of the Jedi has passed. They cannot defeat Sideous. But together, you and I can.”
~~~
“What do you want with Anakin Skywalker?”
“He is the key to everything.”
“To bring balance to the Force?”
“To destroy. He has long been groomed for his role as my Masters’ new apprentice.”
“You lie.”
~~~
The moment she closed her eyes, she was back there. The sound of blasters firing against her own brothers, against Rex, her. The putrid stench of burning plastoid filled the air. Ahsoka looked down to find the heavy metal hilt of her lightsaber weighing in her hand. She was back, again, and no. This was a fever dream, some sort of lucid game her mind or the Force was playing on her.
A blaster bolt barely missing her head told her it was real. Or, real in the sense of her dreams. She was there again, and someone was shouting at her.
Rex.
“Commander Tano, we have to go!”
“Rex?”
“Snap out of it, we have to-”
“Maul.” Ahsoka breathed, almost a whisper. “Where’s Maul?”
“Maul?” Rex scoffed “Ahsoka, Maul is dead, you killed him!”
I… what?
“What?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t… Rex, what’s going on?”
“We don’t have time for this, we have to go!”
Ahsoka watched him extend his hand towards her, but she didn’t take it immediately. Not when she looked around and watched all the clones, her brothers, getting closer and firing on them and one another and-
Everything and nothing made sense all at once, and it was making her head spin.
“Ahsoka!”
She looked back at him. He looked the same, tired and battle-weary, exhausted and in pain, struggling. She knew exactly how he felt, but couldn’t connect with him in the way she needed to. They needed to rely on one another, and they couldn’t.
She took his hand.
Or, at least tried to. It failed when her hand went right through his own as if he were made of mist before he disappeared. Everyone and everything disappeared around her. The ruins of the ship vanished as well before Ahsoka was surrounded by nothing but black.
Her footsteps echoed against the dark floor, a misty fog pooling around her boots with each step. This was- wasn’t anything she knew or recognized. It almost felt like space, just… empty.
“Rex?”
Nothing.
Nothing but Ahsoka’s footsteps and light breathing before she saw it. That faint red glow in the distance, almost resembling a lightsaber.
It was.
A blood-red lightsaber.
And… heavy breathing?
Ahsoka froze, reaching down for her own lightsabers which evidently weren’t there.
Great.
“You’re not scared, are you?”
“What?” Ahsoka spun, searching for the voice but couldn’t see anything. “Who’s there?”
Her only response was the breathing getting louder, and closer, and more dangerous.
“I assure you, Lady Tano, you’ve met before.”
“What?”
Ahsoka looked up. The glowing saber was still there, whoever was holding it was still there. Despite the imminent danger she felt from the stranger, she felt a familiar pull.
She knew it.
Them.
Him.
Against all her better judgment, Ahsoka took a few steps closer as the pull got stronger. It was… calling to her in a way only she knew.
She’d felt it before.
It was… Anakin?
“No.”
Then it was gone.
“Anakin?” Ahsoka whispered, fruitlessly looking around.
“Ahsoka.”
There it was.
There he was.
Carefully, Ahsoka turned around to face the same creature with the red lightsaber, staring her down. He blended in with the surroundings, cloaked in black and darkness.
Twisted, confused, angry, hurt.
Wicked.
It was him.
“Ahsoka.”
The voice was deep and dark and twisted. It didn’t sound like Anakin, but it felt like him. Just… broken.
“Ahsoka.”
There it was again, but different. It wasn’t the same mechanical voice she heard before but back to normal.
It was Anakin.
“Ahsoka.”
“Anakin. How are you- what happened to you?”
“You weren’t there.”
“I- I’m sorry.” Ahsoka gasped “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. This-“
“This is what happened.”
“You-“
“Do you know what I have become?”
“I-I don’t, I-“
“You made me into this. It’s all your fault.”
“No.”
He disappeared again as Ahsoka stumbled backward, holding her head while the Force swirled around her in a flurry of panic and disarray.
He had become… that? Whatever that monster was, it wasn’t Anakin. She knew Anakin, and he would never allow himself to become something like that.
She backed up some more, just wanting to get out and back to Rex, back to all of it before it happened.
Back to her chance to save the Republic.
To save him.
It didn’t happen. Not when she backed up straight into Anakin. More accurately, the 8-foot mechanical monster created by Palpatine.
Sideous.
Traitor.
“Anakin?”
Even in the dark, thanks to the glow of his lightsaber, Ahsoka could see his helmet was shattered on the right side, showing his face, his scowl, his yellow eyes.
“Traitor.”
“What?”
“Traitors are to be found and executed, by the law of the Empire.”
Ahsoka panicked when Anakin’s Vaders expression hardened when he raised his saber as she crouched and threw her hands up, shielding herself when the blade came down and-
Ahsoka woke with a startled shout, lurching upright as she gripped the mat for support. She was pretty much shaking despite feeling way too hot in her own skin when the door opened and Rex ran in looking panicked himself.
“Ahsoka?”
“Rex? You’re… you’re alright?”
“I’m… are you?” He countered, watching the way she huffed and pulled her knees up before wrapping the blanket around her shoulders.
“I- I’m fine. I’m fine.”
Rex didn’t look sure when he noticed the faint claw marks on the mat. That paired with how Ahsoka was still shaking, he knew she obviously wasn’t alright. He may not be Force-sensitive, but he didn’t need it to see she wasn’t okay.
“You saw something?”
“What?” She scoffed “No.”
“Ahsoka.”
“I didn’t. At least nothing I want to talk about.”
“Ahsoka-”
“We’ve spent too much time here.” She sighed, pushing off the bed as she pulled the blanket tighter and moved towards the cockpit. “We should get going.”
“Ahsoka, you can’t go on like this. It’s not healthy.”
“Rex.”
“You can talk to me.”
“I know.” Ahsoka nodded “I just… not right now, okay?”
“Soon?”
“We’ll see. Let’s get out of here, please. I’m cold.”
Rex scoffed a laugh, following Ahsoka to the cockpit as they re-took their seats and started up the ship, silencing stretching across the space aside from the low humming of the engine.
“We need to find a new place to go.” Rex frowned
“Can we maybe pick someplace warmer this time?” Ahsoka shuddered “I hate this planet.”
“You’re not the only one.” He smiled “I’m sure we can figure something out, though.”
Ahsoka gave a light smile and nod before directing her attention back towards the viewport as the ship roared to life, and they were once more on the run.