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It started six hours into a twenty-four hour shift. It was the slowest--he wasn't going to be blamed for jinxing the station, thank you very much--shift the 118 had had all week, and Buck was bored out of his mind.
He was just coming back up the stairs to the loft, after having gone over the inventory for the second time, when he heard Hen say his name, and he faltered.
"Eddie, Buck is your friend. You know he'd-"
"God, that's the thing, Hen. I don't want him to be my friend," hissed the voice of his best friend, and suddenly, it was like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over the blond's head. Blinking in shock like the action would make him hear things differently, Buck took a stumbling step back down the stairs before either of his teammates saw him, and then he turned on his heel and rushed down them two at a time.
I don't want him to be my friend.
Why? Despite his attempts to stop them, tears burned at his eyes, his thoughts running a mile a minute. Why didn't Eddie want to be his friend? He just didn't get it. What happened to 'There's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you?'
What happened to 'You can have my back any day?' What happened to them?
Buck didn't understand what had changed so suddenly. Just that morning, they'd been joking around and planning out their next trip to the zoo with Christopher. And now Eddie didn't like him anymore?
What?
In his haste to get as far from the loft as possible, Buck walked right into Chimney, and he startled, nearly falling backwards if it weren't for the man latching onto his arms. "Woah there, Buckaroo. You okay?"
Tear filled eyes met Chimney's confused and slightly concerned ones, and he simply nodded, sucking in a sharp breath. "Yeah, no, I'm- Bathroom. Just gotta-" Buck hooked his thumb over his shoulder and spun around once again, backpedaling toward the restroom too quickly for Chimney to stop him.
When he finally closed the door behind him, Buck met his watery eyes in the mirror, and his lips trembled. Why did the thought of Eddie not wanting him around anymore hurt so much?
Just minutes after his small bathroom breakdown, the bell had rung, and Buck had never been more greatful for it, glad to push his feelings to the side and pretend nothing was wrong. When he rushed to the truck and sat in his normal spot, though, he couldn't help the way he tensed slightly when Eddie's knee knocked against his.
So, he turned to Hen and began talking about the different types of cat litter that are better and worse for cats. You know, as one does. After a few moments of silence, where the woman just blinked at him, her brows furrowed ever so slightly. "Buck, are you trying to tell us you're getting a cat?"
"What? No, why?"
Chimney huffed out a disbelieving laugh, nudging the younger man with his foot. "You realize it's weird to know that, right? None of us own cats."
Frowning, Buck opened his mouth to say that Eddie appreciated his fun facts, but the words died on his tongue. Instead, he just shrugged. "I always wanted one when I was a kid."
It wasn't a lie, so Buck didn't feel bad about the aversion tactic. He did, however, feel bad about the confused look he saw Eddie shoot him out of the corner of his eye.
But Eddie didn't want to be his friend, so it didn't matter.
"You okay?" Eddie mumbled to him once they were climbing out of the firetruck at the scene of a car accident, and Buck offered a weak smile.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
What was Buck supposed to do? Why was his best friend so confusing?
"Yeah, you looked kinda spooked earlier, Buck," Chimney butted in, leaning into their space.
Once again, Buck tensed. "What? When was he spooked?" Eddie questioned, his brows furrowing as he turned to the other man.
"Hello, I am still here, and I was not spooked," Buck said, widening eyes flicking between the two.
"Like right before the bell rang," Chimney told Eddie, still talking about Buck like he wasn't right there, "he ran from the loft like his pants were on fire."
At that, Eddie tensed, and when he met Buck's gaze, he looked terrified. That was all that the blond could process before Bobby was yelling to them to hurry up, and he forced his spiraling thoughts to the side, resolutely not noticing the way Eddie's steps weren't in time with his anymore.
He really didn't know how, but Buck managed to avoid Eddie for the rest of his shift, and when he would normally linger afterwards to wait for him, he instead darted for his jeep the second he was allowed.
He didn't even stop to change out of his uniform, stopping only briefly to toss his bag into the backseat, before he was rounding the vehicle to the driver's side and wrenching the door open.
"Buck!"
Shit. Of course he wouldn't be fast enough. His head practically disappeared into his shoulders as he turned back around, an Buck knew the apprehension he felt was showing on his face. "H-Hey-"
"I'm sorry, okay?" Eddie interrupted as he drew closer to him, stopping a few feet from him. Farther than Buck wanted but probably closer than he wanted. "We can just forget about it, okay? It doesn't have to change anything." His voice was bordering on pleading, and it made confusion contort his features into a frown.
"You can't help how you feel, Eds. I'm- I'm sorry. I can give you space, if that'll help?" Buck stammered.
Eddie looked crushed at that, shoulders slumping. "You don't have to. . . Chris, you'll still see Chris, right? It's not his fault."
And Buck wanted to ask whose fault it was then, he wanted to beg for a reason, he wanted to understand what he'd done wrong. Instead, feeling more defeated than even how he had during the lawsuit, Buck swallowed down his feelings and nodded.
"Of course," he said, as if obvious. "I love that kid. I know you don't- I know you don't wanna be around me, but thank you for still letting me see him."
Buck's voice trailed off into a whisper as his watering eyes dropped to the ground. His heart ached, and there was a lump in his throat that no amount of swallowing would dissipate. If he met Eddie's dark gaze, he knew he would crumble.
Instead of whatever he thought Eddie was going to say, the man made a bemused noise, followed by an incredulous, "Huh?"
At that, Buck glanced up, and he saw the other man's face contorted in what could only be bewilderment. "Buck, what the f-? What are you talking about? That's the exact opposite of what I said," Eddie said, his brows furrowed and nose scrunched in confusion.
The emotion seemed to be going around, and Buck's face mirrored his best friend's. "You said, and I quote, 'I don't want him to be my friend.' What else could that possibly mean?"
As if hit, Eddie's face fell, his jaw dropping. "Is that all you heard?" He asked, something like hope in his voice.
"Well, yeah?"
"Oh my God, Buck, if you're gonna eavesdrop, at least listen to the whole conversation, you idiot," Eddie sighed. Buck made an offended noise.
"Wh-?"
"I don't wanna be your friend because I love you, dumbass," Eddie said finally, stressing the words as he ran his hand down his face. "I don't wanna be your friend, because I was kind of hoping we could be something more."
Buck gawped. All traces of hurt had flown out the metaphorical window, and his mouth fell open. It took a few seconds of just blinking in shock, before finally, his voice small, he said, "I'm so stupid."
"You think?" Eddie raised a brow at him, but he still wasn't moving, or coming closer like Buck really wanted him to.
"Oh. Oh! Eddie, I love you too," the blond cried out suddenly, eyes popping, and that was all it took to spur the other man into action.
In a split second, Eddie's hands were on his face, and his lips were on his, and his heart sung.
He may have been an idiot, but he was the luckiest idiot in the whole damn world.
("Can you believe Eddie actually thought Buck didn't love him back?" Hen murmured to Chimney from the open garage door.
"Oh, no I definitely saw that coming. Eddie's just as stupid as Buck.")