Work Text:
{ Another failed job, eh? } Vander scolds her from the beat-up couch; his weight isn’t dipping the cushions in like it should.
“I'm sorry” Jinx hides her face in the crook of her arm, fingers pulling at her hair until her scalp stings.
{ Another fuck up from the screw up committee; saw that coming from a mile away. } Mylo chants, with an eye roll, feet swinging from the edge of the titanic fan blade. Claggor is hunched up beside him, silent as always.
“Stop it.” She curls in on herself the best she can at her workbench, but they’re all around her and she’s so exposed. The soldering iron on the table is still plugged in from her latest tinkering with her bombs. Her fingers brush against it.
{ Another jinx. } Vi sneers over her sister's shoulder, venom dripping onto the back of her neck. The acid of her words eats through her flesh, and tissues, exposing bone.
{ I’m glad I left you. }
Jinx snaps.
“Shut up!” She grabs the small iron before she has the chance to stop herself, and the tip finds her forearm aggressively. Immediately, the skin turns white with a hiss, and a jolt of pain shocks her. She pulls the iron back, examines her work with a shuddering breath and that’s when she realizes..
It's quiet.
Swiveling in the chair, she scouts her hide-out; Vander isn’t on the couch anymore, Mylo and Claggor are gone and Vi isn’t hovering over her. She touches the back of her neck instinctively to find the acid burn; relief floods her when it isn’t there.
Jinx looks at the iron still in her hand, adrenaline making her palms clammy, she makes a decision, repositions herself at her bench, and the iron finds her skin again.
The instantaneous surge of pain makes her stomach flip upside down and her eyes roll, but she chases it. The heat of the iron hisses at the contact like a whisper, and she lets it talk.
One.
Two.
Three.
No, wait, that’s not enough.
Just a few more, I promise.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Mylo watching her, opening his mouth to speak, but the iron silences him before he even gets the chance.
When she looks up again, Mylo is gone.
Good riddance.
She puts down the soldering iron, wiping her clammy, shaking hands on the leg of her pants. It feels like butterflies are nestled deep in her ribcage, fluttering against her heart. Carefully brushing her fingertips against the whitened flesh, she finds the pain that sparks from her arm comforting and calming.
She’s finally found a way to shut them all up.
If only she’d thought of this sooner, maybe then-
“I heard about what happened today, at the harbor.”
Jinx jumps violently at the sudden presence of Silco, pushing her soldering iron out of reach and yanking the plug from its’ socket. Swiftly, she turns in her chair to face him as he approaches.
“Yeah, well, you can thank Sevika for that, it’s all because she changed the plan at the last second, and I-“
Silco holds up a hand before she can break into a defensive ramble, his face is illuminated dimly from the lights above her workbench.
Her head tilts slightly at the light fixtures; she needs to get new bulbs soon, she thinks.
Silco sees her arm before she can hide it, and reaches out, wrapping his fingers around her wrist and overturning it. He’s silent as he takes in the damage she’s done to herself, the old scars hidden shamelessly underneath the bright new burns. How long has she been doing this? How didn’t he notice it before? It’s obvious, he thinks; he’d been too enveloped in his work, as usual; there’s no real way he would have known.
Jinx keeps her gaze on the floor, too embarrassed too ashamed too disappointed doesn’t want to see the expressions on his face.
He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, as if he’s at a loss for words, and doesn't know what to say to his daughter that’s burned herself because she couldn’t find another way to make the voices stop.
He wishes he could make them stop for her. Silence them once and for all; but he still hasn’t managed to silence his own demons, even after all these years.
If only it were that simple.
He draws in a breath and finally, she looks at him.
“Promise me, Jinx.”
His voice is clear in her ears and his hand is firm on her wrist, yet careful to avoid the angry white burns littering her forearm; the flesh of her other arm blushes salmon pink with old scars; and she feels herself shrink under his gaze because she’s bad at promises, could never keep them no matter how hard she tried.
Mylo is peeking over Silco's shoulder, examining her work with a sneer.
{ Wow, you even fucked that up, powder}
The old name burns her like a brand, and she tries not to wince. I just need to ignore him. like I always do. She bites her lip, gaze moving between Silco’s face, the saddened expression on it; and her captured limb, wounds throbbing.
There’s a shadow sitting on her workbench, scolding her in sharp-tongued whispers.
< failure/useless/jinx/die/fuckup/jinxjinxjinx >
Pressing hot metal to her skin is the only thing that makes the voices stop, if only for a little while. Silco is as stoic and stone expressions as they come, but in this moment, concern and worry are etched deeply into his face.
“Please.”
He begs her, and he’s never begged her for anything before, and she doesn’t want to make a promise she knows she won’t be able to keep but it’s Silco, and she doesn’t want to disappoint him more than she already has. She can’t stomach seeing this kind of pain in his eyes again, not because of her. She's hurt enough people, the last thing she wants to do is ruin the one good thing she has left.