Chapter Text
Namjoon knew he was going to get the short end of the stick anywhere he goes, that's just his life and he knows it. But that doesn't stop him from believing and trying to attain at least a bit of happiness. He knew that the rude lady from before would complain against him and that his manager would definitely come and fire him on the spot. And namjoon was prepared for the inevitable.
What happened was, namjoon had caught a lady red handed trying to steal one of the many products available in the store. But when he tried to politely ask her to leave she went on screaming like a Banshee and blamed Namjoon that he was very impolite and that he was just trying to blame her when she was "clearly innocent". Her screams alerted the floor manager and she made it seem like Namjoon was at fault and she was a very respectable customer. And of course, "fate", never in Namjoon's favor made the head manager believe the lady's lies and he was fired on the spot. He, at least was happy that he had gotten paid before getting fired from his job.
Namjoon was used to being mistreated, neglected his whole life. So, it was nothing out of the ordinary for him and he knew that it was time for him to move on to a different place. He went back to the omega center where he had a room for himself, bid the warden goodbye and went to the bus stop to try and move to the next place.
As he was contemplating about where to go next with his limited funds, he chanced upon an advertisement for a moving and cleaning company located in Daegu. He always in his wandering list of places to visit, wanted to go to daegu. So without much further thinking he decided to board the next shuttle bus to Daegu.
He wished to relax on the bus, (how much ever of it was possible), he planned to be awake and not completely doze off. His dreams, although rare, were always vivid and exciting for him, cuz he believed that his dreams always showed him the right places to be. And following those dreams all throughout his 24 years of unhappy life had kept him safe and completely alive.
Namjoon 🐨 dreamt that he was walking on the hill with beautiful cherry blossoms full of bloom and petals just drifting in the air and wafting their fragrance. He was looking at those floating petals when it seemed like somebody called him. And he turned around to see, someone tall, with muscular proportions. Namjoon in his dream couldn't see the man's face as it was obscured by the sunlight behind the man. That man had spread open his arms and it felt like he was beckoning Namjoon to him. Dream Namjoon felt happy and even felt like if he were to embrace that man right at that moment, he would always be safe and happy. So dream Namjoon did not hesitate anymore and just jumped into the arms of that man. As soon as he hugged that man, he saw the eyes of the man turn shiny blood red. It felt like the eyes of the man were boring right into his soul. Dream Namjoon desperately wanted to see this man's face but it still wasn't visible. He tried to turn that man towards light and just as he was about to look into the man's face, he was jolted awake by the sudden brakes applied by the driver.
Namjoon vaguely remembered the rest of his dream, but one thing that was absolutely engraved in his mind was that, his eyes were a deep red that promised safety, happiness and the feeling of being home. He felt something drip down from his eyes and onto his fingers, and realised that he had been crying. Namjoon knew why he had been crying. He had felt something that had evaded him his whole life. "The feeling of being home". Namjoon reminded himself not to get attached to such dreams because he was absolutely sure of one thing in his life and that was " His life will never be a bed of roses". He had walked the path of thorns and shards of glass whilst trying his best protect his vulnerable and broken heart.
Namjoon doesn't remember any instance in his life that was truly worth saving in his mind as happy memories. All he remembers is neglect from his "family" And rejection from everyone else. That doesn't mean, he is lonely. He is just alone. He has friends that he was fortunate enough to have in his life and time spent with them was quite enjoyable but it wasn't enough for him to actually settle with them. Or worse, burden them with his problems. Namjoon thinks that they are his friends because he doesn't depend upon them and Namjoon truly doesn't want to depend on them because he knows that if he depends on them once, he will depend on them once more and once more and once more... And he really, truly wishes that won't happen to him at all. He has made up his mind to never take any help from his friends ever at all, because he really doesn't wish to bring them into the chaos called his life.
But he still has his three best friends that he knows won't ever consider him as a burden. His yoongi hyung, hobi hyung and his beloved Jiminie. He calls them often enough to let them know about his visits to various places and also about their life, but never his hardships. He won't ever let them know of his ailings because he considers them as his lit candles showing him the way in absolute darkness. He wouldn't ever want to snuff out that flame which gives him warmth and comfort in each and every dark days of his turbulent life.
Namjoon often thinks of his family, who abandoned him like he was a scab meant to be peeled off once it's dry enough. He was very young and naive and had never realised that his family had never ever considered him to be a part of their family. Namjoon still remembers the day he came to know about his heritage. He had run back home after his school had ended and burst through the back doors of his house to proudly show his parents the gold Star he had gotten for yet again placing first in his exams. He wanted his parents to be proud of him as they were of his Jin hyung. He never questioned why he had been given a room in the dusty old and cold attic whilst every member of his family had special rooms with good conditions. He never wondered why he never had birthday parties for himself. He didn't even know his birth date but that's for later. He never felt to ask why he was never allowed to sit with his family to have any breakfast, lunch or dinner on the dining table or, why he was not allowed to walk through the front doors or why he was the only one who didn't have any surname when everyone in his family had it. Even his baby brother Taehyung had it but not him.
And all his questions were answered on that fateful day. He wasn't trying to eavesdrop on their conversation but he heard his omega mother shouting at his alpha mother. And he was very scared about that voice because after hearing that voice he would always be the one punished regardless of mistakes he committed or not. So, he made himself as small as possible and hid around the corner of the storeroom. He heard his omega mother say, " I'm sick and tired of looking at his face. He makes me realise that you cheated on me. His very presence grates on my nerves. And just today, he had the audacity to go into Tae's room and try to pick him up. If I wasn't there then I don't know what would happen to him. I don't want to deal with that whore's progeny anymore. You have to decide once and for all whether you want namjoon in your life or me and my children."
Namjoon didn't understand most parts of it but he knew that his omega mother was very upset with him for going into Tae's room in the morning. But he thought that he was already punished and forgiven for that. His punishment was to never enter Tae's room and also no food for the entire day, making it two days without food, because he was punished by his alpha mother the previous day for making noise while climbing the stairs up to his room and thereby disturbing Jin while he was resting. So he didn't understand what was going on entirely, but knew that his alpha mother had to choose between him and the other members of the family. He thought his alpha mother would pacify his omega mother but he never in a million years expected to hear the words fall out of his alpha mother's mouth.
He heard her say, " I will never choose him and you know that. I will abandon him in a heartbeat if it was possible for me to do so. The laws stipulate that I need to care for him at least until his presentation, but once he manifests his sub gender he is out of this house and also our life for good. You know I have never once considered him to be family or anything, and never acknowledged him to be my progeny. He is a drunken mistake that is still giving me a hangover. I promise my love, there's no one else in my heart besides you, Jin and Taehyung. I will punish him for breaking the rules. I will shift him into the old shed behind the outhouse. Once he is out of sight, he will be out of mind and hopefully out of our lives soon. Please my love, calm down, I hate him, always have and always will just as you do. So please believe me when I say that I will never allow him to hurt our babies ever.
Namjoon felt as if earth was ripped out beneath his feat. He felt suspended in mid air with no idea of depth. He knew that his parents were speaking about him but didn't understand why they hated him. He wasn't able to comprehend in his tiny mind, that may be he was never theirs to begin with and hence never had the right to be loved by them. That day, immediately with his meagre belongings, he was shifted to the old shed behind their beautiful outhouse. He never argued nor did he express any displeasure. He just accepted his fate and numbed his mind and heart to all the heart break that would definitely follow. He still remembers the beatings he got from the whip, he remembers the hunger because of not being fed for almost a week. He remembers the scary and mouldy shed that had been his home until he was 14 years old. He remembers being the part of a family that never considered him to be one.
As he was contemplating all this, he realised that his shuttle had reached a halfway point and was stopping for a rest stop. Namjoon wanted to move his cramped muscles, and so he got down. He could see a few small stores catering to the needs of passing by strangers. He went inside such a store and was browsing through the aisles for some food. Namjoon had learnt early on in his travels that he shouldn't buy anything that seems fancy and new because they would always be double the price in such stores. Should avoid things like chocolates, mints and ready to eat food packages. Namjoon had to be thrifty, if he wished to survive on the streets. So he had learnt to choose the most obscure and generally ignored food items, so that they won't be heavy on his pockets but at the same time did not deprive him of some nutrition. So he picked up some grub that won't dent his food alloted savings and took it up on the shuttle to be eaten. And yes, he had categorized his savings. Why? Simply because, he knew he had to take care of himself.
Namjoon knew he was underweight and just bones with no exactly defined muscles except may be his thighs. He was different from a typical omega. For one, he was taller than most alphas. Although he had curves, he wasn't sure that curves would be deciding factors in determining his sub-gender. Secondly, he didn't have any natural scent of his own, only because, he was on a heavy load of scent blockers and scent patches. And lastly, he never allowed himself to have his heats. Namjoon was no idiot, he with is 148 IQ knew the repercussions of not having atleast 4 out of the 12 heats, but what most didn't know that since he never felt at home and protected anywhere, his body automatically shut down the mechanics of having heat. He remembers only of having the first heat of his life when he presented and was abruptly "thrown out of the house". He guesses that it's his inner Omega's way of saying that it will protect him by not showing itself. But he doesn't want to take any risks and has been religiously on suppressants from the day his first heat ended. Namjoon has been very often warned by doctors working pro bono. He is glad that atleast the government is on the side of independent omegas.
He was never one to leave stuff for last minute and that's why he had slowly planned on doing what, when his family abandoned him. He knew that there were omega centers who didn't have anyone to depend on, but choosing the right one was very crucial. He also knew that government would provide some monetary assistance to independent omegas as well as provide free education, even helping them to have a technical course under their belt so that they can be employed some place. But then again, choosing the center was most important. Namjoon considers himself lucky, because he was helped by the most amazing person in this regard. And that person was Yongguk, a beta advisor working in omega welfare services. He became a person on whom Namjoon could depend on to solve any omega related rights as well as services. Yongguk had helped him a lot over the years, may it be in finding, omega shelters, or some part time jobs in specific locations of the country.
He also believes himself to be extremely lucky to have known alpha Park jihyo and Her omega mate Sana., whom he met by chance while searching for part-time jobs. They consider him to be their family's life saver. But he just considers them to be good people and best friends. Like this, over the years, he had made a good longlist of friends on whom he could depend on but being the way he is, he doesn't doesn't trust them enough to be completely vulnerable with them. He had resolved himself to never ask for any favors from anyone because he truly didn't want to be indebted to anyone.
When the shuttle honked for the passengers to climb aboard, Namjoon took his seat and hoped he would reach his destination soon. It's like his omega and his bruised- broken heart were anticipating eagerly to reach a certain place and namjoon to be quite honest wanted to visit the mountain ranges and be one with nature for a few days.