Chapter Text
He hasn’t been here in so long. The library is filled with round tables, the walls stacked with books. The last time Spencer was here he had danced with Maeve. Maeve who had gently taken his hand, her skin so soft, he had been surprised it didn’t even hurt him. Her thin fingers had wrapped around his hand when she pulled him up and when he placed his head on her shoulder, he could feel the soft fabric of her cardigan and smell the faint scent of sweet bakeries.
No, he is looking around again, a few couples sitting at the tables and then there he was. Luke is sitting at the one closest to the door. Luke would always pick the one closest to the door. He is drinking coffee and holds a book in his hand, Spencer wants to be upset about but he hasn’t seen him in so long, he doesn’t even mind and hurries around the tables to get to him, but no matter how much he tries, it feels like his legs weight tone and he can’t move. He watches Luke checking his watch, watching him sigh and just when he wants to get up, Spencer reaches the table. “Thought you wouldn’t make it. You are always on time.” Luke states in a monotone voice and places the book down on the table.
“The Narrative of John Smith”
“I am sorry.” Spencer whispers and tries grabbing Luke’s hand but he pulls it away and looks at him with pure indignation on his face. “I am- I am sorry. I- I am watching over Roxy, she is missing you.”
“I miss her too.”
“Why would you- why wouöd you-” Spencer starts as tears gatter in his eyes; “Why would you leave us? Why would you leave me?” He whispers.
“She was a child, I couldn’t leave her in there. If we would have made it out, she would have had so much of her life ahead of her.” Luke turns his head and for the first time Spencer can see the child sitting on the ground, playing with toy cars. He can’t tear his eyes off her, she is smiling at him so innocently, her white small teeth showing when she waves at him, “You can’t hate a child, no matter how much you try, Spence.”
“You had so much ahead of you too.”
“Nothing that wasn’t worth trying.”
“What about me? You just ran in there? You left me all alone.” Spencer brings out under tears, sctarching his hands under the table, “We- we wanted to get married, we wanted kids-”
“Spence '' Luke scolds him and looks around the room at the other people, “Stop it. I am not sorry for what I did to you.”
“But I love you. You loved me too, why would you-” Luke gets up from the table and walks closer to him, “Why would you leave? Why would you run into that fire? She was already dead, you knew that, you knew, you knew-”
“Spencer '' A female voice calls but it’s so faint, he can’t locate it.
“Babe you need to calm down-” Luke order him, slightly looking annoyed and his face now covered in scars from the burning,
“Spencer, it’s okay, open your eyes.” The voice calls again and he can feel hands on his shoulders and something cold on his face and the voice is telling him to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. And then he remembers, he remembers the scenery, the scenery he had created in his head, the scenery Rossi had told him Meave will use to visit him, the scenery his head had created for comfort. “Spence, it’s okay, you are okay, you are with me, open your eyes.”
He tries and he tries and he can see the kid smiling at him and Luke is talking to him, telling him to take a deep breath and the other voice is talking too loud and there are hands, so many hands on him and then he is awake, Emily looking down on him.
“There you go, Spencer. You are safe, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Her hands are placed on his face, gently rubbing his skin, as she overmimics her breathing for him to copy while he feels someone else placing something heavy on his body, “That’s it, just breathe with me, you are safe.”
A tear runs down his face and stops at Emily’s hand as he sniffs in pain over what he just saw, “Keep going, deep breaths, handsome.” Anxious he nods and lets his eyes run around the room and he remembers where he is, he had been sleeping a folding bed in Emily’s bedroom for weeks now. “Do you want Roxy?”
With a whimper Spencer nods, as his face crumbles and he breaks out another sob while Tara let’s go of the dog that had woken them up in the first place. Blindly he reaches for her, relaxing when he feels her but not crying less.
“Let it out, kid. It’s okay.” Emly keeps her hand placed on his face, making sure he is tugged in alright with her other while Tara gets them some water. “Do me a favour and call Derek, he is in no state to go back to work tomorrow. I don’t know how he managed to get through the review, tell him I will drop him off before we drive to the office.”
“I will.” She promises, “What if he disagrees?”
“He won’t. Believe me, back then, Spencer only had to look the slightest bit sad and he would move heaven and earth to fix it for him. It will be good for Spencer to be with him.”
“He has not left your side since the- are you sure it’s gonna work?”
“If he will leave my side for one person, it’s Derek, trust me.” They let him cuddle with Roxy for a little bit longer before Emly helps him up, walking him over to their bed, “Alright come here.”
With red eyes, Spencer lays down next to Emily who covers him in her soft blankets before pulling him close, “We are just gonna watch some doctor who alright?” He nods and grabs her hand, guiding it back to lay on his face. “I am here, kid.”
He whines in protest when she doesn’t stop to scroll through at his favorite episode, “Again?” Spencer nods and taps her thigh, that he is laying on, “Alright, one last time.”