Chapter Text
I like you, not in a romantic way but in a "you're an amazing person" kinda way. I joke about you hating me but you never deny it...
why hang out with me for three years if you don't like me. Why do that to either of us. I'm glad we're friends but if you hate me why not tell me? I won't be mad.
I love you too much to be mad at you for that.
Do we just not mix well?
Am I the problem? I try to help you when you feel down in whatever way you need or want me too but you don't do the same for me. You don't need to of course but it's tiring.
I'm sitting here in my room alone in the dark thinking about how I fucked up when I know I didn't do anything. You've never apologized whenever you've hurt my feelings.
I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm stressed, and I don't know what to do. I'm glad you were there during quarantine, it was fun calling and texting you all the time...
but were you annoyed at my texts? Did you sigh annoyed when you saw my caller ID? Do you like me or put up with me? I'm tired of not knowing and even when I ask you, you just stay quiet and change the subject like I'll forget it. You're nice, I'm not saying you're not...but it's tiring.
Having to keep my emotions to myself in order to not have you make fun of me. And when you make fun of me is it a joke or are you bullying me? We talk all the time but how long is all the time?
We plan on moving in together to get away from our shit families but I know we won't. I know you, you'll go to another friend.
And I never understood that.
Did you only every answer my calls cuz I was the only friend that called? Cuz you wanted someone to ignore? Maybe we could've been amazing friends if we didn't know each other in person. Because on call and text? We're amazing. But in person you always find a way to make me the third wheel.
I don't get it.
If you cant tell me how you feel about me or about our friendship why should we be friends? You judge me for everything I like. When I've never done that to you.
Why should I have to pretend to be a different person or be ashamed of my favorite things while around you? It's not fair. I just want this friendship to be fair.
Why can't it?
I don't want to be friends forever...I don't think I can do this forever. I'm sorry.