Work Text:
“CUT!” yelled the film director. “Would somebody please shoo that goose off? It's ruining the shot.”
Tenma Sumeragi, silver screen star and generally too cool for this, was not about to let some rogue waterfowl ruin his latest role. The camera crew set down their equipment and moved to drive it off, but it just sat there. Menacingly. And then, with a loud honk, it charged straight for Tenma, who totally did not let out an undignified scream, and if he did, it was completely understandable to scream when being attacked by a goose. The bird took flight, ending the actor's life in a whirlwind of feathers... except it actually just landed on his head, honking softly as if mocking him.
The director shook his head and sighed. “This isn't going to get done today if we have to send Sumeragi back to makeup. Let's call it a day.”
Tenma shoved the offending creature off of its new favorite perch. “Look at what you've done, goose. Igawa, can you give me a ride back to the dorms?” He tried to put his hair back to its usual state of organized mess, but the goose had done some damage there. Ugh.
…
The usual chorus of voices welcomed him home. “You're back early,” Izumi remarked.
“Yeah,” Tenma groaned, sinking into the couch. “A goose crashed my scene and we had to cut for the day. It landed on my head and everything. Stupid heavy bird.”
As if on cue, a certain rookie entered from the courtyard, carrying a struggling goose. “I caught this in the garden, uprooting the vegetables. Would somebody ask Fushimi if he would like me to butcher it so he can cook with it? Goose fat is supposed to be excellent for cooking.” Guy didn't even flinch, despite taking several wing slaps to the face.
Tenma leaped to his feet. “YOU. Not you, Guy. The goose.”
“What about the goose?” Guy asked, or tried to, but with a honk like a foghorn, the goose broke free and charged at Tenma once more with a single-minded determination seen only in angry geese. The Zahran stood baffled. The victim ran screaming.
“I don't know what's going on, but I will recapture our dinner. Though I may require some assistance, given the aggression of this creature.” Guy brushed a stray feather from his shoulder.
Muku, sitting at the dining table, gasped. “I read a manga like this once! Guy-san, we can't eat the goose! It's going to lead Tenma-kun to his soulmate!”
Tenma, meanwhile, was being chased around the courtyard. On the upper level, Yuki was blasting a comedic soundtrack while Kazunari recorded. “This is gonna go so viral,” he whispered.
“A bird that can lead someone to true love... interesting.” Guy commented. “I do not wish to upset the little prince, and so I will not harm the goose. Still... should someone not assist Sumeragi in fending off the beast?”
Banri had been rummaging through the cupboards(searching for popcorn to enjoy with this hilarious show), but stopped. “On it,” he said, striding into the courtyard. He lunged for the goose, catching it on the first try. ggez. Unceremoniously, he tossed the goose over the fence.
The goose, being capable of flight, turned around and bit Banri on the nose before returning to terrorizing Tenma. “Ow- Jesus, those things bite hard. I'm gonna go clean this up, y'all are on your own.”
“Will nobody rid me of this meddlesome goose?” Tenma yelled, remembering a line he had picked up from someone. Probably Homare. Or–
Just then, a new member joined the party. “I'm home! What's going on, why are there feathers everywhere?”
Sakuya. Shining like the sun, the refreshing spring breeze of Mankai– normally, Tenma would be fine getting a little distracted by that impossible charisma that it felt like only he could see, but right now...
“GOOSE. LOOSE.” Tenma yelled, bird in hot pursuit.
“Tenma-kun, it's trying to help you! It wants to show you your soulmate!” Muku cried out over the chaos.
“Muku-kun, this isn't the time for romance manga, we have to help him!” Sakuya pushed past Muku to join the wild goose chase.
“Stay back, it already bit Banri!” Tenma shouted, but it was too late. Sakuya was too close, and the goose was hot on Tenma's heels... with a sharp nip in the ass, the foul fowl knocked the celebrity off balance and right into Sakuya's arms. It looked about as smug as a goose can look, sitting down and honking at the pair.
“Are you alright?” Sakuya blurted out.
“It's yelling at me,” Tenma responded, unhelpfully.
“SAKUYA-KUN IS YOUR SOULMATE!” Muku screamed so loud, Guy had to put a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry... but the goose won't leave you alone until it's certain of your love!” He sounded completely convinced.
The pair had already disentangled themselves, which seemed to displease the goose, who was flapping about and pecking Tenma's legs.
Sakuya looked at the goose, then back at Muku, then at the very distressed actor in front of him. “Tenma-kun... sorry if this doesn't work.” And with only that warning, he put a hand to Tenma's jaw and kissed him.
Muku cheered, Yuki gagged, Banri walked back in and dropped a shocked expletive. The goose only honked once more, and... just left. Simple as that.
Sakuya stepped back, bright red. “Muku-kun was right... um, can we talk later?”
Tenma was nearly frozen, wide-eyed. Sakuya just kissed him. And it was really good. And it got rid of that bastard goose, somehow. “Yeah, yeah, we could talk now if you want.” He still sounded dazed.
“I'd like that, but... there's something in your hair.” Sakuya whispered the last part, and Tenma reached up to check. Sticky.
“Oh, gross. Um, yeah, let's talk after I wash this off.” Tenma muttered, almost more distracted by the mess on his head now.
“THE HACK GOT SHAT ON!” Yuki cried triumphantly from the balcony.
“And I'm going to rub it all over your pillow.” Tenma growled, storming off. In the back of his head was only one question: what the hell happened today?