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In this supernatural world that Adam chooses to surround himself with -- because he could, if he really wanted to, disconnect from it all and leave Gansey to his own devices -- the concept of soulmates is one that Adam doesn’t find so hard to understand. He doesn’t give much thought to it, not when he sees vaguely familiar handwriting scrawled on his forearm; he’s strewn on the grass outside the trailer nursing a bruised shoulder, he has more to worry about.
Gansey is weird about soulmates, so he talks about them quite often as he does when he doesn’t know everything there is to know about a topic. Gansey sees more writing on his body than any of them do: grocery lists, doodles, and, always around the same time of year, seemingly random names of people who live in Henrietta. Ronan humors Gansey when he rambles but never offers any of his own input, no personal involvement. According to Gansey, people can be born without a soulmate, with platonic soulmates -- there are various alternatives to having a single romantic soulmate. Adam wonders, only when the topic is being spoken about, what Ronan’s deal is.
And then they meet Blue, and Adam isn’t thinking about soulmates as he steals glances at her across the restaurant, isn’t thinking about soulmates when he begs Gansey not to go and talk to her, please, you’re going to make me look like a fool. He isn’t thinking about soulmates when he finds her on the side of the road, when he takes her number, when he sits in his room, foot tapping under his desk as he tries to study, sparing a thought, two thoughts, about dialing her number.
He thinks about soulmates when he walks across the threshold of 300 Fox Way and it’s her, it’s Blue standing right there. He lets Gansey speak, standing back with Ronan (who Adam is sure finds this all rather comical) as he takes her in. Her shirt has feathers sewn into it, a light shade of blue that Adam thinks might be his favorite color. Blue wearing blue. He realizes that she’s asked him a question a second too late. “Do you think it makes me look tougher?” he responds, when he really means to say tell me what you think, could we be this?
Along with kissing, all talk about fate and soulmates are secured fiercely across the strong line of Blue’s boundaries. It’s exasperating and quite tiresome, but Adam respects that, he respects her. He likes her, which is unusual in itself. His politeness is comparable to Gansey’s, but he keeps his circle limited for a reason. Still, the connection he shares with Blue is akin to that he shares with Gansey and nothing at all like the one he shares with Ronan, which Adam thinks -- hopes -- is a good sign.
He takes note of the ink that appears on his palms, his wrists, and his ankles, and takes note of Blue’s ink-free skin. It should bother him more than it does, that Blue isn’t his soulmate, but he doesn’t think he ever really believed that she could be. He thinks that maybe the hope that he had felt upon first meeting her is the feeling that Gansey had expressed experiencing one night, sleep deprived and maybe a little bit drunk: he said that meeting all of them -- Ronan, Noah, Adam himself, and now, Blue -- had felt right. Like a piece of a puzzle fitting perfectly on the first try, he said. Adam thinks that maybe that’s what he was feeling. And he’s not blind, he sees the way Gansey looks at Blue, as subtle as he thinks he’s being. And he sees Blue’s smiles when they’re directed towards Gansey.
He’s not mad, he doesn’t think. He’s upset they didn’t tell him, mostly. And he can’t help but feel as if he lost, which is stupid; Blue is not an object and he and Gansey were never competing. Yet the feeling that has pitted itself at the bottom of Adam’s gut has traveled up to his brain. So when he confronts Blue, he’s a little more than off-put. And he knows he can’t tell her what’s really gnawing at his thoughts unless he wants to risk enraged, extra feminist Blue, or even worse, her pity.
He would’ve thought that Blue and Gansey would have had a conversation regarding Adam and that Blue would’ve told Gansey that he knows, that they don’t have to walk on eggshells around him anymore. Apparently not, though, so it all comes to the surface at the hospital. It’s more than awkward, and it’s one of the few moments where Adam not just appreciates but welcomes Ronan’s discerning presence and its ability to defuse tense situations.
Adam wouldn’t say that he’s the greatest friend – that would be Gansey – but he’s usually not as horrible as he has been recently. Because for all the fighting that he and Ronan do, he is still one of Adam's best friends. And so it stings when he finds out about Ronan and Kavinsky’s escapades. And it stings when he finds that Kavinsky knew about Ronan’s dream situation before him ( them . Him, Blue, Gansey. Them). He doesn’t think about spending more time with Ronan, it just happens. It’s Cabeswater and nights spent at Monmouth and then it’s the Barns and Ronan’s lips are on his and it’s new new new at the same time that it’s comforting and secure and right.
Adam knows that Ronan knows that Adam knows that Ronan likes him. But the phrase itself is so childish, so immature in comparison to the world around them. They’re not in love, maybe not yet, and if they kiss they won’t perish. But maybe they’re soulmates, Adam thinks offhandedly. And then he thinks about it more, about the ravens that stopped appearing on the base of his palm and the trees that he would find snaking up his elbow.
He thinks, maybe.
Adam also finds that it doesn’t matter to him as much as he thought it would have, or as much as it probably should. But it happens again, once more before it happens habitually. Adam is sort of moving on autopilot, his mind speeding through thoughts and memories and then Ronan says his name and this time it’s Adam who presses his lips to Ronan’s and neither of them break apart, it’s synchronous when they make it inside, when they spread themselves out in the living room on the couch.
“Unguibus et rostro,” Adam whispers at one point, maybe after tracing Ronan's tattoo, maybe as he was doing it. Claws and beak.
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