Chapter Text
Fire and smoke spread through the air. Screaming—so much screaming—filled the normally peaceful valley, the same valley that Eren used to nap in day after day after day, when he and Mikasa were supposed to be gathering firewood. But only so many people were able to fit upon the boat at one time… and Eren wasn’t stupid. He knew that only a few more boats would be able to evacuate a fraction of the people still remaining.
The rest would be Titan fodder… just like his mom.
And so he stood at the edge of the ship, his knuckles turning white as he glared towards the city that had once been his home, images of falling stone, crushed bodies, and dried blood staining his mind. His teeth hurt, he was grounding them so tightly. But he couldn’t help it, because his mother had just been eaten, and he hadn’t been able to do a damned thing to save her.
“I’m going to destroy them,” he spat; the words were little more than liquid fire past his lips. When he snapped his gaze towards Mikasa and Armin upon his left side, he was only slightly surprised to see them flinch. “Every last one of those animals that’s on this earth!”
A few of the other passengers shot Eren startled looks, but he did not care. His eyes were now locked onto the river below, upon which calm ripples were left behind like rivulets of tears…
That was when he realized that he was crying, too, neat streaks trailing down his face. Frustrated and humiliated, Eren ferociously wiped his eyes.
The gesture was not unnoticed by Mikasa. Mikasa, the one person whom Eren didn’t want to see him like this, because he had saved her only a year ago. He was supposed to be strong: for her, just as much as he wanted to be strong for himself.
“Eren,” she said, her voice soft. “Come sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down!” he bellowed. Eren knew that he was being childish, but he didn’t care. His mother was dead, their home was burning, and he had no idea where his father was—everything had gone to hell in a matter of minutes, and he was scared… but more than that, he was furious.
But no, not even furious was quite good enough for this rage broiling in his belly, this utter hatred and utmost loathing that seemed to encompass his entire being until it was him, as though there was no more separation between Eren Jaeger and wrath itself. So it was that he continued to shoot daggers at Mikasa, whom he knew only wanted to help him, and roared, “Don’t treat me like that! I want to go back to Shiganshina and kill every single one of those monsters! They deserve nothing less!”
Mikasa blinked once. “Eren.”
That was it. This simple utterance of his name, without any sort of hurt—with some understanding, even—was enough to make him sniffle sharply and fall to his knees upon the floor of the ship. His ribs and chest hurt from the exhausting effort of stifling his sobs. Everything hurt. There had been moments where Eren’s anger had been overwhelming before, but those moments had never been like this; this was the type of anger that drained his energy, that chipped away at his very essence… all-encompassing.
A pair of hands found his back. Eren almost snapped at that moment, because he didn’t want Mikasa’s pity, he didn’t want to be treated like some kid brother who needed a sister to function properly.
Right when he opened his mouth to continue ranting, however, he stopped.
Mikasa’s eyes were also filled with tears, many of which were decorated her cheeks. For some reason, he was suddenly reminded of the rainy days they spent together at home, watching the raindrops descend the windowpane with cups of tea in their hands.
“Eren,” she said again. “Okay.”
He swallowed hard and repeated, perhaps gruffer than intended, “Okay?”
"“Okay.” She placed a slim hand upon his shoulder. For once, Eren didn’t shrug it away. “We will be strong. We will join the military, to one day retake our hometown. I will go with you, always.”
This was not a response that Eren had been expecting, and he knew it showed. His mouth had dropped open in shock, though no words emerged. The surprise only grew when he noticed Armin nodding resolutely to his other side, a hardened look fastened upon his face.
Mikasa took advantage of the silence and wrapped her arms around Eren’s neck, pulling him close. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to prevent more tears from forming, because the fact of the matter was that… he needed this. Some sort of reassurance that maybe things would be okay, whenever this boat docked at the entrance to Wall Rose.
The monster in Eren’s chest was no longer roaring, but crying in subdued, heartbroken tones. There were still embers in the bottom of his stomach—fuel for his desire to grow stronger, to kill those bastard Titans—but they were embers only.
No more consuming wildfire.
Eren sighed and rested his head upon Mikasa’s shoulder, allowing her to hold him close when he had only rarely done so before. He was glad he hadn’t blown up on her a second time; that he had been at least a little patient. Because he knew in time, his breathing would steady, and his eyes would dry.
And… at the very least… he had Armin and Mikasa until he could find some semblance of control again.