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Alex had fucked up.
He knew this the night before as he tried desperately to stop Henry from leaving and he knew it as he attempted to fall asleep on his friend's boyfriend's living room floor. He especially knew it now as he blinked open his eyes with a fresh mind and a bunch of hazy memories. Hazy yes, but Alex still knew he’d fucked up. It was a gut feeling.
Bile rose in the back of Alex’s throat and he lunged himself from his place on the floor, grabbing onto the nearest trash can and bringing up the contents of his stomach. His nose burned with the acidic taste and his eyes filled with tears as he clutched the can to his chest, dry heaving once there was nothing left for him to bring up.
A light flicked on in the hallway and Alex turned his head to the side to see Liam standing in the doorway, his eyes soft as he held a washcloth in one hand and a packet of pills in another. “Oh Alex.” Fresh tears filled in Alex’s eyes at the tone of Liam’s voice and he simply sat there, letting his friend clean up his face and feed him the pills to quench the stabbing pain in his head. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” Alex croaked, but he continued on anyway. “How did I manage to fuck up so badly, Liam?” He looked up at his friend then, his voice cracking slightly. He didn’t want to start crying again, he had already embarrassed himself enough. “I don’t...I don’t really remember much after that first drink?”
Something flashed on Liam’s face and he helped Alex off of the floor and onto the much more comfortable sofa. “Uh,” Liam started, running a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t actually at the party but I got a lot of videos sent to me last night and snapchats. I can show you if you want but Alex, I thought you said you weren’t going to be drinking? That you wanted to have a clear head?”
Alex blinked, because he had said that. He wasn’t a drinker anyway, not when his classes were pushing him to the limit and he needed to focus. He remembered going to the party and trying to seek out Henry in the crowd because he needed to talk to him. A chill went down Alex’s spine as he stopped short and looked at Liam, “I wasn’t planning on drinking, but when I got there...Hunter offered me a drink and I asked for a soda.”
Liam rubbed a hand over his face, “Alex, Hunter definitely didn’t bring you back a soda,” he muttered. “Do you remember drinking anything else after that?” Alex blinked, trying to think back but it was like a fog covering his memory and he shook his head. “Fuck, I’m going to kill that bastard. He- Alex...he put something in your drink. I don’t know what it was but it was something.”
“I want to see the videos,” Alex whispered, trembling slightly. Alex couldn’t remember what happened at the party, but he did remember Henry storming away and Alex screaming for him not to leave. “I need to know what I did that made Henry so fucking mad at me.”
Without a word, Liam handed over his phone to Alex, already open to all the saved photos and videos in his camera roll. Alex scrolled to the first video and pressed play, his stomach already twisting as Alex saw himself appear in the video, not anywhere near as clean cut as he had been when he’d arrived at the party. The second he did, all the memories from the previous night came flooding back all at once.
Alex couldn’t feel his legs and the drink in his hand fell to the floor as he knocked into someone trying to get to the snacks table. He let out a giggle, falling against the wall as the room spun around him. He tried to blink himself back into focus, but all it did was make the room spin more and a sense of nausea settled in his stomach.
“Enjoying the party, Alex?” A voice to his left and there was Hunter, the guy he shared a few of his law classes with and who also happened to be one of the students who didn’t really care if he showed up to class or not. Alex happened to cringe whenever he had to share a space with him for any length of time. “You’re a little flushed looking, everything okay?”
Alex narrowed his eyes, but before he could ask what Hunter meant, a hand wrapped around his elbow and tugged him away from Hunter and outside into the garden of whoever’s house it was. Alex blinked, his vision blurring and when it finally stopped, he realised who it was that had rescued him.
“Henry!”
“Alex what the fuck?” Henry hissed, his voice sharp and Alex frowned, tilting his head to the side a little to show his confusion. What had he done to upset Henry so much? “You- you didn’t tell me you’d be drinking tonight. If I knew I’d have made sure to bring alcopops or something. What the fuck did you drink?”
What had Alex drink? He couldn’t remember what he’d had, all he remembered was asking for a soda and suddenly he was giggling and the room was spinning and everything felt funny. “I don’t- I don’t remember?”
Henry blinked and Alex could see the stress and anger in his expression, “Jesus fuck Alex, you’re not a drinker, remember? What- what were you thinking ?”
The nausea was back, the spinning had kicked up a gear and Alex just wanted Henry to stop yelling at him. He hadn’t seen him the whole night and Alex had had a plan! He was coming to the party, to celebrate Henry graduating and he was finally going to tell him how he felt, finally get all his stupid feelings out in the open, put his heart on the line. “Wait- please...don’t, don’t be mad at me. I- I need to tell you something.”
“Alex? What’s wrong?” Henry asked, placing his hands on Alex’s shoulders, and he looked up to meet Henry’s eyes. Suddenly the spinning stopped and it was just the two of them, alone in the garden and Alex had his chance. There was no way he’d be able to form the words to express how he felt, not in his state but...his mom always said actions spoke louder than words.
So Alex pushed himself up on his toes and kissed Henry square on the mouth.
And everything fell to shit.
Henry’s hands squeezed Alex’s shoulders and shoved him right back. Alex’s eyes widened as he realised exactly what he’d done, as well as Henry’s reaction to what he’d done. He opened his mouth, to explain himself, but Henry beat him to it. “Alex, Alex what the fuck was that? You- is this some kind of fucking joke to you? Get yourself drunk at my graduation party and kiss me in front of everyone to what? What was the endgame here Alex? Did someone dare you to do it? Did you think it would be funny ? Because it’s not funny. Not in the slightest. It’s cruel.”
The spinning was back and Alex tried to keep up with the words spilling from Henry’s mouth, he really did, but his brain was foggy again and all he could do was pick out the odd word. “No- what? No it’s not- Henry-”
“I’m going home Alex,” Henry stepped away from him, disgust written all over his face. “Sober up and get home. I can’t even look at you right now.”
Wordlessly, Alex handed back Liam’s phone. It was still playing the first video, but he didn’t need to see any more. “I kissed Henry last night, Liam,” he whispered after too long of a silence. “I kissed him, just like I said I was going to, but I did it when I was blackout drunk and he- he thought it was a joke . Henry thought I was making fun of him.”
Alex remembered now, remembered running after Henry as he called a cab and screaming for him to stop, to just listen to him. Henry wasn’t having it though, he didn’t even spare Alex a second glance as he got into the cab that would take him back to his dorm for the evening. Alex had broken down in the street, something Liam could attest for as it’s all on camera. His full emotional breakdown is on everyone’s phones.
That was when he managed to force himself up and drag his sorry ass to Spencer’s apartment, where he knew Liam would be.
“I fucked up so bad, Liam,” Alex whispered. “I- I think I might have just lost my best friend.”
*
Spencer came home from the nightshift an hour later but didn’t question why Alex was curled up in their spare room bed, fresh out of a shower. He’d turned his phone off, fed up with the constant messages and videos of the previous night being sent to his phone. Luckily, so far, there didn’t seem to be any video or photographic evidence of the kiss he’d planted on Henry’s lips. That might have just been the nail in the coffin.
It wasn’t until after four, when Spencer had woken up and Liam was cooking dinner in the kitchen that the buzzer for their apartment door started going off. Alex groaned, covering his ears to block out the noise as his head was still thumping, his body still trying to pump out whatever Hunter had put in his drink the night before. Liam had already told him he had to eat, and wasn’t taking no for an answer.
The buzzing stopped, followed by hushed whispers from the door and Alex would need to send Liam and Spencer a gift basket for being so considerate of his sorry state. He rolled over, pulling the sheets over his head in an attempt to block out the daylight that the blinds didn’t quite make vanish, when the door opened. At first, Alex thought it was Liam telling him food was ready but as the bed dipped a familiar scent of aftershave filled his nostrils and he knew it wasn’t Liam or Spencer.
“I know you’re awake,” Henry whispered, a gentle hand resting on Alex’s hip over the covers. “Please, look at me Alex.”
Alex let out a noise of protest, “You can’t prove I’m awake,” he mumbled into the pillows. “I think I’d like to stay hidden under here though, I don’t think I can face you yet.”
Henry inhaled sharply and, much to Alex’s surprise, he climbed onto the bed and settled so his face was inches from where Alex’s was, still hidden by the sheets. ‘Alex,” Henry whispered, fingers moving to the edge of the sheets and he pulled them down just slightly, revealing Alex’s very exhausted eyes. “It wasn’t a cruel joke, was it?”
Slowly, Alex shook his head, “I- I had a plan,” he whispered. Everything was out in the open anyway so Alex thought he might as well condemn himself. “I had this- plan to tell you how I felt using my words and then well, we all know what happened and I didn’t have any control over my words so I just- it was stupid and I never should have done it in. Especially without your consent. Fuck, I’m so sorry Henry, I’m so so sorry. Please- just- please don’t hate me? Don’t hate me. I can’t lose my best friend.”
“Hey,” Henry moved his hand around to the back of Alex’s head, fingers threading through his damp curls and Alex almost passed out again. “Alex, you could never really lose me. Was I angry last night? Yes of course I was. Did I regret the things I said and how I reacted the second I got home? Fuck yes. Once I let my brain clear I thought about what happened and I knew, I knew you weren’t playing a joke on me because that’s not you . It’s never been you and I was an asshole to think that you’d even consider doing something like that to me.”
More tears filled in Alex’s eyes and he let out a breath, “I asked for soda,” he whispered. “Hunter- he put something in my drink and well, I’m such a lightweight anyway whatever it was went right to my head immediately. I didn’t stand a chance.”
Henry exhaled and he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them. “I’ll deal with Hunter,” he said eventually. “Or at least, speak to someone who can deal with Hunter.” He ran a hand through Alex’s curls once more. “Have you brushed your teeth this morning?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I have, I was sick, what kind of person do you take me for?” Alex rolled his eyes but when he looked at Henry again the breath left his lungs instantly. There was something...different in Henry’s eyes this time, something Alex had ached to see directed at him. “Why?”
“Because I really want to kiss you, but I’d rather not have the taste of sickness in my mouth,” Henry teased, carefully nudging their noses together, eyes remaining in contact. “Can I?’
Alex nodded his head, letting his eyes drift closed as Henry brought their mouths together in a kiss that was much more reciprocated than the one from the night before. Alex exhaled, his arms untangling from the sheets he was hidden under to wrap around Henry’s neck, pulling him closer. The kiss was everything Alex had ever dreamed their first kiss would be and he was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to cry again.
They broke apart with a gasp and Alex couldn’t hold it in any longer, he needed to finally say what he’d been aching to say for months...for years. “I love you. I’m- I’m in love with you.”
Henry’s eyes sparkled and he pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead, his nose, his cheeks and then finally his mouth before pulling back, smiling from ear to ear.
“I’m in love with you too.”