Work Text:
Temma is hardly the type to acknowledge when he messes up because he hides behind the pretense of never having given anything his best. What he does wrong, he shrugs it off and thinks ‘it’s not like I actually tried. If I did, it would go differently’. A safety net built on self-centered delusions, a poor justification for never meeting people in the middle, and a way to hide that he was never the genius he claimed to be.
He stares at the response, short and leaving him without a way to get a word in edgewise. Not that something like that ever bothered him; he pushed and prodded whenever he wanted and they usually gave in, sometimes if only out of exasperation.
But this is the sixth month. Astel’s sarcastic, barbed responses have shifted into something dismissive and cold. Sometimes, he doesn’t even bother to respond even though he sees Temma responding, and Temma knows he sees them because it’s difficult to avoid him when they work at the same place and share coworkers that can't leave them alone. When their work involves publicity stunts that puts their relationship in a good light.
He finds ways to avoid him- rational, faultless ways that garner praises and attention from his fans and more infuriatingly, strangers that make Temma quietly seethe. What good is there in getting to know other people to that extent? Isn’t it enough that they play together once and let that be the end of it? What is the point in getting to know them beyond streaming- beyond work?
He has friends right here. He doesn't need to have more. He doesn't need to get to know more people because Temma was willing to be his.
If it was Temma- if it was him, things would be easier, wouldn’t it? They can hang out and people wouldn't think anything weird of it. In fact, they'll compliment them, and Temma knows this because he's pulled the same old tricks with Miyabi and it works. It works and they can work.
But then he looks back down at their conversation, undeniably dry with only Temma pushing for something, anything, a reaction or a complaint or even an insult to get Astel to notice him, to acknowledge he exists.
An uncomfortable feeling settles heavy in the pit of his stomach, like a weight that he couldn't digest. He doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t understand why he has to feel terrible about Astel ignoring him like it’s his fault that he’s-
Temma stops, a startled breath erupting from his chest. The screen dims under his touch and then he’s staring at himself. Confused. Incredulous.
Was it his fault? How was this his fault? He’s been very clear about what he thought of him, wasn’t he? He praised him, he complimented him. He looked for Astel where he wasn’t and he talked about him even though he wasn’t around. He did everything to make Astel like him, he sang his favorite songs and played his favorite games, so why?
He unlocks his phone. The message types itself before he could finish thinking things through.
“Are you ignoring me?”
He doesn’t ask if he did something wrong, because he couldn’t have. He doesn’t ask if everything is okay between them because he thinks it is, if they could still talk, no matter how stilted their conversations. He doesn’t ask how Astel is doing, what Astel has been up to, or how things have been going.
Because for someone who claimed to be in love with him, Temma didn’t really care to listen or pay attention to what Astel wanted. He did everything he thought he would like, and that was his mistake.
The indicator that Astel has seen his message appears and Temma thinks, yeah, they’re still okay if Astel is willing to give him a moment of his time. That's all that matters. Things are okay.
When no reply comes, Temma types, “You changed.”
You don't talk to me as much as you used to. You take so long to reply to me. You don't notice me at all.
But he hasn’t. He’s still the same hard-working person he knew who strived to make people happy, sometimes even at the expense of his own happiness and health. He never really changed.
It was the way he treated Temma that did.
For what is probably the first time in months, Astel responds to his message within a matter of seconds.
“Yeah,” he replies.
Temma’s heart briefly soars, another response won, and the corners of his lips lift into a smile, fingers already moving to take the opportunity to hold a conversation before the next message comes in.
“It’s what happens when you give up, Temma.”
Temma wonders what he gave up. He wants to ask who he is giving up on, and what it has to do with Temma.
“Oh," he writes, though he doesn't understand why Astel is telling him this. He's just happy to receive something from him.
He writes a few more messages and sends a few links to videos he enjoyed. However, to his immense disappointment, Astel neither replies nor checks them after his reply.
Well, it doesn't matter. Temma can message him another day.