Chapter Text
After a long and stressful two weeks, it was finally time to head home - back to Chicago. The weather in New York had been nothing but miserable, everything felt out of place, and I certainly couldn't wait to leave.
I boarded the plane and took my assigned seat near the window, this was now my second time flying, the first being my initial arrival to this city.
During my time here, exhaustion had crept up on me, hitting me like a ton of bricks. I found myself struggling to get a good night's rest, and with the long, stressful days I had encountered, any energy I had left was flooded out of my system. The thought of being home, and back in the familiar environment of Chicago was what made me strive on. I haven't hated my time away, memories that will be carried with me for the rest of my life have been made, and after all, OA was a great partner.
But despite of any of this, there was something missing. Not once did I feel like myself, at least not completely. It was as if a huge part of me and my personality had been left behind.
No matter how hard I tried to deny it, and how difficult it has been to push my feelings to the side, Jay is a huge part of my life. The weeks I have spent being so far away from him have made me come to terms with my emotions a lot more accurately. And, although it has been difficult, I know for a fact that I won't be able to hide them away forever. Jay and I are best friends, and we always will be. But it's whether our given relationship will grow into something more - something intimate.
We've never been the type of friends to communicate through long lasting touches of affection. Hugging or cuddling up to one another is just not something we have ever done. The both of us prefer to show how we feel through long lasting eye-contact.
Many say that a person's eyes hold their deepest emotions, and I agree with them, I feel like you can tell a lot about someone by their eyes. I suppose that is one of the reasons as to why Jay and I are so good at reading one another. We have been there for each other more times than I can count, and it's now got to the point where we can understand the other person through their body language and facial expressions.
This experience in New York has made many things clear to me, I know I need to do better - to be better. I'm just glad that this was only a short-term loan and nothing longer.
It would have been too difficult for me to spend any more time here. Having Jay there is what settles me at the end of a hard day at work. We talk our feelings out, keep each other company and reassure one another whenever we need to. That's why I am delighted to be sat on this plane, waiting for everyone to board, as I need to close this distance between me and my partner.
A large figure steps up to the seat beside me, cutting off any further thoughts I may have been dwelling on, and after a moment of confirming his seat number, he sits beside me.
We both seemed to turn our attention to one another at the same time, and after addressing each other with a friendly smile, we turned back to our own privacy.
That's when I pulled my eyes away from the small window next to me and glanced up to see the rest of the plane packed. I couldn't recall when that happened, I don't even remember anybody slipping in the seats in front of me...
"Hey, are you okay?" A quiet voice reaches my ears. After momentarily stilling at the sudden sound, I flicked my attention onto the man who was sat at my side.
"Oh, err - yeah of course." I smiled at him, although I'm sure it probably came across as more of a grimace then anything.
A wave of embarrassment floated through me; I think being caught off guard can be one of the worst feelings at times. That's the difference between others and Jay, other people don't realise how timing can be more important than the question itself.
With Jay, he always knows what to say, and when to say it. That's one of the many reasons as to why we understand one another, he reads me like a book...
"I'm Zac if you wanted to know... I don't know it just feels pretty awkward right now." I could hear the nerves in his voice and the clogs spinning around in his head as he spoke.
"Hailey." I replied, sending him a real smile this time. I hate making someone uncomfortable, especially when all they were trying to do was be nice.
Any other conversation between us was cut off as the plane began to get ready for take-off.
Soon enough, we were in the air. I gazed out of the small circular window, and although it was dark, I could see the lights glowing beneath us.
Truthfully, I never thought I'd be here, on an actual plane in the air. This was always something I assumed I would never do. When I was younger, a few kids my age had found out that I'd never flown before, and soon enough, the whole year found out. I was teased for it, and many of them were blatantly just shocked.
There was nothing unusual about my situation, it was quite simple really, my family didn't go on vacation/holiday or whatever you want to call it. It was always something my dad had dismissed, claiming that his work was more important and that we didn't have money to waste.
And, because I'd never experienced it before, I wasn't bothered in the slightest about missing out.
"So, Hailey, what's bringing you to Chicago?" Zac's question brought me back to the present.
A small smile edged its way across my face as my thoughts were cascaded back to those of my partner. I suppose in a way he is 'bringing' me back to Chicago, because when I return, I will have someone there for me - and that person is Jay.
"Well, I actually live in Chicago, but my boss transferred me to New York for a couple weeks."
He smiles at me answer, "That's pretty cool, did you enjoy it?"
The words get lodged inside my throat, I wasn't sure whether I had specifically 'enjoyed' my time here, everything seemed too gloomy for it to be classed as enjoyable - but maybe that was the lack of familiarity within the work space.
"I'm not sure exactly, I guess it's weird not being around the same colleagues as usual..." I manage to sputter out.
He nods, seeming to be deep in thought his self as he glues his attention on his hands. "Yeah, I get that, I'm guessing you're all a close team?" He looks up slightly, friendliness covering his features as he speaks.
"Mm yeah, we've always been a good group of friends, although some of us are closer than others." I zone out slightly, thinking back to the good memories we have made as a unit.
"So... I'm guessing that applies to you" He confirms, slouching back slightly in his seat.
"Yeah, my partner actually." I chuckle nervously, surprising myself at the sudden honesty spilling away from me.
"Having a good relationship, especially with someone I work with, now that sounds impossible for me." He puffs out, seeming slightly embarrassed at his confession.
"Hmm yeah, that's what I use to think, but I guess I got lucky."
Zac turns his body ever so slightly, trying his best to focus on me as he begins his next sentence. "So, what's the secret, because so far I've hated everyone I've ever worked with." He states, a few chuckles slipping away from his grasp, although the underlying tone of seriousness was clear to hear.
"I guess when your close, like me and Jay, you learn each other's boundaries and you grow a lot of respect towards that person. Once you've found someone who doesn't need to hear your voice to recognise your emotions then I think you've hit the jackpot."
A silence envelopes the two of us as the words are digested. "Jay, huh?" The recognition of my partner's name snaps my focus back onto Zac.
As he looks towards me, he shrinks back slightly, clearly seeing my confused expression. "You said his name" He stammers out quickly, clearly not wanting to seem creepy.
Relief flashes through me, I wasn't entirely sure what I was thinking, I always seem to think of the worse when it comes to situations.
"Err," Zac clears his throat, sitting up normally again, "If you don't mind me asking, how long have you two been together?"
"Wai- what? No!" I flush, feeling heat flood my cheeks more extremely than ever before. "We aren't together, god no, we're partners - detectives actually." I admit, desperately trying to clear things up before anything else is assumed.
"Oh shit - sorry, just the way you spoke about him, I just assumed." He genuinely looked puzzled as to how he'd been wrong. I didn't think I mentioned too much about the both of us, especially for him to think we were intimate with each other.
"Let me try that again - how long have you been partners for?" The awkward tension between us dissolves, and I bring my focus back.
"4 years or so, it's taken a lot of time to get to where we are now."
"Do you ever recon it will ever go from where you are now to I don't know, maybe something more?" Zac tilts his head, seeming wary of the relatively private question he put forward.
Once again, I turned to him, eyebrows raised as I waited for an elaboration on what he had boldly said.
"It sounds like you've got something pretty amazing going on there, is it a platonic friendship, or at least do you want it to be platonic?" He says softly, leaving a few pauses between both questions.
I break my attention away from his eyes and fiddle with the few rings on my hands.
"I- I don't know." I scrunch my face up slowly, knowing exactly what my honest answer was, but not having the guts to admit it out loud.
"Hailey, I think there's your answer - whether you admit it or not, you do know." His words hit me face on - was I that obvious?
After a few exchanges of smiles, the two of us fall back into our own comfortable silence. Zac pulls out a book and begins to read, as I rest my head near the window, closing my eyes and taking myself back to the past - back to Jay.